


Memory's Pale Reflection

by Cithara



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, Hogwarts Era, M/M, Memory Loss, Pensieves, Post-Hogwarts, Romance, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:00:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 95,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23462092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cithara/pseuds/Cithara
Summary: After an incident wipes 17 years of Severus' memories he must attempt to recover them with Harry's help. Through viewing a series of his apparent husband's pensieve memories he learns how they came to be a couple and tries to adjust to the life he is now living.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Ron Weasley, Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 825
Kudos: 1061





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I never thought I'd be coming back with a story under these strange circumstances. I hope you're all well and coping as best you can.
> 
> This fic, as is usual with my stuff, parts company with canon around the middle of book 6. I've retained some elements but these will become apparent as we continue with the story. I'll be updating every week on a Friday, so I hope you all enjoy it! Please leave a review and let me know what you think.

Chapter 1

Severus closed his eyes and tried to block out the noise coming from the corridor outside his hospital room. He could feel a headache of phenomenal proportions brewing behind his eyes and it was taking all the resources he had to try and ward and it off.

Outside his room, there was uproar. Inside his own head, it wasn't much better. He was still fairly certain that someone was playing a practical joke on him. True, it would be in the worst possible taste, and would have taken an inordinate amount of organisation, all the way down to roping in the staff at St Mungo's. Still, he was having trouble believing that it was in fact 2014, not halfway through 1997 as he believed.

It was only once he had taken a good look at the faces around him and indeed had had a chance to look at his own face that he had to concede that perhaps he wasn't the victim of a vicious trick. It made things no less disconcerting to reach this acceptance, and the fact that he had apparently lost 17 years of his life felt like reason enough to panic, had he been so disposed to such a reaction.

As it was, he only had the testimony of those around him to attempt to fill in the blanks and one blank had been filled with something that provoked nothing less than horror in him. He was married. Worse still, he was married to the sodding Boy-Who-Lived. What in all the circles of hell had happened to instigate that catastrophe?

He looked down at his hand and eyed the slim wedding band on his finger with distaste. The first thing he had seen upon waking in his hospital bed was Potter slumped in the armchair next to him, his head lolled to one side as he slept. He had stirred as Severus coughed, green eyes opening then widening, and the next thing Severus had known, he had had his arms full of the wretch.

It had taken every ounce of restraint he possessed not to hex the boy into the middle of next week. Potter had pulled back, overjoyed to see him awake, and a dim part of Severus' brain had registered the changes in the face he had known. It took merely minutes for Potter to realise that something clearly wasn't right and that was when all hell broke loose.

Potter was currently in the corridor with several of the healers who had been treating him. The Weasley boy and, inexplicably enough, Draco were with him. It seemed that he'd been in some kind of coma for a few weeks after being involved in some sort of accident. Beyond that, he knew nothing about the circumstances that had landed in hospital with 17 years of memories missing.

As far as his mind was telling him, he was halfway through Potter's 6th year at Hogwarts, but the evidence of his own eyes told him that Potter was nearer to 30 than he was to 16. He had also had a moment to examine his own face in the mirror. He was older, true, but he looked better than he had done in years prior.

He had a fuller physique and was no longer bordering on emaciated. His skin was still pale but his face had lost the sallow look that he had had for so many years. His hair was peppered with grey but it was clean and well-managed and although his face showed a few age lines, it seemed to have lost its harshness.

With a frustrated growl, Severus threw the bedcovers aside and headed for the door. Potter was in the corridor speaking with Weasley in hushed, unhappy tones. Severus inched the door open a crack and tried to listen to what was being said.

"I never thought I'd see him look at me like that again," Potter said, shaking his head. "Not after all this time."

"It's not him, you know that," Weasley said, grasping Potter's shoulders. "It's the curse, or the accident or…whatever he's been hit with. The healers will figure something out and things will go back to normal."

"And in the meantime?" Potter asked, looking forlorn. "How do we…how do I cope?"

Weasley sighed and lowered his hands. "Like you always do, mate."

Potter gave a humourless laugh then rubbed at his face tiredly. He stared down the corridor for a few moments, his eyes vacant, then turned back to Weasley and said, "The healers said I can take him home, no point him staying here for the time being. I'm just not sure…I don't think it's a good idea for Gabe – "

"Don't worry about it. He's fine with me and Drake for now."

Potter looked relieved and said, "Thanks. I think that'll be for the best. It's going to be hard enough as it is."

He ran a hand through hair that was as dishevelled as Severus remembered it. He gave Weasley a strained smile then pulled him into a brief hug. "I'll come over to your place tomorrow, ok?" he said, pulling back.

Weasley nodded and Potter clapped him on the arm before he began to move down the corridor towards Severus' room. Severus had just enough time to place himself back on the bed before Potter came back in.

"Oh, you're still awake," Potter said, moving to hover awkwardly by the bed. "Um…I've spoken with your healers and they're happy to release you under a program of procedures."

"Oh?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow, wondering how much of Potter's hand-wringing he could stand.

Potter nodded and perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed, his posture suggesting that he expected Severus to tell him to get off at any moment. Severus considered it.

"They're still not sure how to restore your memories, or whether this amnesia is a biological matter or a magical one. For now, they've agreed that the best thing to do is to acclimatise you to your present life slowly and to try and jog your memory through a series of pensieve memories. My pensieve memories to be exact."

"I'm to be subjected to your interpretation of our past together?" Severus asked and Potter looked at the floor, appearing to try and collect himself.

He took a breath then looked up and squared his shoulders. "I know this is a lot to take in," Potter said, his voice level. "I can't imagine how I'd react in this situation, but…we _are_ married, we have a life together. I want you to be able to remember that life and the healers agree that the best way would be to show you pieces of how we built that life. It might…jog something. At the very least it will fill in the gaps, answer all the questions you must have."

Severus heaved a reluctant sigh and said, "Very well. I suppose I have no choice but to comply. And I'm to be released to your custody?"

"I'm your next of kin and…the healers think it might help for you to see our home, to be surrounded by your things."

"The home I remember is my dungeon rooms at Hogwarts," Severus said and Potter nodded, looking pained.

"I know," he said quietly. "We…we've lived in our current home for nearly seven years. It's in Cornwall, on the south coast. We had it specially built, you were very involved in the design process," Potter said, the ghost of a smile flitting across his face. "If it makes you uncomfortable or if you'd rather stay somewhere else then I'm sure we could arrange a hotel or – "

"That won't be necessary," Severus said, waving a dismissive hand. The last thing he needed was Potter fussing over him like an old maid.

"Very well. I'll leave you to get dressed and I'll go and sign the discharge papers. Just come and find me at reception when you're ready."

Potter looked very much as though he wanted to reach out and touch him, but Severus schooled his features into enough of a glare to deter such action. Potter nodded and disappeared from the room again, leaving Severus to sort himself out.

He retrieved his clothes from the nightstand and dressed himself, glad to be out of the hospital pyjamas. Someone had brought a washbag into the hospital along with a change of clothes, and Severus shrank them down and put them in his pocket. At least his magic seemed unaffected, if nothing else.

He tried to find something else to do, something that would prevent him from having to go out into the corridor and face the hideously adult version of the boy he remembered. He didn't want to be taken to a place that he couldn't remember by a man he didn't want to be with.

He felt oddly vulnerable, despite the fact that he knew he was in no danger. He didn't know what he was walking into, what kind of life he was being thrown into. He couldn't conceive a world where he shared an existence with Potter of all people. He wasn't used to feeling so at a loss and it wasn't an experience he was keen to repeat anytime soon.

Still, he hadn't shied away from danger or adversity in many years, and he wasn't about to start now. It was only Potter after all. He took a deep breath and grabbed his bag, then made his way out into the corridor. Potter was at one of the nurse's stations, nodding at a navy-robed person as he signed a stack of forms.

"Ah, Professor," said the woman, looking up as he approached. Potter looked up too but Severus refused to meet his stare. "I'm Healer Sanderson. I was just telling your husband what to expect in the next few weeks."

Severus tried to stop his lip from curling at the word 'husband', though he wasn't sure he was successful. He nodded for the woman to continue, feeling Potter's eyes on him as he did so.

"I will visit twice a week to run diagnostics on you, as well as to test a number of memory-recovery spells. In the meantime, your husband will be showing you a series of pensieve memories while helping to acclimatise yourself to your present life."

"And how likely is it that I'll recover my memory?" Severus asked.

"To be frank, I have no idea. I wouldn't wish to give you false hope, nor do I want to lie to you. We will do everything we can, of course, but I shall make no promises."

"Very well," Severus said, finding himself strangely appreciative of her honesty.

"If you'll just sign the release from, you can be on your way."

She handed Severus a quill and he took it, looking down at the forms in front of him. This was his last chance to back out, to save himself from Potter's custody. Of course, rationally he knew that he had nowhere else to go. He had money, he was certain, but, logically, if he was to regain his memory he knew he would need Potter's help.

He signed his name, a nasty feeling of finality settling in the pit of his stomach. Knowing it was inescapable, he turned to face Potter. Thankfully, the man refrained from smiling at him and instead said, "If you'll come with me to the reception area I can apparate us both home."

Severus gave a tight nod and followed Potter as he walked swiftly to the next level and the large, airy entrance hall of the hospital. Potter turned to face him and cleared his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"If you wouldn't mind taking my arm," he said stiffly, holding his arm towards Severus.

Severus wrapped his long fingers around Potter's forearm, gripping tightly. Potter gave him a tight-lipped smile then Severus felt the world move sideways. His eyes squeezed shut and he held his breath as the sensation overwhelmed him. When he opened his eyes again, he was standing in a large, pretty kitchen.

He let go of Potter's arm immediately and resisted the urge to wipe his palm on his trousers. There were only so many hurt looks from the man he could take.

"I um…I'll take you up to your room and get you settled. Then I can show you around and we can…talk about how you want to play things."

Severus nodded, noting that Potter had become no better with words in his adulthood. The man led him through the kitchen and out into a roomy entrance hall. They ascended a large staircase and Severus was led down a landing to the furthest room. Potter opened the door and gestured for Severus to proceed.

The room was spacious and tastefully decorated. There was a king-size bed beneath an open sash window and a tall armoire in the corner. There were two armchairs positioned in front of a modest fireplace. A door in the far corner led to what Severus assumed must be an en-suite bathroom.

"This is our bedroom, but of course I won't be sharing it with you. I'll move my things out to one of the guestrooms later."

Severus could see the signs that the room was lived in and that two different personalities occupied it. One bedside table was neat and ordered, with a couple of books, a pair of reading glasses and an empty drinking tumbler. The other was messy and strewn with all manner of things. Severus didn't need to guess whose was whose.

There were other knick-knacks around the room that spoke of a life lived within the walls. There were photos on a dressing table, but Severus had no wish to examine them. His mind was muddled enough as it was without adding to the issue.

Potter cleared his throat and said, "The house is built over four floors. There are six bedrooms on this one, with two bathrooms, then on the floor below there's the living room, dining room, kitchen and library. In the basement you have your lab, and in the attic are my workrooms."

Severus used a moment's brainpower to wonder what Potter might need workrooms for but was more interested in what the man had said about his lab.

"I have a laboratory here?" he asked.

"Yes," Potter replied. "You have a mail-order business. You produce the basics but you also take personal commissions. You're a guest editor for several potions journals too. You have…considerable standing within the community."

Severus couldn't deny that that was gratifying to learn. He hadn't considered actually surviving the final war, but when he had imagined it, he thought it likely he would be a pariah, vilified by the press and public alike. To know that that hadn't been his fate was confusing but comforting nevertheless.

"Shall we…go and have a coffee and discuss things?" Potter asked, and Severus nodded reluctantly. He didn't want to discuss anything with the man, he didn't want to sit in a house that he didn't recognise in a life that wasn't his own. Still, he had no other option, so he followed Potter back down the stairs mutely.

Potter went back into the kitchen and Severus hung back to take a look around. It seemed that he and Potter had a very comfortable existence; the house was beautiful and not the sort of place Severus would ever have imagined himself living in.

It was tasteful and elegant; Potter clearly had a better eye for décor than he would have credited. It was attractive but lived in, clearly a home that was occupied and not kept sterile and untouched.

Knowing that he couldn't avoid it forever, he sighed and made his way to the kitchen. The room was a departure in style from the rest of the house and looked like something one might find in a country farmhouse. It was spotlessly clean with everything in its appointed place. There was a large aga, upon which a kettle was whistling, and cups and crockery were set out on a long, attractive wooden table.

Potter filled a waiting cafetiere and gave it a few moments before pressing the plunger down. He brought it over to the table and grabbed one of the waiting cups.

"Just a little milk," Severus said, taking a seat.

Potter raised his head with a smile and said, "I know. I've been making it for years."

Severus tried not to let his expression turn too sour. He wanted no reminders that he and Potter shared a life together, it was too incomprehensible for words.

Potter slid his mug over and Severus accepted it with a mumbled thank you. It was, of course, just as he liked it, and even seemed to be the specific blend that he had always bought from a coffee shop in London. It should have been comforting but instead it made him prickle at the thought that his life was no longer his own.

Potter took a sip of his coffee then wrapped his hands around the mug, holding his bottom lip between his teeth while he gazed thoughtfully across the room. Severus glimpsed the slim wedding ring on Potter's finger and was reminded of its twin sitting on his own. It felt alien and uncomfortable, and Severus resolved to remove it at the first opportunity.

"I um…I'll need a couple of days to get things sorted," Potter said eventually, his forefinger tapping lightly against his mug. "I need to figure out what memories to show you, what order to put them in. In the meantime…I don't know…I suppose we just need to acclimatise you to…life as it is now."

Severus raised an eyebrow. He had no idea what 'life as it is now' meant, or how he was supposed to share it with Potter. He also had little desire to trawl through Potter's starry-eyed memories of their courtship. Indeed, the idea made him faintly nauseous.

"Are there any questions you want to ask me?" Potter asked, the schooled passivity in his face not quite convincing.

"Not off the top of my head," Severus replied, feeling irrationally defensive at the question.

Potter nodded. "Well…I don't want to overwhelm you with information. 17 years is a long time to…" Potter shook his head, his messy hair falling in his eyes in a way that made him look more boyish than his mature features should have allowed.

"Would you like to see your lab?" Potter asked, his expression hopeful.

It occurred to Severus that he would. He had never had his own laboratory; his makeshift one at Hogwarts didn't really count. Judging by what he had seen so far he expected the lab would have had the same amount of money spent on it, and that he would have put a great deal of care and attention into its creation.

"Yes, that would be acceptable," he replied, draining the remainder of his coffee and looking at Potter expectantly.

Potter took the hint and stood up, Severus following as the man led him to a door in the far corner of the room. They walked down a spiral stone staircase to the basement below and Potter stepped aside to let Severus get a good look at the room.

It was far better than he had expected. State of the art equipment lined many a work surface and the walls housed heavily-laden bookcases. There was a stock of cauldrons, all of varying sizes and metals, and the whole room was organised with his customary neatness and attention to detail.

Over in the corner was a beautifully ornate yet functional table, as ordered as he would expect it to be. He moved over to it and ran his fingers along the edge, feeling a spark of familiarity but nothing more.

"All your business paperwork is in the blue files and your research notes for the journals are in the red ones. Or so you tell me."

"So I tell you?" Severus echoed, turning back to face the man.

Potter grinned at him and said, "I'm seldom allowed in here."

"That I can believe."

Potter chuckled. "You don't trust me around your potions, although once or twice we've – " Potter broke off abruptly, his cheeks flushing. He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat, and Severus didn't have to be a mind reader to guess what Potter had been about to say.

He was thankful the man had stopped himself. He had no wish to know what shenanigans they might have got up to in this room. He was doing everything in his power to block out the notion that he had carnal knowledge of the man in front of him. It was too ridiculous, too bizarre to countenance.

"Anyway," Potter continued, obviously flustered, "the editors of the journals you contribute to have been told that you're out of commission until further notice and your regular customers have been redirected to Teddy."

"Teddy?" Severus repeated, baffled.

"Nott. Um…sorry, Theodore Nott," Potter clarified. "He was your apprentice while he trained and he's now teaching at Hogwarts. He's keeping the regular orders ticking over."

"Nott," Severus said, somewhat surprised. The last he remembered the boy had been heading down the same road as his father. It seemed unlikely that he hadn't taken the Mark and subsequently ended up dead or in prison.

"You did right by your Slytherins," Potter said quietly. "If it weren't for you…many of them would have fought for Voldemort and would no doubt be dead by now. You're responsible for…a lot of good."

It had been in the back of his mind of course; the war. It was obvious that they had prevailed but he had no idea what that meant, practically speaking.

"It's a conversation for another time," Potter said gently and Severus agreed. There was too much to try and take in already without adding that knowledge to the mix.

"Draco…he's ok though?" he asked. "I saw him at the hospital…with Weasley."

Potter smiled and it was surprisingly fond. "He's good. He and Ron are married."

"They're _what_?" Severus asked, too surprised to say anything more coherent.

"I know, it seems unlikely," Potter said with a laugh.

"As unlikely as us being married," Severus muttered and Potter's smile dimmed.

"They love each other, they're very happy. Draco broke away from his family; he suffered the consequences for it but it was largely because of you that he managed to do it. He and Ron became close in 7th year and just…fell for one another."

Severus snorted and said, "And here I was expecting he'd have trotted off into the sunset with Granger."

A shadow fell over Potter's face and Severus knew he'd said the wrong thing. "Aside from the face that Ron's gay," Potter said, his voice strained, "'Mione died in the final battle."

Severus had had no love for the girl, it was true, but to hear that she was dead came as a shock. He had expected all three of the Golden Trio to have made it through unscathed, riding on the wings of their Gryffindor luck.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"It was a long time ago," Potter said with a shrug. "We lost a lot of good people."

Severus suddenly wanted anything but this conversation. He didn't want to know who hadn't made it, he didn't want to know who he had had to grieve for, who he'd had to bury.

Potter too seemed to want to get off that particular topic, painful as it was, and said, "I'm going to give you some time alone. You don't need me hovering over your shoulder the whole time. I'm going back upstairs, why don't you take a better look around, try and get settled? Come find me when you're ready."

Severus nodded and Potter made his way back up the stairs, Severus rather glad to see the back of him. He spent the next hour familiarising himself with his lab. It seemed he had a steady stream of customers who ordered both the necessary basics and more interesting, tailor-made concoctions.

His contributions to several high-class journals were varied and extensive, and he had won a few awards for his stints as guest editor. His career, it seemed, was rich and satisfying, and he couldn't help but be relieved that he was no longer teaching mindless cretins.

Luckily, his memory of his craft was unaffected and, once he had had time to properly settle in, he was certain he could return to his job with ease. He would need something, after all, to prevent him from going mad.

His curiosity sated with regards to his job, he went back upstairs. There was no sign of Potter, for which he was grateful, so he took his time to wander around the house. It was beautiful, there was no doubt about it, and Severus noted that it had been built to accommodate both magical and muggle components, spotting several electrical items as he inspected the place.

It seemed the house was on a large plot of land with no neighbours nearby. There was a pretty, well-tended garden that wrapped around the house, then beyond that a meadow leading to woodland. It was peaceful, and Severus could see how he would have wanted to retreat there after the war.

His exploration over apart from a couple of messy rooms that looked very uninteresting, he decided he had better find Potter. With the rest of the house searched, he concluded that the man had to be in the attic rooms he'd spoken of before.

He made his way up to the top of the house where the attic space was split into two rooms. The door to one was closed, so he quietly poked his head around the other one and saw Potter sitting at a desk strewn with files and paperwork.

He was sitting in profile, looking out at a magically altered window that filtered in sunlight and afforded a good view of the woodland in the distance. The man's chin rested on his fist, his expression distant. It was not the face that Severus remembered. The softness of boyhood was gone, replaced with sharp angles and clear definition.

He was handsome, Severus could objectively see that, but he still didn't understand how that mere fact could parlay into a marriage. It was all too much to consider.

He cleared his throat and Potter startled, turning to face him with wide eyes. "Oh, hi Is everything ok?"

Severus nodded. "I'm finished with my…tour of the house."

"Oh ok. Would…would you like some dinner? I can – "

"No, thank you. It's been a long day, I think I would prefer to just go to bed."

Potter's disappointment was obvious but he nodded and said, "Of course, if that's what you want. You should be able to find everything alright. I guess I'll see you in the morning then."

"Indeed. Goodnight."

He turned on his heel and made his way back down the stairs, ignoring the irritating look of hurt that had crossed Potter's face.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He slept fitfully. The bed was comfortable but it felt alien and he was plagued with dreams that he didn't understand. There were faces he didn't recognise, although he was sure he was supposed to, and an oddly familiar child followed him from one dream to the next.

He awoke out of sorts and reluctant to go downstairs and face Potter. He didn't know what the day ahead would bring but he was certain he'd be better off tucking his head under the duvet and staying there all day. It wasn't an option though, he knew that, and so he submitted to his fate.

He showered and dressed in the clothes he found in the wardrobe, pleased to find that his style hadn't altered greatly but clearly his budget had. He was hungry, having skipped dinner the night before, and so resolved the best course of action was to procure breakfast for himself.

He was disgusted with himself for being so cowardly but if he could have avoided Potter at any cost he would have done. He should have known he wouldn't be that lucky and, as he descended the staircase, he heard the man's voice floating down the hallway.

Hearing no other person, Severus had to assume Potter was on the phone, and, as he drew nearer to the living room, he saw that that was the case. The man had his back to him and Severus listened as he spoke.

"Is he ok? I mean is he – "

Someone on the other line said something and Potter sighed. "Great, thanks. I just…I don't know what to do for the best. He has to know but I don't know how to tell him. It's…it's too much. You know what he's like, how the two of them are together. I don't think he'll understand."

Potter listened to the response and Severus watched as he leant his head against the wall, holding the phone close to his ear.

"Yeah, yeah you're right. Tomorrow then, ok? You…you'll know what to say. Give him my love and give him a hug from me. Tell him I miss him."

Potter sounded sad and wistful, and Severus didn't know to whom he was speaking or who it was he speaking about. Either way it made him uncomfortable for reasons he couldn't fathom and he cleared his throat to alert Potter to his presence.

Potter jumped and turned around, still holding the phone to his ear. "Merlin, you're like a fucking cat," he breathed. "Mm? Oh no, not you, Ron. I – never mind, I'll talk to you later."

He hung up the phone and said, "You haven't gone sneaking around in a long time."

"I wasn't sneaking," Severus said defensively. "I simply don't see the point in thundering about like a hippogriff."

Potter snorted and said, "God you sound like your old self, your _old_ , old self."

"Am I so very different these days?" Severus asked with a sneer.

"You'd be surprised," Potter answered with a sigh. "Do you want some breakfast?"

"No thank you. I have very little appetite at the moment," he replied, suddenly feeling that food would turn to ash in his stomach. "What did Mr Weasley want?"

Potter's eyes darted back to the phone and his tongue swiped across his bottom lip. "Um…just checking in. Nothing to worry about."

Severus knew he was lying but he wasn't interested enough to press the matter. Silence hung between them, awkward and uncomfortable, and it was clear that Potter had no clue what to say to him. There, at least, they were as one.

"So," Potter said, tapping his hands on the top of his thighs, "I'll be organising things today. Will you – "

"I'm sure I'm more than capable of amusing myself, Potter."

Potter's eyes closed for a moment and a muscle in his jaw twitched. Severus watched with interest as the man composed himself, the impulsive reactions of his youth obviously tempered.

The green eyes opened again and Severus could see that Potter had taken the effort to calm himself.

"Look, I know this is hard for you but I'm asking you to please call me 'Harry'. For one thing my name's been 'Potter-Snape' for nearly ten years, as has yours," he added, giving Severus a surprising jolt.

"You must be joking," he said, unable to fathom integrating 'Potter' into his own name.

"I'm not," Potter said levelly. "Look please, if you could attempt to call me 'Harry' I'd be very grateful."

Severus gave a curt nod, unwilling to argue the point further. Potter gave him a tight smile and was about to speak further when the doorbell sounded.

"Who can that be?" Potter sighed, moving past Severus and off down the hallway.

He listened and heard Potter greet someone happily, followed by a female voice drifting towards him. It sounded vaguely familiar, but Severus couldn't identify it. Whoever it was, Potter sounded happy to see her.

"…didn't think you were meant to be back for a couple of weeks."

"I pulled a couple of strings. This was more important."

Potter re-appeared with the woman in tow, a tall redhead who was one of the most striking people Severus had ever seen. She was dressed in loose-fitting navy trousers and a white blouse, her manner confident and elegant.

"Severus, so good to see you," she said, stepping forward and pressing a light kiss to his cheek. She pulled back and it was only then that Severus realised he was looking at a very grown up version of Ginny Weasley.

"Gosh, have I really changed that much?" she asked with a grin.

"I should say so," he said, feeling disconcerted. "My mind remembers you as 16 and…somewhat different."

"Adulthood has been kind to me," she said with a rather wicked smile.

"Come sit down, Gin," Potter said, leading them into the sitting room.

Severus settled himself into the armchair while Ginny and Potter took a seat on the sofa. Ginny reached into the smart leather case she had with her and retrieved a file, placing it on her knees.

"I've taken over management of your case," she said. "I'll be dealing with you from now on."

"I don't – "

"Gin's a mind healer," Potter explained. "Or, should I say, the _best_ mind healer. She's unrivalled."

"It's true," Ginny said with the certainty of a person who knew they were on solid ground. "I would have been handling your care from the start but I was out of the country."

"Is this really the best – "

"Severus," Ginny said, leaning forward on her knees. Severus tried not to bristle at the free use of his first name. "If you want to recover I'm your best chance, I promise you."

"You sound very certain."

"I am," she replied in a voice that brooked no argument. "Harry, I'll spend some time with Severus then I'll come and go through protocol with you."

Apparently fine with this dismissal, Potter got to his feet and said, "I'll be in the kitchen when you're done."

He gave Severus' shoulder a squeeze as he went and it was all Severus could do not to growl at him to keep his hands to himself.

Ginny set the file to one side then extracted her wand from the case. She transfigured a waste paper bin into a stool and wheeled it over to sit on it in front of Severus. She rolled up her sleeves and looked at Severus as though he were an intriguing puzzle.

She tapped her wand on her chin, her lips pursed slightly. Severus shifted uncomfortably, still slightly disbelieving that this was the young girl he had known.

"Do I have your permission to perform a set of diagnostics?" she asked and he nodded.

She extracted a small torch from her pocket and shone it in his eyes a variety of ways, then instructed him to follow her finger. She performed a series of spells, some that he recognised and some that he didn't. Her air of confidence was both comforting and unbalancing.

"Hm, interesting. I'd like to perform a semi-invasive test. It isn't Legilimency but it does involve a certain amount of intrusion into your mind."

Severus hesitated. He was loath to open his mind up to anyone, especially a former student, no matter how competent she was. He realised, though, that he had few options, and if anyone was going to go poking around in his head Ginny was probably his best option.

"Very well," he said stiffly.

"I promise I won't be looking at any memories or thoughts. It's much more abstract than that."

He nodded and Ginny performed an intricate swish of her wand and clearly intoned, "Tumultus Parva."

He felt an instant sense of peace, as though he had been placed in a trance. His stress and tension melted away and he found himself looking at a pretty clock on the mantlepiece. He watched the second hand tick gently around the clock face and found the rhythmic noise comforting.

"Oh you little bastard," came Ginny's voice and Severus found himself snapped back to his senses. Ginny looked triumphant but grim. "An _exstirpo_ curse," she said. "There are dozens of them, all complex, all dark, but this one's been messed up."

"How can you tell?"

"An _exstirpo_ is meant to completely eradicate memories, yours are still there, just intensely shrouded. They're retrievable but…not easily. What this tells us, of course, is that this was done to you deliberately."

"But who would want to? It's my understanding that the war is long since over."

"I couldn't say but I'll be referring it to Kingsley. The aurors had been alerted to the situation anyway; it seemed suspect."

Severus nodded. "Why didn't they spot this at the hospital?"

"With all due respect to my colleagues, they aren't as good as me."

"That I believe," Severus replied, more and more impressed with the young woman before him. "What does this mean for my recovery?"

"Well, it means that the memories are there, we just have to unearth them. Viewing Harry's memories will help from a non-magic point of view. We need to re-open old neural pathways as well as systematically dismantling the curse. The key is to extract it without causing further damage."

He couldn't help but feel grateful that she had taken over his case. He felt more confident than he would have done under someone twice her age and he was forgetting the teenager he had once known.

"I…thank you for coming. I appreciate it."

Her smile softened and she reached for his hand. "Severus, you and I are friends. Merlin…you taught me so much, you encouraged me to go into mind work. I absolutely adore you and I'll do everything in my power to help you."

Severus wasn't used to open declarations of affection for him, especially such effusive ones. He found it somehow easier to believe than Potter's supposed love for him and it was easier to accept in his troubled mind.

"I can't imagine how difficult this is," she said gently, removing her hand and sitting back. "Just…as stupid as it sounds…try to ignore your own mind."

"What do you mean?" he asked with a frown.

"Right now your brain is insisting it's 1997, halfway through Harry's 6th year and back in a time where everything is very different. Anything that contradicts that is going to send your brain into fight or flight mode to try and protect you but it's a false security."

"I understand that, but – "

"I know," Ginny said gently but firmly, "but Jesus, Sev you have to try and fight it. If you only knew how happy you were, how good your life is."

"Being married to Harry bloody Potter?" he asked with a derisive snort and Ginny's face hardened.

"Yes, being married to Harry bloody Potter," she repeated sternly, and Severus was eerily reminded of the woman's mother. "I know it's hard for you to accept at the moment but the two of you are deeply in love."

Severus couldn't stop his lip from curling in distaste and Ginny sighed. "Please just try and be open to it. You love him more than life itself."

"Oh and you know this how?" Severus asked, wishing he could intimidate her with a glare.

"You told me," she said simply.

"I hardly think so," Severus scoffed.

"I told you we were friends and I meant it. We often…confided in one another, as improbable as it sounds. We talked a lot about your relationship and you never held back when it came to your feelings. He was… _is_ everything to you."

"It doesn't make sense," Severus said tiredly, rubbing a hand over his face. "How the hell did it happen?"

"That's not for me to tell you, and hopefully Harry's memories will help to shed some light on things. Just please…try not to fight it."

"Easier said than done."

"I know, but this isn't how things are going to be. I _will_ find a solution, I promise. In the meantime just try and settle back into your life here, let Harry guide you and…don't shut him out."

"Very well, Miss Weasley," Severus said tightly and she smirked at him.

"It's Mrs Lupin, actually, but you usually call me 'Gin'."

"Lupin?" he echoed incredulously. "You're married to – "

"I am indeed. He's a lucky man, wouldn't you say?"

He was aware that he was gaping but he was too surprised to do much else. Ginny Weasley who, in his mind, was still a teenager, was married to Remus Lupin. Things were becoming more preposterous by the minute.

With a decisive nod, Ginny stood up and said, "I'm going to go through a couple of things with Harry. I'll be back to see you in a couple of days."

He nodded and she leant down to press a kiss to his cheek. He cleared his throat and said, "Goodbye…and thank you Miss…Ginny."

She smiled and patted his shoulder then left him as she went in search of Harry. He let out a long, slow sigh and let his head fall to his hands. He didn't know what to think, what to feel."

He was comforted by Ginny's confidence and felt a level of certainty now he was under her care but it didn't make the situation any easier to deal with. He understood the sense in her instruction not to fight things but it felt too strange to just accept it. Every instinct he had was telling him to flee for the hills.

He distracted himself with the television for an hour or so, vaguely remembering the muggle programmes he had sometimes watched. It was good to focus on something mindless, to let his mind drift to something utterly meaningless. He had only been out of his coma for a day and he was already thoroughly fed up.

Potter found him there around midday, watching some hideous panel show with loud and opinionated women who kept talking over one another.

"Merlin, you hate this show," Potter said with a laugh as he sat down on the sofa. "Or so you claim."

"I would quite welcome having my memory wiped of this trash," Severus replied, reaching for the remote and switching the TV off. "Has Miss…has Ginny left?"

"Yeah. She'll be back at the end of the week. She…suggested that I…give you the bare bones of things, just to fill in the blanks. There's also…something I need to tell you. I wasn't sure whether I should but Gin ok'd it and…there's really no getting around it."

"What is it?" Severus asked, immediately worried.

"I'm sorry if this comes as a shock to you and I've racked my brains as to how best to tell you but I'm just going to have to come out and say it."

The man paused and took a deep breath, and Severus could sense his nerves. "We…we have a son together," he finally said, his voice cracking.

Severus felt as though someone had injected ice into his veins. He understood the words but his brain couldn't process them. "That's…that's not possible."

"I know this is a lot to take in but it's true. He's seven and Ron and Drake are looking after him at the moment."

"A son?" Severus murmured, his blood crashing loudly in his ears.

Potter nodded. "He's the light of our lives," he said with a smile. "You two are very close."

Severus didn't know how much more he was supposed to take. Being married to Potter was insane enough but to learn that he was a father was more than he could compute. He had never considered having children and he couldn't believe he had been pushed into it.

"Is he…adopted?" he asked, hoping the answer was yes.

Potter's lips were tight as he shook his head. "He's ours. Yours and mine."

Severus swallowed hard and said, "You carried him?"

Potter nodded. "I did."

"How…there must have been…interventions, potions…?"

Potter's eyes fluttered and Severus could tell he was debating some inner conflict. "We don't have to talk about that now, it isn't important. I just needed to tell you because I want to bring him home and I didn't want to just spring it on you."

Severus' mouth was dry and he was starting to feel a dull ache behind his eyes. He had so many questions but he couldn't bring himself to ask them.

Potter got up and headed for the window-seat. "I put away all the photos before you came back. I didn't want to blind-side you."

He reached into the seat and pulled out a photo frame, pausing before he moved back over to Severus. He handed it to him and he took it reluctantly.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Severus looked down at the photograph in his hands. It depicted a sunny day at the beach; he and Potter were standing in front of the sea whilst a dark-haired child stood between them.

Severus' stomach flipped as he took in the irrefutable proof that he had a son. As he looked he could see that the boy had Potter's green eyes and his own pale skin. He had a soft, gentle smile and messy black hair that fell across his forehead.

Severus watched as the boy waved up at him whilst the photo versions of himself and Potter each laid a hand on the boy's shoulder as they smiled happily.

The wedding ring, the house, the assurances of others had all paled in his mind, but he couldn't deny the evidence of his own eyes. He had a life with Potter, a _son_ for Merlin's sake, and he felt more and more that his world was tilting off its axis.

"What…what's his name?"

"Gabe," Potter answered. "Gabriel Arthur Potter-Snape."

"Arthur? After – "

"Yes," Potter said with a smile. "I wanted to name him after the only man who had ever been a father to me and who would be a grandfather to Gabe."

That answered his next question; at least Arthur had made it through the war safely and had continued to be a presence in Potter's life.

"Look, I know this is insane but you adore him and Gabe has never known anything but a loving father. I'm not asking you to pretend but if you can please just be gentle with him."

"What do you expect me to do? Treat him cruelly?" Severus asked angrily.

"No, of course not," Potter sighed. "I just…my main priority has to be him, I have to protect him, just the same as you'd do if our positions were reversed. Please try to not make yourself…distant from him."

"What makes you think – "

"Severus, I know you," Potter said, sounding tired. "You'll do anything to protect yourself, whether consciously or not. If you feel you need to push Gabe away to do that then you will. I'm asking you to please fight against it."

Severus didn't know what to say to this blatant analysis of his character, and it was too accurate to argue with. "Very well," he said stiffly. "I shall endeavour to do my best."

"Thank you. He's coming home tomorrow, I hope that gives you enough time to prepare."

Potter paused, his fingers tapping the top of his thigh again. "For what it's worth, you once told me that becoming a father was the proudest achievement of your life. Perhaps…perhaps you can hang on to that thought."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided, as I'm ahead of my writing schedule, to give you two chapters - one today and one on Monday. For those of you in the UK, I know this isn't quite the bank holiday we all would have liked, but I hope you manage to enjoy yourselves nevertheless whilst maintaining social distancing. I hope everyone else is staying safe too.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

That evening Potter insisted that he eat dinner. He had to concede; he was famished and beginning to feel light-headed for it. The thought of eating still turned his stomach but he knew it was foolish to continue starving himself.

Rather irritatingly, Potter turned out to be a very decent cook. The dinner he prepared was tasty and cleverly seasoned to bring out individual flavours. They ate at the table in the kitchen, which Potter assured him they usually did, and they kept conversation to a minimum.

Severus knew that it was temporary. Potter had told him that he wanted to give him the 'bare bones' of things, to apprise him of certain things, but Severus was content to hold that out for as long as possible.

"Ginny is…very impressive," he said, watching Potter push the majority of his food around the plate.

"That she is," he replied with a smile. "You and she…have a really solid friendship. I don't know, you seem to have a weakness for Weasleys in general."

"What does that mean?" Severus asked, disconcerted.

Potter put down his knife and fork and pushed his plate away. He picked up his wine glass and slushed the red liquid around gently. "They've kind of become your family, just like they're mine. You have a real fondness for all of them but you and Gin are particularly close, as well as you and Ron of course."

Severus found that hard to believe but said, "No doubt a by-product of our…relationship." He struggled with the word but it was pig-headed not to acknowledge it.

"It was to start with," Potter agreed, "but things developed over time. The two of you have your own little jokes that no one else understands and you both find each other very amusing."

Severus frowned. He had always struggled with friendships and had often envied those his peers managed to form. To learn that he had managed to forge such a friendship was somehow warming, even if it was with a former student and a Weasley.

"Did they all make it?" he asked suddenly. He could tell from Potter's face that the answer was no. "Who?" he asked quietly.

"Charlie," Potter replied, and Severus felt the blow more keenly than he had expected it to. Charlie Weasley with his affable personality and single-minded obsession with dragons should not have lost his life in someone else's war.

"They've never really got over it. I don't think you ever really _do_ get over something like that."

"The rest of the family – "

"Fred was blinded," Potter said sadly. "They tried a number of treatments but it's irreversible. It's been a long journey back from the war for all of us."

"Who else was lost?" Severus couldn't help himself from asking the question; it had been brewing in mind since he had woken up.

"I don't know if now is the right time – "

"I have to know sometime," he argued.

Potter sighed and scratched the bridge of his nose. "It's hard to talk about. It's been such a long time and I think we all try not to think of those days."

"I…apologise if this is painful for you," Severus said, and Potter seemed surprised at his consideration.

"You're right; you have to know sometime. I just…I'm sorry that you have to go through this a second time."

Potter paused and took a delicate of his wine. Severus couldn't begrudge him a moment to compose himself.

"We lost Hermione and Charlie, as you know, but we also lost Hagrid, Flitwick, Seamus, Tonks, Moody and a fair few of the students. We also…fuck," Potter breathed, his face pale and Severus braced himself.

"Jesus, Sev. I'm so sorry but Albus died."

The words crashed against his brain and he closed his eyes against the sudden onslaught of grief. His relationship with the man had been complicated to say the least and there had been times when he had truly hated him, but his loss was still a devastation.

"I'm sorry," Potter repeated and Severus opened his eyes to see his own grief reflected in Potter's.

"In the final battle?" Severus asked.

"Actually, no. It was six months later. His heart just gave out. He'd hidden his illness from everyone, none of us knew. His death was a huge shock to all of us."

"Trust Albus to make it through the war and die of natural causes," he said bitterly.

"You said the same thing at the time," Potter said with a rueful smile.

Severus sipped his wine, an exquisite Malbec that rolled like velvet over his tongue. "It must have been difficult," he said, and Potter raised a questioning eyebrow. "Life after the war," he elaborated.

"Yeah," Potter agreed quietly. "Things were hard for a long time. There had been so many losses and life was…so far from normal. It took a lot of work and determination but we slowly rebuilt things. People…people still remember though. It's still…too close for people to truly put it behind them. When the next generation are adults…things might truly start to heal."

It was an astute observation and probably an accurate one. Time and distance were the only true levellers and things would only heal when living memory of the horrors had diminished.

"Are you finished?" Potter asked, indicating Severus' plate. Severus nodded and Potter said, "Do you want to move to the living room?"

"I suppose," Severus replied, grabbing his glass of wine and following Potter out of the kitchen.

They settled at opposite ends of the sofa but Potter looked between them with a frown, shifting in his seat.

"Problem?" Severus asked and Potter's face flushed.

"No," he replied too quickly. "Well…I mean…it's just….Oh fuck, it's stupid."

"What is?" Severus pressed.

"We um…we don't normally have this much distance between us," Potter said, his eyes low. "We're a very…physical couple."

"What does that mean?" Severus asked uncomfortably.

"We're…tactile, affectionate. It feels odd to be sitting this far away from you. Normally in the evenings we're…together."

"I don't think that – "

"Oh I'm not suggesting we start snuggling," Potter said quickly. "It's just weird, that's all."

Severus found it hard to believe that he was this touchy-feely person Potter was making him out to be. He had never been comfortable sharing his personal space and he couldn't imagine changing that for Potter.

"I can't say this is a question I want to ask," he began and Potter looked at him apprehensively, "but how on earth did this…relationship ever happen?"

"Merlin, how do I even answer that question?" Potter said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "I know you're sceptical about it but I hope you're a little more open-minded now that you can see this isn't all an elaborate hoax."

"I would be a fool to deny all the evidence placed before me," Severus conceded, "however untrue it might ring."

Potter sighed. "There's so much…history, so much water under the bridge. It wasn't an easy start."

" _That_ I believe," Severus said and Potter smiled wryly.

"Look, it's complicated, but things started happening between us after we began training together…in my 7th year."

"Don't be absurd," Severus spat. "I would never become involved with a student."

"Nevertheless – "

"A _former_ student is bad enough," Severus continued with force, "but there is no way I would have compromised myself and engaged in an illicit relationship with someone I was teaching."

"It isn't like that, we didn't – "

"I should have known," Severus said, shaking his head. "This had to be you. You pushed it, didn't you?"

"No. You're not listening to me. You – "

"Spare me, Potter," Severus said, feeling his anger rise. "You got some pathetic adolescent fantasy in your head, didn't you? You harassed me, played on my weakness, pushed me until I gave in."

"I'm not listening to this. Goodnight Severus."

Potter got to his feet and left the room, leaving Severus still seething but surprised by his exit. He had never expected Potter to be so controlled as to remove himself from an argument and it was testament to just how much he had changed.

Severus was too angry to fully appreciate it though. He was reeling against what he had just been told and he felt a hot coil of anger settle in the pit of his stomach. This _farce_ had begun in Potter's 7th year, when he has still been a pupil and Severus had been his teacher.

He couldn't countenance it. He knew people often viewed him as a morally grey man but he had his own set of standards and ethics that he would never violate. Sleeping with a student was one of those lines he wouldn't cross under any circumstances and he was furious that Potter had somehow breached that.

That it was Potter's fault wasn't even a question. No doubt his ridiculous teenage hormones had got the better of him and he had built up some romantic notions in his daft head. He would have pursued Severus with that relentless nature of his, wearing down his defences until Severus gave in.

Perhaps the whole thing had been nothing more than coercion. Maybe Potter had threatened to lie to Dumbledore about him if he didn't give in and give Potter what he wanted. It was unlikely, he supposed, even through his anger.

It wasn't Potter's style to blackmail anyone, even him. Still, that he had willingly entered into a relationship with Potter while he was still a student was too much to be credited.

He stalked up to his room, casting a hateful glare at the closed door of the guest bedroom Potter occupied as he went. He had had more than enough of this nonsense and he also had to contend with coming face to face with his son tomorrow. He had never wished more for a sleeping draught to knock him unconscious.

* * *

When he entered the kitchen the following morning it was clear that Potter had no intention of carrying on their conversation from the night before. He greeted Severus with a polite 'hello' and handed him a cup of coffee before informing him that there were some scrambled eggs left in the pan if he wanted any.

The man then sat at the table with his own coffee and a newspaper, his face passive and calm. Unwilling to be the one to start things, Severus made himself some toast and loaded the rest of the eggs onto them, then took a seat at the table.

There was silence for a while until Potter finished his breakfast and said, "Ron's bringing Gabe over around midday."

Severus' stomach lurched. He had known it was happening, of course, but he still wasn't sure he was ready for it.

He nodded and Potter said, "I know it will be difficult but he's a smart kid, he knows that things aren't normal. Just remember that you're his father and you love him."

To hear it so plainly stated was jarring. He wasn't ready to be a father, despite the fact he had apparently been one for eight years. He was frightened of meeting a 7 year old boy and he knew it was pathetic but there was no denying it.

"I'll leave you to your morning," Potter said brusquely, banishing his plate to the sink, clearly unwilling to engage with him further. He swept out of the kitchen and Severus felt like a chastised child. He wasn't used to Potter being so in control of his emotions.

He had to admit that he didn't really know what to do with himself in the interim while he waited for the boy to show up. He wasn't sure where Potter had gone; presumably the man had retreated to his attic rooms.

He settled for waiting in the living room, the television on in the background playing some mindless morning programme. His head was spinning and he didn't know which overwhelming thought to pay attention to first.

Potter was still upset with him, that much was obvious, but Severus knew he was justified in blaming the man. Their _relationship_ was Potter's fault, of that he was certain, and he would damn well hold the little prick to account.

On top of his bubbling resentment was complicated grief over Albus' death. The news had been a shock but it was somehow more shocking to learn that the man had died of natural causes rather than meeting his fate in battle.

His feelings towards the man had always been varied and complex. Albus was a manipulative and conniving old bag. He had had a goal and had often been single-minded and ruthless in the endeavour to achieve it. In his more honest moments Severus could even admit that he had disapproved of the man's treatment of Potter and the often underhand games he had played with the boy's fate.

There were so many blanks he had to fill in, so many years he had lost. He felt detached from it all, as though he was learning the events of another person's life. It was only to be expected, he supposed, it was the nature of his situation. Rationalising it didn't make it any easier to cope with.

He tried to distract himself with the moronic daytime television shows that were on, but they did little to allay his nerves. He couldn't focus on anything but the impending meeting with his son. Only in his bizarre, messed up life would such a thing be happening.

He was expecting to hear the doorbell, but instead heard voices. It seemed that the Weasley-Malfoy household felt comfortable letting themselves into his home and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. His stomach lurched as he realised there was no turning back now.

The voices drew nearer and Ron popped his head around the door, a broad grin on his face. "Darling!" he said dramatically and Severus looked in confusion at Potter who was standing behind the man.

Potter rolled his eyes and said, "It's a thing you two do. You both find it very amusing to pretend you're having an affair."

"It's no pretence. We've been together for years. Ours is a forbidden love," Ron said airily.

"Pillock," Potter said affably. "Gabe!" he called over his shoulder. "Are you coming in here or what?"

"Coming!" came the response and Severus swallowed hard as the boy appeared between Potter and Ron. "Pa!" he said with a smile, pushing between them and flinging his arms around Severus' waist.

Severus froze, ashamed to admit he was terrified by this young child. He knew he should be hugging the boy back but he couldn't bring himself to raise his arms.

"Gabe, honey, give your pa some space," Ron said gently, giving the boy's shoulder a tug.

"I really missed you," Gabe said as he took a step back, his messy hair falling across his forehead.

"I…" Severus began, having no idea what to say to the boy.

"Oh," Gabe said, looking up at him intently. "You can see it isn't really Pa. He looks different."

"I do?" Severus asked, confused.

Gabe nodded. "I mean…I know that you're my pa but…you're not him, not really. Pa smiles more than you and he doesn't look so…worried."

He hadn't imagined he would be floored by a 7 year old, nor had he expected to find the boy so astute and thoughtful.

"It's ok," Gabe said gently, "you'll get better. Uncle Ron said Auntie Gin's helping you and she's the best there is."

Severus couldn't help but smile at that and he said, "That does seem to be the case."

"Do you…do you remember anything?" Gabe asked, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet.

"Nothing past your father's 6th year at school," Severus answered honestly. He knew there would be little point in lying to the boy; he was oddly proud to realise Gabe was too intelligent for that.

"Wow, crazy," Gabe breathed, and Severus privately agreed with him.

"I'll fix us all some lunch," Potter said, placing his hands on Gabe's shoulders. "Gabe, come tell me what you fancy."

He steered the boy from the room and Severus couldn't help but let out a long, slow breath. Ron looked sideways at him and said, "Mind-fuck, huh?"

"You could say that."

He dropped down onto the sofa and ran his clammy palms over the fabric of his trousers. Uninvited, Ron took a seat next to him and Severus looked across at him.

Like Potter, Ron was different. He was handsome, more so than Severus would have predicted he would become, and his hair curled in a loose wave around his ears. He seemed self-assured, but not cocky, and the awkwardness of his youth was long gone.

"We didn't think it was fair to keep him away any longer," Ron said, leaning back against the cushions. "He was pretty freaked when you landed in the hospital and he's been desperate to see you since you regained consciousness."

"This is his home, he belongs here," Severus said stiffly.

"I know it must be strange. I can't imagine waking up and someone telling me I have a kid. My head would explode."

"Do you have any children?" Severus asked, sick of talking about his bloody memory loss.

"Nah," Ron said, shaking his head. "Drake and I have the conversation every year but we're pretty sure we're not going to. We have a…pretty hectic schedule; I'm not sure where children would fit into that. Gabe's our pride and joy," he added with a smile.

"You live nearby?"

Ron nodded. "A few miles away, not too far from Mum and Dad's. Drake's there more than I am."

"Is he well?" Severus asked, still finding it hard to process that Draco Malfoy had ended up married to Ron Weasley.

"He's great," Ron said with a fond smile. "He'll come next time, he's just in the middle of finishing a composition."

"A composition?" Severus asked, puzzled.

"He's a concert pianist. He performs and composes original music. He's highly sought after around the world."

Severus couldn't deny that that came as a shock. Of all the futures he might have guessed for the Malfoy heir this was not one of them.

"This is…unexpected," he said, and Ron laughed.

"Bizarre, eh? He was keen to distance himself from the Malfoy name and fortune, forge his own identity," he said, the smile turning softer.

"I'm glad he was able to break away," Severus said sincerely. He had feared for Draco and the path he had been on.

"You helped him, at great personal risk I must add."

Severus looked at him questioningly and Ron shifted his body around to face him properly.

"You were still maintaining your cover as a Death Eater," he explained. "For all anyone outside the Order knew you were still Voldemort's faithful servant. When Draco came to you begging for help it could have been a ruse, he could have been trying to expose you but you still helped him. He's never forgotten it."

"Were you his reason to switch sides?"

"Not at first. Things…happened between us when he came back to Hogwarts and asked for protection. He was such a cantankerous little snot," he added with a snort of laughter, "but I kind of respected that. He wasn't cowed by what he'd gone through; it just made him more defiant. I guess I fell in love with his strength."

"And your family approves?"

"Are you kidding? They love him more than me. I think he's found the family he always wanted."

"I'm happy for him, if a little bewildered by the turn that his life has taken."

"There's a lot to get used to."

"You have a talent for understatement."

"Not the first time you've said that," Ron replied with a grin.

"And you? What do you do with yourself while Draco tickles the ivories?"

Ron leant forward onto his knees, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Do you like his house?" he asked, and Severus was puzzled by the change in topic.

"I…yes, it's a very fine house," he said with a frown.

"Good. I designed it," Ron said, leaning back with a satisfied smile.

"You?"

"Me," Ron confirmed. "I'm an architect, both magical and muggle."

Now that did surprise him. Architecture wasn't a career he would have ever considered for the youngest Weasley son but the man had brains and creativity enough to carry it off. It was actually rather good to learn that he hadn't ended up going down the obvious route of becoming an auror, and it occurred to him that he had no idea what his own husband did for a living.

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Bloody love it. I got interested in it when I was helping to rebuild Hogwarts after the battle."

"It was badly damaged?"

"Yeah," Ron said quietly. "There was a lot of repair work to be done and not just to Hogwarts. Diagon was hit, and Hogsmeade. A lot of families lost their homes too. It was a bad time, it's strange to think of it again."

"It's…odd to think that I've lived through it," Severus confessed.

Ron nodded thoughtfully. "It's odd to see you so different."

" _Am_ I so different?" Severus asked, troubled by Ron's words.

"In lots of ways, no. You're still surly and sarcastic, capable of letting your temper get the better of you, solitary and introspective, but I guess fundamentally you've changed. You're happy, settled. A lot of the burdens you carried have been removed and that's made you a lot freer."

"I never imagined I'd ever see them behind me."

"I think they still prey on your mind, in all honesty, but having Harry and Gabe help to give them a kind of distance."

"He…um…seems like a nice child," Severus said, knowing it sounded pathetic.

"He's the best. He has more of your nature than Harry's; he's quiet and studious but there's a spark of mischief there too. He thinks the world of you."

"This must be very hard for him."

"It is, but we'll get him through it."

"Guys come on! Lunch is ready," Potter called from the kitchen.

Severus followed Ron from the room and wished with all his might that he could fall back into a sodding coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here you go, the 3rd chapter, as promised. I'm sorry I didn't get around to responding to all your reviews like I normally do, I will this time!
> 
> I hope you've all managed to have an enjoyable Easter, despite the strange circumstances we're all living in.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Three, two, one and we're done. Open your eyes."

Severus followed Ginny's instructions, feeling a little dizzy as he felt the last tendrils of her magic leave his system.

"You ok?" she asked, opening the living room curtains and letting the light back in.

"Fine, just a little woozy," he replied, shaking his head to try and right himself.

"That's normal, it'll pass," she assured him as she perched on the edge of the coffee table and eyed him closely.

"Any luck?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "I didn't expect any. I'm just establishing the best method to try and dismantle the magic holding your memories. It's complex and there's no quick fix. I know you're not going to ask me for one."

Suitably chastened, Severus said, "No, of course not. What next, though?"

Smiling despite herself, Ginny said, "I'm going to do some more research. I have some exceptional contacts in rare and dark magic and one or two of them owe me a favour. In the meantime, I want you to start with Harry's memories, and don't pull that face at me!"

Severus hadn't realised he'd been pulling any kind of face but his masking skills must have slipped in recent years. The thought of delving into Potter's memories filled him with dread and he was resentful of the fact that he was being made to see things through Potter's skewed perspective.

"It's important that you get to grips with the past. Seeing Harry's memories will help to open and re-forge neural pathways that are key to your recovery."

"But this is a magical problem," he protested, and Ginny pursed her lips at him. She really was far too much like Molly.

"You know as well as I do that magical and muggle solutions go hand in hand more often than not. Don't be pig-headed."

"Are you usually this rude to me?"

"This is me being polite, you arse. Now, do you know how to brew a _facta trahant_ potion?"

"Of course. I made a fortune in my 7th year brewing it for people before the NEWTs. It's an intensive information absorption potion."

Ginny nodded, opening up her notebook and transfiguring a muggle pen. "I want you to brew a batch with extra sage."

"I've never used – "

"With extra sage," Ginny repeated forcefully, "to aid in the retention of new memories. Don't bloody argue with me. Brew it and take 20ml before you view each memory."

"Yes ma'am," Severus said, rolling his eyes.

"I like that, keep it up," Ginny said, scratching a few notes in writing that Severus remembered being awful. "The potion should take you a day to brew so I expect you to start viewing Harry's memories tomorrow."

"Nice to know I have something to look forward to."

"Severus don't make me hit you, it's against my code of conduct," Ginny said airily, snapping the notebook shut. She glanced at her watch and said, "I have a speech to give at the European Conference of Magical Neurology in an hour and I'd like to get a look at the room first."

"My, what a life we lead," Severus said snidely.

"Seriously, inching ever closer to a smack. Remus should be here tomorrow, I hope you'll be more polite to him."

"Don't bet on it," Severus muttered. He had only just learnt that Remus was Gabe's tutor and he was surprised to say the least. He was still getting over the shock that Ginny had married the man.

"Be rude to my husband, Severus and I'll stick you with a pair of donkey ears you can't remove."

"You think your magic is a match for mine?" Severus asked, genuinely intrigued.

"Honey, you don't want to find out."

Damn, but he liked her. He could see how they would have become friends and he was almost eager to get to know her again.

"You really married Lupin?"

"I really did. Harry isn't the only one with a thing for older former professors," she said, wiggling her eyebrows. "I'll be back in a few days. Do as I've instructed or there'll be hell to pay."

She apparated before Severus could come up with a response and he resisted the urge to stick two fingers up at the space where she had stood.

"Oh, has she gone?" Gabe asked as he came into the room.

"Ah…yes. Busy woman, apparently."

"That's a shame. I wanted to see her."

"She'll be back in a few days."

"Did she have any news for you?" he asked, rifling through the bowl of fruit on the coffee table and extracting a few grapes.

"She's instructed me to brew a potion that will help," he replied, still feeling rather uncomfortable around the child.

"Oh cool! Can I watch?"

"Do I…normally let you watch?" Severus asked awkwardly.

Gabe gave him a gentle smile and said, "As long as it's not dangerous."

"Ah…very well then, come on," he said, heading for his lab with Gabe in tow. They descended the narrow staircase together and Gabe hopped up on the counter, looking at Severus expectantly.

Trying to ignore him, Severus gathered together all the ingredients he needed and set a low light under one of the cauldrons. It was easy to get back into the rhythm of potion making; it was second nature to him and his fingers danced over his tools with practiced nuance.

He had expected Gabe to be irritating and loud but the boy simply sat there, swinging his legs back and forth and watching with interest.

"Is that to help with memory?" he asked as Severus added the finely chopped sage.

"Yes…yes it is," Severus confirmed, surprised.

"It says so in the book on potions ingredients you gave me."

"You're interested in potions?" Severus asked. He would have expected a child of Potter's to be obsessed with broomsticks and danger but perhaps that was uncharitable.

"I'm interested in reading," Gabe clarified. "I like learning things."

Severus had had the same appetite for knowledge at the boy's age, but his own had tended towards darker material. He imagined, or rather hoped, that Gabe was protected and happy enough not to seek such things out.

"You let me read lots of your books," Gabe said, peering cautiously into the simmering cauldron. "And you usually read to me at bedtime too."

That sounded so unlikely that Severus could do little but focus on tending to his potion. He had never imagined himself having children and had certainly never seen himself being such a hands-on parent. It was at odds with everything he thought he knew about his character.

"At the moment we're reading Treasure Island, but Dad's reading it with me while you're…poorly. I miss you reading," he confessed quietly.

Severus cleared his throat and said, "I'm sure…I'm sure I can read to you, if you want."

"Dad said I wasn't to ask you. He said that I'm not to pester you while you're recovering."

Severus didn't know how to respond to that. He could appreciate that Potter was trying not to overwhelm him with full immersion into his usual home life, but things were supposed to be normal and he didn't need to be wrapped in cotton wool.

"Gabe? Gabe are you down here?" Potter's voice called down the stairs.

"Yes Dad."

Potter appeared on the staircase and said, "You're not supposed to be bothering your father."

"He isn't," Severus said, and Gabe beamed. "He's welcome to stay if it's alright with you."

Potter gave a funny sort of smile and said, "It's fine with me. Come up for lunch when you've finished."

* * *

Lupin had changed from the man Severus remembered. In some ways he had improved; he wasn't as painfully thin, nor as shabbily dressed. He didn't seem as weary as he had once done but it was clear he had suffered from the war. He had sustained nerve damage and it resulted in widespread pain and a constant tremor in his hand.

He was obviously happy though and Severus couldn't help but comment upon the rather impressive wife he had landed himself. Lupin agreed whole-heartedly and expressed his contentment where his marriage was concerned.

"She's a hell of a woman. Life with her is whirlwind."

"I can imagine. However did you manage to ensnare her?"

"My charm and good looks, obviously," Lupin said with a wolfish grin.

"Obviously," Severus agreed wryly.

"Uncle Remus, can we do Science today?" Gabe asked as he entered the kitchen with his arms laden with study materials.

"I had planned History," Remus replied, looking as though he realised the battle was already lost.

Severus turned to the doorway to see Potter hovering there. He knew full well why the man was waiting for him and his stomach fluttered nervously. He nodded and moved to join him, casting a look back at Gabe as he went.

"He'll be fine. Remus will keep him occupied. Are you ready?"

"Yes, I suppose so," Severus said thickly, and together they walked up to the pleasant study on the first floor.

There was a pensieve waiting on the table, with several vials lined up beside it. Severus realised with a jolt that the pensieve had once belonged to Dumbledore and it made him even more reluctant to use it.

"I've lined up the memories in chronological order," Potter said, and Severus could see that the man was almost as nervous as he was. "There's no rush. I'll just leave you to view them in your own time."

Severus nodded and Potter continued, "Gin reckons you should view a few memories once a week so I guess we'll see how we get on."

Severus didn't know what to say so he just nodded again, his mouth suddenly dry. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned, startled, to face Potter.

"If it makes you uncomfortable then we'll ditch the idea," he said gently.

"Ginny says it's necessary," Severus countered.

"I know, but I don't want you upset. It isn't worth it."

Severus was surprised that Potter was being so gracious and considerate but he appreciated it nonetheless. He had expected Potter to be belligerent and pushy, urging him to recover his memories as soon as possible, but it seemed the man was prepared to give him time.

"I'll be up in the attic if you need me," Potter said, giving his shoulder a squeeze then leaving the room quietly.

Severus took a long, deep breath and moved over to the table. He ran his fingers over the delicate bottles and tried to stamp down his feelings of nerves. Knowing there was little recourse available to him, he emptied the first memory into the bowl and took the plunge.

_~*~ Being called back to Hogwarts in the last couple of weeks of the summer holidays was odd indeed. As far as Harry knew nothing catastrophic had happened and they weren't in any imminent danger; no more than usual anyway._

He walked side by side with McGonagall, who had told him nothing, and stood aside as she gave the password to the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office. The staircase appeared and McGonagall gestured from him to step onto it before disappearing off down the corridor.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Harry stepped onto the stairs and rode them all the way to the top. He knocked on the door and entered after he heard Dumbledore's "come in!" from the other side.

He was surprised to see Snape standing a little way off from Dumbledore's desk, his arms behind his back and looking sour as always.

"Ah Harry my boy!" Dumbledore said genially. "Good to see you. Come in, take a seat."

Harry did so, looking warily at Snape as he went. Despite Dumbledore's jovial attitude, if he and Snape had been summoned to be there together then it couldn't mean anything good for him.

"How are you keeping?" Dumbledore asked, folding his hands in front of himself.

"Fine, thank you, sir. Why am I here? Has something happened?"

"Direct as always," Dumbledore said with a smile and, for some reason, it grated on Harry. "For some time we've been gathering information through various sources – "

Harry's eyes flickered to Snape and he saw the man shift slightly.

" – and now we're almost certain of Voldemort's plans and we've established a timeline for those plans."

Harry's stomach fluttered and he tried to keep his face passive. He had made a pact with himself over the summer that he was going to keep his emotions in check, that he wouldn't let anyone see what he was feeling. It left him too vulnerable and he was sick of feeling that way.

"In light of this it seems only right that we issue you with appropriate training."

"Training?" Harry echoed, suddenly feeling as though Dumbledore was looking at him like he was a weapon.

"Professor Snape will be overseeing it," Dumbledore said, and Harry looked at the man again. Their eyes met and Harry could see that Snape was as thrilled by the prospect as he was.

"Ah…Professor Snape and I don't have the best history when it comes to training together."

Snape raised an eyebrow and Dumbledore chuckled. "Be that as it may, Professor Snape has a particular set of talents that will be invaluable. I want you to start immediately."

"To what purpose, sir?" Harry asked. "I'm not being difficult, I just…frankly I refuse to be kept in the dark anymore. Whatever's going on I want to be informed and treated like the adult you expect me to be."

There. That was level and reasonable, no one could accuse him of being irrational or childish. He had stated his demands and the reasons for them.

"That…is fair enough, Harry," Dumbledore said, and Harry watched as Snape's lips pursed.

The old man leant back in his chair and Harry braced himself for what was to come. Part of him didn't want to know, wanted to be kept in ignorance, but he had asked for this and it was about time people stopped withholding things from him.

"We believe that Voldemort has extracted pieces of his soul and placed him in various objects in order to make himself impossible to kill. Members of the Order are hunting down these objects in order to destroy them all and, when they do, we will be poised to destroy him once and for all."

"You mean _I_ will," Harry said thickly, suddenly feeling sick.

"Yes, _you_ will," Dumbledore confirmed. "In light of this it seems only right that we equip you properly to do that."

Harry's pulse thrummed loudly in his ears and he swallowed a couple of times to try and bring himself under control. There were many ways he could react to this news and his baser instincts were telling him to run for the hills.

Knowing, however, that he had very few options, he took a deep breath and looked up at Snape, saying, "Ready when you are, sir."

There was a momentary glimpse of surprise that flickered across Snape's face, but he chased it away and said, "Today, now."

Harry had suspected as much; he wasn't there for afternoon tea after all. He nodded and said, "I'm in."

"Well done, Harry," Dumbledore said quietly, and Harry wished it didn't make him feel as proud as it did.

"Yes, well done, Potter," Snape said with a sneer, and Harry tried to subdue his anger. "Come on then," he said, sweeping out of Dumbledore's office.

Harry scrambled out of his chair to follow, casting a hasty goodbye over his shoulder to Dumbledore as he went. It was clear that Snape was heading for the dungeons and Harry quickened his pace to keep up with the man's long strides.

They walked through the Potions classroom into Snape's office then to a portrait on the far wall. Snape offered no password but instead held his wand against the frame, the portrait bouncing open a moment later.

Snape shifted out of his heavy outer robe and chucked it over one of the armchairs. He was left in black trousers and a white shirt, the sleeves of which he began to roll up.

It was as informal as Harry had ever seen the man and it humanised him slightly. It didn't help to make Harry any less nervous though and he stood there awkwardly waiting for Snape to address him.

Eventually the man looked up at him and Harry did his best to look as though he was prepared. He wasn't sure how he and Snape were meant to work together without killing one another but he was determined not to be the source of the conflict.

"I…have a vague idea as to how we might proceed," Snape said and Harry was surprised both at his civility and his honesty that he didn't have a solid plan in place.

"I'm all ears, sir," Harry said, hoping to convey that he was willing to co-operate.

"I shall be teaching you a number of offensive and defensive spells, many of which are complicated and intensive. I believe you will need to study their theory before you can perform them and to that end I will give you access to my collection of books on the subject."

"Thank you."

"However," Snape continued as though Harry hadn't spoken, "I will not allow you to take them from my quarters. I will expect you here every evening from seven until ten."

Harry nodded and Snape folded his arms. "What? No protest? No stamping your feet and pouting about how unfair it all is, how you'll be made to miss your beloved quidditch and cavorting with your chums?" he asked with a sneer.

Harry sighed and decided to try and choose his words carefully. "Professor, I'd like it if you could try and believe that I'm not a moron. I fully understand how important this is; I'm not likely to put bloody quidditch ahead of defeating Voldemort. I'm prepared to do whatever it takes and whatever you think necessary."

Snape was surprised but Harry could tell he was trying not to show it. "Well. That was a very noble speech, Potter, but we'll see how dedicated you truly are. Words are very easy, actions are much harder."

"I'm aware of that," Harry said, feeling his anger rise. He stamped on it and added, "There's too much riding on this to be selfish."

There was silence for a moment, Snape standing with his arms folded and the trace of a sneer still on his face.

"Look, sir," Harry said, steeling himself, "whatever's gone on between us in the past I'd rather we lay it to rest. I know that you're my best chance of coming through this alive and I respect the fact that no one's knowledge can come close to yours. Working together will be a lot easier if we can at least agree to be civil to one another."

He bit his lip then stuck his hand out to the man, feeling like a bit of an arse for doing so, but feeling that the gesture needed to be made.

"Merlin, you're a dramatic sod," Snape said disdainfully, but shook Harry's hand nevertheless.

Harry snorted and said, "In another life I might have been an actor."

"Indeed."

Snape turned away and with a flourish of his wand transfigured a table and chair in the corner of the room.

"You can use that," he told Harry and Harry nodded. "The books are…well, they make those in the library's restricted section look like children's books. You are to tell no one that you're using them and you will use them only within the parameters I set."

"Of course," Harry agreed. "Do you…do you have any idea how we'll bring him down?"

Snape sighed and rested against the arm of the chair, his arms folded again. "It depends on how successful the Order is at finding and destroying the horcruxes."

"Horcruxes?" Harry echoed.

"The things he's used to bind his soul to."

Harry paused as a shiver ran through him. "I didn't know it was possible," he said quietly, "to…break your soul up like that."

"It shouldn't be possible," Snape replied, his voice oddly soft. "It's the darkest magic imaginable and it's truly evil. It's the worst atrocity a witch or wizard can commit."

"Fuck," Harry breathed, then looked up and said quickly, "Sorry sir."

Snape's lip twitched ever so slightly and he said, "Perhaps we should agree an amnesty on such things in these rooms."

"I'd appreciate that," Harry said, then realised he was grinning at the man. It was the most bizarre thing and he wiped the look off his face quickly as it was too strange to countenance grinning at Snape.

Snape seemed to share his discomfort and he turned to focus his attention on the extensive book collection behind him. It felt odd to share such a moment with the man but things were different, changing quickly, and they would all have to adjust their behaviour in order to deal with them.

"Here," Snape said, turning back and handing him a book. "Start with that one. I'll draw up a training programme in the meantime."

"Yes sir," Harry said, taking the book and moving over to his assigned table.

"How long can I expect this deference and co-operation to last, Potter?" Snape asked, one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Promise we're under an amnesty?" Harry asked, suddenly feeling wicked. Snape nodded and Harry, emboldened, said, "For as long as you promise not to be a bastard."

The smack upside his head was more comforting than it had any right to be.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh and now we start delving into Harry's memories. I must admit - I've had fun writing them :D I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and let me know.
> 
> I also wanted to say that if any of you are struggling with the present situation please drop me a PM and I'll be happy to talk to you if you need a sympathetic ear or simply would like a distraction from the craziness of life. Stay safe!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  


_~*~ Term had started and Harry and Snape were into their third week of training together. They had, miraculously, not killed one another, but they weren't exactly working in perfect harmony. Spending time in close quarters with someone could be trying at the best of times, but Harry and Snape were capable of irritating each other with little provocation. Their amnesty still held and, to Harry's surprise, it was clear that Snape was actually trying not to be a git, but they still sniped and bickered._

Snape hadn't questioned Harry's commitment to his training, for which Harry was grateful, but he still made snide comments that Harry couldn't help but rise to. He was trying to be respectful, to prompt the man to treat him as an equal, but Snape was still a petty and often vindictive man.

Harry hoped that their common goal could unite them, that Snape's desire to see Voldemort beaten would override his desire to taunt and torment Harry, but the man was still difficult and still seemed to delight in putting Harry down. Harry, for his part, was trying his best not to rise to it but he was also determined not to let himself be cowed by the man.

He had to show Snape that he was no longer a child, that he would no longer let himself be treated as such. He decided that the best way to do that was to work as hard as possible, to let Snape see his dedication.

He worked his way through the books Snape provided him with, diligently applying himself to learning the theory behind the complex spells he was learning. Snape was researching too; searching for a way to finally bring Voldemort down once and for all. In those moments when they were both buried in books were they at their most peaceful and at times even companionable.

"Potter, do you have _A Study of Romanian Hexes_ over there?" Snape asked, jolting Harry out of the slight stupor he had been about to fall into.

"Yep," Harry said, extracting it from the pile and taking it over to Snape, who had his own desk underneath an enchanted window that afforded a view of the lake. It was dusk now and the sun was starting to set, casting an orange hue across the landscape.

"Thank you," Snape said as Harry handed it to him, immediately burying his nose in it.

Harry stayed for a moment, watching as a few gentle ripples spread out from the surface of the lake. He was tired and they had only been at it for three weeks. Ostensibly he was meant to be serving a week's detention, but only Ron and Hermione knew the truth.

"We'll have to come up with something," he mused quietly.

"Mm? Beg your pardon?" Snape said, looking up.

"Oh, I was just thinking – we need a cover story for me coming down here. You can't keep giving me detention every week."

"Oh? But I was so looking forward to doing so," Snape said and Harry tried to discern whether he was joking or not. Snape's sense of humour, if he had one, was hard to understand.

"Any ideas?" Harry asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"As always I am more prepared than you could ever hope to be." Harry rolled his eyes and Snape continued, "There is a disused teaching office in the tower not far from the Gryffindor common room. I will connect the fireplace so you can floo directly into my quarters."

"That will make life easier and lessen the risk of me being seen coming down here. I need to come up with a reason why I disappear every night though."

"Surely you can stretch your intelligence far enough to come up with a convincing tale?" Snape asked, leaning back in his chair and looking at Harry with a baiting smirk.

Determined not to rise to it, Harry said, "Ron and Hermione know the truth, but I can't make it common knowledge to the whole of Gryffindor. I should probably tell Gin…she can sniff out a lie a mile away."

"A singularly precocious young woman," Snape said, and Harry's eyes widened.

"You like her!" he said, managing to translate the man's words.

"She's the finest student I've taught in year. If you tell her I said that I shall turn you into a homunculus."

Harry sputtered and said, "You'll give me male and female parts?!"

To his unending surprise, Snape burst out laughing. He watched in fascination as the man's entire face changed, erasing the lines that were etched there and casting a light into his black eyes.

"Potter," Snape said, controlling himself but still looking mightily amused, "please keep saying things like that and I shall find it much easier not to kill you."

An unexpected and inexplicable warmth settled in Harry's chest and he felt an odd sense of consonance with the man, as though they had shared something. It was the first time he had ever felt any kind of affinity with Snape and it was fairly unsettling.

"I'll try, sir. I'll try."

* * *

_~*~ He used the disused classroom to floo down to Snape's quarters every evening and relied on Ron and Hermione to cover for him. Most of the 7_ _th_ _years were too preoccupied with preparations for their NEWTs to bother about him but the younger years were potentially curious. To them, Harry was a bit of a mystery anyway and his constant disappearances were merely perhaps the latest in a long line of unusual behaviours._

It was odd but he found himself glad of the escape to Snape's quarters. He didn't really belong amongst his schoolmates anymore and there was no way they could understand what he was going through. They were concerned with exams and trying to figure out if their crush fancied them back while his every thought consisted of training for the fight of his life.

Snape seemed to realise this and hadn't questioned his dedication once. He had also cut down on his snide and sneering remarks, although he was still fierce when it came to training. He tolerated no mistakes but, rather than resenting it, Harry found himself appreciating it. He didn't need to be treated with kid gloves; anything short of perfection would get him killed.

"Alright, take a break for a few moments and we'll try again," Snape said as Harry braced his hands on his knees and took a few deep breaths.

"It's that damn wand movement," he growled. "It's like patting your head and rubbing your stomach. It just gets me."

"You must practise until you're sick of it," Snape said as a tea tray appeared on the coffee table. "Your time playing quidditch will have honed your muscle memory, use that to your advantage."

"Yes sir," Harry said with a firm nod, pleased with the fleeting look of approval that crossed the man's face.

They were focusing on shield charms, which Harry actually found fascinating, but their casting was difficult. He was trying though and Snape seemed to realise this.

"Tea?" Snape asked and Harry felt a now familiar sense of unusual warmth settle over him at the man's civility.

"Yes please, I'm parched," Harry replied, taking a seat on the sofa while Snape poured him a cup.

He took it gratefully and added a little milk and sugar while Snape sat beside him and sipped delicately at his own. The man's sleeves were rolled up and Harry couldn't stop his eyes from going to the Mark on the man's arm.

He wasn't quick enough to look away and Snape saw him staring. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking down into his teacup.

"It's alright," came the quiet reply and Harry looked up in surprise. He had expected to be chastised or for Snape to be quietly angry with him but the man looked remarkably measured.

"You're still spying, aren't you? He still thinks you're loyal."

Snape nodded and Harry blew out a slow breath. "Fuck. I don't know how you do it."

"Mr Potter?" Snape asked for elaboration.

"I don't know how you can live a double life like that, juggling it all, keeping it all going. You have to cope with Dumbledore and that bastard issuing you order while teaching a bunch of ungrateful dickheads who don't want to learn."

It was unimaginable but the corner of Snape's mouth twitched into a half smile. "Thank you for that assessment of my life, Mr Potter."

Harry grinned, finding himself appreciating Snape's dry humour. "I mean it," he said sincerely. "If I was in in your shoes I'd be tempted to say to hell with all of them."

Snape took a long, slow sip of his tea and Harry watched, oddly transfixed. "I am tempted to do that every day of my life, Mr Potter," he said eventually, a strange kind of gentleness to his voice.

It suddenly occurred to Harry that no one else could understand how he felt apart from Snape, and that thought was perhaps the weirdest he had ever entertained. Their fates were both governed by a madman and their freedom was only a vague notion that was, in reality, enforced by Dumbledore. They both had their private and public faces, and they knew how it felt to have to hide behind a carefully tailored disguise.

"You haven't asked me," Snape said softly and Harry looked at him questioningly. "You haven't asked me why I joined him."

Harry had wondered about it, of course, but the older he had become the more he didn't need an explanation. He could understand the seductive allure Voldemort might have wielded, how Snape, a lonely and bullied child must have been drawn into a world where he felt accepted. It wasn't lost on Harry that he might have ended up on a similar path had it not been for Ron and Hermione.

"I can figure it out without doing you the indignity of asking."

Snape looked so surprised that Harry nearly laughed, but he didn't want to ruin the strange moment of amity between them.

"You've changed, Potter."

"Thank you, sir."

* * *

Severus was a couple of weeks into viewing Potter's memories and he was more confused than ever. He could see the tentative beginnings of a friendship between them and could see how Potter was different from the snot-brained toad Severus remembered.

He couldn't see how that translated into a relationship, however, and he was still convinced that it was all Potter's fault. He had obviously played on Severus' softened feeling for him and had wormed his way in somehow. It still made him angry to think of.

They were trying to keep things normal at 'home' and sticking to the routine they had had before Severus' memory loss. To that end, Ron, Draco, Ginny and Lupin were all currently in his garden while Potter made Sunday lunch.

Gabe seemed comfortable around the adults and it was clear that Draco was his favourite. Draco seemed to dote on the child and he lavished attention and affection on him. It was the first Severus had seen of the man since his brief glimpse in the hospital and he was surprised by the changes.

Draco's once white-blond hair was now a rich dark blond and it hung in a loose wave that made him look rather dashing. He was tall and thin and had abandoned his once extravagant mode of dress. He now favoured muggle clothes, which were smart but simple, and he had lost the irritating sense of entitlement he had carried in his youth.

"I would never have guessed you'd become a concert pianist," he told the man as he topped up everyone's wine glasses.

"Well, my parents insisted on my learning since the age of five. It made sense to put it to good use," Draco replied with a smile.

"But a composer too. It's staggering."

"I always dabbled in composition. It kept me sane during some of the toughest times. It was Ron who encouraged me though."

He looked over to the man, who was speaking to Lupin and Ginny, Gabe perched on his lap. Draco smiled and said, "He was the first person I ever played for. We snuck into the Room of Requirement and I played him something I'd been working on. That ended up being the first thing I ever played to an audience."

"And you've had great success?"

"It would be false modesty to say no. I play all over the world. Luckily Ron's job means he often comes with me. We'd hate to be separated for too long."

"How romantic," Snape said, unable to stop his sneer.

"God, I'd forgotten what a prick you used to be," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "It's been some time since I've seen this side of you."

Everyone kept alluding to the fact that he had changed and it made him uncomfortable. He had never really believed that people were capable of changing so completely and yet everyone kept insisting that he was a different person.

"I should go and see if Potter needs help."

"Harry," Draco corrected. "If you must use his surname, it's Potter-Snape."

"Yes, thank you for the admonishment," Severus said, getting up and heading into the kitchen.

He found Potter managing perfectly well, with a selection of pots bubbling on the stove and the oven roaring cheerfully. "Can I help with anything?" he asked, and Potter turned to face him with a smile.

"All under control thanks. Everything ok out there?"

"Fine. I just…decided to take a break."

He pulled up one of the kitchen stools and perched atop it, cradling his wine to his chest. They hadn't spoken much about the memories since Severus had begun viewing them and he was grateful for Potter's restraint.

"I never imagined the lengths he would go to," Severus said, speaking without meaning to.

"Who?" Potter asked with a frown as he checked the timer on the oven.

"Voldemort," Severus clarified. "I…I take it all the horcruxes were found and destroyed?"

A strange look crossed Potter's face and Severus could tell the question had troubled him. "Everything that was needed to be done…was done," he said quietly.

"What does that mean?"

"Voldemort was defeated. If you carry on viewing the memories you'll see how."

"You won't speak to me about it?"

"Not…not at the moment. Not until you've had a chance to see what happened. There are…there are some things that are still difficult to talk about."

"My apologies, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Potter sighed and said, "You didn't. Sorry, it's just that all of that happened so long ago; most of us try not to think about it too often these days."

Severus nodded. He could understand that; he'd spent enough time himself pushing things to the back of his mind, trying to forget them.

"I will say though that I couldn't have done it without you," Potter said softly. "It wasn't just the training…although that was invaluable. You were…the one thing I could rely on."

"I…expected to see more tension…more animosity in those early memories of your training," Severus said, feeling uncomfortable with Potter's assertion.

Potter chuckled softly. "Oh there was. Every now and again one of us would lose their temper or spend the evening throwing insults, but mostly we both realised that all of that was irrelevant. We had to work together, so we did."

"You're…you're very different in those memories to how I remember you."

"I grew up," Potter said with a shrug. "You recognised that at the time."

"And fell madly in love with you?" Severus asked nastily before he could stop himself.

"Yeah," Potter said with a fed up shake of his head. "Something like that. Look, would you take that veg out to the garden please? I'll be out in a second."

Knowing he was being dismissed, Severus did as he was asked, ignoring the look Draco shot him as he came back outside. Potter joined them moments later and served up lunch, smiling and chatting as though nothing had happened.

Severus was quiet while the others talked. He couldn't join in with much of the conversation as he had little idea what or who was being spoken of. He had little appetite for chatter anyway and felt as though he had been placed amongst people with whom he had nothing in common.

His attention focused itself when he heard Ginny asked Potter, "Nearly finished with the commission?"

"Thankfully, yes. It hasn't been my favourite but at least it's done."

Severus frowned and said, "Commission?"

"Don't you know what Harry does for a living?" Draco asked him, his tone accusatory.

"I – " Severus began.

"I'm an artist," Potter said, cutting him off.

Ron scoffed and said, "An artist? That's like saying Drake's just a piano player. Harry's the most sought-after portrait artist in the wizarding world."

"Rubbish," Potter said with a blush. "I paint a few pictures."

"Magical pictures?" Severus asked, amazed that this was the profession Potter had chosen for himself.

"Mostly. I draw for pleasure too. It's…well it's my one true love."

"Apart from Pa," Gabe piped up with a grin, apparently oblivious to the discomfort of both his parents.

"Why don't you show Severus your studio?" Ginny suggested, leaning back in her chair and eyeing them both.

"I'm sure he's not – "

"It'll be good for him," Ginny insisted. "Let him see what you've dedicated your life to."

"Oh fine," Potter said, clearly as unwilling as anyone else to argue with her. "Come on," he said to Severus, getting up and heading for the house.

Severus followed, feeling inexplicably nervous as the man led him up to the attic rooms. He had seen Potter's office before but the other door had always been closed. Now it was open and he could see that it housed an impressive studio with easels propped up all over the place.

It was messy and a tad chaotic but Severus could see that it was a space treated with pride and love.

"I can't imagine why Gin thinks you should come up here but I'm not brave enough to argue with her."

"I can't think of anyone who is," Severus replied and Potter grinned at him. "What made you decide to pursue this? I'd have thought you would have gone straight into the auror ranks."

"Oh Merlin, no," Potter replied with a shudder. "After being forced into fighting one dark wizard I didn't want to dedicate my life to it."

"So you chose art instead?"

"Mm. I…um…I'd always doodled; it was kind of a stress relief I suppose. I didn't really think anything of it until – "

"Until?" Severus prompted.

Potter smiled as he ran his fingers over his materials. "Until you saw my drawings. You um…convinced me that I had talent, that it was worth exploring. It was the first time I'd considered entertaining anything outside my 'Boy Who Lived' fate."

"Can I see?"

Potter paused for a second then said, "Of course." He opened up a drawer in one of the large cabinets and extracted a portfolio. "These are just a few doodles for my own amusement," he said as he handed it to Severus.

Severus opened the folder and extracted a few sheets of paper from inside. He was amazed as he look at charcoal drawings of Ron, Draco, Ginny, Lupin, Dumbledore and many others they had both known. They were exquisite and beautifully detailed; Potter clearly had extraordinary talent and he was staggered to see it.

"After the final battle I took some time out – well – _we_ took some time out together, but afterwards I attended the London School of Art. After I graduated I took an apprenticeship with a magical artist and honed my craft."

"And now people buy Harry Potter originals?"

"No," Potter said with soft laugh. "I create and sell under a pseudonym. I wanted to forge a career on the merit of my talent."

Severus couldn't help but be impressed. Not only had Potter decided to forge his own route away from people's expectations, he had done so without the benefit of his fame.

"You're full of surprises."

Potter smiled and said, "That's not the first time you've told me that. I'm glad I can still surprise you."

"This must be very strange for you," Severus said, looking down at a particularly fine drawing of Gabe.

"What must be?"

"Explaining things, telling me things we've already lived through together. I must seem a stranger to you."

"In some ways," Potter said, his sadness evident. "But you're a stranger who knows every last thing about me, who's shared every important moment in my life. You're a stranger who knows every inch of my skin and…one day you'll be my husband again."

"You believe that?"

"I have to, Severus, or else what's the point? You're the love of my life, you're my whole world. Without you…fuck…I just can't imagine an existence like that, I don't want to."

"I might never recover my memories," Severus said, feeling the need to remind the man of their reality.

"I know. But if you think I'm giving up on you, on us, then you really don't know me at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you how excited I am about this story. I've had a blast writing it and I can't wait to share all the later chapters with you. I hope you enjoyed this one and I hope you're all still safe and healthy. Sending love.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  


_~*~ "Oh for fuck's sake!"_

" _Not good enough."_

" _I bloody know, alright? I know."_

Harry leant forward, his breathing coming in harsh rasps. They had been at this for nearly an hour straight and he was exhausted. They were in the Room of Requirement to give them more space and to ensure they didn't do any damage to Snape's quarters.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout," Harry apologised, straightening up and looking at Snape.

"Shout all you like if it gets you there faster."

"No, I mean I'm sorry I shouted at _you_."

"You needn't be so tender of my sensibilities, Potter," Snape replied with a smirk.

"Oh forget it, you arse. I was being polite."

"You give with one hand and take with the other," Snape replied woefully.

"I can't get this fucking spell," Harry seethed, kicking a nearby pile of junk.

"It isn't a spell, it's a curse," Snape corrected, and Harry growled low in his throat.

"What bloody difference does it make?" he asked, shoving his sweat-dampened hair out of his eyes.

"All the difference in the world," Snape replied forcefully, his eyes flashing. "Curses rely on intent, on the will to hurt, to inflict harm. It isn't enough to focus on the end result as you do with spells, you have to really _mean_ a curse."

"But I don't mean it, not with you. I don't want to hurt you."

"How very touching. I assure you, given your current performance you are nowhere near close to hurting me."

"I'm trying," Harry insisted.

"Not hard enough."

Snape moved closer and Harry felt a small thrill of fear and something else go through him. "You have to forget who is on the other end of the curse and think only that one day that bastard might be. Your intent to hurt him has to be greater than any other feelings you might have."

"I know," Harry said. "You're right, I know you are. I'm sorry, I'll try harder."

Snape's face softened slightly and he said, "I can see you're trying and I acknowledge it. I would be doing you a disservice, however, if I said it was good enough."

Harry nodded, tired but invigorated by the fact that Snape had acknowledged his efforts. "Shall we try again?" he asked, eager to prove Snape's faith in him wasn't misplaced.

"Enough for tonight. You'll get no results pushing yourself past exhaustion."

Harry couldn't help but smile and Snape eyed him suspiciously. "What?" the man asked defensively.

"You've changed too, you know. A year or so ago you'd have pushed me to breaking point and enjoyed doing so."

"A year or so ago you'd never proven you were capable of dedication and hard work," Snape returned smoothly, and Harry felt ridiculously proud at the man's declaration.

"I appreciate it," Harry said sincerely. "I appreciate everything you're doing."

"I have little choice," Snape insisted, but Harry could see past it.

"Then I appreciate you limiting your bastardness," he said with a grin.

"That isn't a word," Snape said with a raised eyebrow and Harry's grin widened. "Pack up, we're done," Snape instructed and Harry was certain he could see the faintest ghost of a smile on the man's lips.

Snape moved away and began to roll his sleeves back down while Harry cast a quick cleaning charm on himself and wrenched off his dirty t-shirt. He replaced it with the clean one he had brought with him and ran his hands through his hair a couple of times.

He was tired but he didn't really want the session to end. He was finding it harder and harder to spend time amongst his peers and, perhaps more pertinently, he actually enjoyed spending time with Snape.

As improbable as the notion was, he enjoyed the man's company. He enjoyed his wit and sarcasm, enjoyed the verbal barbs they would sling at one another. He appreciated the man's silence, how they could sit quietly together without the need to say anything; he would almost call it companionable.

"Is something the matter?" Snape asked, noticing that Harry had made no move to leave.

"Oh…I…" He sighed and gave Snape a sheepish smile. "I was just thinking that I don't want to go back to the common room," he confessed.

There was a moment's pause before Snape said, "You may come back to my quarters, if you prefer."

Harry was so surprised by the offer that all he could do was sputter, "I don't want to get in your way, sir."

"I wouldn't have offered if I thought you would."

Trying to keep the grin off his face, Harry nodded and together they left the Room of Requirement. They walked in silence to the disused classroom Harry used each evening and flooed one by one to Snape's quarters.

Harry stood nervously, not sure what to do with himself. Snape hung up his outer robe and said, "I have a mountain of essays to mark, I trust you can entertain yourself."

"Of course. There's always research to do."

Snape settled down at his own desk, which was indeed laden with essays, and Harry watched as he moved to his little station. It was an oddly generous gesture for Snape to allow him to invade his rooms like this and he didn't want to make the man regret it.

He immersed himself in spell theory, as he had promised he would, but he looked up to steal glances at Snape every now and again. The more time he spent with the man the more he was intrigued by him. Snape seemed to genuinely want to help him, to do his best to ensure Harry would defeat Voldemort.

Obviously Snape had a vested interest in seeing the bastard brought down, but it felt like more than that to Harry. Snape was someone he could work with, someone he could learn from, and he felt an odd sort of connection to the man in a way he had never felt with anyone before.

"Doesn't make any bloody sense," Harry muttered to himself as he read the same paragraph for the fifth time and failed to understand it.

"What doesn't?" Snape asked, looking up from his marking.

"Oh sorry, didn't mean to disturb you. Just this chapter I'm reading on curse creation."

Snape got up and came to stand next to Harry. "Show me," he instructed.

Harry pointed to the paragraph with his finger and Snape leant over slightly, his hand coming to rest on Harry's shoulder. Harry enjoyed its warmth and pressure, sparing a moment to acknowledge that he felt that way about Snape's proximity.

"Ah, I can see why you'd have difficulty," Snape said eventually.

Harry tilted his head up to look at the man and said with a grin, "Because I'm a moron?"

"Yes exactly, Potter," Snape replied, and Harry could see the glint of amusement in his eyes.

"So what _does_ it mean?"

"It means that curse creation relies on two factors – the intent of the person creating it and the strength of their core power."

"Their wand?" Harry asked, confused.

Snape shook his head. "This," he said, placing his hand ever so gently on Harry's chest. "The centre of all your power, the source of your innate magic. A wand is just a conduit."

Harry's heartbeat had sped up beneath Snape's touch and he was stunned to realise that his body was responding to it. It felt intimate somehow and Harry found himself wanting the moment to last.

"Stand up," Snape said gently, stepping back and allowing Harry to do so.

Harry felt his palms prickle with sweat and an odd sense of anticipation raced through him.

"Close your eyes," Snape instructed, and Harry complied without question. His breathing became uneven as Snape moved to stand behind him and Harry felt the proximity of the man's body as Snape moved to hold Harry's wand arm.

He heard a whispered incantation and immediately felt a surge of electricity through his body as though someone had shocked him. He gasped and Snape issued a murmured instruction to open his eyes.

Harry did so and was amazed to see a glowing ball of light bobbing an inch or two in front of his chest. He watched as it dazzled him with its brightness and moved with a subtle vibration.

"That is your power," Snape murmured in his ear, and Harry shivered as the man's breath danced over his skin. "That's the essence of your magic. I've never seen it shine so brightly with anyone else before."

"What does that mean?" Harry asked, highly conscious of Snape's chest pressed against his back.

"That you have more power than Voldemort could ever hope to possess," Snape replied, his voice a low rumble. "I'm amazed to see it's green."

"Well, I was meant to be in Slytherin," Harry replied, mesmerised by this incarnation of his power.

"You're joking," Snape said, sounding beyond surprised.

Harry craned his neck to look at the man, slightly giddy at how close they were. "I'm not, hand on heart. The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin but I…argued with it. No offence," he added with a lopsided smile.

"You're full of surprises, Mr Potter," Snape said, the vibration of his voice resonating against Harry's back.

"I hope I can always surprise you, sir," Harry whispered in response, suddenly wishing he could stay that way all night.

"I rather think you will."

* * *

_~*~ Harry entered Snape's quarters holding a plate of magically-warmed food, an admonishment ready on his tongue as he flooed through the fireplace._

"You weren't at dinner," Harry said, stalking over to Snape's desk.

"I'm busy," came the curt reply.

Harry plonked the plate down in front of Snape and ignored the glare he received. "Eat."

"Potter – "

"I mean it. You weren't at lunch either, you can't bloody starve yourself."

"When exactly did you appoint yourself my minder?"

"When I realised you needed one," Harry shot back. "Eat it or I'll tie you to the chair and force-feed you." Snape was about to say something else but Harry held up a finger and said, "Don't even think about lying to me, I know it's your favourite."

Snape closed his mouth and Harry gave him a triumphant smile before he moved to the small kitchen area of the man's quarters. He lit the kettle with his wand and filled the teapot with Snape's favourite blend of tea, gratified to note that the man had started to tuck into his food.

He put a slice of lemon in Snape's cup and milk and sugar in his own and allowed the tea to brew for a few moments, as he knew Snape liked, then poured them both tea. He moved back to Snape's desk and placed the cup next to the man's dinner plate.

"You'd make someone a lovely wife," Snape said and Harry grinned.

"Mm, I love those gratin potatoes," he said, eyeing Snape's plate.

Snape rolled his eyes and speared a potato with his fork then held it out to Harry. Harry bit into with a grin and said around his mouthful, "You're too kind."

He perched on the arm of the sofa and said, "You shouldn't skip dinner."

"I don't need a minder."

"Yes you do. Someone has to look after you."

"Your concern for me is touching."

"If I lose you I'm worried that my life will become devoid of miserable old bastards."

"Less of the 'old' you impertinent brat."

"Seriously though, you have to take care of yourself," Harry said sincerely, willing to acknowledge that his concern for Snape went beyond worrying for him in a practical capacity.

"I had too much to do to attend dinner. Besides a mountain of marking, I still have a great deal of research to do."

Harry sighed and leant forward to rest his hand between Snape's shoulder-blades. Snape looked surprised but made no move to shift Harry's hand away.

"I need you," Harry said softly. "I won't get through this without you, but I need you at your best. Isn't there…some way of relieving some of this pressure, a teaching assistant, perhaps?"

"As loath as I am to admit it, I have been thinking along similar lines. I'm considering asking Miss Weasley."

"Gin? Merlin, she'll be thrilled."

"Perhaps you might broach the subject with her? You're…romantically connected, aren't you?"

"Me and Gin?" Harry said with a smile, noting that he had made no attempt to remove his hand from Snape's back. "There's nothing going on there."

"Not your type?" Snape asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harry bit his lip, wondering what was prompting him to share this with Snape. "Uh…wrong gender," he confessed quietly.

"I see," Snape said softly.

Harry felt his cheeks heat but he wasn't ashamed of his confession, merely confused as to his reason for sharing it with Snape. He cleared his throat and reluctantly moved his hand.

"I can still have a word with her if you like," he offered, still staying close. He noticed that Snape seemed suddenly uncomfortable and he frowned, saying, "Are you bothered that I'm gay?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Potter, of course not," Snape said forcefully. "Given that my own inclinations tend towards the same way that would make me rather hypocritical."

"Oh," Harry said quietly, unsure what else to say. He felt as though they had both made hugely intimate confessions, that there was a deeper meaning somehow behind it than simply two people sharing their preferences.

Whatever else might have been said between them was lost as Snape suddenly hissed in pain and grabbed his arm.

"Oh for fuck's sake! What does the bastard want now?" he seethed.

"You have to go?" Harry asked, feeling sick at the idea.

"I have little choice," Snape replied, disappearing into his bedroom. He emerged a few moments with his robe and mask, and Harry's stomach jolted at the sight.

"Finish up here and go back to Gryffindor," Snape instructed, moving past him.

Harry caught his arm as he went and said, "Be careful."

"I assure you, Mr Potter, I always am."

"Be even more so," Harry implored. "For my sake."

Snape looked as though he would have dearly loved to question that comment, but he didn't have the luxury of time to pursue it. He placed his hand over Harry's and gave it a gentle squeeze before leaving his quarters.

Harry couldn't dispel the sense of worry he felt and it took him about half a second to decide to wait until Snape returned. Whether he would be welcome was another matter, but he had to make sure the man was ok.

He sat down at his desk but couldn't focus his mind enough to concentrate on his work. He couldn't examine it too closely but he was aware that his concern went beyond what he would have felt for anyone in that situation. It was more personal than that and he knew it.

He and Snape were…what? Friends? It seemed unlikely but things between them were far more cordial than they had once been. He was concerned about the man's welfare, enough to force him to eat dinner and make him cups of tea.

They talked, they sometimes even laughed, and Snape's quarters were beginning to feel more like home to him than even the Gryffindor tower. Snape wasn't the villainous figure of his childhood, nor even the vindictive bastard of his teenage years. He was a complex man and, Harry was certain, a good one.

What he felt for him was too complicated to properly put into words, but his feelings were changing almost daily. Telling Snape he was gay felt like a kind of step, although he wasn't sure what to. It was somehow important that Snape knew.

He sat and worried about the man, unable to stop his mind from considering what he might be going through. His respect for Snape had been growing over the last couple of months but now, when he thought of how brave he was being, that respect felt like it had doubled.

It was late when he finally heard the door to Snape's quarters open. He looked up to see the man leaning heavily on the doorframe, his face bloodied, his robes torn.

"Oh my God," Harry breathed, jumping up and immediately going to the man's aid. "Here, lean on me, I've got you."

It was testament to how badly injured the man was that he didn't argue, nor remonstrate with Harry for still being there. Harry helped him to the sofa and carefully lowered the man onto it, worried by Snape's shallow breathing and deathly pale face.

"Professor, what happened?" Harry said, kneeling in front of him and placing his hands gently on the man's knees.

"Can't," Snape wheezed, pain shooting across his face. "Too…too drained…I…"

"Ssh ok, don't speak, just take deep breaths," Harry said, trying to be as soothing as possible. He understood what had happened, realised that Snape's magical power had been drained and that he was dangerously close to slipping into a magical coma.

He knew what to do and could only hope he had the power and ability to do it. "Take my hands," he instructed, "I'm going to share my power with you."

"No," Snape said, shaking his head with difficulty. "Can't, won't let you."

"Don't argue with me," Harry said, grabbing the man's hands.

"Harry, no," Snape rasped, and Harry was shocked by the use of his first name.

"I have more than enough to share, you've seen for yourself. Now shut up and let me do this."

He held on tight to Snape's hands and closed his eyes, focusing on the core of his power. Since Snape had shown him it a couple of weeks of ago he'd been obsessed with the idea of it and had read everything he could get his hands on regarding the subject.

He had only just discovered that it was possible to share one's power with another witch or wizard, although it wasn't recommended and indeed was often discouraged. It was risky and could only be performed by somebody who wielded considerable power.

He focused until he could feel his power underneath the surface of his skin, until it almost burned with its intensity. He felt Snape's hands in his own and directed all his energy towards them as he murmured softly, " _Impertio_."

He was overwhelmed as he felt his power surge through him and he heard Snape gasp as it rolled into him. Harry was breathless and dizzy and he let go just before the point he felt he himself would be drained.

He opened his eyes in time to see Snape fall forward and he lurched to catch him, holding him tightly against his body.

"I've got you," he whispered. "I've got you."

"Harry," Snape murmured into his neck. "You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't…"

"Tell me off later. Come on, sit back, let me look at you."

He gently pushed Snape back into a sitting position, resting him against the back of the sofa. He performed a couple of rudimentary healing spells, gratified to see the man no longer looked like he was on the verge of death.

"Wait there, I'll get something to clean you up."

"No, I have to talk to Dumbledore."

"Not right this second," Harry said firmly. "Dumbledore's main concern might be whatever information you have, but mine is you."

Snape looked so surprised by the declaration that Harry took the opportunity to move to the kitchen and fill a bowl with warm water and a little salt. He grabbed a cloth and moved back to the sofa, sitting beside Snape carefully.

He gently washed away the blood and dirt, amazed that Snape was allowing him to do so. It was such an intimate thing to do for someone and Harry was still feeling the effects of sharing his power with the man. Whatever connection he had felt to Snape previously seemed now magnified.

Snape reached up and placed his hand over Harry's, stilling his movements gently. They looked at one another for a moment and Harry felt his skin prickle. He didn't understand it, perhaps he wasn't meant to but, whatever was happening, he wanted it.

"You shouldn't have shared your power with me," Snape whispered eventually.

"I should have let you die instead? Not bloody likely."

"It was dangerous. You could have been left a squib."

"Better that than let you slip into a coma you might never have come out of."

"Potter – "

"Oh we're back to 'Potter' now are we? It was 'Harry' a moment ago," Harry said, feeling frustrated. He didn't want to be chastised for doing something he knew to be necessary, nor did he want to lose the strange sense of closeness between them.

"Harry," Snape corrected himself with a sigh. "You can't risk yourself like that. Not for me. Nothing is worth risking yourself."

"I'm sorry but I don't agree," he said quietly. "And you won't convince me otherwise."

He wasn't sure exactly what he was saying, and neither was Snape, judging by the look on his face, but it felt like something momentous had happened between them.

"What happened tonight? Why did he do this to you?" Harry asked, dreading the answer.

"Now might be the time to summon Dumbledore if the suggestion meets with your approval, doctor?" Snape added with a wry smile.

"Don't be cheeky or I'll take my power back."

* * *

"You shared your power with me."

Potter turned from looking out of the window, a tumbler of brandy held to his chest. "I did," he confirmed quietly.

"You took a hell of a risk."

"It was a risk worth taking. I told you that at the time."

Severus frowned, unable to fully process what he had witnessed in the man's memories. "There are very few documented incidents of a person sharing power with someone else, not least a 17 year old boy."

Potter smiled and said, "I was always precocious. You delighted in telling me that more than once."

"I never realised you were so powerful. I always…I always thought that Dumbledore had a…somewhat coloured view of you. I apologise for being so blind."

"Oh Severus," Potter said, moving closer to him, "you don't have to apologise for anything. I was a snot-brained kid and I behaved like it. You were right to think that way about me."

"You aren't a snot-brained kid in those memories. Far from it."

"I would have appreciated you telling me that at the time," Potter said with a soft laugh.

"That night…when you shared your power, was that the start of it…of us?"

Potter looked down into his glass, his brows knitted together. "For me," he answered eventually. "I realised I felt things for you, although I didn't really understand what at the time. I can't say when it began for you."

"We never discussed it?"

"We never forensically examined the beginning of our relationship, if that's what you mean. I knew how you felt about me, I didn't need to question it."

Severus nodded. He had watched himself in that memory, watched how he had used the boy's first name, how he had looked at him. He could recognise his own feelings well enough, as extraordinary as they were, and he could see himself falling in love with Potter.

"What happened that night? Why was I nearly killed?"

"You were exposed as a spy."

"How?" Severus asked, shocked.

"I never asked the ins and outs of it. I…I don't know, I was just too relieved that you were out of that situation. Voldemort was furious, I know that much. It was Teddy's mother who saved you."

"You're not serious."

"She slipped you a portkey. Bloody marvellous woman. After that though she knew her life was in danger. You helped her, and Teddy."

"There's so much to catch up, to process. I feel as though I've stepped into another world."

"Through the looking glass, eh?" Potter asked with a lopsided smile. "The world _has_ changed, and you played a big part in it. We wouldn't be here today without you."

"I thought the role of saviour fell to you?" Severus asked with a sardonic quirk of his eyebrow.

"It did. But you were mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry I didn't do any review responses last week, I had a really bad flare and was just very tired and in a lot of pain. I'm better this week so I promise to respond to you all. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please let me know! Stay safe x


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The house in Cornwall was strangely beginning to feel like home. All Severus could remember before it were his quarters in Hogwarts and before that his childhood home, which had been nothing short of miserable.

His home with Harry, as he was starting to think of the man, was a peaceful and beautiful one. There was a familiarity to it that Severus felt on sort of fundamental level, as if it was keyed into his being.

They had established a kind of routine now they were a couple of months down the line. Lupin came every day to tutor Gabe while Harry painted and Severus fulfilled potions orders. One or both of them would spend the afternoon with Gabe and they would all dine together in the evenings.

Ginny came once a week and worked to systematically dismantle the magic holding his memories in place. She was trying a variety of methods but so far had had no success. In the meantime he viewed Harry's memories to try and recover his own.

It was an odd experience, for which he had no parallel. Viewing himself through someone else's eyes was disconcerting, and watching events that had happened in his own life whilst having no memory of them was enough to make him wish he was back in a coma.

The Harry that he saw in the memories, along with the Harry he found himself living with, were so different from the boy he had known that it perplexed him. He watched as the boy worked himself to death in their training sessions, watched as he dedicated himself to research and learning spell theory. It was hard not to respect that and to respect the man that Harry was becoming.

And a man he was. It was a man he saw in those memories, albeit a young one on the cusp of adulthood. It was a man he saw who realised the huge weight that was bearing down on him but who was doing his best to rise to the challenge. Perhaps, most importantly of all, it was a man he watched himself becoming attracted to.

With no memories of his own, Severus couldn't say whether physical attraction or something more emotional had come first. As he continued to watch the memories, he began to appreciate just how handsome Harry was, although it was uncomfortable to admit it.

It still felt wrong that he had fallen for a student. A _former_ student was bad enough but one still under Severus' authority was too much to take. At least, that was how he had viewed it to begin with. It was becoming clearer, though, that Harry wasn't merely a student.

They were locked together in the fate they shared and their common goal to eradicate the cause of it. Harry was his equal, hell, judging by his display of power, Harry was more than his equal. He was also the only one who could have begun to understand Severus' situation and the only one whose company didn't irritate him.

That thought was too bizarre to contemplate properly and so Severus tried to ignore it. He had been hoping to find evidence in Harry's memories that would somehow disprove Harry's version of events, as ridiculous a notion as that would be. Instead, he was finding more evidence of his own feelings rather than Harry's.

"Bloody, sodding, arsing, buggering – oh! Sorry, I didn't realise you were in here," Harry said as he entered the kitchen, wiping paint from his hands.

"Was there a reason for your colourful vocabulary?" Severus asked in amusement.

"Oh I'm just frustrated with this latest commission," Harry replied with a slight growl. "The magic won't co-operate. I'm one step away from taking a bloody knife to the canvas."

"Sounds painful. Coffee?"

"Yes please," Harry said, sinking down into one of the chairs and stretching his back. "Days like this I'm sorry I'm not an auror."

"And squander all that talent? I rather think not."

Harry laughed and said, "I don't feel so talented today. How's your morning been?"

"Quiet. I've only had a few basic commissions to make."

"You have a little time then?" Harry asked tentatively and Severus turned to look at him. "I…um…haven't mentioned this before but you make a potion for Gabe and we're nearly out of it."

"A potion?" Severus asked, concerned. "What for?"

Harry chewed his lip for a moment before saying, "Gabe was born with a heart defect. Mostly it doesn't affect him but the potion you make helps to keep him stable."

"Of course I'll make it. I haven't found any reference to it in my notes though, not in the lab anyway."

"Oh…well perhaps it's in the office. You keep some of your older stuff in there."

"Help me look?" Severus suggested, and Harry nodded, both of them making their way together to the study on the first floor.

"You keep a few notebooks for older potions here," Harry said, moving to the filing cabinet.

They searched through them together, Severus' records meticulous enough that the potion should be apparent. Harry flicked through the notebooks beside him, his lip held between his teeth as he did so.

"Oh," he heard the man exclaim softly beside him.

"What? Have you found it?"

"No…I…sorry, I've just…I've found this," he said, smiling down at a piece of parchment in his hands. "I never knew you'd kept it."

He handed it over to Severus and Severus saw his own face staring back up at him. It was a pencil drawing on a sheet that looked as though it had been torn from a book. It was truly exquisite and Severus had never seen himself in such a light.

In the bottom right-hand corner was a carefully written message that read, " _Merry Christmas, love Harry_."

"It was the first drawing I ever did of you, just after you'd discovered that I drew. You never told me you kept it."

"I can see why I did," Severus said softly, feeling oddly moved by the simple gift Harry had given him a lifetime ago.

Harry took a deep breath then moved over to the window, his back to Severus.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked.

"Fine," came the strangled reply. "Just…remembering. I just wish…I wish you could share the memory with me. I wish I still had my husband."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh God, it isn't your fault," Harry said, turning to face him. "It's just…hard, that's all. I miss you. You're right here with me and I miss you."

"I wish I could offer you some assurance that I – "

"No," Harry said, waving his hand, "that wouldn't be fair to either of us. I just have my weak days I suppose. Things like this make it…so much harder."

He wrapped his arms around his torso and said in a voice so quiet Severus had to strain to hear it. "Do you think…could I have a hug?"

"A hug?" Severus repeated in surprise.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't ask. I know it's not fair but I just…fuck…I miss you so much. I miss being able to touch you, I miss you touching me. You always find ways to touch me."

Severus didn't really know what to say to that but he could see that Harry was upset, bordering on fragile. So far the man had put no pressure or expectations on him and had respected both his emotional and physical space. If a hug was all Harry was asking then Severus could grant him that.

He opened his arms, feeling awkward, and Harry sank into them gratefully, wrapping himself around Severus' torso. It was not entirely unpleasant, he thought as he wrapped his arms around the man, Harry's head resting on his shoulder.

Harry's body was warm and firm and his hair smelt clean and fresh. It was not an average occurrence to have such a handsome young man in his arms and it wasn't exactly a hardship to comply with Harry's request.

"Sorry," Harry said eventually, disentangling himself. "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate. It won't happen again."

"Potter…Harry," Severus corrected himself, "we _are_ married. A hug isn't inappropriate."

"It is under the circumstances. I shouldn't have asked. I…I'll go and check on Gabe. Keep checking for the potion."

He left without meeting Severus' eyes, clearly upset. Severus didn't know what to say but he knew that he wanted there to be a next time, he wanted close physical contact with Harry again. He sighed; as if things weren't complicated enough.

* * *

_~*~ It wasn't just Snape's role as a spy that had been revealed that fateful night. Bella had disclosed the Black family residence to Voldemort and so Grimmauld was now no longer safe to use as headquarters. It had been the plan for Harry to spend Christmas there, as it was deemed a safe option but now those pleas had changed._

It was decided that, as Snape was also at risk from Voldemort's retribution, he and Harry would spend Christmas together in a newly-found safe house. That meant Harry would be living alone with the man in a remote cottage in Yorkshire for three weeks. Once that would have been his nightmare, now he didn't know what to feel.

Spending that much time alone with the man might be challenging but he couldn't deny he was looking forward to it. This wouldn't be like their training sessions, although they were still continuing. This would be more…domestic. He would be seeing the man in a whole new light and it was a strange thing to consider.

The day after term ended, he flooed down to Snape's quarters with his luggage shrunk and placed in his pocket.

"Your time-keeping's improving," Snape said with a quirk of his eyebrow as Harry dusted soot from his clothes.

"As if I'd dare be late for you," Harry returned with a smile.

"And make me spend Christmas all alone without the benefit of your company? I wouldn't cope with such a devastating loss."

Once that would have been said with bile and no small amount of venom but now Harry could discern that Snape was teasing him. It was strange but not because of the fact, more because it didn't feel strange at all.

"I would never be so cruel as to deprive you of three weeks alone with me. I know it's your dream come true."

"Now you are mistaking dreams for nightmares."

"I can see past your protests. You can't wait to get me on my own."

Dear God…were they _flirting_ with one another? Surely not. It was too bizarre a concept to consider and yet…he couldn't deny he was enjoying himself.

"Get over here you insolent brat before this portkey activates."

"Yes sir," Harry said, batting his eyelashes at the man as he stood beside him. "You don't have to keep up the pretence," he said as they both grabbed the battered shoe. "I know you adore me."

"As I would a healthy dose of dragon pox, I'm sure," Snape drawled before the portkey sprang to life and they were both pulled sideways.

Harry gave himself a moment to recover from the unpleasant sensation before he opened his eyes. They were standing outside a beautiful stone cottage that was nestled amongst trees with not another soul around for miles.

"Shall we?" Snape said, indicating for them to step inside.

Harry followed and found himself in a charming sitting room with a little open-plan kitchen/diner off to the side. Further exploration found that there was a decent-sized study and an upstairs area that housed a couple of bedrooms and a bathroom.

"Not bad," he said, coming back down the stairs. "Think there's enough space for us not to kill one another?" he asked with a grin.

"I thought I was desperate to spend time with you?" Snape asked dryly.

"And you hide it so well."

"And what about you, Mr Potter?" Snape said smoothly, moving around the sofa to stand next to Harry. "You've been very quiet regarding your own feelings on the matter."

Harry tried to stop his lip from twitching as Snape's dark eyes glittered. "I'm thrilled, can't you tell?"

"You enjoy my company that much?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Sweet Merlin, they _were_ flirting. It was too improbable, wasn't it? Snape didn't feel that way about him, surely, and he himself…well…he had no idea what his own feelings were. It was…God…it was _fun_ though and seeing this completely unknown side to the man was something of a revelation.

Deciding not to push his luck too much, Harry gave the man a cheeky smile and said, "I'm going to get my stuff unpacked and then we can divvy up the domestic duties."

"I thought I was going to be able to use you as a house elf."

"No bloody chance, you cheeky sod."

Giddy at the easiness between them, and the fact that he had called Snape a sod, Harry went back upstairs and picked himself a room. It was pleasant with a double bed, wardrobe, armchair and table. The view from the window was of the pretty garden below then beyond into the forest. It was all rather surreal but if he'd been told four months ago that this would be where he'd spend Christmas he'd never had believed it.

He shouted down to Snape that he was going to take a bath, then spent the next hour indulging himself. It wasn't often he got to take a bath, resorting mostly to showering quickly every morning and having to share his space with at least four other people. He sank down under the bubbles and smiled at the decadence.

He rested his head against the back of the bath and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the warm water sloshing over his skin. He ran his hands down his sides and ghosted over the top of his thighs, his right hand teasing ever so slightly over his groin. He was already half hard and it didn't take much to get him all the way there.

He wrapped his hand around himself and began to stroke lazily, in no rush to reach completion. He conjured up the usual images he relied upon; handsome young men writhing with one another, himself alone with a lover whose only thought was to pleasure him.

He imagined the other man running his hands all over his body, worshipping his skin as hot breath ghosted over his neck. He pictured the man sinking to his knees and taking Harry's hard prick into his mouth, sucking and caressing with his tongue. As his imagination intensified, he watched as the generic man morphed into Snape.

It should have been a nasty shock, one that ended his wanking session, but instead Harry found himself thrilled with it. He focused on watching the man pleasure him, on his hard cock moving in and out of the man's warm mouth.

His hand tightened on his prick and he sped up his strokes, biting his lip as he watched Snape work him with talent. God but it was fucking hot and, without controlling it, the scene changed abruptly to Snape pinning him to a bed and fucking him with abandon.

He had to stop himself from crying out as his orgasm hit him, wishing he'd had the presence of mind to throw up a silencing charm. He milked the last few drop from his cock and let out a low, satisfied breath, feeling the delightful remnants of his orgasm shudder through his body.

He tried to be more shocked that he had just wanked to the thought of Snape fucking him, but the images had been too delicious for him to care. He supposed it would be useless to deny his attraction to the man now, even though part of him insisted that it shouldn't be possible.

Snape wasn't conventionally handsome, that much was true, but there was a dark intensity to him that was appealing. Harry rather liked the man's Roman nose and his sharp cheekbones, which he knew wouldn't be to everyone's tastes, and there was something about Snape's overall physicality that sent a thrilling shiver up his spine.

What was the use of analysing it anyway? He had just jacked off to fantasies of the man, he thought with an amused smile as he climbed out of the tub. That seemed like pretty conclusive evidence if any were needed.

He cast a cleaning charm on the tub as the water drained and dressed himself in jeans and jumper. He looked at himself in the mirror and wondered if perhaps there was anything in his features that Snape could find attractive.

He was fairly good-looking, he supposed; better now he was leaving adolescence behind. He wasn't ugly, of that he was certain, but who knew what Snape's preferences were beyond men?

He expected to feel embarrassed when he went back downstairs to join Snape; he had just used him as a wank fantasy after all, but he met Snape's eyes easily and with a smile.

"Dinner in five minutes," Snape said from his position in front of the cooker.

"Smells great," Harry said, taking a seat at the table, which had already been set. "My turn tomorrow."

"Count on it."

Harry grinned and watched the man finish up with the cooking, trying to stop his brain from conjuring up further fantasies. It wasn't easy and he had to fight to keep his thoughts clean.

"Mm, this is delicious," Harry said as he tucked in.

"Glad it meets with your approval."

"You could just say 'thank you'," Harry said, amused.

"I could."

He smiled as they continued to eat, the silence between them companionable. Conversation came naturally as the meal progressed, and Harry found himself as comfortable as he would have been with any of his friends. They stuck to fairly neutral topics, speaking about nothing of any particular import, but Harry enjoyed the fact that Snape was speaking to him as though he were an equal.

He liked listening to the low timbre of the man's voice, to the sensuous rumble of it in the man's chest, imagining how it would sound under different circumstances. His mind was clearly working on overdrive, but he wasn't exactly sorry for the images of Snape murmuring filthy things to him in that sinful voice.

He paid attention to their conversation, not wanting Snape to think he was an idiot, and so was fully aware when the man said, "We'll continue with your training tomorrow."

Harry's first instinct was to complain, to moan about the fact that there would be no respite, even over Christmas. It was a childish attitude to have when there was so much at stake. "Of course," he said with a nod. "Do you want to carry on with shield charms?"

Snape's eyebrows raised a fraction and he said, "You have no objections?"

"The training's important, more important than anything right now. I'm aware that this isn't a holiday, I know I need to work."

Snape's eyes narrowed suspiciously and Harry laughed. "Don't give me that look, as if you can't believe I'd ever say anything sensible."

"I assure you I can't."

"Still think I'm an idiot kid?" Harry asked, keeping his tone light so Snape wouldn't know how important the question was to him.

"No Harry, I don't think at all," Snape said softly, and Harry's stomach flipped.

He held the man's gaze, trying not to falter and trying to discern whether there was something more behind the man's declaration. God but he liked it when Snape called him 'Harry'; it made a strange warmth settle in the centre of his chest and he wanted to replicate that feeling as often as possible.

Accustomed as they were to one another's company by now, they spent a quiet and pleasant evening together, each absorbed in their own reading material. Every now and again Harry would look up to sneak a glance at Snape, his body reacting each time he did so. It was probably nonsense, but Harry imagined that, once or twice, he saw Snape looking at him too.

The next day they both rose early and had a simple breakfast before they ventured outside to begin their training session. It was bitterly cold and they were both dressed in several layers, but these were peeled away as the session intensified.

Out here there were no furtive glances or softly-spoken 'Harrys'. Snape was brutal and unrelenting, and Harry thrived on it. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was what he needed. A gentle approach would get him killed; he needed Snape to operate in full bastard mode, to make him work harder than he had ever done before.

He had done all the reading the man had set him, had dedicated himself to it in a way he had never done with anything before. His life quite literally depended upon it and in these moments he had no time to think of anything besides succeeding.

Snape was still a better opponent than him, that much was certain, but Harry was improving and was determined to prove himself a match for the man.

His shield charms were becoming stronger and easier to maintain, but there were still complicated ones that he struggled with. In the heat of battle it was hard to determine which shield to use and to construct it in enough time to be effective. He had incredible power, that was never a question, but focusing it with finesse was what he needed to work on.

There he envied Snape. The man wore his power like a cloak and he moved with such graceful liquidity of movement that Harry had to try not to be transfixed by it.

Snape had such an incredible depth of knowledge on the subject that it was impossible not to be impressed. He was hugely accomplished and Harry wanted to emulate that facet of him. He wanted to be that impressive, that commanding.

"You're not concentrating," Snape growled as Harry had to resort to ducking his curse, rather than shielding against it.

"I am," Harry insisted, his breathing shallow and his clothes sweat-dampened. Besides shedding his outer layers, Snape showed no outwards signs of fatigue and Harry couldn't help but resent it.

"Not well enough or you would have been able to see that I was about to cast a blasting hex and compensated accordingly."

"I'm shattered, we've been at this for hours," Harry said breathlessly, the cold air piercing his lungs.

"You think you'll have a tea break in the midst of battle?" Snape asked acerbically.

"No of course not. Sorry, sorry you're right. No excuses."

Snape's eyebrows quirked and Harry's stomach fluttered as he saw a brief flash of approval in the man's eyes. It would be useless to pretend that he didn't want that approval, he wanted it more than anything.

"I need to become more familiar with the curses you're using. Can we spend some time tomorrow going over their wand movements so I can recognise them better?"

Snape nodded and said, "That's a sensible suggestion," and Harry couldn't help but smile in response.

Snape took the opportunity to fire a strangulation hex his way but Harry as quick enough to block it, as he did with the next three that came his way. They sparred for another half an hour until Harry's energy started to flag. He saw the slicing hex come his way but was too slow to react and it cut across his torso painfully.

"Fuck!" he yelled as he slammed to the ground, pain erupting across his midriff. He slung an arm across himself as he scrambled to his feet, wincing against the pain.

Snape was at his side in an instant, one hand on his shoulder as he said, "Are you ok?"

"I think it went deep," Harry said through gritted teeth.

"Take your shirt off," Snape instructed, and Harry pulled it off over his head with difficulty.

He looked down and saw a deep slice across his abdomen, which was angry and starting to bleed.

"Hold still, this might sting a bit."

Snape held his hand over the wound and Harry felt heat spread out from the man's palm, followed by the predicted sting. Harry hissed as he felt the man's magic tingle through him and he was shocked to feel faint traces of his own mingled with it.

"Can you feel that?" Harry asked in a whisper as he felt the pain begin to recede. Snape's hand still lay gently against his stomach whist the other was hot against his upper back.

"Yes," Snape replied, his voice equally as quiet. "I've been feeling your magic since you shared your power with me."

There was something raw about the way that Snape was speaking, as if he was trying to control himself, and Harry met the man's eyes with a shiver.

There was something in those black depths, something dark and simmering that sent Harry's blood flowing hotly through his veins. "You can feel me?" he asked, suddenly aware of the double meaning with Snape's hands pressed against his body.

Snape nodded, every muscle in his body taut. It was intoxicating and heady, and every inch of Harry's body was reacting to being this close to the man. He found himself wanting him with an intensity that was almost frightening.

"You're cold," Snape murmured, and Harry realised he was shivering, though whether it was solely due to the cold he couldn't say. "We should get you inside and get this bandaged."

Snape moved his hand but let his fingers linger on the surface of Harry's skin in an action that was almost a caress. "Apologies for hurting you."

"I should have been quicker. I'll know better next time."

"Yes you shall," Snape said with a wicked smile and Harry wanted nothing more than to launch himself at the man. He had never been quite so aroused in his whole life and he needed to get inside before Snape noticed the tell-tale tightness of his trousers.

As loath as he was to lose the man's hands on him, he stepped backwards out of the man's hold and said, "Right, best go before hypothermia sets in."

He picked up his shirt and headed back towards the cottage, stopping when he heard Snape say, "Harry?"

He looked back over his shoulder and the man said, "Slicing hex notwithstanding, you did well today."

Harry grinned and said, "Thank you, sir. I won't put poison in your dinner now."

"Brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post two chapters this week so here's the first and the second will be along on Thursday. I hope you enjoyed it, please leave a review and let me know. I hope you're all staying safe, the offer for a chat is always open so please feel free to PM me if you need to.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_~*~ Harry descended the stairs feeling particularly content after a long soak in the bath and another excellent wank thinking about Snape. He was very grateful that they were no longer pursuing Occlumency; if Snape saw the thoughts Harry was fostering about him he would have died of mortification._

The fantasies were becoming more graphic, more intense; there was virtually nothing he and fantasy-Snape hadn't done together and Harry was almost aching to make those fantasies real. If he was any judge of these matters then there was a certain amount of reciprocation on Snape's part.

"Why are you putting grass in our dinner?" he asked, peering over Snape's shoulder as the man prepared dinner.

"Grass," Snape tutted disapprovingly. "This, you imbecile, is edible foliage from the surrounding woodland."

"You're pulling my leg."

Snape sighed and turned to face him. "You're an uncultured swine."

"Mean," Harry said, poking his tongue out at the man.

"You want to be careful doing that, someone might nip it off."

Harry grinned and Snape said, "Open your mouth."

Harry complied without question, so used to hearing that instruction in his fantasies. Snape placed one of the strands of grass on his tongue and Harry couldn't stop himself from closing his lips around the end of the man's finger and sucking very slightly.

Snape's pupils dilated and he traced Harry's bottom lip with the pad of his finger. It was the most intensely erotic experience Harry had ever had and he was so hard he thought he might burst.

Both men jumped as they heard a tapping at the window and a blush suffused Harry's cheeks as he was doused with reality. It was an owl waiting to be let in and Snape cleared his throat before going over to the window.

Harry took the opportunity to bring himself under control, to tell himself that there was no way in hell he had just been sucking Snape's finger while Snape looked as if he could devour him whole.

"It's from Dumbledore," Snape said, holding up the letter, his voice sounding rather strained.

"Oh? What does he say?" Harry asked, willing his damned erection to sod off.

Snape scanned the letter and released a heavy sigh. "Draco has returned to Hogwarts begging for sanctuary."

"What?" Harry asked incredulously.

Snape moved back over to him and handed him the letter, standing a little behind Harry with his hand in the small of Harry's back. Harry tried not to be too distracted by it as he read Dumbledore's neat handwriting.

_Mr Malfoy arrived the day after you and Harry left, badly shaken and on the verge of a nervous collapse. He showed me the Mark on his arm and said that he was recruited at the end of his 6_ _th_ _year. He has expressed a deep sense of remorse at allowing himself to be pressured into taking the Mark and has asked for sanctuary after running away from home._

_I confess an initial feeling of doubt regarding his motives but he was so sincere in his distress that I find I must believe him. Slytherin may no longer be safe for him and so I am proposing to place him in Gryffindor for the time being and review the situation in a month or so._

_I know he regards you highly and would perhaps appreciate a reassuring missive from you. Along the same lines, Theodore Nott will need your support, as we have had to move his mother to a safe house after the part she played in assisting you. There are trying times ahead for Slytherin but I know the house will not falter until your excellent guidance._

"Holy shit," Harry breathed. "I don't know what to say."

He turned around and Snape kept his hand on his back so that Harry ended up half in the man's embrace. "I had no idea. I mean…Draco's been acting strangely this term but…I didn't really pay it much attention. Did you know?"

Snape nodded and said, "He came to see me at the start of term. He said he didn't want to go down the same path as his parents, that he didn't want to follow Voldemort. It was…difficult. I was ostensibly still loyal to the mad bastard and I didn't know if Draco had been sent to test that loyalty.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Not everything concerns you."

Harry couldn't help feeling stung and he said, "I know that. I just meant – "

"No, I'm sorry," Snape said, surprising him. He felt the man's hand stroke him gently in the small of his back and the tender gesture was as surprising as the man's apology. "There are certain confidences that others place in me that I cannot betray…even to you."

"I understand," Harry said softly, struck with the sudden realisation that Snape was making an explanation in order to engage with him as an equal. He was making a concession and Harry appreciated it more than he could say. "What are you going to do?"

"Write to Draco as Dumbledore has asked me to, offer my support when we're back at Hogwarts. He will be at risk of retribution."

"Can I help?" Harry asked, trying not to be too distracted by the hand on his back or the fact that he was almost standing in the man's arms.

"You would want to?" Snape asked, surprised.

"For you," Harry answered honestly, and the hand on his back splayed to hold him tighter. He didn't want it to end, he wanted to feel Snape's touch for as long as he could.

God but the way Snape was looking at him was intoxicating, Harry couldn't quite deconstruct every emotion that flitted across the man's face, it would have been too difficult to attempt, but whatever it was was intense and all-encompassing.

"We should…check on dinner," he murmured, struck with the uncertainty of the situation they were in, by the danger this obvious attraction to one another might present.

He was certain he saw a flicker of disappointment in Snape's eyes but the man stepped back and removed his hand. "It will be ready shortly."

Harry nodded and busied himself with setting the table, wondering what the hell was happening in his life.

* * *

_~*~ He had reconciled himself so easily to being attracted to Snape that he hadn't really considered the ramifications of it. His graphic fantasies were one thing but did he really want to see them become reality? The answer, of course, was yes but there were more things to consider than just his base desires._

Snape was his teacher, in more things that just Potions. If they were to act in any way then they could be placing the man's job in jeopardy, not to mention Harry's training. That had to be more important than any feelings of attraction he felt, no matter how powerful.

And God but they were powerful. His body reacted to the man every time they were near one another and all he could think about was the man fucking him into the middle of next week. Judging by the answering look he saw in Snape's eyes those thoughts weren't far from the man's mind either.

What was really troubling Harry was the question whether or not it went beyond attraction. He felt a connection to Snape, that much was certain, but was it simply because their fates had been thrown together so spectacularly? Would he have felt the same way about anyone under the same circumstances? Something told him he wouldn't.

He ran through all these thoughts as he sat curled in front of the fire on Christmas Eve. Snape had retreated to the study for the afternoon to write to Draco and Theodore whilst also making lesson plans for the coming term. Harry had found himself a few sheets of paper and pencil and was resting on a book in his lap as he drew a picture of Ron and Hermione.

He had been drawing for as long as he could remember, it had been one of the things he'd been able to do at the Dursleys without fear of reprisals and it had been a form of escape for him. As he had got older he began to think that he had some talent for it and it was a welcome distraction from the chaos in his life.

He called to mind Ron and Hermione's features as he sketched them sitting by the lake. He thought of the way Ron's eyes crinkled when he smiled and how Hermione would tilt her head when she responded to a question. He tried to imbue the sketch with their personalities and give it some life rather than making it a simple character study.

He didn't hear Snape coming and so wasn't quick enough to hide the drawing as the man peered over his shoulder and said, "Since when do you draw?"

Harry jumped and looked up at Snape in surprise, an embarrassed blush on his cheeks at being caught. No one knew that he drew, not even Ron. "It's nothing," he said, folding the paper haphazardly.

"Let me see," Snape said, moving around the sofa to come and sit beside Harry. It was a request rather than a directive and Harry found himself complying even as he still felt embarrassed. He handed the paper back to Snape and watched anxiously as the man studied it.

He thought they had progressed far enough that the man wouldn't mock him but Snape was so hard to predict that it made Harry nervous.

"Harry," Snape said softly, "you have real talent."

He looked up and smiled, and Harry felt as though the breath had been knocked from his body. "Do you really mean that?" he asked quietly.

Yes. This is…quite remarkable."

"It just a doodle."

"No it isn't." Snape smiled down at the drawing in his hands and said, "If you ever wanted to be something outside The Boy Who Lived this is it."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked with a frown.

"You've mentioned to me on more than one occasion that you don't want your future to consist solely of the fate you've been dealt."

"Yeah, but – "

"If you have a passion for this, if it's something that brings you pleasure then I believe you have talent enough to pursue it as a career."

Harry didn't know what to say that. He had never considered forging a future through his doodling and, as much as he had railed against it, he hadn't ever believed that there was anything for him apart from to be the slayer of Voldemort.

"It's something to consider," Snape said, handing him the drawing back and giving Harry's knee a squeeze.

And consider it Harry did. He spent all night considering it while he sat up awake in his room. He _did_ love drawing and he wouldn't have been sorry to hone his craft and study it properly.

He was aware that, should he live past his teens, everyone expected him to become an auror but the thought left him cold. If he was successful in vanquishing Voldemort he wanted that to be an end of it, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life doing the same thing.

Now he had been given the hope of something else and he didn't know what to think. For Snape to assert that he had talent enough to pursue art as a career meant that the man truly believed it and it made Harry fairly giddy.

He distracted himself with drawing portraits of his friends and eventually decided to have a go at drawing Snape. He had never attempted it before and he had to give it several tries until he had to resort to ripping out the end-sheet of his textbook to use for his final draft.

It took him a while to choose the right expression for the man. Smiling would be too weird but he didn't want to memorialise the man with scowl either. He decided to go with the look of proud stoicism the man so often wore, even if it was a mask that Harry could now see behind. He spent all night on it, wanting it to be absolutely perfect, wanting to do that man justice.

He realised, as he drew, how well he knew the man's features. He knew perfectly the hard line of the man's jaw, the sharpness of his cheekbones, the curve of his mouth. It was a face he knew almost as well as his own and one that he had exceptionally complicated feelings for.

It was late when he finally finished it to his satisfaction and he leant back against the bed as he cast an eye over it. Objectively he could see that it was a good drawing and, after their conversation the previous night, he felt like he wanted Snape to have it.

Biting his lip, he steadied his hand as he wrote in the bottom corner of the page, " _Merry Christmas, love Harry_ ". He briefly considered erasing the 'love' and writing 'from' instead, but it seemed too impersonal…and whatever was between them _was_ personal.

He managed a couple of hours sleep before Christmas Day dawned. They had agreed not to make too much of a fuss and Harry couldn't help but feel a slight pang that he couldn't spend the day with Ron and Hermione and the rest of the Weasleys but there would be plenty of other Christmases.

He was up before Snape and so decided to prepare them a decent breakfast. The pantry was enchanted and filled itself with whatever a person requested and so Harry filled it with everything he would need for a cooked breakfast and then some.

He bustled around happily, preparing things with ease and feeling a sense of contentment as he cooked. He propped the portrait of Snape up on the dining table and put up a few festive decorations with a couple of handy charms. He resisted the urge to hang some strategically-placed sprigs of mistletoe, although he was sorely tempted.

Snape descended the stairs just as Harry was brewing the coffee, looking pleasantly surprised to find Harry's preparations.

"Merry Christmas," Harry said, feeling a flutter of nerves.

"Merry Christmas," Snape repeated, moving over to the table.

Harry watched him pick up the drawing, overcome with anxiety about what the man would think. What if it was a monstrously stupid idea? What if Snape laughed at him?

The man looked up at him and Harry braced himself for the reaction. "You did this?" he asked and Harry nodded slowly. There was a long pause and Harry felt like the world's biggest idiot for making such a monumental mistake.

"Harry I…This is…exquisite. I've never received anything so fine."

Harry would never have expected Snape to express himself so openly, nor so sincerely. He was taken aback by it and stunned into silence for a moment. "It's…just a doodle," he said eventually, knowing that Snape would see past the lie.

"It's rather more than that," Snape replied, holding the drawing in his hands almost reverently. "I…regret I have no gift to offer in return."

Harry smiled and said, "You're training me to stay alive. I'd say that was more than enough."

* * *

It was disconcerting for Severus to see the intense attraction brewing between himself and Harry in the man's memories. He could see it burning in his own eyes every time he looked at the boy and he watched himself finding ways to touch Harry wherever possible. The worst thing about it was that he fully understood his past self.

Harry was striking, that was undeniable, and beyond that he had matured into a competent and dedicated young man. Severus found himself not only appreciating the boy's obvious charms but respecting him too. It must have been intensely confusing for him at the time but he couldn't see much evidence that he had fought against it.

Indeed, from the memories he had witnessed, he himself had been responsible for many of those rather charged moments more than Harry had. He knew himself well enough to know that when he truly wanted something he was capable of exercising very little self-control. He could often be single-minded and grasping when it came to his desires and it was a side of himself he wasn't proud of.

He had plenty of time to ponder it while he brewed, becoming more confused with each set of memories he viewed. He had found the recipe for Gabe's potion and was glad of the distraction it brought. It was reasonably complicated but mostly just time-consuming. At least, while he was brewing, he felt relatively normal, almost as if he had gone back in time to before any of this had happened.

He re-entered the kitchen from his lab to see Gabe sitting at the table, a pile of books spread out in front of him. Severus had wondered why the boy was home-schooled by Lupin and considered that perhaps Gabe's health was more fragile than Harry had let on.

He wasn't an isolated child; he saw his honourary cousins regularly and there were a few children in the neighbouring villages that he played with, so Severus supposed there was little cause for concern on that score. He was a happy and content child who seemed to thrive best when his nose was buried in a book.

"Has Uncle Remus gone?" he asked as he lit the aga and placed the kettle on the stove.

"Mm," Gabe replied distractedly, his tongue sticking out slightly as he read.

"Something interesting?" Severus asked, eyeing the boy in amusement.

"Did you know that the biggest incident of mass obliviation happened in 1732?" he asked, looking up.

"I had no idea," Severus said, making himself a cup of tea then sitting down opposite Gabe. "Under what circumstances?"

"The wizarding Arabic uprising against the government at the time caused so much chaos that it spilt over into the muggle world and they estimate over a thousand muggles witnessed one of the wars of the revolution. It was the largest scale operation to cover up the wizarding world ever recorded."

"Well, I've learnt something new today," Severus said with a smile.

The boy was fond of imparting facts and drank them in across all subjects. He would often pop his head up over dinner and inform them of the number of tigers left in the wild; the chemical element for iron on the periodic table; the first documented use of a Patronus.

His appetite for knowledge was voracious and Severus could see so much of himself in the child. Gabe loved all forms of learning and could occupy himself for hours poring over books.

"The British wizarding government tried to make obliviaiton illegal in 1895 but they couldn't convince the Wizengamot to put it through."

Severus sipped at his tea as Gabe's dark eyes scrutinised him. "Have you ever obliviated anyone?" he asked eventually.

Severus paused. He didn't know how much Gabe knew about his life as Death Eater or as a spy but he doubted very much whether he could successfully lie to the boy.

"Once or twice," he replied, deciding to opt for a half truth.

"When you were spying?" Gabe asked carefully.

"Gabe," came Harry's voice from the doorway, "you know you're not supposed to ask your father about that."

Gabe flushed, embarrassed, and gave Severus a muttered apology. So, his son had waited until his memory was compromised before asking questions he had previously been barred from. How very Slytherin.

Harry moved over to the boy and placed a kiss to the top of his messy head. "Go put your shoes on, we'll go for a walk"

"Yes Dad," Gabe complied, shuffling off his chair and out of the room.

"He likes pushing his luck. He's too smart for his own good."

"He doesn't know about…the past?"

Harry sighed and said, "He knows what we felt was appropriate. He's read the revised edition of Hogwarts: A History, which details the part you played, albeit in an understated way. We'd rather he was older before he learns more but – "

"But he has an insatiable thirst for knowledge," Severus finished with a smile.

"I can't keep ahead of him some days," Harry said with a fond shake of his head. "He takes after you in those stakes."

"You're hardly lacking in intelligence yourself."

Harry placed his hand dramatically on his chest and said, "I love it when you give me compliments. What a boost to my ego."

"Prat," Severus said with a snort, and Harry grinned.

"That's more like it! It's disconcerting when you're nice."

"Good to know I haven't changed _that_ much."

"No fear. You want to come for a walk with us?"

"I have to finish Gabe's potion. Next time though."

He was about to drain the last of tea when a searing pain shot through his head. He cried out and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to bring his breathing under control while he was aware that Harry was at his side in an instant.

"Severus? Severus, what's wrong?"

He couldn't answer, the pain was too intense to do anything but try to focus on staying conscious. He heard Harry tell him that he was going to send for Ginny, but that was the last thing he knew before the world went black.

He knew, when images started appearing that he wasn't conscious, that he was witnessing something in the way one watched a film. Flashes, snatches of things flitted before his eyes like a slideshow but they were too quick to make out anything substantial.

With a sudden sharpness they came to an abrupt halt and Severus found himself looking at a scene of himself and Harry in a hospital. Harry was in bed with a newborn baby in his arms, Severus squeezed onto the bed next to him.

Severus had never seen such an expression of joy on his own face before and he watched, transfixed, as he stared down at his son.

_~"I can't believe he's here. You were amazing," he said, placing a soft kiss to Harry's temple._

_Harry laughed and said, "I don't feel amazing right now, although this little man was certainly worth it. Isn't he beautiful?"_

_"Mm, like his father," Severus replied, holding Harry tightly to his body while he reached out and traced a finger down his son's cheek._

_"Gentlemen, forgive the intrusion," said a woman in healer's robes as she entered the room with brisk knock. She looked concerned as she said, "We just need to run a couple of tests on the baby."_

_"Tests?" Harry echoed with a frown. "What kind of tests?"_

_We've noticed a slightly irregularity in his heartbeat. We just need to ascertain a reason for it."_

_"But…but he's ok, isn't he?" Harry asked, worried._

_"We'll be able to say more after the tests. May I take him?"_

_Harry looked to Severus, anxious and frightened. "It will be fine, love," Severus said soothingly. "Just let them do their job, he's in good hands."_

_Torn and obviously reluctant, Harry handed the tiny baby over to the healer, his eyes staying on Gabe until the healer left the room with him._

_"Severus," Harry said shakily._

_"It's ok, it'll be fine," Severus assured him, holding onto his husband tightly. "It will all be fine."~_

Pain exploded once again through Severus' head and he was pulled under into unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was your second installment for the week. I hope you enjoyed it! To all my UK folks, I hope you manage to have a nice bank holiday tomorrow, although I'm sure it will probably be different to the one you imagined. Stay safe my dears.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"That all looks good," Ginny said, carefully examining the holographic style scan of Severus' brain that was bobbing in front of her. "I'm satisfied there's no damage done."

She was perched beside Severus while he lay back against the pillows. Gabe was sitting beside him while Harry stood at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed.

"How's the pain?" she asked, vanishing the scan with a flick of her wand.

"It's eased slightly. What's causing it?"

"A type of neuralgia. The nerves are being pinched, which will be causing that intense, stinging kind of pain. I can prescribe you something for it."

"What happened to him?" Harry asked, his worry very apparent.

"A little bit of the curse weakened by the looks of things. A few memories were released."

"Will that keep happening?" Harry asked, sounding hopeful.

"I would imagine so. I've been working on systematically dismantling it but these things take time. I'd say that this was promising.

Harry was obviously trying not to look too pleased and Severus found himself giving the man a reassuring smile. He didn't want to give him false hope but the fact that he'd remembered something was surely a good sign.

It was odd; viewing the memory had been like watching a film. He'd had a totally clear picture of it and yet it was still like watching someone else. He had no emotional connection to it; he had witnessed it but he still couldn't remember experiencing that moment for himself.

"What memory was it, Pa?" Gabe asked, and Severus realised that it was no longer quite so jarring to hear himself being called that.

"It was you being born," he said with a smile.

"Really?" Gabe asked, beaming at him.

He tried not to look at Harry, not sure if he could properly meet the man's eyes. He had just witnessed possibly the most intimate moment of their life together and it felt strange to acknowledge it.

He had the living, breathing proof of his son in front of him every day but seeing him at his birth was a strangely conflicting experience.

"Was I cute?" Gabe asked with a grin.

"Adorable," Severus said with a slow drawl and Gabe chuckled.

"Well, I'll come and check on you in a day or so. Bed rest for today please, no arguments," Ginny said sternly, getting up.

"I'll see you out," Harry said.

"No you're fine, love. You stay here. See you in a couple of days."

She blew Gabe a kiss and gave Severus' hand a squeeze before she left, her perfume lingering lightly in the air as she went.

"Pa, can you read to me?" Gabe asked, inching closer.

"Your father's supposed to be resting," Harry chided gently.

"It's fine," Severus assured him. "It won't place any great strain on me. Go and fetch your book," he told Gabe and the boy did as he was told.

"I'll leave you two to it then," Harry said with a smile.

"Why don't you stay?" Severus said as he went to leave. He wasn't sure why he'd said it and Harry looked as uncertain as he was.

"Ah…ok," he said, perching awkwardly on the end of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired and my head still hurts but mostly fine."

Harry paused for a moment then said, "You really saw Gabe being born?"

"Yes…well, the moments shortly after. I watched as the healer came and told us they needed to check his heart."

"God that was the worst moment of my life," Harry said, shaking his head. "After going through the difficulty of birth then the euphoria of holding him for the first time…to have him suddenly taken away and to be told there was a problem was terrifying."

"Does it…is the heart defect serious?"

"It's managed. He's monitored carefully and your potion goes a long way to helping. We're never totally out of the woods though."

"That must weigh heavily on you."

"On _us_ ," Harry corrected gently, and Severus could see the pain his comment had caused. Of course he was concerned for Gabe but presently it wasn't in the same way that Harry felt it.

Severus cleared his throat and said, "Gabe's…conception…"

"Yes?" Harry prompted, looking guarded.

"We must have…there had to have been medical assistance? Was I involved in creating any of the potions?"

"Um…now isn't the time. We don't have to – "

"I was only concerned that his heart condition might have been a result of – "

"No," Harry said, shaking his head, looking very uncomfortable. "It was a natural anomaly."

"So, _was_ I involved in creating the potions?"

"Severus, I don't think – "

"I couldn't decide which book I wanted so I brought three," Gabe said, re-entering the bedroom with his arms laden. He looked between his parents and frowned, saying, "Is something wrong?"

"No, of course not. Come on, jump up on the bed and we'll pick a book," Harry said, conjuring up a smile.

Gabe scrambled up and very diplomatically settled himself cross-legged between Severus and Harry. He spread the books out in front of him and pondered them for a moment, his green eyes contemplative.

He looked very much like Harry from certain angles, but his facial structure was inherited from Severus. It was both comforting and disconcerting to see features of his own rendered in his son; there was no denying that the child was his and, on some level, his biology responded to that.

"This one," Gabe finally decided, and Severus took the book that was handed to him.

"Again?" he asked with a smile.

"It's my favourite."

"Very well."

They had read _Tales of English Folklore_ at least three times and Severus was sure that Gabe knew each one by heart. His love of reading was for both fiction and non-fiction, and every book the boy possessed was well-thumbed and dog-eared.

Severus cracked the book open and flicked to Gabe's favourite story – a variation on King Arthur and his knights. Harry leant back against the foot of the bed and Gabe flipped onto his stomach, his legs folded up behind him.

As he read, Severus knew that they had done this as a family many times before. They had sat in the ease of one another's company and enjoyed spending time together. As Harry's smile turned more genuine and Gabe listened intently, something deep within the recesses of Severus' mind recalled his familiarity with this pleasant situation.

* * *

_~*~ Harry had had an absolute pig of a day and he was just about ready to find Seamus and ask how feasible it was to blow up the whole of Hogwarts. He stepped out of the floo in Snape's quarters and dusted himself down aggressively, sending black puffs all over the place._

"Bloody, sodding, arsing, buggering, fuck – "

A throat cleared and Harry looked up to see Dumbledore sitting on the sofa, Snape in the armchair next to it, one long leg folded elegantly over the other. He raised an amused eyebrow and Harry felt his face flush.

"Ah…sorry," he mumbled.

"Bad day, Harry?" Dumbledore asked with that damned twinkle.

"Um yes, sir. Sorry, I didn't – "

"No, no apology necessary," Dumbledore said, waving his hand. "I'm sure Professor Snape and I understand, don't we, Severus?"

"Oh of course, headmaster," Snape replied with a smirk, and Harry resisted the urge to scowl at him. Dumbledore seemed to delight in treating him like a child and it grated on him terribly.

"I should leave you to your evening. How's training going?" Dumbledore asked, and Harry had sense enough to know that the question was nuanced.

Seeing no reason to either lie or tell the complete truth, he said, "I'm greatly indebted to Professor Snape. I've learnt more than I ever imagined I would."

Snape's eyebrows rose but Harry was being sincere and he hoped the man could discern that.

"I expected more…tension between you," Dumbledore replied, and Harry couldn't decipher the man's expression.

"Oh there is," Harry said, although he doubted very much whether Dumbledore would have expected the kind of tension that had actually arisen between them. "But we manage."

"Glad to hear it, my boy, glad to hear it," Dumbledore said, bracing his hands on his knees and rising. Snape stood too and walked the headmaster to the door.

Something hushed was said between them then Dumbledore looked over Snape's shoulder and said, "Good evening, Harry," before he left.

"Why was he here?" Harry asked, doubting very much whether the man had simply popped in for a chat and a cuppa.

"He had news," Snape replied, surprising Harry that he made no attempt to dissemble.

"What news?" he asked, anxious but grateful that Snape thought enough of him not to lie.

Snape moved to stand in front of him and said, "Two of the horcruxes have been destroyed."

"Shit," Harry breathed. "So including the diary that's three that have been got rid of."

Snape nodded and said, "The Order are pretty sure that Nagini is one too."

"Holy fuck. How the hell are they meant to destroy a giant bloody snake?"

"An excellent question. I suspect that particular task might have to wait until the very last moment. The damn thing never leaves his side."

"So if Nagini's of them then there's just another three to find."

"Just," Snape echoed wryly. "A mere trifling task, wouldn't you say?"

Harry smiled and said, "A day's work at best."

He ran a hand through his hair and took a moment to fully digest the information. "Why couldn't Dumbledore have told me this? Why is he still insisting on treating me like a child?" he asked, feeling his anger rise.

"I'm sure he thinks he's protecting you."

"Bullshit," Harry scoffed. "He thinks nothing of training me up to be a killer and yet doesn't think I have the right to know any details. I'm so sick of his double standards," he seethed, not realising just how angry he was until that moment.

"He does what he thinks is best."

"Yeah and screw the rest of us! We're all just puppets to him, he uses us as he sees fit."

"No one knows that better than I," Snape responded levelly, but something in his tone told Harry that he shared his anger.

"Fuck, I know," he said, feeling suddenly deflated. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't go off on you. You've been dealing with this a hell of a lot longer than I have."

"Yes, do remind me of my advanced age," Snape replied dryly.

"Sorry," Harry laughed, wondering how he had ever thought that the man had no sense of humour. "You're not telling me that it doesn't make you angry though."

"Harry, you've known me long enough to know that anger is often my primary emotion. However, I learnt a long time ago that it is thoroughly useless where the headmaster is concerned. It will only cause you harm and pain."

Harry felt the usual thrill go through him when Snape addressed him by his first name. It created such a sense of intimacy that it made it hard to focus on anything else, but he knew that the man was speaking sense.

"Thanks…for not making me feel like an irrational child."

"You weren't behaving like one," Snape said softly, and Harry felt a warm glow spread all through his body.

"I guess…I guess we should get started with training."

Snape's eyes narrowed and he regarded Harry for a moment. "You sounded like you'd had a bad day when you arrived…and you look absolutely awful."

"Thanks," Harry snorted. "Yeah…shit day, just one thing after another and…I guess I'm just fed up."

Snape nodded and said, "No training tonight then. Go and take a bath, take some time to relax, then come back out here and we can just focus on research."

Harry was trying very hard to fight the smile that was attempting to break onto his face. Snape was not only being considerate, he was being bloody kind, and it was too much to fully process.

"You big softie," he said before he could stop himself.

"If you'd like me to retract my offer then I shall do so," Snape replied, his eyes dancing.

"Oh no, no you can't retract an offer like that once it's been made. An opportunity to relax in Professor Snape's very own bathroom? I'd be a fool to turn that down."

"Go on then, before I change my mind."

Harry grinned and Snape glared at him, growling, "What?"

"You like me," Harry accused.

"I've never heard anything so absurd in all my life. I _tolerate_ you."

"You like me!" Harry repeated, gleeful.

"If you don't disappear in the next five seconds, I'll hex you."

"You like me," Harry ventured for the third time and watched in delight as Snape's lip twitched.

"Sod off, Potter."

Harry grinned all the way to the bathroom, feeling a sense of giddiness he couldn't quite bring under control. He peeled his clothes off and cast a cleaning charm over them so they'd be fit to wear later. He filled the bath, amazed at how luxurious it really was. Being a Hogwarts professor clearly had some perks.

He sank down into the hot water and took a moment to appreciate how truly bizarre the situation was. He was in Snape's bath, by invitation no less, and was relishing being allowed some time to let his mind and body unwind.

He briefly toyed with the idea of indulging in a quick wank but decided it wasn't seemly to do so in Snape's bathtub, especially whilst thinking of the man himself. When the water eventually turned tepid he heaved himself out and dried off, re-dressing himself and trying, in vain, to tame his hair.

He went back out into the living room to find Snape sitting on the sofa, a book open in his lap. He looked up and said, "Better?"

"So much better," Harry said with sigh, taking seat next to him. "I didn't realise how tired I was."

"You need to be careful not to burn yourself out."

Harry hugged a cushion to his chest and said, "I honestly don't know how to avoid it. I'm training crazy hours with you, not that I'm complaining, and I have lessons to attend, homework to do, exams to revise for and friendships that feel like they're failing a little more each day."

Merely a few months ago Snape would have sneered at him, called him weak and entitled, mocked his complaints as childish. Now the man simply listened while he spoke, his expression neutral.

"You can only do your best," he said softly. "Prioritise things as you see fit."

"Training is the only important thing, the only _truly_ important thing. I can think about having a life when all this is over." He paused for a moment and said, "I feel like a twat moaning about this to you…after all you've been through."

"It isn't a contest. We've each had our share of trials."

Harry so wanted to reach out and touch him but he wasn't sure how such an action would be received. He felt so connected to him, like Snape was the only person in the world who could possibly understand him. The fact that the man was prepared to treat him as an equal was enough to make Harry truly want to make him proud.

"How is Draco faring in Gryffindor?" Snape asked, breaking the slightly strange spell they'd been under.

Harry rolled his eyes and said, "He's a pain in the arse, frankly. He's an argumentative little prick and I'm glad I'm not spending much time in the tower."

"Is he having difficulty with everyone?" Snape asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

"He's not _having_ difficulty, he _is_ difficult. They only one who seems to be able to deal with him is Ron."

"Mr Weasley?" Snape asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "It's weird; they fight really viciously and some of the things they call one another…but then…if anyone else has a go at Draco Ron rips their head off. They spend time together too, just the two of them, sometimes hours."

Snape was smirking at him and Harry frowned, saying, "What?"

"You're not that dense, surely?"

"What do you mean?"

"It sounds to me like there's tension between them."

"Well yeah, obviously."

"Not _that_ kind of tension."

"Oh…oh!" Harry said, twigging. He was familiar with _that_ kind of tension, too bloody familiar, but he couldn't see it with Ron and Draco. "No, I don't think so. They can't stand each other."

"People change, Harry. So do their feelings."

Well that was a fucking loaded statement, wasn't it? Harry wanted nothing more than to pursue it, to ask Snape was his feelings now were but he was too afraid of what the answer might be.

"I guess stranger things have happened," he replied, "but God it would be weird if they…well it would just be weird."

"You'd object?"

"No, no of course not. Ron's life is his to live how he sees fit and…I suppose I could get used to having Draco around if I really had to. I'd support Ron if he was happy…just like I hope he'd support me with any choices I made."

Of course, that was another bloody loaded statement. Was Snape a choice? Would the man ever be anything more than his teacher if the opportunity arose?

"Would he?" Snape asked. "Support your choices?"

"I hope so. If he could see that those choices made me happy…that the person I chose made me happy."

"And what person might that be?" Snape asked, and Harry's heart started thudding painfully in his chest.

With his mouth dry and his palms prickling, he said, "I don't know. Someone I could respect, who respected me. Someone who…truly understood me and who knew me in a way that no one else possible could. If that person came along then I think I'd probably lose my heart to them."

The tension between them hung in the air so thickly that Harry could almost reach out and touch it. What he had just said felt like a confession and, judging by Snape's expression, the man had taken it as such. Feeling exposed in a way he really didn't like, Harry waited for the man's response.

When it came, it was a very softly spoken, "I see".

* * *

Severus came up the stairs from his lab to hear voices drifting down the hallway. He had spent the morning brewing while Harry had visited a potential customer and Gabe was over at Bill and Fleur's with his cousins. The child had only been gone for the morning and yet Severus already felt the house was oddly empty without him.

Gabe wasn't a noisy or loud child, indeed he was quieter than most, but it was clear that Severus and Harry's life had been built around his presence and the enjoyment of it. Severus found that he _did_ enjoy the boy's presence, as odd a notion as that might be.

He hadn't ever really considered having children. He had had a truly awful example of paternity in his own father and nothing in his life had ever provided any indication that he would be different. He had no idea what kind of father he was to Gabe but the child's attitude to him indicated that their relationship was a happy and healthy one.

He found himself genuinely fond of Gabe and Gabe didn't hide his own reciprocal feelings. Severus gleaned that they were used to spending a lot of time together; Harry had said that they were often joined at the hip and it was clear that Gabe expected to be included in Severus' daily plans.

It must have been so hard on him to suddenly find himself deprived of the father he had known all his life. Severus tried to compensate, to not pull away as Harry had initially asked, but he worried that all of this was harming Gabe in some way.

Pushing it aside for the moment, Severus decided to see to whom the voices coming from the living room belonged. He recognised Harry's, of course, but he couldn't place the other deep male voice that he could hear.

"Oh Severus, there you are," Harry said as Severus entered the living room. "We were just coming to find you."

Severus looked to the man standing beside Harry and felt a slight twinge of recognition. "Mr Nott?" he ventured, and the man smiled.

"Teddy," he clarified. "It's good to see you, Severus."

He extended his hand and Severus shook it, taking in the changes of the face he had once known. Nott had always had a thin, angular face, with a long nose and a broad smile. It had been a face that had needed to grow into adulthood and doing so had done it justice.

"Are you well?" Severus asked.

"Very, thank you. Harry's probably told you that I'm the potions professor at Hogwarts now. I'm also Head of Slytherin."

Severus resisted the urge to ask, " _Would you jump in my grave so quickly?_ " and instead said, "Does it suit you?"

"I enjoy it immensely."

"I never knew it was possible to enjoy teaching," Severus said wryly, and Nott laughed.

"Some days are challenging, I admit."

"Teddy just came to see how you are and to update you on the orders he took over while you were…indisposed."

"That's very good of you."

"No trouble. I would have come sooner but you know how hard it is to get time away from Hogwarts. The responsibilities seem endless."

"Stay for lunch," Harry said. "It's been ages since we've had a good catch up. Gabe will be sorry he's missed you."

"How is he? Such a great kid."

Severus listened as the conversation continued, realising that Harry and Nott seemed very familiar with one another. As he watched the two of them together something stirred in his memories, something he couldn't put his finger on.

Something was connected to Nott, something that had happened in the past and Severus could almost hear the cogs in his head turning as he tried to remember what it was. It wouldn't come, but Severus was suddenly struck with an overwhelming feeling of anger, jealousy and…guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm really sorry if there were any mistakes in this chapter but I've had a flare up of reactive arthritis and unfortunately it affects my vision and I can't see very well. I tried to edit as best I could but please forgive me if any mistakes have slipped through. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I really can't wait to share chapter 10 with you :D Please leave a review and let me know. Hope you're all well and safe.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_~*~ Harry stepped into the Room of Requirement, breathless and knowing he was in trouble. Snape was standing waiting for him, his arms folded, his outer robe slung over a nearby pile of junk._

"I know," Harry said, holding up a hand. "I know I'm late. I'm sorry, I was – "

"I don't want excuses," Snape said brusquely. "You know what time you're expected here."

"I know, but – "

"I said no excuses," Snape growled, and Harry was able to deflect the stunning hex that came his way just in time.

There were no more words spoken as they fell to intense sparring. Harry forgot everything that had been on his mind before he entered the room and focused on nothing but the battle between himself and Snape.

In their training sessions Snape was a different man. He was brutal and unrelenting, he allowed no mistakes and made no concessions. It made Harry determined to become the man's equal, to reach a point where there would be no mistakes for Snape to chastise him for.

It frustrated him that he spent so much time on the defensive. He was becoming highly adept at shielding and blocking, he could even successfully reverberate Snape's own spells back at him, but he struggled to find an opportunity to fire his own curses.

When he did they often weren't strong enough and Snape could block them with minimal effort. He knew he had power, he'd bloody well seen the physical manifestation of it, but he couldn't seem to channel it where he needed it.

"Ow! Fuck!" Harry cursed as he was slammed bodily into a wall as his shield failed and Snape's curse blasted him.

Without stopping to check if he was alright Snape fired again. Harry ducked and rolled out of the way then shot a disabling hex at the man. It grazed him only slightly but he recovered quickly and sent a volley of fire Harry's way.

Snape was as inventive a duellist as he was an accomplished one and Harry had to try and pre-empt his moves as well as react to them. He had a wealth of knowledge at his fingertips and a whole arsenal of magical weaponry at his disposal. It was one of the reasons why Harry studied theory so intently; he wanted his knowledge to be a match for Snape's.

"Merlin's fucking balls!" Harry seethed as he tried to execute an old Romanian hex he had read about and failed to do so.

"Excellent invective, appalling curse," Snape said, taking a moment to roll his sleeves back up.

"That fucking wand movement," Harry growled, shoving his damp hair out of his eyes. "I thought I'd got it."

"It's more precise than you're being," Snape replied, and Harry spared a moment to be annoyed that Snape knew which hex it was, as it wasn't one the man had taught him.

"I'm being precise," Harry replied petulantly, tired and fed up.

"No," Snape argued. "You need to keep your wand arm tight against your body."

"It is tight – "

"Oh for heaven's sake, Harry, listen to me," Snape huffed, crossing the room in long strides.

He rounded Harry and stood behind him. One hand went to his wand arm, gripping his forearm firmly, and the other came to anchor itself on his hip. His chest was pressed hard against Harry's back and Harry could feel the man's breath ghost over his neck.

God but it was perfection. Harry used everything he had not to close his eyes and press back against him although he wanted nothing more. He hadn't been this close to him before and, although it was innocent, it felt decidedly charged.

"Hold your arm tight to your body," Snape murmured in his ear, guiding his arm into place, "and slash it across your torso, level with your ribs then outwards with a straight arm."

"I was doing that," Harry argued, and Snape chuckled in his ear.

"No you weren't. And don't pout."

"You can't see me, you don't know that I'm pouting."

"I can _hear_ it," Snape replied, and the hand on Harry's hip tightened ever so slightly.

If Harry had known that it would result in this he would have asked Snape to demonstrate wand technique months ago. It was too wonderful for words to be in the man's arms and he had to stop himself from leaning too much into it.

Snape seemed in no hurry to release him and Harry murmured, "Show me again."

"How many times?" came the surprisingly amused reply in his ear.

"A few more should do the trick," Harry said, trying to keep the smile from his own voice. Something told him that Snape knew his motives weren't entirely innocent but he didn't want to confirm it.

"You're pushing your luck now," Snape all but purred and Harry actually felt his knees go weak.

"Complaining?" Harry asked boldly, and immediately felt himself pulled even more firmly against Snape's chest.

"Very much so," came the response, and Harry felt as though someone had poured lava into his veins. There was no question that they were flirting with one another, hell, _more_ than flirting; they were being downright lascivious.

"You don't want me asking you to demonstrate wand movements often then?" Harry asked, knowing that they both knew what he was asking.

"I shall attempt to bear it if you do, Snape replied, and Harry finally allowed himself to fully lean back against the man, feeling the warmth of the Snape's body through their clothes.

"Thank you," he said softly, "for putting up with me.

"Your presence in my life is something I have learnt to endure."

"Tough being you, huh?"

"You have no idea."

Their session ended and Harry knew they both felt a certain disappointment that nothing more had happened between them. For his part, Harry was deeply conflicted about the whole thing. Being in Snape's arms was an experience for which he had no comparison, and he wanted to repeat it as often as he could, but he knew that was a dangerous road to go down.

What he couldn't fathom, perhaps what he didn't _want_ to fathom, was why Snape was letting them both play this odd little game. Most of their physical encounters had been at the man's instigation and he certainly hadn't done anything to discourage the closeness between them. The attraction between them was obvious but he supposed he expected more resistance from Snape.

They went back to Snape's quarters and, rather than going to their desks, they settled on the sofa. Snape poured them both coffee and Harry had to smile at how bloody domesticated they could be sometimes.

"So why were you late?" Snape asked, blowing on his coffee and distracting Harry momentarily with the shape of his lips.

"Oh…I got in a fight with Ron," Harry said with a sigh.

"Why?"

"You don't want to hear it."

"I asked didn't I?"

"I…said something about Draco and Ron jumped down my throat. I mean…yeah I was being a pillock but so was he. It's bloody ridiculous – no one's allowed to even breathe in Draco's direction but Ron can say what he wants to him. They had a slanging match in the middle of the common room the other day."

"What did you say about Draco?"

"Only what I've said a hundred times before – he's an arse, he's a self-entitled prick, he's a nightmare to be around. Ron bit my bloody head off and the worst thing is Draco stood there scowling at him and told him he was a moron. He wasn't even grateful that Ron defended him!"

"Draco won't lose face for anybody, you know that. If he shows gratitude then he's all but admitting he needs help. He won't allow himself to appear that weak."

"Yeah I get that, Draco's not such a big mystery to me. What I don't understand is why Ron's so bloody keen to play protector."

Snape raised an eyebrow and Harry said, "Yeah yeah, I know your theory. I just can't get my head around it."

"You think it so unlikely?"

"When it comes to affairs of the heart I'm leaning that nothing makes sense."

"That's a lesson most people take a lifetime to learn."

"I've always been precocious."

"You can say that again."

* * *

With everything that was going on Severus had quite forgotten that Harry's birthday was in July. They were summoned to a party at Ron and Draco's house and Severus was pleased he didn't have to suffer playing host.

Their place was stunning. With such success in their respective careers money had clearly been no object and they had purchased a sprawling Tudor house with a few acres attached. It was a beautiful place and they were clearly very happy there.

Harry's birthday was a clear and sunny summer's day so the assembled party gathered in the property's substantial grounds. It was the first time Severus had seen the other Weasleys since the loss of his memories and it was a little jarring to see the changes.

Arthur and Molly had aged, of course, their red hair peppered with grey, their faces beginning to line with wrinkles. Bill and Percy were there with their wives and children while it seemed, whether by accident or design, that George had dedicated his life to his blinded twin.

Although Severus had never had much to do with Charlie, his absence was palpable. Of course, the others had had many years to acclimatise to it but Severus could see, every now and again, Molly looking around the group, a wistful sadness in her eyes. His loss, Fred's blindness, were the real, tangible things Severus had to prove the war had happened, that they had all been part of it.

These things weren't spoken of, not on Harry's birthday, and not so many years later, but Severus was aware that it permeated through everything, that it was never really forgotten.

Everyone approached him to say how sorry they were that the accident had happened, but Molly seemed to feel it most keenly. Severus suspected that it was more for Harry that she worried than for him, concerned for the surrogate son that Harry had become to her.

Apart from Ron and Ginny, who were very at ease with him, it was obvious that the others didn't really know how to behave around him and his memory loss. Likely it was because he had spent more time with Ron and Ginny when he had been 'normal' and so they could deal with him better than the others.

Amongst the party, Neville and his wife were also there, along with Lupin, of course, and a few others from Harry's year. Nott was there as well and Severus felt that inexplicable twinge of guilt and anger when he saw him. It made him deeply uneasy and he tried to avoid the man as much as he could without raising suspicion.

Gabe was in his element being surrounded by his whole family. He spent a lot of time playing with Bill and Percy's children but was also joined at the hip to Draco, who was his indisputable favourite. Draco seemed perfectly happy to have a 7 year old shadow him throughout the day, indeed he doted upon the child.

Harry himself seemed to be enjoying proceedings; he smiled and laughed his way through the day and engaged in lively conversations with everyone. He took Gabe up for several broomrides and had a spirited game of quidditch but Severus could see that all the man's smiles never quite reached his eyes.

Severus was aware, several times throughout the day, that the man was watching him. Every time he looked up Harry looked away, a frown or a blush on his face. He didn't know what to say to him, didn't know what assurances he could make that would make the man feel better.

When he had first been released from the hospital he had been worried that Harry would follow him around like a lost puppy, all baleful big eyes and sorrowful glances. It hadn't happened and instead Harry had kept his distance and maintained an almost professional relationship between the two of them.

There had been times, moments, when he'd seen Harry reach out to touch him but he'd retracted his hand at the last moment, looking cross with himself. The idea of Harry touching him wasn't as repellent as it had been a few months ago.

The man was undeniably handsome, indeed he was becoming more so in Severus' eyes as the days went on. The intense attraction he had viewed in Harry's memories was palpable and he could see that they might have had a very physical relationship.

"Ah Severus," said Molly, approaching him with a smile. "We're going to cut the cake, have you seen Harry?"

"Not for a while. I'll…find him if you like," he volunteered.

He had last seen Harry headed towards the house so he ventured inside in search of him. He strolled leisurely through the sprawling property, popping his head into each room as he went to see if Harry was there. He walked to the end of the long hallway and heard murmured voices coming from the last room.

He walked closer, keeping his footsteps light, and peered around the doorway to find Harry standing in Ron's embrace. Ron was holding him gently, one hand stroking the man's hair as Harry's face was buried in his shoulder. It looked far too intimate and Severus felt an odd twinge of indignation at seeing them like that. It was only when Harry pulled back a little that Severus saw he was crying.

"It's ok," Ron soothed gently, wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb

"It all just got too much," he sniffed. "Today of all days." He took a shuddering breath and said, "Usually on birthdays we…oh fuck…it's just all so wrong."

"I know, love. I know."

"I miss him so much. He…never stops touching me normally, just little things throughout the day, a hand here, a stolen kiss there. And then at night…Jesus, Ron I miss him making love to me, holding me. I hate sleeping in the fucking guest room on my own."

"It will get better, Harry. He'll recover his memories."

"No one knows that for sure, not even Gin," Harry replied despondently. "He might never get them back. I might never get my husband back. I love him so much and it's like…it's like he's dead."

"Harry you can't think like this."

"Why not? We both know it's true. He's taken his wedding ring off you know."

Severus glanced down at his hand. He _had_ taken it off, he'd done so the day after he'd returned home. It had felt too bizarre to wear it, to have it as a symbol of the marriage he couldn't remember. He hadn't thought how such an action might have hurt Harry.

"It's just him reacting to the situation," Ron reasoned. "You know what he's like, his go-to stance is always to be on the defensive. He isn't as hostile as he was when this first happened."

"He's still not the man I know, the man I married. When he looks at me now…there's nothing in his eyes. When he used to look at me…God I felt like his whole world."

"And you will be again, love. I know it. Gin's not going to rest until she's fixed this. Are you telling me you want to argue with her?"

Harry laughed and said, "Fuck no. I'm not that brave."

"We'll bring you through this, I promise," Ron said, then gathered Harry back into his arms, placing a gentle kiss to his temple.

"Old spying habits die hard I see," came Draco's voice from behind him and he turned to see the man standing there.

"I was just observing," he said, moving back down the corridor towards him. "You don't mind the two of them being…so close?" he asked.

"Don't be pathetic," Draco replied, rolling his eyes. "They're like brothers, besides I trust my husband."

Severus said nothing but privately thought that most brothers didn't hold one another quite so tenderly. Perhaps Draco was more naïve than he'd thought he was.

"Harry needs all the support he can get right now, he's heartbroken, although he hides it well. You could perhaps help by making a few concessions."

"Like what?" Severus asked defensively.

"Putting your wedding ring back on for starters," Draco said firmly. "Spending time with him when it doesn't involved Gabe, talking to him like you used to."

"I don't wish to give him false hope," Severus said stiffly. It was partly true.

"That doesn't mean that you have to shut him out."

"I'm not – "

"Oh Severus spare me. You're keeping him at arm's length, you're doing your best not to get to know the man he is now. What are you afraid of? That you could fall in love with him all over again? Would that be so awful?"

"I'm not prepared to discuss this with you. You have no right to interfere in my private life, none whatsoever."

"I care about you, you pillock, and about Harry. You're making him bloody miserable."

Severus was spared answering by Ron and Harry emerging from the room they were in, Ron saying, "What are you two up to?"

"Just coming to get you. Molly wants to cut the cake," Draco lied smoothly.

Harry had obviously cast a charm to erase the evidence of his tears and he forced a smile, saying, "Wonderful. Molly's cakes are always a birthday highlight."

They all walked back into the garden where Molly and the others were all waiting for them at the large stone table. "Come on, Dad!" Gabe said, taking Harry's hand. "You have to blow out your candles and make a wish!"

He guided Harry to the spectacular cake and Harry once again forced a smile for everyone watching. "I'm not sure my wish will be granted this year," he said so quietly that Severus was sure only he heard it.

He watched as Harry blew out the candles, keeping his eyes closed for a fraction longer than was necessary. Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, Severus stepped forward and placed his hand gently in the small of Harry's back.

Harry looked up at him in surprise but leant into the touch out of habit. "Happy birthday, Harry," he said quietly.

"Thank you," Harry said with a smile that was a little more genuine.

"I sincerely hope that the next birthday we spend together will be a happier one."

"Me too, Severus," Harry whispered. "Me too."

* * *

_~*~ It was strange to still attend Potions lessons when so much was going on between him and Snape. The man largely ignored him, for which he was grateful, and instead focused on ruling the class with an iron fist and rigorously preparing them for their NEWTs. Very occasionally a look would pass between them, normally one that Harry couldn't interpret, but largely they stayed out of one another's way._

He was working hard in Potions, mostly to impress Snape, he had to be honest, but part of him wanted to prove he could do it. Of all his friends, Hermione was the only one who was taking NEWT Potions with him and she had made it very clear that any partnership work would not be undertaken with her. She had deliberately chosen Draco, whose grades were almost neck and neck with hers.

So, when Snape declared one afternoon that they would need partners for a month's project, Harry found himself scanning the classroom before Theodore Nott appeared at his elbow.

"Want to partner up?" he asked.

Seeing no reason to refuse, Harry said, "Sure," and they began to set up their station together.

Harry didn't know the boy well but he knew what he'd been through with regards to his mother and her role in Snape's escape. As far as he knew, Voldemort was still unaware of the part she had played but she had been placed under Order protection nevertheless. Nott must have been worried sick about her.

7th year Potions was different to the sessions in lower years. The classes were a little more informal and there was an understanding that if they'd made it that far then they had a certain level of competence and didn't need to be monitored quite so stringently.

They were allowed to talk as they worked, as long as they didn't fall to 'inane chatter' as Snape put it, and soon the classroom was abuzz with quiet and focused conversations. Harry and Nott said little at first beyond talking about the potion they were working on, but things eased a bit as they worked.

He was invited to call the boy 'Teddy', which suited him far more than the somewhat pretentious 'Theodore'. Harry hadn't had much to do with him throughout their time at school; he had never gone out of his way to torment Harry and he hadn't really registered on Harry's radar in any big way.

He was decent company though and a very competent Potions partner. They worked easily with one another and fell to tasks based on their respective strengths.

"It's a real shame you decided to quit quidditch this year," Teddy said as they carefully shredded boomslang skin together."

"I just didn't have the time to dedicate to it," Harry said with a sigh. It had been a huge wrench to abandon the sport he loved so dearly, but he had made the decision when he began training with Snape and it became clear that all his energies would need to be directed there. "Gin's doing a great job as Seeker though."

"Oh she's a firecracker that one," Teddy said with a smile. "She's in 7th year Arithmancy with me, so smart she got bumped up. Half the class can't keep up with her."

"That's my girl," Harry grinned.

"Oh…The two of you are – "

"Oh no, no nothing like that. She's more of a sister really. I suppose in the last couple of years I've got to appreciate her for her own merits rather than just accepting her as another Weasley."

"She has plenty of merits, that's for sure."

"You sound as though you'd like to get to know her better."

Teddy laughed and said, "I would, but not like that. I…er…don't quite swing that way."

"Me neither," Harry confided, lowering his voice a little.

"Ah…I had wondered. Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, not at the moment."

How the bloody hell was he supposed to answer that question? _No, I'm not seeing anyone but I have this weird thing going with Snape where we spend all our time together and have intense, sexually-charged moments._ Yeah, that would go down well.

"Well…maybe you'd be interested in coming with me on the next Hogsmeade weekend?"

Harry had no clue what to say to that. He wasn't sure that he found Teddy all that attractive but beyond that was the oddest feeling that if he accepted he would be…cheating on Snape.

"Oh…well I um – "

"I would very much prefer it if you would refrain from using my lessons to organise your social life," came Snape's cold voice from beside him.

Harry turned to find the man standing beside him, a hard glare on his face. "I was just – "

"I heard very well what you were _just_ ," Snape sneered. "Are you so adept at Potions that you don't need to concentrate on what you're doing?"

"We were concentrating just fine," Harry argued.

"It looked to me as though you were too busy securing dates," Snape said nastily.

"Don't be ridiculous," Harry snapped and Snape's eyes flashed.

"I'd think very carefully before you speak to me like that again," the man said, his voice low and dangerous.

"We weren't doing anything wrong," Harry said defiantly. "There's no bloody need for this."

Snape's nostrils flared and he said, "Detention, Potter. Tonight at seven."

He swept back up to the front of the classroom and Harry glared at his retreating back. He hadn't felt this way towards Snape in a long time.

"Merlin, Harry. I'm sorry," Teddy murmured.

"Oh don't you worry, this isn't about you."

By the time he made his way to Snape's quarters he was absolutely furious. He had stewed on the incident all day and was livid at the man's behaviour.

"Ah, here for you detention?" Snape asked with a drawl, looking up from his book.

"I'm not serving any bloody detention," Harry growled.

"Oh yes you are," Snape said silkily, getting to his feet. "You were assigned one by a teacher and you will serve it."

"No I won't, not when you only gave it to be vindictive."

"I was using my authority to punish you as you didn't seem able to behave yourself fittingly in my classroom."

"Bullshit," Harry spat. "You were punishing me because Teddy was flirting with me and you couldn't stand it."

"Don't be so ridiculous. Why on earth would I care if he was flirting with you? Why should I care if you screw your way around the entire school?" he asked viciously.

"Because you're fucking jealous and you know it."

"You self-important brat."

"Why don't you just admit that you were jealous because you can't stand the thought of me with anyone else because you want me?"

Harry would never be certain who moved first but in the blink of an eye he found himself pushed back against the wall as his lips met with Snape's in the most passionate kiss he had ever experienced in his life. It was all-encompassing, it drowned everything else out and all Harry could focus on was the overwhelming experience of being thoroughly devoured by the man.

Snape's body was hard and hot against his own and the man's tongue plundered his mouth almost desperately. His hands found purchase in Snape's robes and he pulled him as close as physically possible, wanting to leave no space between them.

He was impossibly hard and he ground himself against Snape's thigh, trying to find some relief. Snape kissed him harder and he moaned at the sheer passion between them. A hand splayed on his stomach and he pressed against it, practically whimpering when the hand moved lower and cupped him through his trousers.

God he wanted this, wanted _Snape_ so much that it physically hurt. There was no sign that the man was going to pull back and a shock went through Harry at the thought they were going to have sex there and then up against the wall.

It was like being doused with a bucket of ice water and he tore himself away from Snape with a gasp. "We can't do this," he said breathlessly.

"Oh I think we can," Snape growled, moving forward but Harry braced his hands on the man's chest and held him in place.

"No, not like this."

"Are your delicate sensibilities kicking in?" Snape asked tartly.

"No, only my concern for your job, for what might happen to you if anyone found out about this."

"Let me worry about that."

"No," Harry said firmly. "After everything we've come through, everything you've worked for, I won't be the reason that all falls apart, no matter how much I want you."

He registered the shock in Snape's eyes for a moment before he pushed past the man and flooed out of his quarters. He had no idea if he'd done the right thing or not but he was shaken and rattled. He had no idea how he was going to face Snape again or what would happen the next time they were alone together.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so excited that I had to post this chapter early. I really hope you enjoy it. I might be persuaded to post chapter 11 on Saturday or Sunday...maybe...
> 
> I hope you're all well and safe. Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought of the chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Fucking thing," Ginny cursed, and Severus opened his eyes to see her standing in front of him, one hand in her hair, looking very frustrated.

"Problem?" he enquired.

"I was this close to dismantling the outer barrier," she said, holding up her finger and thumb a couple of centimetres apart. "I almost had it and then the little bugger pushed me out."

"Is that why I have a headache?" Severus asked, rubbing his temple.

"Sorry. It should ease, but I can give you something for it. Merlin's balls I was so close," she huffed, flinging herself down onto the sofa.

"Is the curse that strong?" Severus asked, concerned.

Ginny sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "It is but I don't think that's the issue. I'm not sure this was cast by an exceptionally skilled person, rather, I think they were interrupted halfway through. The magic's…corrupted."

"So what does that mean for my recovery?"

Ginny tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I think we need to find the original caster."

"Oh wonderful. An easy task then!"

"Kingsley and his team are working on tracking them down. They're doing everything they can and I'm sure – "

"And what if they don't?" Severus asked, feeling an odd sense of panic rising in his chest. "Will I be stuck like this forever? Living his bloody half-life?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Ginny said firmly. "I won't give up until we've solved this."

"I look forward to spending my retirement with you then," he bit out tiredly.

"I'll allow that tone just this once. Next time I'll curse you myself."

Severus believed her. As despondent as he was about his present circumstances he was certain that his best chance at recovery lay with Ginny. She was determined and focused, not to mention thoroughly brilliant at her job. It didn't make his situation any more bearable though.

He felt trapped and frustrated. His old life was lost to him and yet he had no proper foothold in his new one. He was stranded in between, rudderless and feeling more and more like giving in to despair.

"Gabe's playing outside for half an hour," said Lupin as he joined them in the living room. "We're tackling the Goblin Uprising this afternoon." He perched on the arm of the sofa and slung an arm around Ginny's shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Any luck?"

"Only the bad variety," Severus replied, feeling an exceptionally bad mood begin to encroach upon him.

"Keep up with that attitude and I shall give you a brand new head injury," Ginny said with a glare.

"I wouldn't argue with her if I were you," Lupin said with a wry smile.

"Spoken like a true downtrodden husband," Severus sneered.

"Don't be a prig, Sev," Ginny chastised. "You have no idea how stupid you sound when you talk like that."

Severus sighed and said, "If you'll excuse me, I must go and check on my potions."

He left the room and was going to head for the kitchen but, as he neared the foot of the stairs, he heard strains of music coming from the first floor. He stopped and listened, frowning as something warm and familiar settled in his chest.

He knew the melody though he had no idea how. He couldn't attribute a specific memory to it but he knew it inspired happiness, that this music came from a time in his life that was filled with love and laughter.

He made his way up the stairs slowly, the music becoming louder as he went. He felt a throbbing behind his eyes, the pain conflicting with the happy feelings the music was dredging up. A flash of white light sliced through his vision and he braced a hand on the wall to steady himself.

_~ A warm, clear day with the scent of honeysuckle in the air. A marquee full of people, the sound of glasses clinking, the gentle hum of conversation. ~_

He took a few deep breaths as his vision blurred, trying to make sense of the images he was seeing. They were distorted and out of focus.

_~ He looked down at the man in his arms, the man who had never looked more beautiful to him. Draco's stunning music played as they danced together, Severus holding Harry as tightly as propriety allowed him to._

" _We did it," Harry said as he smiled up at him._

" _You doubted we would?" Severus asked, drinking in the sight of the man he loved._

" _Not for one moment. Marrying you was written in my destiny."_

" _You sentimental little twit."_

" _You can't say things like that to me on my wedding day," Harry laughed._

" _Our_ _wedding day, you daft fool."_

" _Anymore insults and I shan't grant you your conjugal rights."_

" _I'll believe that when I see it," Severus murmured, pulling him closer as they swayed to the sound of Draco's exquisite playing. "We'll have to consummate our marriage after all."_

" _Mm, can't wait," Harry said, his eyes shining. "I suppose it isn't seemly to do it with the guests still here?"_

_Severus laughed and said, "I rather think not, my love."_

_There were times he couldn't believe that fate had delivered Harry to his arms and he felt that no more so than that very moment. He had just made the man his husband and he had to stop himself from gazing soppily at the slim platinum wedding band on his finger._

" _God," said Harry with a happy sigh, "I love it when you like at me like that."_

" _Like what?" Severus asked, unable to remove the smile from his lips._

" _Like I'm your whole world."_

" _You are, Harry. You are." ~_

He was so light-heated when he reached the landing that he thought he might faint. He stumbled to the study and found Harry standing by the gramophone, the source of the music, his head low.

"We danced to that at our wedding," Severus whispered, his mouth dry.

Harry's head snapped up, tears in his eyes, as he croaked in surprise, "You remember?"

"I…had a flash…I saw our wedding day," he replied, his head starting to thud. He stepped into the room, regarding Harry as though he were a skittish foal.

"Saw it, but you don't _remember_ it," Harry said, shaking his head sadly. He turned back to face the window, the music continuing to play as he rested his head against the glass.

"I'm sorry," Severus offered, feeling that he had disappointed Harry beyond measure.

"It isn't your fault," Harry said with a sniff. "You can't help that you don't remember."

"Draco…Draco played this song?"

"He composed it and performed it for our first dance. We weren't going to have one but he insisted, stubborn bloody sod."

"It…it looked like a beautiful day," he ventured, knowing it sounded pathetic.

"It was," Harry said quietly, still refusing to turn around. "It was the beginning of September, warm and clear. Perfect."

"You looked…very handsome."

Harry gave a humourless laugh and said, "Thanks."

"Harry look at me," Severus implored gently.

Harry sighed and turned around, his face red and his eyes puffy.

Severus took a deep breath and said, "I know I can't remember it, not properly, but I could see how happy I was, how much I…how much I loved you."

"Hardly amounts to anything, does it?" Harry asked with a despondent shrug. "You don't feel that way about me now. Who knows if you ever will again?"

He moved to the gramophone and removed the needle, placing the record back in its sleeve. "It took a bloody miracle to get us there in the first place, lightning doesn't strike twice."

Severus was still in the process of viewing Harry's memories of that time and he could see that it had indeed been a rocky road. He was desperately embarrassed at the way he had behaved in the memory of their first kiss and something told him he wouldn't like his behaviour in any subsequent memories.

Harry's strength and forbearance both then and now was humbling. Severus felt somehow lesser in comparison to him and he was ashamed that Harry had had to be the one to set the boundaries while he'd still been a student. Severus' lust for the boy had clearly overwhelmed him, rendering him powerless to stop it.

"I'm going to go and check on Gabe."

"He's fine, Lupin said – "

"I'd better go anyway," Harry interrupted, pushing past him and leaving the study.

Severus rubbed his face tiredly. He had fought against recovering his memories initially, unwilling to reconcile himself to a life where he was happily married to Harry Potter. With each memory of Harry's that he viewed, along with the time he spent getting to know the adult version of the man, he could see the journey they had taken, even in those early days, to get to the present day.

He didn't want to fight against it any longer. He wanted his memories back, wanted his _life_ back. He wanted to remember being a father to Gabe and a husband to Harry, wanted to remember all the Christmases and birthdays they'd shared, the life they had built.

There was nothing but blank spaces in his head, questions with no answers. He belonged in the past where his last memories resided, he had no place in a world where everything was different, where everyone but him had moved on.

Feeling incredibly fed up, he decided to spend the afternoon locked in his laboratory. At least with his potions he was on solid ground.

* * *

_~*~ It had been three weeks since he and Snape had shared their insanely intense kiss and Harry was about ready to explode. The man had been thoroughly unbearable and Harry wasn't sure how much more he could take. When he wasn't pretending Harry didn't exist, Snape spent his time insulting and sniping at him. The man hadn't been this intolerable since they had started training together and Harry wanted to clobber the pillock._

He couldn't believe Snape was being so bloody unfair. He had acted with consideration and maturity and Snape was punishing him for it. He could have given in to his desires, allowed his body to take control like it was screaming for him to do but he hadn't and now Snape was acting like he hated him. Sometimes life made no sense to Harry whatsoever.

What upset him more than anything was the sudden loss of the easy friendship they had developed. Although he had been working hard, he had enjoyed sitting with the man in companionable silence, spending their evenings together in conversation. Snape seemed determined to put a stop to that now and only spoke to Harry when absolutely necessary. It hurt more than Harry wanted to admit.

Snape's quarters had become a sanctuary to him. He had begun to genuinely look forward to his trips down there each evening, feeling more connected to Snape the more time they spent together. Now he had no idea where they stood or how much more of Snape's ridiculous behaviour he could stand.

"Do you have the book on medieval curses?" he asked as they spent yet another evening in stony silence.

Snape said nothing but held the book out to him, not even bothering to look up from his work. Harry rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to sigh, taking the book and retreating to his own desk. He was damn close to whacking Snape around the head with the bloody book and it took all his restraint not to.

He flipped to the chapter he wanted but struggled to concentrate on what he was reading. The tension in the air was unbearable and Harry was shocked to find that he genuinely missed the man. It was grossly unfair that Snape felt he could behave this way when all Harry had done was try and respect both the man and his position.

He snapped the book shut, wanting nothing more than to chuck it across the room, and said, "I'm going back to Gryffindor."

"We're not finished for the night," Snape said tersely, still not looking up.

"I am," Harry replied. "There's no point being here if you won't talk to me."

"You don't need me to talk to you while you read. I know your ego requires constant attention but I shan't be granting you what your fawning admirers fall over themselves to heap upon you."

It took all the composure Harry had taught himself over the years not to explode with anger. Snape hadn't spoken to him like that in months and it hurt more than Harry had expected it to.

"You know what? You're absolutely right. You know full well that that's exactly what I thrive on – I need a constant stream of attention from people who know nothing about me. I think I'll head back to Gryffindor and get my fill."

"You will stay here until the session has ended," Snape said icily.

"To what purpose?" Harry shot back. "We aren't even training properly, not since – "

"We are researching and you are acquainting yourself with the theory of magic that you know precious little about."

"And when, _Professor_ , should I expect you to start speaking to me again? When are you going to stop treating me like I don't exist?"

"Don't be so pathetic, Potter," Snape sneered, and Harry couldn't deny that hearing him address him that way again truly stung. "This is not a social club, we need not engage with one another beyond our work."

"And everything that's gone before?" Harry asked, feeling his face flush with anger. "We ignore all of that do we because of one kiss?"

"You would do well not to mention that again," Snape said with a hiss, getting up from his desk and advancing on Harry with a snarl.

"Why?" Harry asked heatedly, refusing to be intimidated by the man. "Because you can't stand the fact that it happened? Or because you can't cope with the fact that I was the one who stopped it?"

"Get out," Snape spat, his eyes flashing.

"Gladly," Harry replied, heading for the fireplace, struggling with this hideous change in the man he'd started falling for. He grabbed a handful of floo powder and paused with it in his fist, trying to take a couple of deep breaths to steady himself.

If he left now it would be to admit defeat, it would be conceding to allowing Snape to treat him badly and to stew in his own resentment. If he left now then things between them would never heal and he couldn't stand the thought that this was how it would be between them.

"I thought I told you to get out," Snape said acidly behind him.

Harry chucked the powder back into the pot and wiped his hand on his trousers, turning back around to face Snape, whose face was twisted in a sneer.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level.

"Because I want you out of my quarters."

"Not _this_ ," Harry said frustratedly. "Why are you treating me like this when all I've done is try and do the right thing?"

"The right thing?" Snape repeated mockingly. "My, how full of your own self-importance you are."

"Don't do this. Don't retreat to being a bastard just because you can't handle the situation."

"You watch how you speak to me."

"Why? What are you going to do? Report me to Dumbledore because you're pissed off with me because I didn't let you fuck me?"

"You really need to leave," Snape growled, and Harry could practically feel the heat of the man's anger.

"No," Harry said, determined to stand his ground. "We're going to have this out once and for all."

"There's nothing to 'have out' you little fool. I simply made a mistake in thinking that you were mature enough to handle something adult. You're as much of a child as I suspected."

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing and he had never felt such a sense of injustice before. "Child?" he echoed incredulously. "You would dare to call _me_ a child when _you_ were the one letting yourself be governed by hormones?"

"You sanctimonious little twat," Snape snarled. "I didn't hear many complaints when you were humping my leg like a bitch in heat."

"Right before I pushed you away, you mean?" Harry fired back.

"Right before you lost your nerve, I'd say. What's the matter, Potter? Virgin?" Snape asked nastily and Harry couldn't help but feel like he'd been slapped.

"I don't know why I ever thought you were worth bothering with," Harry said, trying not to let his hurt show. "You're the same bitter, self-involved, mean-spirited bastard I always thought you were."

Snape moved closer and Harry saw all the cruelty and vindictiveness in the man's expression that he thought had vanished in the last few months. It inspired a kind of grief in him, as though he had lost the man he had started falling in love with.

"Is that so, Potter?" Snape asked with a horrible smile. "You didn't seem so bothered by my shortcomings when you had your tongue in my mouth. It's a shame your technique didn't quite match up to your enthusiasm."

"What did I ever see in you?" Harry asked sadly, and a brief flicker of something crossed Snape's face, momentarily banishing the nastiness of his expression.

It was gone as quickly as it came and Snape stepped closer again and said, "Judging by your longing teenage stares over the last couple of months I'd say you saw a chance at losing that pesky virginity. What's the matter, no takers to rid The Boy Who Lived of his virtue?"

"God, you're a piece of work," Harry said, wanting nothing more than to escape and find sanctuary somewhere to lick his wounds.

"But you'd still give in to me, wouldn't you?" Snape asked, his voice so low it was almost a purr. "Whatever your high and mighty morals tell you, if I took you to bed now you'd surrender to me."

"No I wouldn't," Harry whispered, wishing it were true.

"No? Don't think I haven't seen what's been in your eyes all these months, Potter. I know what you want, what you want me to do to you. You'd surrender control to me in an instant and I would make you beg."

"And that's what you want is it?" Harry asked, horribly torn between the pangs of lust he felt and the terrible hurt Snape's words were causing. "To make me beg? To use me?"

Snape paused and Harry could see the conflict in his eyes. The man had gone too far though, he'd bitten back to try and save his pride and Snape knew no other way to defend himself than to attack.

"I can't see what other purpose you would serve, in all honesty."

At that moment the fireplace flared to life and Dumbledore's head appeared in the flames. "Ah Severus, Harry. I was hoping you'd both still be here. Might I come through?"

"Of course, headmaster," Snape said smoothly, and Harry stepped away from the fireplace, suddenly needing to put as much distance between himself and Snape as possible.

Dumbledore appeared through the flames and gave them both a smile, which faltered as he took in the tension in the room. "Problem, gentlemen?" he asked.

"Not at all, headmaster," Snape replied. "Just a frank exchange of opinions."

Dumbledore turned to look at Harry and said, "I do hope you're remembering to show Professor Snape proper respect."

Harry couldn't help giving a humourless laugh and said, "Of course, sir. All the respect he deserves."

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to reconcile your differences. You've been working so well together lately."

"What did you want to talk to us about, headmaster?" Snape asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

"Well," Dumbledore said, his eyes still darting between them, "it's regarding the Easter holidays," he said, and Harry felt a sense of dread hit the pit of his stomach. "With the situation being what it is and the Order stretched so thinly, I think it might be wise for the two of you to return to the cottage that you spent Christmas in."

"Indeed?" Snape asked, and Harry could see exactly what the man was thinking. No doubt he expected Harry to succumb to his desires with the two of them alone together for three weeks in the middle of nowhere.

"Would you both be willing to do so?" Dumbledore asked.

"If you deem it necessary," Harry said flatly, hating the gloating smile on Snape's face.

"I'm sure Mr Potter and I can manage on our own for a couple of weeks," Snape said, and Harry's fingers itched to reach for his wand and hex the man.

"Oh you won't be alone," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Remus will be staying with you."

"Remus?" Harry asked, embarrassingly relieved.

"Yes. He's taken refuge there for the time being. His last mission went…somewhat awry and he's staying there to recuperate."

That had wiped the self-satisfied smile off Snape's face and Harry had never been so delighted at the thought of seeing Remus. They were in desperate need of a buffer and Harry felt on firmer ground knowing that he and Snape wouldn't be left on their own. He didn't trust either himself or Snape to behave properly and he was relieved his resolve wouldn't be too sorely tested.

"It will be great to get to spend some time with him," Harry said. "While Professor Snape and I continue our training. That's the most important thing after all."

"Yes, well said, Harry. I certainly hope the two of you manage to mend your differences. We need you at your best."

"Oh don't worry, sir," Harry said, looking at Snape with steely resolve. "I guarantee that we will focus on nothing but training. Anything else is thoroughly pointless and not worth our energy. I'm sure I speak for Professor Snape when I say that we will put everything else to one side."

Fuck you, Harry thought, trying his best not to glare at Snape. He wouldn't back down and he wouldn't let the man win. If Snape wanted to break him then he'd fight the prick every step of the way.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you're sorry you asked for this chapter now, huh? I hope you enjoyed it, I can't wait to hear what you all thought. I hope all my fellow Brits have another good lockdown bank holiday and that everyone is safe and well.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"I sincerely hope I apologised to you for that night," Severus said, finding Harry in his attic studio, gazing intently at a half-finished canvas.

Harry turned to face him with a questioning frown then smiled wryly as realisation dawned. "Not straight away. Things were…difficult for some time after that night."

"I'm not going to like the next couple of memories, am I?" Severus asked, moving into the studio and taking a seat on one of the stools.

"No, you probably won't," Harry said, wiping his hands on a rag. He had a smudge of white paint across the bridge of his nose and Severus was struck by quite how adorable it made the man look.

"What was I thinking?" Severus asked, bewildered and ashamed by the behaviour he had displayed. Watching himself had been a hideous experience and he couldn't understand how Harry had been able to forgive him enough to move past it.

"You were protecting yourself," Harry replied with a shrug. "Pushing me away was the only way you knew how."

"But to do it so cruelly – "

"You're not surprised, surely?"

"What do you mean?" Severus asked, taken aback.

"Severus, just because I was falling in love with you at the time didn't mean I was blind to your faults. You were a cruel and bitter man, no one suffered that more than I did. You tormented me before our relationship started and took great pleasure in doing so. You can't tell me you're actually surprised by the way you behaved."

Perhaps he wasn't surprised by his harshness but he _was_ surprised by his determination to push Harry into something physical when the boy had been doing his best to keep the boundaries between them. He had been far crueller than he had imagined himself capable of being and Harry's hurt had been tangible in the memory Severus had viewed.

"I had thought I was a better man than that," he said quietly.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You were biting back, I was a casualty of that."

"I behaved abhorrently."

"Yes, you did…but it didn't change the fact that I was in love with you. Even if you did break my heart."

"I'm sorry," Severus said uncomfortably, unable to fathom how they had managed to move past his terrible behaviour.

"It's all water under the bridge. We've been together for years, all that stuff doesn't matter anymore."

"You're telling me it's never cropped up since?"

Harry smiled and said, "I never said that. I'm not above playing the guilt card every now and again to get my way."

"Very Slytherin."

"Look, don't beat yourself up about it. We got over it. Just…brace yourself for the next couple of memories."

"God I'm a bastard," Severus said with a sigh.

"Yeah you are," Harry said with a laugh. "But I love you all the same."

It was the first time that Harry had said that in terms of the present day and it was jolting to hear it. Harry flushed and shifted uncomfortably, then said, "Sorry. Not appropriate."

"No," Severus said, shaking his head. "It's…oddly nice to hear."

No one had ever actually declared their love for him before; not even his mother had expressed that particular sentiment. Of course, if he'd ever been told that Harry Potter of all people would be the one to utter such a thing he would have gone running for the hills. Now it didn't seem quite so horrific.

He cleared his throat and gestured to the canvas, saying, "Your latest commission?"

"Yes. It's a bit of a bugger to be honest, it's taking a bloody age to weave the magic into it."

"How do you do it? I know nothing about portrait magic," Severus said, glad for the change of topic.

"It's a bloody nightmare. No two portraits are the same and it takes a long time to dispel all the magic into one in a way that retains the essence of the person."

He moved to the cupboard in the corner and removed a jar with a strange luminescent mist inside. He brought it over to Severus and held the jar up, saying, "This is the magic that's extracted from a person's wand when they die. I have to find a way to weave it into the portrait along with a very delicate balance of spells."

"And the procedure's different each time?"

"Just to make life interesting. It depends on the personality of the person whose portrait it is. You, for example, would be a pain in the arse."

"Thank you," Severus said with a snort. "May I…would you mind if I stayed to watch for a while?"

Harry gave him one of those strange half-smiles he was getting used to and said, "It wouldn't be the first time. You often spend the afternoon up here with me, just watching while I work. I've missed it actually."

Severus could see how he would have enjoyed spending a quiet afternoon watching Harry at his craft. Whatever he said about the task being a pain the man clearly loved it, and the look of focused concentration on his face was really rather mesmerising.

Harry was skilled and focused, all his attention channelled into his work, so much so that Severus wasn't even sure his presence was still noted. The man's brow crinkled and his tongue poked out the way Gabe's did while he was concentrating.

If Severus hadn't seen Harry's quiet determination during their training together then he would have been surprised to see such dedication from him. As it was, he simply sat back and enjoyed watching Harry and his masterful talent.

He had long since reconciled himself to the notion that he found Harry handsome. He had functioning eyes, after all, and he would have had to be dead from the waist down for his body not to respond to the man.

He wished he could remember his physical relationship with Harry. He wanted to know what the man looked like laid bare in the throes of pleasure, his skin flushed and his eyes hazy with desire. He could only imagine what he looked like undressed, all compact and firm, pale skin taut over defined muscles.

He imagined Harry to be a very sensual lover. He would allow his instincts to govern him, following his pleasure down whichever path it led him. It would certainly be something to be the one to provoke that and Severus' mouth practically watered at the thought. Not being able to remember such delights was a cruel torture indeed.

He found himself hoping that Harry would show him a memory of their moments of passion. It would be an incredible thing to witness himself and Harry, a tangle of limbs, an expanse of bare flesh as they twined together.

"Right, I'm done," Harry said with a sigh, chucking down his paintbrush. "Let's go and grab a coffee before I throw this bloody thing out of the window. Are you ok? You look a bit flushed."

"I'm fine," Severus said, embarrassed at having his rather racy thoughts interrupted. "It's just rather warm in here."

Harry chuckled and said, "You always tell me off for keeping the windows closed. You once found me practically high from the paint fumes and told me I wasn't fit to look after myself."

"I have been saying that for years."

Harry smiled and said, "Ever since you stopped Quirrell knocking me off my broom in first year."

"And was set on fire for my troubles," Severus replied with a quirk of an eyebrow.

"Now, you have no memory of this but I have actually apologised for that."

"I'll have to take your word for that."

Harry gave him an evil grin and said, "You'll have to take my word for a lot of things. Think of the fun I could have."

* * *

_~*~ "Remus! It's so good to see you," Harry said, stepping forward to give the man a hug. He was shocked to see the man looking so battered and bruised but he tried his best not to show it._

"You too, Harry," Remus said, stepping back and bracing his hands on Harry's shoulders. "You're looking well."

"Thanks. I – "

"It's alright," Remus said with a wry smile, "no need to lie, I know I look a fright."

"What happened?" Harry asked, concerned.

Remus sighed and gestured for them both to take a seat on the sofa. Snape had stomped upstairs as soon as they'd arrived and Harry was glad to see the back of him.

"I was trying to infiltrate Greyback and his…pack. It didn't quite go to plan."

"Shit," Harry breathed, amazed that Remus had managed to make it out alive. "Are you ok?"

"Better than I was. Believe it or not this is three weeks' worth of recuperation."

"Holy fuck, Remus. You should never have been put in that situation. You could have died!"

"Harry, I volunteered. It's – "

"Don't, Remus. Don't tell me it was worth the risk to try and gather information. I've had enough of that bollocks from Snape over the years. Nothing is worth _this_ , nothing is worth risking your life."

"I had to try, Harry. We all have to play our part."

"Mm," Harry said disapprovingly. "We all have to play the parts that Dumbledore dishes out to us. Nice to know we all dangle by his strings."

"Harry – "

"Oh don't tell me off, Remus. You know it's true."

"Very well, for the sake of avoiding an argument."

A door slammed and Snape came stalking down the stairs, his outer robes shed, his wand tucked in his sleeve. "Outside in five minutes for training, Potter," he said curtly, exiting the cottage with a flourish even without the swirl of his robes. Harry resisted the urge to stick two fingers up at his back.

"I…I had heard that you and he were getting on better lately," Remus ventured and Harry shook his head with a sigh.

"I made a mistake in thinking he wasn't as much of a bastard as I'd always felt he was. He isn't capable of change…I just…let my guard down."

Remus frowned, the action more of a grimace thanks to the bruising and scarring on his face. "Don't let Severus fool you too much, Harry," he said softly.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, feeling uncomfortable talking about the man. He was so hurt by the way he'd been treated by him that he'd tried to put all thoughts of him to the back of his mind.

"Severus has a great deal of armour, most of which means that it's usually impossible to get to know the man underneath."

Harry stopped himself from scoffing. He had once thought the same thing, that all he had to do was get to know Snape a little better, to understand him. What he had failed to realise was that there were no hidden depths; Snape was a bastard, plain and simple.

"I think you're being a little too generous, Remus. Don't buy into the tall, dark and mysterious bollocks. He's about as layered as a flobberworm."

"Heavens, that's bitter," Remus said, looking at him closely. "Has something happened between you?"

"No," Harry said, not meeting the man's eyes. "Nothing more than usual. Just don't make the mistake of thinking there's some noble, well-intentioned man under that hard, cruel exterior."

"Harry – "

"Leave it, Remus. I'd better get out there or I'll never hear the bloody end of it."

The next few days weren't pleasant. It stung twice as much given how happily they had existed in the cottage over the Christmas holidays. Remus kept getting caught in the crossfire and so took to staying in his room as often as possible. Harry, unwilling to share the communal areas with Snape, also sought sanctuary in his bedroom and talked to the man only when necessary.

He couldn't admit it to himself but he knew he was going through a kind of grief. He was grieving for what he thought he'd had with Snape, what he had thought they'd shared. He felt a fool for believing in the man, for falling in love with him. He'd truly felt that he'd seen the 'real' Snape and he felt humiliated beyond belief that he'd got it so wrong.

The man was crueller than he'd ever been. He criticised and insulted, and all the help and advice he had been giving during their training had been replaced with sneers and snarls so that Harry didn't feel he was even learning anything anymore. He didn't know whether to cry or hex the bastard.

He distracted himself with studying harder than ever, determined that Snape would have nothing to reproach him with. The only downtime he allowed himself was an hour here and there to devote to his drawing. Snape had convinced him he had talent, although now his sincerity seemed dubious. Still, Harry really did love his art and spent time trying to hone and perfect it.

He had to stop himself from drawing Snape although his hand itched to. He focused instead on Ron and Hermione, then challenged himself to draw Draco, just to see if he could draw the prat with an objective eye. He was quite pleased with the finished result; he had captured Draco's sharp cheekbones and rather regal bearing without making him look like a snot-brained git.

He was going to try and attempt one of Ron and Draco together, just to amuse himself, but realised he was out of paper. Cursing, he decided to see if there was any knocking around downstairs as there were no more available pages to rip out of his textbooks.

The landing was dark and quiet, so he assumed both Remus and Snape were fast asleep. He tiptoed down the stairs and into the study, casting a muted _lumos_ and rifling through the desk drawers. He found a few usable pieces of parchment then made his way back out to the living room.

His foot was on the first stair when he heard a smug, low voice say, "Will you never tire of sneaking around?"

He jumped and squinted into the darkness to see Snape sitting in the armchair by the window, illuminated by a pale sliver of moonlight.

"I can hardly be accused of sneaking around in a cottage during my holidays. I was only getting some paper. Goodnight."

"Continuing your drawings?" Snape asked, halting Harry's progress up the stairs again.

He sighed and leant against the bannister. This was the one thing Snape hadn't yet taken a swipe at and Harry wasn't sure he could take it if he did. There was only so much vicious sniping he could cope with and he was fairly certain he was reaching his breaking point.

"It isn't any of your business," he said quietly. "I'm not doing you any harm so just let me be."

"It was only a casual enquiry," Snape replied, picking up the glass of amber liquid beside him.

"No such thing with you."

"Don't pout, Potter. It doesn't suit you."

"No more than sulking like a teenager suits you. Goodnight," he attempted once again, but it seemed Snape had no intention of letting him be.

"And what would I be sulking about?" the man asked with a sneer, getting to his feet and turning one of the lamps on.

"I'm not having this conversation again," Harry said tiredly.

"Yes do run away, Potter. It's what you're best at," Snape said with a nasty smile.

"I don't deserve this," Harry said, his quiet voice resonating oddly in the silence of their surroundings. "I did what I thought was right and I'm sorry if it hurt your pride but I don't deserve this cruelty from you."

"Oh really, Potter. I hardly think – "

"I thought we had something," Harry interrupted. "I thought there was something between us…enough to make me want to ignore my hormones long enough to consider a future."

"A future?" Snape asked with a sneer that didn't quite look as convincing as the previous one had done.

"It would have been easy to give in to my desires and slept with you that night, hell we probably could have started an affair, but I thought what we had was worth more than that. I thought _I_ was worth more to you than that," he whispered, trying desperately not to cry.

"Starting something as teacher and student would have meant we'd never be equal, that it would always be something illicit and sleazy. There would have been no future in it and I was stupid enough to think that you might have wanted one with me. If it'd realised that all you wanted was quick fuck I'd have saved myself the hassle."

"I..I didn't…" Snape fumbled, suddenly flustered.

"Oh and you were right by the way," Harry said, his voice rising as all his anger and hurt began to spill over. "I _am_ a virgin. I was stupid and naïve enough to think that maybe I could place my trust in you rather than relying on a quick fumble with someone who might have bragged about bedding The Boy Who Lived. Had I realised you would be so scathing and belittling about my virginity I would have kept all my pathetic, romantic fantasies to myself."

Snape couldn't have looked more shocked if Harry had transformed into Voldemort there and then in the middle of the living room. Harry himself was shaking, feeling humiliated and wounded. He hadn't meant to make any such confession to Snape but his anger had overwhelmed him and he'd been unable to stop himself.

"Thank you for showing me what you're really like before I made the biggest mistake of my life."

He turned and all but fled up the stairs, finally retreating to his bedroom and slamming the door behind him. He threw up the strongest wards he was capable of and slumped down on his bed. He was furious with himself but he couldn't stop himself from crying. He had lost something so profoundly important and it had left him with a gaping hole in his chest.

He didn't sleep all night. He sat with his back against the headboard, his arms wrapped around himself as he tried to control his tears. He was thoroughly ashamed of himself for getting so worked up over someone who wasn't worth his time, and Snape had proven, beyond a doubt, that he most certainly wasn't worth it.

The last thing he wanted to do was emerge from his safe haven and face the man again but he refused to be cowed. As embarrassed as he was, he was in the right and Snape was the one who ought to be ashamed.

He cast a decent glamour to hide the fact that he'd spent all night crying and descended the stairs with as much dignity as he could muster. Snape and Lupin were already down there, sitting at the breakfast table in stilted silence.

"Morning, Harry," Remus said with a cheerful smile. "Can I get you something to eat?"

He had intended to eat breakfast, just to be defiant, but seeing Snape made his stomach twist painfully. "No thanks, not hungry," he said, proud that his voice didn't falter. "I'm going for a walk."

"We have training," Snape said, his voice firm but Harry could see the uncertainty in the man's eyes.

"No we don't," Harry said, registering the look of surprise on Remus' face.

He left the cottage without a backwards glance and took a moment to take a few deep breaths. It was a pleasantly warm spring day and he was glad to be able to escape the stifling confines of the safe house.

There was a five mile radius that was heavily warded, so at least he had space enough to wander for a bit. He wanted to try and get his thoughts straight but he also wanted to try and push all the hurt and humiliation to the back of his mind and let it rot.

He walked leisurely, the wards letting him know if he was in danger of straying too far. Snape had looked rattled as he'd sat at the kitchen table but it was probably because someone had spoken back to him for the first time in his life. The man was used to getting the last word, the crueller and harsher the better.

He found a little clearing in the woods with a river running through it, a few intrepid primroses poking out along the banks. He took a seat on a protruding rock and tried not to be too annoyed with himself. He was moping around like a bloody lovesick fool and he was trying to tell himself that Snape wasn't worth it.

He skimmed a few stones across the water and tried not to replay the events of the previous night. He didn't want to think about Snape's cold sneer or all the hideous things the man had said to him. He'd cried enough for a lifetime, he had no intention of wasting anymore tears on the bastard.

"Harry."

It was to Harry's credit that he didn't jump at Snape's voice. He stayed staring steadfastly ahead, his jaw set firm and wondered whether he ignored Snape long enough the man would bugger off and leave him alone.

"Harry," Snape ventured again.

"Leave me alone," Harry said, thoroughly unwilling to engage in another slanging match.

"I want to talk to you."

"I want a lot of things, none of which I ever get."

"Will you please look at me?" Snape asked, and Harry thought he could detect a slight hesitancy.

He sighed and slowly stood up, taking a deep breath before he turned around.

"What?" he asked coldly. "What else can you possibly have to say to me? I get it, ok? I was an idiot but now I'm over it. If you can pull your head out of your arse long enough we'll get back to training tomorrow. Just let me have today."

"I don't want – "

"Frankly I don't give a flying fuck what you want," Harry said, hearing his voice shake with barely-contained anger. "From now on we agree to keep out of each other's way, ok? We train and that's it. No more cosy chats, no more pretending to care what the other thinks and feels, no more pretence of any kind of relationship between us. I will do my best to be civil and I expect you to be likewise."

Snape shook his head and Harry gave a growl of frustration. "You can't even manage that?" he asked exasperatedly. "Then what do you want from me? You don't want to train me anymore? Fine, I'll bloody well do without you. If you can't even – "

Snape's mouth descended on his before he knew what was happening. The kiss was urgent and hard, Snape's hands gripping his shoulders painfully. The man's mouth was hot and insistent against his own and Harry felt dizzy from the intensity of it. He was just about to lose himself in it when his brain kicked in.

He pushed Snape away forcefully and shouted, "What the hell are you trying to do to me?"

"Harry, I – "

"Didn't I make myself clear last night? Haven't you messed with my head enough?"

"I'm not trying to mess with your head," Snape said, looking more unsure than Harry had ever seen him.

"Then what the fuck _are_ you trying to do?"

"I don't know," Snape said, shaking his head. He'd gone deathly pale and Harry could see that he was shaking.

"You've made it clear what you think of me. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Oh God, Harry, you must know that everything I said…the way I behaved…it was all just – "

"Just what?" Harry asked heatedly. "Just you being a cruel, sadistic prick? Just you trying to hurt and humiliate me? Well congratulations, you succeeded spectacularly."

They stared at one another in silence for a moment, Harry feeling his pulse thudding in his ears.

"I'm sorry," Snape said eventually and it was so quiet that Harry nearly missed it.

He felt his lip curl slightly and he said, "Oh spare me."

"I am," Snape insisted.

"Well, that makes everything better, doesn't it?" Harry said bitterly.

"I was frightened, Harry," Snape said tightly, and his confession stunned Harry so much that he couldn't reply. "I wanted you so much that I let it completely control me. That you had to be the one to stop things was a source of terrible shame and embarrassment. I did the only thing I knew how to do – I hit back. I hadn't…I hadn't realised how you felt. I thought…I thought it was purely physical."

"And that excuses what you said to me?"

"No Harry, nothing excuses that," Snape said softly and Harry felt like doing nothing more than running away. He needed to hold onto his anger, to retain the high-ground before he relented and did the unthinkable and forgave the bastard.

The man stepped closer and Harry tried to calm himself down. "You acted nobly," Snape said, and Harry tried to discern whether or not he was being mocked. "You respected both me and my position and I punished you for it because my pride was wounded."

"It was just about your job," Harry said, and the look Snape gave him was unbelievably tender that his breath actually caught in his throat.

Snape raised his hand to Harry's cheek and Harry's heart thudded so hard he was sure it would bruise his ribs.

"I never let myself entertain the notion that you might feel anything for me beyond improbable attraction. It never occurred to me that you would want anything more than something physical."

"You think I want anything to do with you now after the way you've treated me?" Harry asked, wishing he could say it with more conviction.

Snape brushed the pad of his thumb over Harry's cheekbone and Harry felt almost undone by the gentleness of the gesture.

"I wouldn't blame you if you didn't," Snape said softly. "But I need to tell you that, despite my reprehensible behaviour, I have…come to…to feel for you. I'm truly sorry that I hurt you."

Harry frowned, too conflicted to know what to say. "I need time," he said eventually, realising that to act in haste would be a mistake.

"Of course," Snape said with a nod, removing his hand and stepping back.

Feeling worse than he had done before their discussion, Harry moved past the man and wondered how the hell he was going to get his head straight.

"Harry," Snape said quietly, and Harry reluctantly turned back to face him. "I have never felt more remorse for anything in my life. I hope you can believe that."

"Perhaps I will if you can prove it to me," Harry said, wondering if he could truly get past the pain Snape's behaviour had caused him to see a future for them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry I didn't reply to your reviews for the last chapter (bad health, sadly) but I hope this early update makes up for it. I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know. Stay safe x


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Gradually weariness grew upon me; a numbness, an occasional stupor, fell upon my mind even in the midst of my terrors, until sleep at least supervened and in my sea-tossed curacle I lay and dreamed of home and the old Admiral Benbow."

Severus closed the book and glanced across at Gabe who was still awake, as Severus had expected him to be. He looked sleepy but nevertheless said, "Can we have another chapter?"

"You've already had one more than we agreed," Severus said, trying to look admonishing but fearing he just looked fond.

"But I want to know what happens," Gabe protested, stifling a yawn.

"The cast of _Treasure Island_ will still be waiting for us tomorrow evening," Severus said, placing the book on Gabe's bedside table. "You need to go to sleep."

"But Pa – "

"Gabriel Potter-Snape," Severus said, trying not to laugh. "Don't argue. You take far too much after your father."

"He says I take after you."

"You poor child," Severus said dryly. He leant forward and brushed a kiss over Gabe's forehead, surprised at just how easily the gesture came to him. "Now go to sleep."

"Meanie," Gabe groused but snuggled down under the covers anyway.

"You have a terribly hard life. Goodnight."

"Night Pa."

It was still strange to hear himself being called 'Pa' but it was certainly growing on him. There was a connection to Gabe that seemed to go beyond mere memory. He knew, on some fundamental level, that Gabe was his, that it was his duty to protect and care for him. It was a lucky bonus that he actually liked the child.

"He persuaded you to read another chapter didn't he?" Harry asked as Severus came back into the living room.

"Ah…yes, yes he did," Severus replied with an abashed smile.

"The same way he's done every night this week?" Harry asked, amused. "You're such a soft touch when it comes to him. I always have to be the disciplinarian."

"I find that hard to believe."

"It's true," Harry insisted. "You're a complete pushover, Gabe's always been able to wrap you around his little finger."

"I kept plenty of unruly children in line for years," Severus reminded him.

"And you're rendered a complete sap by your own son," Harry said with a somewhat wistful smile. "You've always…rather doted on him."

"He's a wonderful child," Severus said, and Harry practically beamed.

"I was…I was so worried that it would be difficult for you to be around him but…I don't know…it's like the bond between you somehow overrides that," Harry said, inadvertently echoing Severus' earlier thoughts.

"It's…rather difficult to understand how we came to this point…given the memories I've been viewing," Severus said. He couldn't fathom how they had ever made their way beyond that dreadful time and his own appalling behaviour.

"Oh all that was so long ago," Harry said with a shrug. "You'll see – we managed to come through it."

"Harry…I apologise for what I said when I…blamed you for our relationship. You acted with far more honour and maturity than I was capable of. I just…I simply couldn't believe it when I first learnt of our marriage."

"It's alright. I have no idea how I would have reacted if I'd woken up with no memory and someone had told me we were married," Harry said with a wry smile.

"You'd have run screaming for the hills, no doubt."

"More than likely."

"In truth," Severus said with a sigh, "I never expected to come through the war alive, let alone find myself happily married with a child."

"Strange, eh?"

Severus laughed and said, "Indeed." There was a funny look on Harry's face and Severus asked, "Is something the matter?"

"No," Harry said softly. "I just…I love your laugh. I always have."

"I can't think why," Severus said, feeling himself flush uncharacteristically at the compliment.

"Because it's rich and deep, and your whole face changes with it. I used to consider it a badge of honour if I could make you laugh; God my whole body used to tingle when I succeeded."

The idea of making any part of Harry tingle was almost too delicious to contemplate. It was so improbable that Harry had ever been attracted to him and yet he had seen the way the boy had looked at him in those memories and had even glimpsed it once or twice in the present.

Indeed, the way Harry was looking at him now was enough to make Severus' body hum with anticipation. God but the man was beautiful, there was no other word for it. He had wanted to taste those lips for some time now and the temptation was more than he could resist. He was learning, where Harry was concerned, he had little or no willpower to speak of.

Harry let out a plaintive little sigh and said, "You have no idea how much I miss you."

Unable to stop himself, Severus reached out and pulled Harry to him, lowering his head until their lips met. Harry moaned softly and wound his arms around Severus' neck, pulling his body flush against Severus'. It was achingly familiar and Severus' instincts knew just what to do with the man in his arms.

They melted together perfectly and, although to Severus' mind it was his first time kissing Harry, his body knew well that it wasn't. It remembered all too clearly the taste of Harry's sweet mouth, the feel of his soft lips, the delicious hardness of the man's body against his own.

Harry pulled back, much to Severus' displeasure, and kept his eyes closed for a moment, his lips beautifully swollen. "God I forgot how perfect it is to kiss you," he whispered, opening his eyes and keeping his hands on Severus' shoulders.

"It is rather exquisite," Severus replied, barely able to keep his voice in check.

"But we shouldn't be doing this," Harry said, attempting to step back, but Severus held him in place.

"Why not? I'm your husband."

"But you're not," Harry argued. "My husband can remember everything about our life together, my husband looks at me like there's nothing better on earth to look at. Kissing you…it feels like him cheating on him."

"That's ridiculous," Severus argued. "Just because I don't remember every little detail at the moment doesn't mean we can't – "

"Can't what?" Harry asked with a frown. "Severus…I can't sleep with you, not like this."

"But we're married. Perhaps it might even – "

"No Severus, not without…without love."

"You're telling me we only ever make love?" Severus asked with a sneer, unable to stop himself.

Harry's expression hardened and he said, "No, we don't. We fuck, we have quickies up against the door, we have hurried morning sex and make-up sex after an argument, but whatever we do we do it _with_ love and I can't go to bed with you without that."

Severus couldn't help but let out a huff of frustration. He couldn't see the harm in two consenting adults finding pleasure in one another; it didn't have to be accompanied by such romantic nonsense.

"You just don't get it," Harry said sadly. "There's so much more between us than just sex."

"I understand that, but – "

"You have no idea how much I want you, how much it's killing me not being with you. I want nothing more than to give myself over to you completely but I just can't, not like this."

Severus sighed and reached out to cup Harry's cheek gently. "Harry, perhaps I miss you too. There's a part of me, deep down, that still remembers everything, that remembers the feel of you in my arms, that remembers how it feels to make love to you."

"Maybe there is," Harry said, placing his hand over Severus', "but _you_ don't remember and until you do I just can't be with you that way."

He gave Severus' hand a squeeze then left the room without a backwards glance. Severus shook his head and rubbed his face tiredly. The whole situation was becoming unbearable and he wasn't sure how much he could take. Was he supposed to continue living with Harry and Gabe while they pretended to be a family but while it was obvious there was a gaping hole between them?

He sank down on the sofa as a sharp pain sliced through his head. His vision began to blur and he cradled his head in his hands as an insistent throb settled behind his eyes. He saw flashes of memories pass in front of him and he tried not to fight it, knowing that he needed to remember, he needed to get his life back. The pain sharpened but so did his focus, and he tried to steady his breathing as things became clearer.

_~*~ "What exactly are you doing in here?"_

" _I would have thought that was obvious."_

" _You're supposed to be resting," Severus admonished, entering the room Harry used as a studio in their shared flat and wrapping his arms around the man._

" _I'm only doing a bit of prep work," Harry argued, gesturing to the canvas, which had a faint pencil outline of its intended subject._

" _Will you never do as you're told?" Severus asked, nuzzling the side of Harry's neck as he pressed his body tightly against the man._

" _You should know the answer to that by now," Harry replied with an amused smile as he tilted his head to encourage Severus' attentions._

" _You're a disobedient little swine," Severus growled into Harry's ear, giving it a nip for good measure._

" _You have the most adorable pet names for me."_

" _You should hear what I call you when you're not around."_

_Unable to resist any longer, he turned his husband around gently and plundered his mouth, as he'd been dying to all day. He wasn't ashamed to admit that thoughts of Harry normally dominated his everyday life, and even an hour apart from the man was enough to provoke a sense of longing._

" _Mm, you taste delicious," Severus murmured._

" _You don't like chocolate," Harry countered with a smile._

" _It tastes better on your tongue," Severus replied, running his hands up and down Harry's sides. "Cravings getting the better of you?"_

" _No, just my addiction to chocolate. My cravings had me eating banana and ham earlier…dipped in mustard."_

" _How revolting."_

" _I'll be the size of house soon," Harry said with a sigh and Severus let his hand roam to the gentle swell of the man's mid-section._

" _You look beautiful," Severus told him with a smile, never failing to be amazed that his child was growing inside the man he loved._

" _I look like a bus," Harry scoffed. "And I've got another two months to go!"_

" _Another two months before we meet our son," Severus said, aware that he sounded like a dreamy schoolgirl._

" _You don't know it's a boy in there," Harry countered, placing his hand over Severus'. They had decided not to find out the sex of the baby and leave it as a surprise, which had led to a betting pool between their friends._

" _Something tells me it is," Severus replied, indeed more and more he'd been thinking of Harry's bump as their son._

" _I can't wait to meet him," Harry said, bouncing on his toes, his expression too adorable for words. "Who do you think he'll look like?"_

" _You, hopefully," Severus said with a wry quirk of his eyebrow. "I wouldn't wish my looks on a child."_

" _Oh hush," Harry reprimanded, winding his arms around Severus' neck. "You're a handsome bastard, no arguments."_

" _I've always thought you were a little slow."_

_Harry laughed and said, "But you love me anyway."_

" _I do, Merlin help me. Now, no more work please. Bed," he instructed, wondering why he bothered. Harry had never obeyed him, even as a student._

" _Come with me," Harry said, pulling himself closer with a wicked smile._

" _You're supposed to be resting," Severus argued, knowing how futile it was to try and resist his husband._

" _Think how well I'd rest if I was nicely worn out from a good seeing to."_

" _You're incorrigible," Severus growled._

" _I'm always rewarded for my persistence."_

" _Brat." ~*~_

Severus' head ached but the pain was less severe. He sat back on the sofa and tried to arrange his thoughts around what he had seen. The tenderness and affection between himself and Harry was staggering and he could see how much he genuinely adored the man.

Seeing Harry carrying Gabe was also surprisingly moving and Severus found himself bordering on tearful at just how beautiful Harry had looked bearing their son. He had lost so much and all he wanted was to get his life back and remember all the times he and Harry had shared.

With a frustrated growl he decided to have an early night. He hoped to lose himself in the blissful oblivion of sleep where all of this madness could be forgotten for a few hours.

* * *

_~*~ Harry had been agonising over the situation between himself and Snape for a couple of days, frustrated and upset by all that had happened between them. He believed that Snape's apology had been sincere but it didn't undo all the hurt the man had caused._

They were avoiding one another, which was ridiculous as they were supposed to be training, but Harry needed time and space to try and figure things out. Poor old Remus seemed thoroughly bemused by the strange behaviour around him but thankfully had asked no questions, for which Harry was grateful.

His feelings for Snape were complicated, that was the only thing he was certain of. He had been so sure that he was falling in love with the man and then that had all been blown to hell by Snape's cruel behaviour. Now Harry was so confused he thought his head might explode.

After three days he couldn't stand it anymore. He waited until Remus had gone to bed then spent half an hour gathering his courage in his bedroom before he finally crossed the landing and knocked on Snape's door. The man opened it, apprehension all over his face, and Harry pushed past him into the room, Snape closing the door behind them.

His heart thudding in his chest, he stared at the man for half a second before he closed the distance between them and kissed him for all he was worth. He clung on to the man's shirt while Snape's hands held his back tightly. There wasn't so much as a hair's breadth between them and they kissed each other as though their lives depended on it.

Snape's tongue was hot and insistent and Harry welcomed it readily, barely able to keep his breath with the incredible intensity of it. It felt so right to be in Snape's arms, to be kissed with all the fierceness the man possessed, that he knew he'd made the right choice. He was mindful of letting himself be overwhelmed by it though and he reluctantly pulled back and took a moment to gather himself.

Snape was looking at him with such passion it sent a tingle up his spine and he wished his resolve wasn't as strong as it was. "We need to talk," he said, although he wanted nothing more than to keep kissing Snape and let his desires govern him.

"I know," Snape said with a nod, stepping back and allowing Harry some room. "What's a man supposed to think after a kiss like that?" Harry knew that Snape was aiming for levity with his question but he could discern the true worry beneath it.

"I wish I knew how to answer that," Harry said with a sigh. He raked a hand through his hair, wishing he'd spared a moment to wash it. "I have feelings for you," he said, deciding he'd had enough of skirting the issue. "I'm…intensely attracted to you and every part of me wants to respond to that…but I can't."

"Can't?" Snape asked, looking more uncertain than Harry had ever seen him.

"Won't," Harry clarified. "Not yet, not like this." He paused and took a deep breath then said, "I feel connected to you in a way I've never felt to anyone else. I…respect you, I enjoy your company and there are times when it feels like we're the only two people on the planet. I think we could have something amazing," he said, feeling vulnerable and exposed by his admission.

"A future?" Snape asked tentatively, reiterating what Harry had said previously.

"Maybe…but we can't have that if we start sneaking around, if we…sleep together. I don't want to be your student, I want to be your equal, I want to see if we can have something real."

There was silence for a moment while Snape contemplated his words. "What does that mean going forward?" he asked eventually, and it wasn't lost on Harry how thoroughly bizarre it was that Snape was willing to follow his lead.

"Right now training has to be the most important thing, and we need to continue with that…but…spending time in your quarters was the highlight of my day. I want to get that feeling back…I want to try and…establish something that could last. So…we take things one day at a time."

"And nothing physical?" Snape asked and Harry had to laugh at the disappointment in the man's voice.

"I'm not saying a monk. I won't be able to stop myself from kissing you, from…being near you, but I'm asking you to respect my boundaries, to wait until I'm no longer your student."

"I'm sorry for…I'm sorry for everything," Snape said. "I promise I'll play by your rules."

Harry bit his lip and geared himself up to ask the question he really didn't want to. "Does it bother you that I'm a virgin? You were pretty scathing about it before."

"Harry, no," Snape said firmly, stepping closer and cupping Harry's chin gently. "I was an idiot for what I said and I can only apologise. I was…I was pushing you away, trying to humiliate you because I was too embarrassed to admit how I felt about you. It came as something of a shock to find myself in this situation and I was angry with myself for not being able to fight it."

Harry smiled and leant into the man's touch. "Can we both agree to stop fighting?" he asked softly. "Will you let me be your equal, Severus?" he asked, a thrill going through him at the feel of the man's name on his tongue.

Snape's eyes darkened at the use of his first name and he said, "I fear you may never be my equal."

Harry was about to protest vehemently when Snape wrapped an arm around his waist and clarified, "You're a better man by far than I am."

Hearing Snape refer to him as a man was almost as heady as hearing him say he was a better one. The ugliness of the last few weeks seemed to melt away and Harry felt hope for the first time in a long time.

"Are we going to be ok?" Harry asked, needing reassurance.

"If you're willing to put the last couple of weeks behind us."

"I don't know about that," Harry said teasingly. "I quite like the idea of you making things up to me."

"Ah, there's my Slytherin," Snape said with a smirk, his hand stroking back and forth at the base of Harry's spine.

Deciding that there was no way he was letting his virtue stop him from kissing Snape, Harry did just that, although it was rather more chaste than their earlier one had been. It was a kiss that promised more, a kiss that told of things to come. They broke apart naturally and Harry couldn't stop himself smiling.

"What?" Snape asked, looking as though he was trying not to respond in kind.

"Just thinking how truly insane my life is. The Prophet couldn't make this up."

"Dear Merlin, I should hope not."

Harry laughed and said, "I should get to bed. It's late and we've already lost a few days of training."

Snape nodded and Harry pressed a soft kiss to the man's lips, saying, "Goodnight," before he turned and let himself out. He was so giddy he felt drunk and he could barely process the emotional rollercoaster he'd been on over the last few weeks. He retreated to his room and tried to wipe the lovesick grin from his face.

The rest of their time in the cottage passed much more pleasantly and their training renewed with purpose. Poor Remus seemed thoroughly bewildered at the change between them while they sat and spoke cordially at dinner or returned from a training session bright and enlivened.

There were many more stolen kisses, some chaste, some decidedly not so, but mostly Harry revelled in having Snape back in his life in a positive way. He had missed him so much and just being able to laugh and talk with him again was wonderful. It was enough to convince him that what they had wasn't just physical, that he cared for Snape and wanted more from him than just a great night between the sheets.

It was with some sadness that they bid the cottage goodbye as the holidays ended. Harry made a promise to himself that one day they would return when all they had to do was enjoy themselves. It would be something to spend time there when they weren't using the place as a safe house.

"Hogwarts seems ridiculously vast after the cosiness of the cottage," Harry said as they arrived back in Snape's quarters. "I'm going to miss it."

"Perhaps we can spend some time there in the summer," Snape said, and Harry could hear the uncertainty in his suggestion, as though he were worried it wouldn't be well-received.

"That sounds great," Harry said with a smile, and Snape's shoulders relaxed slightly. "I should pop up to the tower for a bit," he said reluctantly. "Ron's been on his own with Draco all Easter, he must be ready to commit murder."

"Not everyone is as fortunate in their holiday companion as you," Snape said with a smirk.

"Ain't that the truth?" Harry grinned then felt his stomach flutter as he stepped forward and pecked the man on the cheek. It felt so good to be able to do it, to not have to hide behind a pretence anymore. "I'll be back for training later."

He tried to wipe the smile from his face as he made his way back to the tower. Most of the students had yet to arrive back so the corridors were mercifully quiet. The Gryffindor common room was similarly empty apart from a few of the younger years scattered around the place. He shot them a cheery smile and made his way up to the dormitory.

As he neared the top of the stairs he heard voices drifting towards him. He recognised Ron's easily enough and soon realised that he was speaking to Draco. They weren't shouting at one another for a change, indeed the conversation sounded rather civil. Feeling nosy, he decided not to announce his presence, but crept a little closer and peaked around the door.

Ron and Draco were standing close to one another, both leaning against Ron's bed as they spoke. Their voices were low and gentle and their body language was conspiratorial. Harry knew exactly what he was seeing, although he couldn't quite believe his eyes. It seemed that Snape had been right all along.

"What are we going to do now term's starting again?" Draco asked.

"What do you want to do?" Ron replied, reaching out and smoothing Draco's hair off his forehead. The action was so tender that it took Harry by surprise.

"Well…do you want people to know about us?" Draco asked, clearly trying to be nonchalant.

"Why would you think I wouldn't?"

God love Ron, Harry thought with a smile as he watched Draco shift uncomfortably. "You might not want to be associated with me," the blond said with a shrug, reaching over to fiddle with the curtains around Ron's bed.

"If that were the case I wouldn't have spent the last three weeks shagging you senseless," Ron said with a wicked grin and Harry had to stifle a laugh.

"Shagging someone is a differing thing to…acknowledging them in public," Draco countered and Harry couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He looked so uncertain, so far removed from the priggish attitude he always projected.

"Draco, do you really think I'm the type of bloke to shag someone and then keep them a dirty little secret? If I like you enough to sleep with you then you can be damn sure I like you enough to tell people."

"Oh," said Draco, clearly trying not to look too pleased.

"What about you, hm? Ashamed to be involved with a penniless Weasley?"

"Terribly," Draco said with a grin. "You are a dreadful pleb."

"You weren't complaining this morning when I had you absolutely begging for it," Ron said with a seductive smile, looping a finger in the waistband of Draco's trousers and pulling their hips together.

Harry watched as they melted into one another, the attraction between them almost crackling in the air. Smiling, he carefully made his way back down the stairs and decided a conversation with Ron was long overdue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter post because I'm celebrating that, from next week, I can see my folks and my in-laws again! Things are still weird, of course, but I can't wait to see them.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review and let me know. Stay safe x


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

After a decent night's sleep, Severus woke feeling more resolved than he had done in a while. He rose early, while Harry and Gabe were still in bed, and decided to take himself for a walk in the surrounding countryside.

It was mid-August and Britain was experiencing something of a heatwave. Severus couldn't say he really cared for warm temperatures but in the early hours it as really rather pleasant. He had a lot to contemplate and he strolled leisurely, trying to organise his thoughts.

Harry's last memory had given him a lot to consider. Seeing his resolve and careful abstinence, despite the desire he clearly felt, was not only humbling, it was illuminating.

Harry hadn't put an embargo on affection in the memory he'd witnessed, indeed he'd welcomed it readily. He'd expressed how important it was that anything physical be accompanied by emotion and it was clear to Severus that what he and Harry shared was deep and more meaningful than mere attraction.

It seemed that the way forward wasn't to completely suppress his physical reactions to the man but to channel them into something more chaste. He _felt_ affection for Harry, surely it shouldn't be too much of a challenge to show it. He needed to re-establish the closeness between them, to re-forge the deep connection they had shared.

He returned to the house to find Harry in the kitchen, his hair rather adorably sleep-ruffled. Deciding that there was no better time to put his strategy into action, he crossed the room and wrapped an arm around Harry's waist, placing a gentle kiss to the man's cheek.

"Morning," he said, trying not to laugh at Harry's look of surprise.

"Morning," Harry replied, flushing attractively.

"No Gabe?" Severus asked, removing his arm but staying close.

"I left him in bed. His temperature's a little high and he's not feeling very well."

"Can I do anything?" Severus asked, concerned.

"No, I'll just let him sleep for a bit. It's probably just a summer cold."

Severus nodded and said, "If he's not better by this evening I'll brew him a fever-reducing potion."

"Thanks," Harry said with a smile, and Severus realised just how much pleasure could be drawn simply from being near him. Harry had said that they were a very physical couple, that Severus always found ways to touch him, and Severus could understand that now. The urge to be near the man was overwhelming.

"What are your plans for the day?" he asked, resting against the kitchen table, unable to stop himself from reaching out and smoothing down Harry's wild hair.

"Um…I have prep work to do…and um…a speech to write," Harry replied, seemingly flustered.

"A speech?"

"Yeah…for the third year students at The London School of Art. God knows why they want me to speak."

"Perhaps because you're a world-class artist," Severus asked dryly.

Harry waved a dismissive hand and said, "Blah blah blah. What are you doing with yourself?"

Smiling at Harry's modesty, Severus said, "I must make a trip to Diagon. Several of my supplies are running low and I also need to make a visit to Mr Longbottom's establishment. As much as it pains me to say it, the quality of his stock is head and shoulders above anything else."

Harry laughed and said, "You reconciled yourself to that a long time ago."

"Surely the most improbable thing of all." He glanced up at the clock and said, "I'll be on my way. I should be back to have lunch with you."

Seizing the bull by the horns, Severus leant forward and brushed his lips against Harry's in the merest suggestion of a kiss. Harry froze but didn't pull back and Severus knew that it would serve him well not to push the issue.

"I'll see you later then," he said, cupping Harry's cheek gently before he apparated away.

He felt strangely giddy. Touching Harry, being near him, was a heady experience and he realised that he didn't need to push the issue of sex while he could still be close to his husband.

He spent a pleasant hour wandering around Diagon, attending to everything he needed to. The place hadn't changed all that much in seventeen years, although signs of repair were evident here and there. He procured all the necessary things he needed from Slug & Jiggers then made his way to Neville's herbology shop.

"Ah Severus, good morning," the man said brightly from behind the counter, a pair of secateurs in his hand.

"Good morning," Severus replied, still surprised at just how easy the man was with him. He was very much the same person he had been during his schooldays but his confidence had certainly improved.

"What can I do for you today?"

"I need an order of Himalayan poppies and an order of Pacific seaweed."

"No problem," Neville said, making notes as Severus spoke. "Oh I tell you what – I've just taken a look at my nightshade and it's the best batch yet. Do you want some?"

"That would be wonderful, thank you."

"Excellent. Now, let me see – "

"Severus!"

His name was called so urgently that Severus' hand automatically went for his wand. He turned to see Ron making his way through the shop, very obviously worried.

"Oh thank Merlin you're here," he said breathlessly.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Gabe," Ron said, and a nasty shock went through him. "He's collapsed. Harry and Drake have taken him to St Mungo's."

"What – " Severus sputtered, unable to coherently utter anything. A real sense of fear gripped him; his son was in danger and his protective instincts felt like they were going into overdrive.

"Come on, let's get you there," Ron said gently, looping his arm through Severus'.

"I hope everything's ok," Neville said before Ron apparated himself and Severus off to the hospital.

"Here, this way," Ron directed him, keeping a firm hand on his arm as he led him through to the children's ward. Harry and Draco were waiting together in a little side room, Harry pacing, his face ashen.

Instinct kicked in and he wrapped the man tightly in his arms, holding him close to his chest as Harry buried his face in his shoulder. "What happened?" Severus asked, cradling Harry's head gently, offering what comfort he could while his own heart thudded.

"He just…just collapsed. I got him here as quickly as I could but I don't…I don't know what's happening."

Harry pulled back but stayed within Severus' embrace. "They whisked him away and I just…I don't…"

"Ssh, it's ok," Severus soothed, wrapping Harry back up in his arms, wanting only to hold him close, to be there for him. "He's in the best place, they'll know how to help him."

He placed a kiss to the side of Harry's head and raked his hand through the thickness of Harry's hair. Harry held onto him tightly and together they stood drawing comfort from one another while Ron and Draco stood to the side looking equally concerned.

A fraught half an hour passed and very little was said in that time. Severus did what he could to support Harry, which mainly consisted of holding the man's hand or keeping him tucked tightly to his side. Severus couldn't deny that he was worried too. He wanted to be able to do something for his son rather than sitting impotently, waiting for news.

"Misters Potter-Snape," said a middle-aged woman as she entered the room. "I'm Healer Phillips, I'm in charge of your son's case."

"Is he ok? Can we see him?" Harry asked, wringing his hands agitatedly.

"He's stable but his condition is still serious. He isn't able to breathe without assistance and we're concerned that his heart is quite weak. Rest assured we're doing everything we can and Gabe is receiving the best care possible."

"Are we allowed to see him?" Severus asked, feeling sick to his stomach that there was nothing he could do to help his son.

"Of course, I'll take you to him. Be prepared – he's in a comatose state and there are spells in place to help him breathe. It might be a little distressing but I can assure you he's in no pain."

Ron and Draco stayed in the waiting room while the healer led Harry and Severus to Gabe's room. Seeing the small figure of his son lying prone on the hospital bed was enough to make Severus' stomach lurch and he wished for nothing more than Gabe's recovery.

Harry sat down next to Gabe's bed and gently took hold of the boy's hand. "I'm here sweetheart," he murmured. "Pa and I are here, we're waiting for you to wake up. You're going to be just fine, darling, I promise. Oh Severus," he said, looking up at him, trying to hold back tears.

"He'll be ok, love," Severus said, the endearment rolling off his tongue as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "He's tougher than either of us, he'll pull through."

It was a long afternoon and Severus and Harry sat by their son's bedside, each hoping for signs of improvement. Ron and Draco fetched a few things from Harry and Severus' home as it looked as though they would be staying for at least one night. Neither man had an appetite but several cups of coffee were fetched, mostly just to have something to do.

"Will you try and get some sleep?" Severus murmured to the mop of hair beneath his chin.

"Can't," Harry replied quietly as he lay cuddled into Severus' chest. They had transfigured the armchair into a small sofa and were sitting wrapped around one another as they kept vigil over Gabe.

"The healer said Gabe likely won't wake for at least a day. It won't do any harm to sleep for a bit."

Harry nestled closer and Severus ran a gentle hand through the man's hair. "I just want to be with him," Harry murmured quietly and Severus hated how vulnerable his husband sounded.

"I know, love," Severus said, using the endearment for a second time. It felt right and something inside Severus knew that that was what he normally called Harry.

He glanced over at the sleeping form of his son. Spells were keeping the boy's breathing level while also working to keep his heart pumping normally and Severus hated that Gabe had to go through so much at such a young age.

Harry had told him that they had ended up in the hospital with him several times over the years because of his heart condition but it had never been this serious before. Severus didn't know how he'd handled in the past but at that moment he was terrified.

It didn't matter that he had no memory of Gabe beyond the last few months, he had a connection to his son that transcended that. He loved him and all he wanted was to protect his child from any harm that might befall him. He hated feeling so powerless and he hated simply having to wait for answers.

"Do you want me to get you something to eat?" he asked, feeling grateful that he at least could focus on taking care of Harry.

"Couldn't face anything. I…could do with a cup of tea though, I need something sweet."

"I'll be right back," he promised, disentangling himself and placing a soft kiss to Harry's temple.

He made his way out into the corridor, the usual hospital bustle now lessened as afternoon turned to evening. His head was thumping but he hadn't eaten all day and he'd been existing solely on caffeine so he wasn't surprised.

When the sharp, stinging pain started attacking him though he knew he was about to be assaulted by another memory. He made his way into a mercifully empty waiting room and sank down into an overly padded chair. He focused on his breathing as the pain intensified and tried to just let the situation happen.

_~*~ "Where is the four-eyed twerp anyway?"_

" _I don't know," Severus replied, batting Ron's hand away from his cauldron. "He said he had an appointment this morning but I assumed it was with a client."_

" _Ah so we have the place to ourselves mm?" Ron said with a salacious wiggle of his eyebrows. "Care to take me to the bedroom for a tumble?"_

" _Whatever would Draco say?" Severus replied, trying not to smile at the man's idiocy._

" _Oh he'd understand. What man would pass up a romp in the sack with you?"_

" _You're a moron," Severus said with a snort._

" _You wound me with your vicious tongue," Ron said, grabbing a piece of samphire and popping it in his mouth._

" _I'm using that, you irritating git," Severus growled._

" _Mm, tasty."_

" _Why are you here?" Severus asked, smacking his hand and stopping him from swiping another piece._

" _You make me feel so unwanted," Ron said with a pout._

" _You_ _are_ _unwanted," Severus assured him._

" _You're just telling yourself that because you can't handle your love for me."_

" _That must be it," Severus said dryly, shooing the man away from his work station so he could grab the paring knife he needed. "You're awfully close to ending up in this potion."_

" _You'd never forgive yourself. Think how empty your life would be without me."_

" _I think you meant to say 'quiet'. I'll ask again – why are you here?"_

" _Came to show you and Four Eyes the finished plans for the new house, but I can't do that if he's not here."_

_Severus couldn't deny that he was excited. Ron had been working on the design for his and Harry's new house for months and they were now close to a conclusion. Ron's talent was breath-taking and he had done them proud with the beautiful home he had created for them._

" _Just show me then."_

_Ron sucked the air through his teeth and said, "Ooh, can't do that. Harry would have my head."_

" _Wimp," Severus scoffed._

" _I'm not arguing with you. Don't tell me your husband hasn't got you completely bending to his will. You're a total sap."_

" _Would you bugger off and let me get on with this bloody potion? You can compensate the client when I can't complete the order on time."_

" _You're so rude. I don't know why I put up with you. Fine, I'll pop back this evening, hopefully your bloody husband will be back by then. See you, sexy," he said, planting a wet, sloppy kiss on Severus' cheek and apparating away._

" _Pillock," Severus said with an affectionate smile, rubbing the wetness from his cheek._

_He glanced up at the clock; Harry had been gone a lot longer than he'd expected and he wondered where the man was. He absorbed himself in his work for the next half an hour but was relieved when he heard the front door of their shared flat open. He tidied up his station and went out into the hallway to see Harry hanging up his coat._

" _There you are, I was starting to worry about you," he said, greeting the man with a kiss. Harry's cheeks were flushed from the cold outside and Severus noted that his husband looked a little stunned. "Is something the matter?" he asked, concerned._

" _Um…no…not exactly," Harry said with a bemused frown. "Just…a little unexpected."_

" _What's unexpected?"_

" _I um…I've been at the doctor's this morning."_

" _The doctor's? Why, is something wrong?" Severus asked, taking Harry's hands as worry shot through him._

" _Severus," Harry said with a rather bewildered smile. "I'm…I'm going to have a baby."_

_Severus blinked in surprise, the word crashing in his ears. "A…a baby?" he repeated, not sure he fully understood._

_Harry nodded with an uncertain smile. "I'm eight weeks along. The doctor said the baby's nice and healthy and that I'm due in October."_

" _A baby," Severus said dumbly, his mind refusing to co-operate. "But…we haven't…we haven't taken any steps…I mean…"_

" _I know," Harry said, his eyes bright. "It happened naturally…which means – "_

" _A soulmate baby," Severus concluded, stunned._

" _Oh God, Sev are you ok with this? I mean we haven't really discussed children and I always got the impression that you didn't – "_

" _Harry," Severus said softly, reaching up to cup Harry's cheek tenderly. "You're going to have our child," he said reverently._

" _Then you're…you're happy about this?" Harry asked tentatively._

" _Oh love," Severus whispered, leaning forward and capturing Harry's lips in a sweet, slow kiss._

_In the space of a minute his whole world had been turned upside down and he felt punch drunk. The man he loved more than life itself was carrying their child in a conception that was so rare it was barely documented throughout history._

_He broke away and pressed a kiss to his husband's forehead. "Are_ _ you _ _happy about this?" he asked._

" _I've never been so excited in my life," Harry said with a childlike grin. "I'm going to be a dad! And…and we made something beautiful just by loving one another."_

" _Something beautiful indeed." ~*~_

Severus' head spun as he sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair, trying to untangle what he had just witnessed. No wonder Harry always avoided the topic of Gabe's conception; how could he explain that there had been no intervention when Severus had no memory of it?

Gabe was a soulmate baby, something that was as rare in the magical community as it was revered. Soulmate babies were conceived when the magic of a same sex couple combined during sex to forge a pocket of magic that developed into a viable embryo. Not only did the two parents have to possess power of enormous magnitude, their power had to be perfectly matched.

It was such a wondrous occurrence that it was marvelled at by both the scientific community and the romantic one, which had written poems and ballads on the subject for centuries. It was the stuff of myth and every old wizarding family made the spurious claim that there was a soulmate baby somewhere in their lineage.

He and Harry had created one though. Their magic was so powerful and their connection so strong that they had managed to create a life purely on the strength of their love. Gabe was nothing short of a miracle and Severus knew, with more clarity than he had felt in weeks, that even if he never regained his memory his place was with Harry and their son.

* * *

The spells controlling Gabe's breathing and heart functions were slowly eased off over the next couple of days and he was carefully brought out of his comatose state. Harry and Severus watched anxiously, Severus gently holding Harry to his side to offer what comfort he could.

Gabe came back to consciousness slowly and Harry and Severus watched nervously as their son took his first sputtering breaths unaided. He was disorientated for a few moments, taking in the hospital surroundings before he croaked, "Dad? Pa?"

"It's alright, sweetheart. We're here," Harry said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He held Gabe's hand gently and said, "How are you feeling?"

"My chest hurts," he said, his voice weak.

"That should ease throughout the day," Healer Phillips said from the foot of Gabe's bed.

"Can I go home?" Gabe asked, and Severus wanted nothing more than to grant his wish. He wanted to take his son away from the confines of the hospital and escape to the safety of their home.

"If we're pleased with your progress by the end of the day then possibly," the healer said with a smile. "Just take it easy, I'll come and check on you later."

She left the room and Severus let out a relieved sigh. He sat down next to Gabe and wrapped an arm around the boy, saying, "You gave us quite a fright."

He placed a kiss to his son's head and held him close, never having felt as connected to the boy as he did at that moment. Harry was looking at them both with a tearful smile and Severus knew how much it meant to him to see the closeness between them.

"You're as much hard work as your father," Harry said with a sniff. "I don't know why I put up with the pair of you." He reached into his pocket and extracted a tissue, dabbing his eyes with it.

"Come here," Severus said softly, and Harry came to sit the other side of Gabe, Severus wrapping his arm around both of them. This was his family and although he had barely any memory of their life together he knew that nothing had ever been as important to him.

Not wishing to overwhelm Gabe with anything too maudlin, they spent the afternoon keeping him occupied with stories and board games. Severus could see that Harry was practically existing on his nerves but he was putting on a brave face for their son. Amazed, yet again, at Harry's incredible forbearance, Severus could only be humbled by the incredible man his husband was.

Gabe made good progress throughout the day and Healer Phillips gave him the green light to go home when she made her checks. He had to come back into hospital twice a week to be monitored but they were all glad to finally be allowed to leave.

They settled him in his own bed and Severus read him a couple of chapters of _Treasure Island_ while Harry held the boy close to his chest. He fell asleep snuggled against his father and Severus felt a sharp and acute pang of affection for both his son and his husband.

Harry carefully extracted himself from Gabe and together he and Severus made their way down to the living room. There was perhaps half a moment's pause before Severus gathered Harry into his arms as the man began to sob. Severus held him close, stroking his hair gently as he let Harry relieve himself of the tension of the last few days.

"I was so frightened," Harry whispered as he clung on tightly.

"I know," Severus murmured. "But he's ok, he pulled through. He's going to be just fine."

"My poor little boy," Harry sobbed.

"Ssh, come on, you'll make yourself sick at this rate. Our son is back home safe and sound where he belongs."

Harry pulled back, his face tear-stained and his eyes red. "You've been great," he said breathlessly. "I wouldn't have coped without you."

"Oh Harry, you'd cope with anything," Severus said with a smile. "I was just as frightened. Gabe…Gabe means more to me than I ever expected possible."

"You love him?" Harry asked hopefully and Severus nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind Harry's ear.

"I remember practically nothing, but my love for our son is bigger than memory, as, I suspect, is my love for you."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked cautiously.

"Harry…I know that Gabe was a soulmate baby." Harry's eyes widened and Severus said, "I remembered the day you told me you were having him, how it happened naturally. Harry, whatever happens, whether I get my memory back or not, I know this is where I belong. You and I are meant to be together and I know that we can rebuild what we had."

"But so much has been lost," Harry said sadly.

"It doesn't matter. We have time to make new memories."

"Do you really believe that?"

"My life lies with you, Harry. I've never been more convinced of anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first came across the idea of a soulmate baby in MontanaDan's excellent 'To Have and To Hold' trilogy so I'm crediting them with this concept. I don't know if it exists elsewhere but this story was my introduction to the notion. If you haven't read the trilogy then I urge you to do so, it's absolutely exquisite writing.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review and let me know.
> 
> I know a lot of you use this as a safe space and read fanfic to escape for a bit but it would be remiss of me not to address what's been happening in the world over the last few days. It's heartbreaking and frightening and I send my support and love to those of you affected. There's little I can say but I fully support the Black Lives Matter movement and (as a white person) I'm continuing my education in racism and inequality and the steps I can take to improve our world.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  


_~*~ "Merlin Harry! Snape? I mean…I know you've been spending all that time together but still!"_

Ron was rather flustered and he wasn't showing any signs of becoming less so. They were sequestered away in the dorm, sitting on Harry's bed with the curtains drawn and the strongest warding spells Harry knew.

"Have the two of you – "

"No," Harry interjected quickly. He wasn't willing to impart everything he and Severus had gone through but he settled for saying, "Nothing's going to happen while I'm still in school but…we are…involved."

"Christ…I don't know what to say. It's mental, you have to agree."

Harry laughed and said, "That's putting it mildly."

"Harry," Ron said, his voice becoming more gentle, "do you love him?"

"Yes," Harry answered simply. "God help me I know it's crazy but I do. I can see a future with him, I _want_ a future with him. This thing, whatever it is, means a lot to me. _He_ means a lot to me."

"You never take the easy route do you, mate?" Ron asked with a wry smile.

"What and have a boring life? Nah." Harry paused and fiddled with the edge of the duvet for a moment before saying, "Are you ok with this?"

Ron's smile was reassuring as he said, "I think you've finally lost it for good this time but if this is what you want, if he makes you happy, then I support you." Ron paused and scratched the stubble on his chin with a thoughtful expression. "Actually, now I think about it, I'm not really sure who else you could have ended up with."

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't exactly had a normal life, have you? I can't see you trotting off into the sunset with a nice, simple 7th year whose only concern has ever been getting his homework in on time. You need someone who understands you, who knows what you've been through."

Relieved that Ron could understand how a connection between himself and Severus had formed, Harry couldn't help but grin. "I don't know what it says about me that my soulmate lies in a bitter, cantankerous teacher."

"Soulmate eh?" Ron asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well," Harry said, feeling his face flush, "I guess only time will tell."

"Blimey, you've got it bad," Ron laughed, reaching up and pulling Harry into a crushing bear hug. "I think you're an insane, four-eyed twerp, but I support you."

"Thanks Ron," Harry said quietly, knowing how much it would have hurt if Ron had taken the news badly. He needed his best friend now more than ever as he embarked upon this strange new chapter of his life.

They untangled themselves and Harry removed the wards from around the bed. They emerged from behind the curtains just as Draco entered the dorm. He folded his arms over his chest and eyed them both imperiously.

"I sincerely hope you both have an explanation for being in bed together in the middle of the day," he said, and Harry braced himself for the ensuing row.

Instead, Ron grinned and said, "Don't worry, blondie, next time we'll invite you."

"I'd rather not, thank you," Draco said with a sniff, and Harry watched in fascination as Ron wrapped his arms about the boy and gave him a rather tender kiss.

"Oh do stop gawping, Potter," Draco said with a smirk. "I assure you I'm confident enough in my abilities to keep Ron adequately satisfied that he wouldn't have to resort to a quickie with you."

Harry grinned, hearing the humour behind the insult, and said, "I've been keeping Ron satisfied for years. He always comes crawling back to me."

"I rather like being treated like a piece of meat by two blokes," Ron said with a pleased smirk, holding Draco tightly.

They went well together, Harry had to admit, and he felt that Draco genuinely cared about Ron. He couldn't help but admire how resilient Draco was, how he still managed to hold his head high after everything he'd been through. He had resolved to be civil to the bloke for Ron's sake but he was starting to appreciate Draco on his own merits.

"Come on, let's go and get some dinner, I'm starving," Ron said, leading Draco out of the room with his arm wrapped around the blond's waist. Harry followed and quietly wondered whether he and Severus would ever behave so openly in public.

It already felt illicit that he was referring to the man by his first name, could they ever walk out and about wrapped around one another as Ron and Draco were doing? Severus was hardly the type of person to engage in public displays of affection, that much was true, but Harry knew just how tactile the man was capable of being.

He listened to Ron and Draco's bickering as they walked through the halls, smiling at how oddly familiar it was. He wasn't sure if they would ever be a lovey-dovey couple, but their chemistry was off the charts and Harry could see how well they went together.

"Well well, look what we have here," came a voice behind them just as they were about to round the corridor that led to the Great Hall.

With a sense of trepidation, they turned to find themselves faced with a contingent of Slytherins, all of whom looked like they were out for blood.

"Found yourself a boyfriend, Draco?" asked a 7th year called Anderson, who was flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, several others standing behind him.

"Yes thank you," Draco said breezily, tucking himself more tightly into Ron's side.

"Figures you'd go for a blood traitor," Anderson said with a nasty sneer.

"Yes it does, doesn't it?" Draco replied defiantly. "See, I like my men just the right side of homicidal zealot."

"Thanks love," Ron said with a smirk, which only seemed to anger the baying group further.

"You'd side with them over your own people?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you or to anyone," Draco said so haughtily that Harry couldn't help but smile, impressed with just how much of a git the boy could be when he wanted to.

"I'd get lost if I were you," Ron said, his posture so lazy it looked as though he was discussing quidditch scores with a friend.

"Or what?" Anderson asked nastily.

"Or we'll knock you on your arse," Harry said, sparing a moment to appreciate the irony of getting in a fight on behalf of Draco bloody Malfoy.

"Oh you really think you can?" Anderson asked and his cohorts tittered around him.

Harry smiled and said, "Do you really want to find out?"

The Slytherins moved first, of that he was certain, but chaos ensued so quickly that Harry had no time to think. Curses and hexes flew, the kind that had certainly never been taught at Hogwarts, but Harry had been trained by Severus and his skills were more than a match for a few self-entitled purebloods.

There were several near-misses but he subdued Crabbe and Goyle almost immediately, while a couple of the others abandoned their wands altogether and resorted to using their fists. They were no match for Ron though, who, while suffering a bloodied nose, dispatched three of their attackers with ease.

Anderson was the only one left fighting and he managed to shoot off a slicing hex to Harry's face before Harry decided enough was enough. Gathering all his energy to him he cast a subduing curse at the whole group, which flung all their aggressors to the ground in one fell swoop, the power of it reverberating so hard the walls shook.

"Merlin Potter, you're such a show-off," Draco said, eyeing his torn sleeve with disgust. "Ever consider a career in the theatre?" He extracted a handkerchief and dabbed gently at Ron's bloodied nose while Harry felt his cheek burn from Anderson's slicing hex.

The force of his final spell brought teachers running from the Great Hall and McGonagall appeared right before Severus. Harry's stomach fluttered at the sight of him and he had to school his features into passive neutrality.

"What on earth has happened here?" McGonagall asked while Severus fixed the whole group with a glare.

"These cretins decided to attack us," Draco said, still attending to Ron's injury. "Potter here made them regret it."

Harry grinned in spite of himself and said, "I won't be apologising for it. If people want to attack me then they can suffer the consequences."

He saw Severus' lip quirk and he couldn't help but feel pride. He meant what he said and he wanted everyone to think twice about making the mistake of attacking him again.

"Indeed, Mr Potter," McGonagall said with a hint of amusement. "Let's get the injured to the hospital wing. Severus, I trust you will wish to deal with your Slytherins?"

"Indeed I shall," Severus replied in a voice so smooth it made Harry shiver. Oh but it was fun to be the man's lover.

It was a few hours later, after a trip to the hospital and a very belated dinner that Harry made his way to Severus' quarters. He stepped through the floo and found Severus at his desk, a stack of essays at his elbow.

"An impressive performance," the man said with a raised eyebrow.

"I had a good teacher," Harry said with a smile.

Severus stood and crossed the room to gently run his fingers over the raised welt on Harry's cheek. The gesture was so tender that Harry felt a sigh escape his lips.

"Did you leave Anderson alive?" Harry asked with a smirk as neither he nor Severus made any move to separate themselves.

"Just," Severus replied dryly. "He'll be in detention until he graduates."

"Draco will be pleased."

"They were after him?"

Harry nodded and said, "They got me instead."

"You sound very confident," Severus said as he wound his arms around Harry and pulled him closer.

"Ask Anderson if he agrees," Harry said cockily, enjoying the simmering look of approval in the man's eyes.

Severus lowered his head and Harry rose up to meet him readily, winding his arms around the man's neck as the kiss immediately deepened. The man's tongue invaded his mouth in a sensual assault and Harry welcomed it eagerly. There was something liberating about passion that wasn't going to lead to sex; he could simply revel in the exquisite sensations that Severus' attentions brought.

The man's hands travelled up and down his sides gently, ghosting over his back and insinuating themselves over the curve of his backside. It was nothing short of heaven and Harry breathed a happy sigh as Severus' lips moved to his jaw then his throat.

"You're a feast for the senses," Severus murmured into his ear as he licked the shell of it.

"Mm," was all Harry could manage as Severus captured his lips once again. He pulled his body flush against the man's and allowed himself to get lost, just briefly, in the perfect simplicity of giving himself entirely over to the man whose arms he was in.

They both pulled back reluctantly and Severus traced his fingers over Harry's bottom lip. "You look perfect when you've been kissed thoroughly," he said, his voice a deep rumble in his chest.

"Feel pretty damn good too," Harry replied with a grin, feeling a rather insistent ache in his groin. There was of course a downside to not letting one's passion govern proceedings and Harry couldn't deny that he was looking forward to the day when they could go beyond kissing.

"You'll be the death of me," Severus said, running a hand through Harry's hair, and Harry couldn't help but smile at the affectionate gesture.

"I hope not," Harry said cheekily, "not when I have so much planned for you."

Severus blinked in an effort to compose himself but Harry could see the smile tugging the corner of the man's mouth.

"Have I actually rendered you speechless?" Harry teased.

"A valiant attempt, better luck next time," Severus said with a swat to Harry's backside before he moved to sit on the sofa.

Harry joined him, feeling giddy at not only the delightful kiss they had shared but at the easy familiarity between them. Oh he was in trouble, there was no two ways about it.

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Harry said, tucking his feet beneath him. "When Anderson and his crew attacked us I saw Pansy Parkinson watching from one of the alcoves."

"Watching?" Severus asked with a frown.

Harry nodded. "Looked to me like she was the real instigator, not Anderson. Too clever to get her hands dirty I guess."

"Mm, sounds about right. We'll have to watch her, although I suspect she'll rethink her tactics after seeing your display of power."

Harry couldn't help but give the man a slightly smug smile as he said, "If only she knew I was operating on 10% of it."

Severus' eyebrow quirked as though he had suspected as much. He reached out and gently traced Harry's jaw with his fingertips, saying softly, "Truly impressive, Mr Potter."

"I'll try and remember that the next time you knock me on my arse in training."

* * *

Severus felt a strange sense of contentment roll through him as he sat out in the garden, his long legs stretched out in front of him as the sun cast a gentle warmth over him. Harry was sitting next to him on the comfortable sofa, his feet tucked beneath him in an endearingly boyish fashion as he read.

On the sofa opposite Gabe was fast asleep, snoring softly. He had been home from the hospital for a week and seemed to be progressing well. He tired easily and his breathing could become laboured if he exerted himself too much but he was back to his bubbly and happy self.

The fright Severus had experienced when Gabe had been hospitalised was akin to nothing he'd felt before. To feel so helpless while his child was in danger was abhorrent and he had never felt terror like it. He glanced across at his sleeping son and allowed himself a smile at how peaceful the boy looked.

"Well that was a waste of an hour," Harry said, closing his book with a crinkle of his nose.

"No good?"

"Utter tripe. I couldn't find the book I wanted, I must have left it at the cottage."

"The cottage?" Severus echoed, asking for clarification.

Harry smiled and said, "The cottage where we spent my 7th year Christmas and Easter. It belonged to Dumbledore, he left it to us in his will. We spend a few weeks a year there, Gabe loves it."

"We…went there after the war," Severus ventured, the knowledge coming to him in a strange, fragmented kind of way.

"We did," Harry said with a hopeful smile. "We spent a year living there, just the two of us. It was a strange time but…we both needed it. We needed time to heal…in a lot of ways."

"Were you wounded in the final battle?" Severus asked and Harry's face took on the usual shuttered expression it always did when Severus asked about that time.

"Yes," Harry said softly.

Severus knew that he would get nothing else from his husband and so decided not to push it, instead asking, "When was the last time we went to the cottage?"

"Last Christmas," Harry replied, looking grateful that Severus hadn't pressed the issue. "We were meant to spend some time there this summer but…" Harry trailed off with a shrug.

"We could still go," Severus said with a frown; his memory loss didn't have to impede a trip to a pleasant cottage.

"No," Harry said quietly, shaking his head. "I can't go back there with you…like this. It was where…where we made love for the first time. I couldn't go back with you…sleep in that bed, when you have no memory of it."

"Harry, we can't keep letting this put a stall on our lives," Severus said with a sigh, feeling frustrated.

"It isn't about that," Harry said with a huff of agitation before he got up and headed back into the house.

Severus wasn't content to let the matter lie, however, and he cast a quick look at Gabe before he followed Harry inside. He found the man standing by the kitchen sink, his head bowed as he braced himself on his arms.

Deciding that words never really served him where Harry was concerned, he grabbed the man firmly by the shoulders and turned him around. Harry tried to resist but Severus held him and said softly, "No Harry, don't fight this."

He enveloped the man in his arms and felt Harry give in, despite his resistance. The kiss was exquisite, deep and passionate, with both men pouring themselves into it. Harry's hands dug into Severus' shoulders almost painfully and Severus held the man tightly against his body as he plundered his mouth.

He moved one hand to cradle his husband's head, his fingers splaying through the soft black locks as Harry's kiss became more confident and insistent. It was still new to Severus but his body reacted so intensely to Harry, knew just what to do to provoke those delicious breathy moans that Harry was making.

His free hand travelled the length of Harry's slim torso, delighting in the play of muscles beneath his fingers. He slid his hand beneath the thin fabric of Harry's shirt and let his palm splay over smooth pale skin. Harry moaned appreciatively and Severus let his instincts guide him as his fingers danced over skin they remembered well.

He moved his lips to Harry's jaw, his throat, down to his collarbone, tasting, exploring, while Harry arched beneath him. He moved to Harry's ear and let his tongue trail the delicate shell before murmuring, "This is us, Harry. This is where we belong."

"But – " Harry offered feebly, his breath shuddering.

"No," Severus whispered. "No more fighting against it. Stop playing the noble Gryffindor and give into this."

"Severus," Harry said shakily, and Severus took pity on him enough to pull back slightly. The man looked thoroughly undone and Severus couldn't help but feel elated that he was the cause.

"This is how it's supposed to be, Harry," Severus said softly, brushing his fingers along the sharpness of Harry's jaw. "I've watched us in your memories, I know how I feel when I'm near you. We're not meant to be apart."

Harry's cheeks were flushed with arousal but Severus could feel the tension and hesitation humming through the man's body. "You aren't my husband," he said almost defiantly and Severus growled in frustration as he pressed himself hard against Harry's body.

"Does your husband kiss you like I just kissed you? Does he map out the planes of your body with his fingers? Does he know how to touch you to make you come undone beneath his hands?"

"Sev – "

"Harry I _am_ him," Severus insisted, feeling the heat rolling off Harry's body, knowing how it was responding to him. "I know I don't have all his memories but on some fundamental level I remember everything."

"Do you?" Harry asked, his eyes flashing. "Do you remember the feel of me beneath you? Do you remember how it feels to slide inside me and lose yourself completely?"

"Why are you fighting this?" Severus asked through gritted teeth, Harry's words going straight to his groin.

"Because I want my husband back! I don't want a pale imitation of him."

"You need to reconcile yourself to the fact that I may never be that man again. Does that mean you're willing to throw everything else away?

He could see the conflict in the man's eyes, the questions that Harry really didn't have any answers for. "You don't love me," Harry said eventually, his voice quiet and small. "Just because there's still chemistry between us doesn't mean it can substitute real feelings."

"You won't give me a chance to see if those feelings will develop," Severus countered. "I fell in love with you once, Harry, give me the chance and I'll be able to do so again."

"I don't want to re-write our history," Harry said forcefully. "I don't want to lose everything we had."

"Something that powerful could never be lost," Severus said, wondering when he'd become a romantic sap. "Stop holding me at arm's length. I won't let you shut me out."

"I'm not trying to," Harry protested but Severus could see the flash of guilt in the man's eyes.

The passion and heat now dimmed, Severus decided instead to channel those feelings into tenderness. He brushed the hair from Harry's forehead and moved his hand down the man's face to cup his cheek gently.

"Do you still love me?" he asked softly, half afraid of the answer.

"Fucking hell, Sev, of course I bloody do."

"Then stop putting up barriers between us. We'll only get through this together." He traced a finger over Harry's still-swollen bottom lip and said, "I'm still the man you married, I'm still the father of your child. Hold onto that."

* * *

_~*~ Harry was certain that every nerve in his body was on fire. Severus' hands seemed to be everywhere and he wanted nothing more than to shed every last piece of clothing between them and press himself against the man skin on skin. He had been backed up against the wall, Severus' mouth hot and insistent against his own._

There was nothing in the world to compare to being kissed by Severus. It was all-encompassing, it governed him completely and he adored giving himself over to the man completely. He knew that Severus was holding himself back and it was almost frightening to think how intense things would be when there were no restrictions placed on them.

"Excellent execution of a difficult curse, Mr Potter," Severus murmured against Harry's skin as he nipped his way along Harry's jawline.

"If I knew this would be my reward I'd have mastered it months ago," Harry said breathlessly and Severus laughed against his throat.

"Imagine, the Gryffindor golden boy being incentivised by illicit moments of passion with his teacher."

"Ok that's fighting dirty," Harry said with a groan, impossibly aroused by Severus' words and the images they conjured up.

"My apologies," Severus said, pulling back, not looking the least bit sorry.

Harry sighed happily and said, "One day we're going to do it on your desk."

"Now who's fighting dirty?" Severus asked with a growl, his eyes darkening.

"Sorry," Harry said just as insincerely, grinning at the man.

"Brat. Come on, that's enough training for the night."

"Can't take me, hm?" Harry asked with a cheeky grin, knowing all too well the double meaning of the question. His only response was a quirked eyebrow from his lover and a rather enigmatic smile.

They gathered their things and made their way from the Room of Requirement back to Severus' quarters. It had been an intense training session, in more ways than one, and Harry was tired but pleased with his performance. He was learning to channel the intense power he had, to make it work for him rather than letting it lie dormant in his body.

He felt like he was giving Severus a run for his money now rather than constantly being on the back foot. He felt like the man's opponent rather than his student and it helped in his quest to become Severus' equal. The fact that their lessons now seemed to end with intense kissing sessions up against the wall was simply an added bonus.

"Drink?" Severus asked as they arrived back in his quarters and Harry flopped down on the sofa.

"Tea would be great," Harry said with a smile, loving how comfortable he felt in Severus' home.

He spent more time there than anywhere and of course Severus' presence went a long way to helping that. While they spent most of their time training or researching, they had, by silent agreement, decided to devote Sunday evenings to time together without anything else getting in the way.

He was surprised at how personal their conversations had become. They had spoken long into the night about their childhoods, their home lives, if such they could be called, the hopes and aspirations they had formed and lost along the way. There were never any awkward silences and it made Harry hopeful that there was more between them than just mind-blowing attraction.

His eyes fell to the coffee table and he noticed a scroll perched daintily on top of a stack of potions journals. He recognised Dumbledore's neat writing and said, "Severus have you seen this?"

Trying not to be too distracted by how enjoyable it was to call the man by his first name, he watched as Severus scanned the missive with a frown.

"The headmaster wants to see us," he said, looking up at Harry.

"Both of us?"

Severus nodded and said, "As soon as we're done with training."

"Do you think he knows…about us?" Harry asked with trepidation.

"I shouldn't think so," Severus said certainly, although Harry could detect a hint of uncertainty in the man's voice.

"Either way," Harry said with a sense of foreboding, "he probably hasn't summoned us for a cosy late-night chat."

"Probably not," Severus agreed. He stepped closer and ran a hand through Harry's hair, Harry leaning into the affectionate gesture. "No point worrying."

"No, disaster finds me anyway," Harry said with a sardonic smile before he leant up and pressed a soft kiss to the man's lips.

"I'm not sure I care for that pet name," Severus said as they both moved to the fireplace and Harry was still chuckling as he stepped through the flames in Dumbledore's office.

"Ah Harry, Severus," Dumbledore greeted them, and his solemn face was enough to sober Harry completely. "Please do take a seat."

They sat down in chairs opposite the headmaster's desk and Harry resisted the sudden urge to reach for Severus' hand. He tried to school his face into a neutral expression and told himself he'd done nothing wrong.

"Why are we here, Albus?" Severus asked, and Harry envied the man his control.

Dumbledore looked so uncomfortable that Harry knew they weren't there to be chastised. His stomach dropped to his shoes and he wanted, more than ever, to reach for Severus for some comfort.

"I have news."

Never in his life had that sentence meant anything good for Harry and he braced himself, trying to steady his breathing and stamp down the rising feeling of nausea.

"We're all ears, headmaster," Severus said, and Harry's lip quirked at the man's imperious tone.

"There is no easy way to say this, indeed I have been wrestling with it for the best part of a week. The Order have now found and destroyed all the horcruxes apart from Nagini and the last remaining one."

Harry's heartbeat sped up as his mouth went dry. There could be only one reason that they were being told this in person.

"Harry, I'm so very sorry. It's been checked and double-checked countless times but there's no doubt that you yourself are the remaining horcrux."

Harry heard Severus' sharp intake of breath beside him right as his pulse crashed so loudly in his ears it deafened him. He was up and out of his chair so quickly it tipped over and he braced himself against a nearby bookshelf as his stomach rolled with sickness.

He heard Severus say his name and the man was by his side in an instant. One of Severus' hands rested against his upper back while the other anchored itself at the base of his neck. "Breathe, Harry," he said, his voice low and soft "It's ok, just take deep breaths."

Harry focused on the man's deep voice as it washed over him, the only thing grounding him in reality. He concentrated on the warmth of Severus' hands, on his lover's proximity as the man's lips came close to his ear as he murmured soothing words.

"Harry," Dumbledore ventured, but Severus cut him off.

"Just leave him, Albus," the man said sternly. "I'm taking him back to my quarters."

"Severus, we need – "

"What I need to do right now is look after Harry," he said and Harry was so grateful to have the man as his protector. "We can discuss this in the morning when Harry's had a chance to sleep."

"Severus, I really don't think – "

"Albus for pity's sake, just back off."

Harry had never heard anyone speak to Dumbledore like that, especially Severus, who always tried to maintain his control where the headmaster was concerned.

He felt Severus' hands guide him and he was pressed to the man's side as he was led back to the floo. He found himself back in Severus' quarters and was immediately wrapped in the man's arms. He burrowed in as tightly as he could, trying to ground himself. He felt detached, shell-shocked, and parts of his body were starting to go numb from the madness of it.

"Stay there," Severus instructed gently. He moved to the cabinet in the corner and Harry watched him pour out a large tumbler of some kind of amber liquid. He brought it back to Harry and said, "Drink it all down."

Harry wasn't fond of alcohol; he usually abstained when the Gryffindor boys managed to swipe some, not liking the taste nor the effect it had on him. He accepted it though and drank it down in three large gulps. It burnt and he coughed, wishing it had had some sort of magical, instantaneous effect.

He was in Severus' arms again, the man's lips brushing over his cheeks and up into his hairline. The action was so tender that all Harry could do was close his eyes and drink it all in. "It's alright," Severus murmured. "It's going to be fine."

Harry wanted to ask how on earth it was going to be fine but he didn't have the heart to. He wanted to take all the comfort Severus could offer, to let it sink into his skin and drown out the horror that threatened to overwhelm him.

"Come," Severus said, and Harry let himself be led into the man's bedroom. At another time he might have felt excitement at the sight of the man's bed, might have harboured fantasies about what they could get up to in it. At that moment he could think of nothing but trying to escape from the information that was assaulting him.

He felt Severus tip his head back carefully and a vial was placed to his lips. He was instructed to drink and it was testament to how much he trusted the man that he complied without question. Severus helped him out of his jumper then pushed him gently to sit on the bed while he removed his shoes and socks.

"Lie down," Severus murmured and Harry did so, the smell of the bedsheets enveloping him, smelling just as his lover did. He was covered with a blanket and Severus sat beside him, tenderly raking his fingers through Harry's hair. "Sleep. The draught will kick in in a moment."

"Severus," Harry whispered, unable to say anything more. He felt weighed down by the sheer terror that was rolling through him and he couldn't remember when he had felt so frightened.

"Well find a way, Harry. I promise. Just rest for now."

He got up to leave but Harry grabbed his hand and said, "Stay. Please."

After a moment's hesitation, Severus shifted out of his outer robe and toed off his shoes then settled on the bed next to Harry. He pressed his chest against Harry's back and wrapped him tightly in his arms, kissing the back of his neck lightly. Impossible though it should have been, Harry drifted off to sleep within moments.

When he woke he was alone and aware that there were voices coming from the living room. Feeling a weariness deep down in his bones he got up from the bed and padded quietly to the door, hearing Severus speaking to the headmaster in tones that weren't exactly cordial.

"You'll leave him until the morning, Albus. I'm not having him disturbed."

"He shouldn't be here in the first place, Severus," Dumbledore said sternly. "You have a student sleeping in your bedroom, the same bedroom you emerged from when I arrived."

"What are you accusing me of?" Severus asked, and Harry had to be impressed at just how indignant the man sounded.

"Severus do me the courtesy of not treating me like a fool. I saw how you were with him in my office, how you talked to him…how you touched him."

There was cold silence for a moment before Severus finally said, "What do you want me to say, Albus? I love him, that's the fact of the matter."

Harry was so shocked he could barely breathe. Severus had never made any such declaration to him but he had felt it whenever the man touched him, whenever he was in his arms.

"Nothing improper has happened between us – "

_Well, that was a rather broad interpretation of the facts._

" – but not because of my scruples, because of his. If I had my way I would have taken him to my bed weeks ago and made him mine."

Harry shivered at the man's words and the passion with which he said them. God but he loved the man and he wanted nothing more than to tell him. Sick of hiding in the shadows, he left the bedroom and crossed the living room to wrap himself around Severus and kiss him soundly.

He had no idea what had driven him to do so in front of the headmaster but it felt as though he was taking a step to finally taking control of his own life. He pulled back and looked at Dumbledore, who was looking at them both with angry disapproval.

"I love him," Harry said simply, feeling Severus' hold tighten. "Frankly, after hearing what I heard tonight I couldn't care less what you think."

"Harry, you're a student under Professor Snape's care, a student who – "

"A student you've been training to be a killer," Harry interjected forcefully. "You've pushed me and Severus together countless times and if you think I'm the same as any other student here then you're seriously mistaken. You've used me time and time again and now it's time I had something for myself."

Dumbledore's expression turned sad and he shook his head despondently. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Harry, but it doesn't change the fact that you're both violating numerous rules with this relationship."

"I'm willing to swear under veritaserum that nothing physical has happened between us."

"Harry – "

"But if that isn't good enough I'll drop out and no longer be a student."

He didn't know what had compelled him to say it and part of him knew that he was calling Dumbledore's bluff. He felt angry at the man, angry at never having any autonomy over his own life and he would be damned if he let anyone take Severus away from him.

"Harry," Dumbledore sighed, "that isn't – "

"Professor," Harry said coldly, drawing his power around him like a cloak. He felt the air crackle and he said, "In all likelihood I won't live to see my 18th birthday. Do you really think I care about petty school rules at this point?"

Dumbledore appeared dumbstruck and Severus only compounded the issue, saying, "I shall tender my resignation immediately."

Dumbledore took a moment to collect himself and Harry knew they had both disappointed the old man. For once he didn't care.

"That won't be necessary," he said eventually. "You will both stay at this school until the end of the academic year but I must ask that you not continue with your…relationship during that time."

Harry couldn't stop himself from laughing and he shook his head, saying, "Not a chance. I've already decided that nothing sexual will take place while I'm a student but if you think we'll just abandon our relationship you must be mad."

"And does Harry speak for both of you?" Dumbledore asked Severus, an obvious challenge in his voice.

Severus pulled Harry closer, his stance defiant as he said, "He does."

Dumbledore looked furious and defeated all at once but Harry didn't care. He had had enough of the man's machinations to last him a lifetime and he was done with being used as a pawn. Without another word the old man left Severus' quarters, the anger trailing behind him like a swish of robes.

"Bloody hell," Harry said, letting out a slow breath. "Cat's out of the bag now."

"These were not the circumstances under which I wanted to make my declaration," Severus said quietly and Harry turned in his arms to face him.

"I'll take it any way I can get it," Harry said with a smile, "as long as you mean it."

"I've never meant anything more."

"You might want to rethink nailing your flag to his particular mast," Harry said as reality gave him a sharp poke in the ribs. "I'll likely not make it to 18."

"Don't say that," Severus said forcefully.

"It's true," Harry pressed. "If I really am the last horcrux then…I have to die, there's no other way."

"We'll find another way," Severus said, grasping Harry's upper arms firmly.

"Severus – "

"No, Harry. I won't stand by and let the man I love die."

Harry's heart jumped at the declaration even as he knew that there was no way of avoiding his fate. It seemed too cruel that he had finally found happiness in his life only to have it snatched away from him.

He couldn't argue with Severus; the man believed what he was saying so completely. Instead he rose up on his toes and lost himself in the man's kiss, letting him chase away all thoughts of the impending doom he was sure to face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a really rough few days so I decided to cheer myself up with an update. I hope you enjoyed it, please leave a review and let me know. I hope you're all well and safe x


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16  


_~ "This is absolutely interminable."_

" _Oh Severus do shut up," Draco drawled beside him. "Drink the free champagne and smile for the cameras."_

" _The war has been over for years. Why do we need to hold a bloody anniversary party for it?"_

" _Do I have to cope with your griping for the entire evening? You're only sulking because Harry's been whisked away from you."_

_Draco had of course hit the nail on the head. As soon as they had arrived at the Ministry reception Harry had been surrounded by a mass of people who all wanted his attention. They had tried to ensnare him but a fierce glare had swiftly put an end to that while he had retreated to the shadows and waited for Harry to come back to him._

_It was jarring to be among so many people; he and Harry were a very private couple and they spent much of their time just the two of them shut off from the rest of the world. He wanted nothing more than to escape back home with his lover and spend the night lost in passion._

" _Where's Ron?" he asked and Draco smiled._

" _Where do you think? He's at the buffet stuffing his face. You'd think I didn't feed him."_

_Ron and Draco were among the few people Harry and Severus saw regularly and they were welcome visitors to the London flat they shared. They had moved into their own modest apartment in Hogsmeade while Ron continued in his architectural studies._

_Harry had just finished his own studies at The London School of Art and would be taking up an apprenticeship with a magical portrait artist in September. Severus was extremely proud of him and it had been a joy to watch him flourish as he explored and honed his talent._

" _Oh I see Ginny's finally decided to show up. She looks bloody gorgeous."_

_Severus followed Draco's line of sight and saw Ginny standing resplendent in navy blue robes. She was an extremely striking woman and most of the heads in the room had turned her way. It seemed, however, that she only had eyes for one person and Severus was sure his eyes were playing tricks on him._

" _Is that Lupin?" he asked incredulously._

" _Mmhm," Draco said with a wicked smile. "Aren't they hot together?"_

" _Hot?" Severus echoed, wondering if Draco needed his head testing._

" _Hell yes. She's stunning and he's got that whole werewolf edge thing. They look damn good together."_

" _If you say so."_

_Trust Ginny to end up with a man twice her age who was a werewolf to boot. In all fairness, someone her own age wouldn't have measured up; she'd have eaten the poor bugger whole._

_He sipped at his sub-par champagne and scanned the rest of the crowd until finally his eyes found Harry. Smiling, even though he rarely did so in public, he let his eyes roam over the man's gorgeous form. He was wearing grey robes that might have looked drab on someone else but on him they looked elegant and timelessly classic._

_He was talking to Ron, who had joined him with a ridiculously full plate of food. His face was alight with laughter, his beautiful smile illuminating his face, his eyes dancing as he spoke. It was sometimes hard to believe that this breath-taking man had chosen him as his partner but Severus was too in love with the man to question it._

" _God you're sickening," Draco said with a laugh. "Don't let the press see you with that soppy look on your face or your reputation will be in tatters."_

" _My reputation was in tatters when I took up with the brat," he replied, his attention taken by the sight of Harry making his way through the crowds toward him. He had to wonder at what point in his life he had become a hopeless romantic._

_Draco greeted Harry with a flamboyant kiss, lightbulbs flashing all around them as the press captured the moment. Severus rolled his eyes as Draco gave him a salacious smile before he went in search of Ron._

" _I don't know why he feels the need to do that," Harry said with a laugh, swiping Severus' champagne and taking a sip._

" _Because he's a dramatic little git," Severus told him, slipping an arm around the man's waist and pulling him close. "Been charming your admirers?"_

" _I have. I've come to charm you now," Harry replied, leaning up to nuzzle Severus' neck. "I hate these things so much. I just want to go home."_

" _And put your feet up with a nice cup of cocoa?" Severus asked with a smirk._

_Harry leaned even closer and snaked a hand inside Severus' robes as his lips moved to Severus' ear. "I was thinking more along the lines of getting you naked and riding you until your legs buckled."_

" _Harry," Severus growled warningly, but his lover was not to be deterred._

" _Can you picture it, hm? Me writhing in your lap, your hard length buried deep inside me as I ride you harder and harder, my hands gripping your shoulders as I take you faster and faster inside me."_

" _What are you trying to do to me?" Severus said in half a groan, his prick swelling inside his tailored trousers._

" _I'm trying to get you hard. Is it working?" Harry asked, his hand travelling to Severus' backside._

" _What do you bloody think?" Severus asked, wishing his voice didn't sound so breathless._

" _Excellent, because I can't wait until we get home."_

_Before he could ask what exactly that meant, Harry grabbed his hand and he found himself being led outside to a secluded balcony. Harry was pressed against him in an instant, his mouth claiming his in a fierce kiss. A dim corner of his mind spared a moment to question whether it was a good idea to have sex in a public space, at a Ministry event no less, but his libido very quickly told it to bugger off._

_Harry's hands were everywhere and Severus had no idea how they had ended up beneath his shirt. It was always exhilarating when Harry took the lead and Severus loved nothing more than surrendering control to him. Harry's lips attacked every inch of skin they could find and Severus arched up to meet every sensual assault._

_He was pushed backwards into a chair and somewhere along the way his painfully hard cock had been released from his trousers. Harry was in his lap in seconds and before he could gather himself he was being engulfed by Harry's tight heat. The little brat had magically prepared himself and the thought of it was so incredibly erotic that Severus nearly embarrassed himself by coming instantly._

_Harry let out a low moan of approval as he threw his head back with pleasure. He was a vision to behold and Severus grasped his hips tightly as the man began to ride him with purpose. He was sheer perfection and Severus lost himself in the haze of bliss Harry was creating._

" _God you feel amazing," Harry groaned, taking Severus in so deep that Severus' eyes nearly rolled back in his head. "So good, so bloody good."_

_It was always a good sign when Harry started to babble and Severus was half inclined to do so himself. It amazed him that after so many years sex could still feel this fantastic, that he was as enamoured with his lover as he had first been years ago. Harry was an absolute sight as he rode Severus' cock as though his life depended on it, his cheeks flushed, his lips parted as soft gasps escaped them._

_He couldn't deny a thrill in knowing they could be caught at any moment. The idea of some stuffy Ministry official finding The Boy Who Lived riding the former Head of Slytherin like a Knockturn Alley whore was almost delicious enough to want to be caught. He gripped Harry's hips harder and the man's eyes met his with an erotic smoulder._

_Harry bit his lip with a wicked smile and clenched down around Severus' prick, extracting a low groan from Severus as he felt his orgasm begin to creep up on him. "Gunna come, Sev?" Harry asked with an evil whisper. "Gunna come right here on this posh Ministry balcony with a huge crowd of people just through those doors? Imagine if they could see you with your cock buried in the Golden Boy's arse."_

" _You evil git," Severus moaned, wrapping a hand around Harry's straining erection and pumping hard._

" _Oh yes," Harry breathed, riding Severus even harder._

_Severus held himself back until Harry came with a cry of ecstasy, coming all over Severus' hand, then he held Harry in place while he thrust up hard inside him until he finally found his own release. Harry's head fell forward onto his shoulder and the cool night air permeated around them as they tried to catch their breaths._

_Harry chuckled and said, "That was so fucking hot. Why have we never had sex in public before?"_

" _A certain sense of decorum?" Severus replied dryly, tenderly raking his fingers through Harry's hair. He pressed a kiss to the man's temple as the warmth of the afterglow seeped into his skin. It always struck him just how close he felt to Harry after sex, that the act when far beyond physical._

" _Made me feel like a naughty schoolboy," Harry said, nuzzling Severus' jaw._

" _We never did anything while you were a schoolboy, more's the pity."_

_Harry raised his head and looked at Severus with a smile. "Yeah, but wasn't our first time worth the wait?" he asked with a whisper._

_Severus reached up and traced Harry's jaw with his fingertips. "It was, my love, it was."_

_After a soft kiss, Harry removed himself from Severus' lap and cast a cleaning charm over them both. They re-dressed themselves and Severus cast a long look over his young lover as the man smoothed out his formal robes. Merlin but he loved him. Sometimes the force of it was enough to stagger him but he felt safer within their relationship than he had ever felt in his life._

_Harry was home, was all the things that he never dreamed he would have. The man was his life and waking up next to him day after day was a privilege he tried not to take for granted. As he watched Harry run his fingers through his wild hair, he was struck with the notion that he never wanted to be parted from him._

_He walked over to the man and enveloped him in his arms before claiming his mouth in a fierce and all-encompassing kiss. He had never loved this intensely in his life and no one had ever meant as much to him as Harry did._

" _What was that for?" Harry asked breathlessly as he pulled back._

" _Marry me," Severus said, the words escaping his lips before he could stop them._

_Harry's eyes widened and he stuttered, "What did you just say?"_

" _Marry me," Severus repeated, trying to gather all the courage he had at his disposal. He was sure he would never recover from it if Harry said no._

" _Do you…do you mean that?"_

" _No Harry, I'm asking you for a joke," Severus huffed, wishing he'd never opened his mouth. "Look never mind, it was just a daft notion, I shouldn't – "_

_His babbling was cut off as Harry claimed his mouth in a kiss that took his breath away. "You can't backtrack now," Harry said, his hands gripping Severus' shoulders tightly, "not when I accept your proposal."_

" _You…you do?" Severus asked, his pulse racing._

" _Of course I bloody do! Oh Merlin, we're engaged!" Harry exclaimed, and Severus had never seen the man so happy. He couldn't stop himself from returning the grin, an expression he knew didn't suit him, but he was too elated to care. He was going to marry the love of his life and nothing on earth could come between them again. ~*~_

Severus awoke with a start, the remnants of his dream still with him. It wasn't a dream, of course, it was a memory and an intense one at that. He had wondered how he had proposed to Harry and the reality was oddly fitting. He could see himself going down on one knee against a backdrop of candlelight and flowers, spouting words of poetry and devotion.

He pushed the bedcovers aside and sat up in bed. At least this time there was no blinding pain to accompany the resurfaced memory and he wondered if perhaps the barriers holding his memories were beginning to slip. He was agitated though, no doubt thanks to the highly-charged eroticism of what he had just witnessed.

It was so deeply unfair that he couldn't remember making love to Harry. Having to view it like a spectator was somehow demeaning; it was his life after all, his husband, and damn it he should have been able to remember it. Feeling too frustrated to go back to sleep he got up and slipped into his dressing gown, deciding a cup of tea was in order.

When he walked out onto the landing he saw Harry coming out of Gabe's room, closing the door quietly behind himself. He jumped slightly when he saw Severus then gave him a sheepish smile as he placed a finger to his lips.

"Is he ok?" Severus asked in a whisper.

"Fine, I just wanted to check on him," Harry admitted, crossing the landing to join Severus.

"I confess I've done the same thing several nights this week," Severus said with a smile.

"He'll get annoyed with us soon. He hates being babied. I just can't help myself though."

"He's doing much better," Severus said, glad that it wasn't just a platitude. Gabe was getting stronger by the day and was able to go on short daily walks without becoming breathless. His hospital visits were down to once a fortnight and the healer was pleased with his progress.

"What are you doing up?" Harry asked.

"Oh…I was restless," Severus replied, deciding not to share with Harry what he'd just seen.

"Oh. We'll I'll say goodnight then," Harry said, heading for the guest bedroom.

"Harry," Severus said, making a split-second decision, "come back to our room."

Harry paused with his hand on the door handle and bit his lip. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said eventually.

"It makes no sense to keep sleeping in separate rooms."

"Severus – " Harry sighed.

"I thought we were going to stop putting up barriers," Severus said, cutting off the man's protests. "We're married, it's ridiculous to carry on this way."

Harry took a deep breath and said, "I don't know if I can sleep in that bed with you."

"I understand," Severus said, knowing he needed to give a little before Harry relented. "There's…a great deal of history there. It's where we conceived Gabe after all."

Harry's cheeks flushed and he gave Severus an embarrassed smile as he said, "Ah…actually it isn't. We um…we conceived Gabe on the kitchen table in our old flat."

"Did we now?" Severus asked with a smirk.

"It was um…a particularly passionate session. We broke the table."

Severus let out a snort of laughter and Harry grinned at him. "Best not relay that little story to Gabe," he advised and Harry chuckled. "Come on," he said gently. "Just for tonight. If it's too much we can forget about it."

Harry hesitated but Severus could see that he wanted to give in. He reached out and took the man's hand and when Harry didn't snatch it away he opened the bedroom door and led him inside. They both removed their dressing gowns and, before Harry had the opportunity to overthink things, he pulled the man to him and kissed him soundly.

Harry responded immediately and wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, pulling his body up close against Severus' own. It was nothing short of bliss to kiss Harry; the man was so utterly sensual that the simplistic act felt far more illicit than it should have done.

"You were always far too good at that," Harry said with a sigh as he pulled back. "God the sessions we used to have in your quarters," he said with a dreamy smile. "Snogging each other like teenagers."

"You _were_ a teenager," Severus reminded him with a smirk.

"You weren't," Harry responded with a chuckle.

Severus ran his fingers through Harry's hair, smiling as Harry leant into the touch. Harry had mentioned how Severus was always touching him and Severus could understand why. It was harder and harder to keep his hands off Harry and he was finding more and more ways to touch him.

"Come on, bed," he said softly, and Harry complied after only a moment's hesitation.

They climbed in together and Severus wrapped Harry in his arms before the man could protest. No argument seemed to be forthcoming and Severus tightened his hold, drawing Harry closer to him. This was right, this was how it should be and a part of him had been missing the last few months, memory loss or no.

He combed his fingers through Harry's thick hair and felt a true sense of contentment with Harry's head pillowed on his chest. "I love you," he murmured softly, unable to stop the words from tumbling out.

Harry tensed in his arms but surprisingly didn't pull away. He was silent for a moment before finally whispering, "No you don't."

God but the man was infuriatingly stubborn Severus thought with an internal huff. "Yes I bloody do, you snot-brained halfwit," Severus growled and Harry burst out laughing.

He pulled back and looked up at Severus, his green eyes intense even in the darkness of the room. "That sounds like my husband," he said softly.

"I _am_ your husband," Severus insisted, tired of having to remind Harry of the fact. "Merlin Harry, I looked Dumbledore in the eye and told him I loved you. Do you think feelings that strong can be dimmed?"

Harry lowered his head and murmured, "I forgot you'd seen that memory."

Severus slipped a finger beneath his chin and gently tilted his head back up. "I understand now why you didn't want to talk about the war," he said gently. "Harry…did you…did – "

"Yes," Harry whispered. "I died."

"Fuck," Severus breathed, feeling sick.

"Don't worry, you're not married to an Inferius," Harry said with a smile. "It was only for a moment, you brought me back to life."

"How?"

"Wait and see."

"God you're infuriating," Severus said with a sigh of indignation and Harry laughed.

"You were just declaring your love for me," he said with a surprisingly enigmatic smile.

"I _do_ love you, you irritating brat," Severus sighed. "It doesn't matter what I do or don't remember, you're the man I married, the man I lost my heart to when you were just a teenager. I remember how it felt to love you then and I know what I feel when I look at you now. I know it hurts, Harry but if I never properly recover my memories you have to know that I'm not going anywhere."

"We had a whole life together, Sev," Harry said softly. "I can't just throw that away."

"I'm not asking you to, but you need to embrace what we have now. The love it still there, that's what we both need to hold onto."

* * *

_~*~ Harry's concentration had never been so non-existent. He was staring down at the words in front of him but they might have been written in Arabic for all the sense they made. He took his glasses off and rubbed tiredly at his eyes then glanced over at the man sitting alongside him._

Severus had said he loved him, had declared it to Dumbledore no less, and Harry's head was still spinning from it all. The headmaster was seriously displeased with both of them and wasn't doing much to hide it, but beyond sacking Severus and expelling him there was very little he could do. He was letting them continue to train together and letting Harry spend time in Severus' quarters. Oddly, it made Harry even more determined that nothing would happen while his was still a student.

Of course, whether Harry would live past being a student was doubtful. Maybe he should throw caution to the wind and give himself over to Severus while he still had the chance. He didn't want to die without knowing what it was to be made love to by the man who held his heart. That would be a sorry end indeed.

Severus wouldn't talk about it; every time Harry tried to mention it the man's expression would become shuttered and he would change the subject. He knew it was painful for him but they both had to face up to the situation sooner or later, it would do no good to bury their heads in the sand.

Harry was more frightened than he had ever been. He'd always known that there was a possibility he wouldn't survive the fight against Voldemort but now it seemed a terrifying certainty. He couldn't see how there was any other way for the bastard to be defeated other than for himself to die. Perhaps it was time to write his will.

Long fingers raking through his hair halted his thoughts and he looked up as Severus continued to stroke the hair from his forehead. "One does not need to be a Legilimens to know your thoughts," the man said softly and Harry conjured up a weak smile.

"I feel…I don't know…kind of detached from it, like I'm living a dream…or a nightmare. I keep expecting to wake up at any moment."

Severus' fingers traced his forehead gently then caressed his cheek, then his jaw. "Perhaps we should have had a training session tonight, taken your mind off things."

"No. The state I'm in I'd have landed one of us in the hospital with an ill-timed curse. I just…don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Severus was silent, clearly at as much of a loss as Harry. There was no comfort to be offered, they both knew that, and Severus was reluctant to talk about it anyway.

"Maybe you should try and get some sleep," he suggested, lowering his hand to Harry's shoulder.

"Every time I try I just lie there, staring up at the canopy."

Severus nodded. Judging by the dark circles under the man's eyes, he was having a similar issue. They were both living a strange half-life and nothing could really continue until some sort of a solution had been found.

"We can't keep dancing around the issue," Harry said with a sigh. "We can't keep pretending we don't know what we do."

"Harry – "

"I have to die, Severus. That's all there is to it."

Severus' lips went so thin they almost disappeared and an ugly flush spread across his cheeks. "Don't say that," he hissed.

"It's true! We can't keep ignoring it!"

"Harry, if you think I will just sit here and listen to the man I love accept such an abhorrent fate so readily then you're more of a moron than I thought possible."

Harry couldn't help but smile and Severus snapped, "What?"

"You called me a man."

"I was under the impression that you were one," Severus huffed irritably.

"And you said you loved me."

"Well I bloody do, don't I? Although Merlin knows why, you cloth-brained twit."

"That's better," Harry said with a laugh. "It's disconcerting when you come over all romantic."

"I was not being romantic," Severus said with a sneer. "And I shan't bother making any attempts in the future."

"You're funny when you sulk," Harry said with a smile, insinuating himself into Severus' lap and bracing his hands on the man's shoulders. "I didn't think you'd say it more than once, but I love hearing it," he said, letting his hands roam over Severus' chest.

"I shan't say it again," Severus said with a raised eyebrow, gripping Harry's hips gently.

"Oh go on," Harry wheedled, leaning forward and pressing light, teasing kisses to the man's jaw and throat. "Say it," he murmured against the man's skin.

"No," said Severus, and Harry could hear the smile in the man's voice.

"Say it," he repeated, now more of a command than a request.

"I love you, you demanding brat," Severus growled, and Harry lifted his head to grin at the man. Severus' hands moved to rest on his lower back, holding him gently in place.

"Then I guess I'd better stay alive a bit longer. Don't want to die a virgin after all."

"I assure you, Mr Potter," Severus said, his voice deliciously low, "there is no danger whatsoever of you dying a virgin."

"Promise?" Harry asked, knowing he was being coy.

"I guarantee it."

Harry leant down and met his lover's lips in a kiss that could have burnt with its heat. Severus' hands travelled up his back and Harry shivered at the touch. Severus tasted of firewhisky and Harry dimly considered remonstrating with the man when his wits were returned to him.

"I promise, when the time comes, I will take you to bed and claim you completely," Severus whispered against his throat and Harry thought his heart might have actually stopped beating for a moment. "I can hardly wait to experience the pleasure of sliding inside you and making you scream my name."

"Fucking hell, Severus," Harry groaned, feeling himself harden immediately. "What are you trying to do to me?"

Severus pushed him back gently and cupped his chin, saying, "I'm giving you a taste of what's to come, a promise of what will happen between us, what awaits us in the future."

Harry smiled and leant his head forward to rest it on Severus' shoulder, wanting to be as close to the man as he possibly could. He couldn't bring himself to argue that there was a very real chance that, beyond the next couple of months, he might not have a future.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Hm, interesting," Ginny said as she withdrew from Severus' mind. He blinked to clear the slight haze and looked up as Ginny stood and rolled her sleeves back down.

"Interesting-good?" Severus asked, always finding Ginny's expressions hard to read.

"I'm not sure," she said, looking at him with a scrutinising frown. "It seems like the magic holding the memories in place is degrading."

"Well, that's good isn't it?" Severus ventured hopefully.

"Possibly not," Ginny replied, and Severus felt a certain sense of panic wash over him. "Mind magic is notoriously unpredictable and my worry is that it might cause further damage if it continues to degrade."

Severus didn't know what to say; he didn't need the added concern of potential brain damage along with his lost memories to contend with. It felt like he was constantly taking one step forward and two steps back.

"I still feel our best bet would be to find the person who did this and make them reverse it. Have you heard anything from the aurors?"

"Only a few brief missives from Kingsley saying the investigation is ongoing," Severus said with a sigh. "They wouldn't be able to force the culprit to reverse it anyway, not legally."

"They couldn't," Ginny said smoothly, "but I could. And I will. That's a promise."

Damn but she should have been in Slytherin. His house had suffered a great loss when she had been sorted into bloody Gryffindor. He believed wholeheartedly that she would use whatever means necessary to help him but he wondered how likely an arrest actually was.

"Pa!" said Gabe excitedly as he barrelled into the room. "Uncle Remus and I have started a scientific experiment and I had to write out my hypoth…hypoth – "

"Hypothesis," Severus said with a smile as Gabe wrapped his arms around his waist. He combed his fingers through the boy's messy hair and said, "Are you all finished for the day?"

"We are, he's worn me out," Remus said with a smile, greeting his wife with a kiss. "I'll take a class of rowdy first years any day."

Gabe poked his tongue out at the man and grinned good-naturedly at him, then looked up at Severus and said, "Can Uncle Remus and Auntie Gin stay for dinner?"

"Of course."

"We don't want to impose," Remus said, slipping an arm around Ginny's shoulders.

"Speak for yourself," Ginny said with a snort. "I've had a pig of a day, I'm more than happy to let someone else cook for me."

Severus smiled and said, "I'll go and let Harry know." He dropped a kiss on his son's head and said, "Entertain your aunt and uncle for a bit, love."

Gabe disentangled himself and Severus made his way to the kitchen where Harry was already bustling about getting dinner ready. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around the man's waist and he let out a little 'oof' of surprise.

"Gin and Remus are staying for dinner if you don't mind," Severus said, nuzzling along his husband's neck.

"The more the merrier," Harry replied, running his hands over Severus' arms.

"Need any help?" Severus offered, laying a trail of kisses up to Harry's ear and nipping it lightly.

"It would help if you released me," Harry said with a laugh but made no move to extract himself.

"Mm, haven't had my fill yet," Severus murmured, and began to let his hands rove over Harry's flat stomach and slim hips.

It had been a week since Harry had moved back into their bedroom and Severus was enjoying every minute of it. He knew that there were boundaries, that Harry wouldn't sleep him, but Harry wasn't holding himself back anymore and allowed himself to be held and kissed without hesitation.

He was also beginning to initiate their physical encounters a little more and there was nothing sweeter than having Harry beneath him in their bed as he kissed him for all he was worth. He knew that Harry was struggling with things as they stood but Severus had no intention of ever leaving and he wanted things with his husband to find a new kind of normal.

"I'll never get dinner done at this rate," Harry complained, nevertheless pressing closer. God but Severus wanted him. He wanted to let his hands travel lower, to feel Harry's hardness and to find release for his own.

"Perhaps we should go to the pub instead," Severus murmured, sliding a hand beneath Harry's shirt and brushing his palm over smooth skin.

Harry laughed and finally pulled himself out of Severus' arms, turning around and bracing his hands on Severus' chest. "You're a terrible man. Go and peel those potatoes and behave yourself."

"Give me a reason to," Severus demanded, letting his hands travel lower until they cupped Harry's pert backside very lightly.

Harry leant up and pressed a kiss to Severus' lips then deepened it immediately, sliding his tongue into Severus' mouth and pressing their chests together. Severus gripped the man's backside a little more firmly and revelled in Harry's exquisite kiss.

"Enough of a reason?" Harry asked slyly, and Severus could have easily thrown him down on the kitchen table there and then and had his way with him.

"I may not have all my memories right now but I'd be willing to wager you always get your way, you little brat," Severus said, running his hands up and down Harry's back.

Harry grinned and said, "Gabe isn't the only one who can wrap you around his little finger. Now get peeling."

Despite doing what he was told, for a brief moment at least, Severus was eventually ejected from the kitchen on the grounds that he couldn't behave himself properly. He could hardly be blamed if it was impossible to keep his hands off Harry after all, but he was sent to set the table and entertain their guests.

Dinner was served, which was delicious as always, and Severus enjoyed both Remus and Ginny's company. They made an interesting and rather striking couple and played off one another's strengths. They were playful and flirtatious, they teased and insulted one another and both were clearly deeply smitten.

After Gabe had been put to bed, which he insisted Ginny do, the four adults settled in the pretty seating area in the garden as the evening was so warm. Ginny was an absolute hoot and Severus enjoyed her sharp, dry wit, which was complimented by Remus' wry one-liners.

"How did the two of you get together?" Severus asked as he watched them sitting with their hands entwined, the pad of Remus' thumb stroking back and forth absent-mindedly.

"I literally ran into him in Diagon one day," Ginny said with a smile, "sent the poor bugger flying. I bought him a drink to say sorry."

"It was a terrible hardship," Remus said dryly.

"I'd had the biggest crush on him in school and I'd kept seeing him over the years, thinking how bloody gorgeous he was. I asked him out and he said yes. We went from there."

"And made your debut as a couple at the anniversary party at the ministry," Severus said with a smirk, remembering what he'd seen in his memory.

"You remember that?" Harry asked and Severus looked at him guiltily.

"Ah…yes," Severus confirmed. "I remembered…what happened that night," he confessed and Ginny snorted.

"You mean the two of you shagging like rabbits on the balcony," she said wickedly.

"You knew?" Harry asked, scandalised.

"Of course I bloody knew. You dragged Sev out like a man possessed. Damn good job I knew; who else was going to put warding spells on the door? You two idiots didn't think of it, did you?"

"Oh my God," Harry said with a mortified laugh. "I never knew. I thought we were just lucky."

"Constant vigilance," Ginny said with a grin. "Anyway, we all knew what you'd been up to when came back inside with your robes rumpled announcing you were getting married."

Severus smiled and slung an arm around Harry's shoulders, pulling him close. "Were people surprised?" he asked as Harry nestled closer.

"Of course not," Ginny said, topping her glass up. "The whole world knew how in love you were. As I recall the celebrations went on into the next day."

Harry groaned and said, "That was the worst hangover of my life."

"I'm not surprised," Remus said with a laugh. "You and Draco on the firewhisky chasers while Ron and Bill egged you on. And you, madam," he said, bringing his wife's hand up to his lips, "challenged Severus to that wicked drinking game."

"I won," Ginny told Severus with a smug grin.

"As if I needed to ask," he replied with a laugh. He repressed the urge to shudder at the idea of engaging in a drinking game with the woman.

"I can't believe you've been married ten years this year," Remus said and Ginny let out a low whistle.

"Ten years. Blimey that's crazy. Shouldn't you be marking the occasion?" she asked, looking carefully between Harry and Severus.

Harry shrugged against Severus' shoulder and said, "We talked about it before…all this but…Anyway, it's in a couple of weeks, too late to arrange anything now."

"Don't be daft," Ginny said, and Severus knew the battle was lost. "We can organise a party with 24 hours' notice and it'll only be the family anyway." She had her 'Molly Weasley' face on and Severus knew there was little point arguing with her. Besides, he agreed with her.

"I think perhaps we should do something to celebrate," he said softly to the mop of hair beneath his head.

Harry pushed himself out of Severus' hold and looked up at him with his bottom lip held between his teeth. "Just something informal," Severus said gently, brushing Harry's hair aside. "It's a milestone that should be marked."

"Perhaps," Harry said hesitantly.

"And," Severus said coaxingly, "for our 20th anniversary we can really push the boat out."

Harry smiled and said, "I'll think about it," then nestled back into Severus' hold as Remus and Ginny began reminiscing about their own wedding day.

* * *

_~*~ Harry braced his hands on his knees as he tried to bring his breathing under control, sweat dripping from his brow. He was exhausted but pleased with himself, having executed every single spell perfectly._

"Wandless and wordless? You're showing off, Mr Potter."

Harry raised his head to grin at Severus, pleased to see that the man looked almost as shattered as he felt. "Well, you never know when some pillock's going to knock your wand out of your hand," he said, indicating where his wand lay on the floor.

"I like to keep you on your toes," Severus said, reaching out and grabbing a fistful of Harry's shirt.

"You like knocking me on my arse," Harry countered, pressing himself against Severus' body.

"I have a very fond regard for your arse," Severus purred as he let his hands travel to Harry' backside and lowered his head to meet Harry's lips. Harry hummed with pleasure, not caring that he was dripping with sweat and his clothes were sticking to him horribly. He wouldn't have minded if he was covered in dung as long as he got to kiss Severus.

"It was a very impressive performance," Severus murmured as he moved his lips to Harry's throat and teased his skin with his tongue. "Quite breath-taking."

Harry was too happy indulging in Severus' attentions to formulate a response. Instead he let out a contented sigh and closed his eyes as Severus' mouth assaulted him.

They made it back to Severus' quarters far more dishevelled than mere training would have allowed for and Harry was pleased they didn't meet anyone on the way. Harry helped himself to Severus' excellent shower, rather wishing the man had joined him. At the very least it would have been a distraction from the spectre of Harry's fate looming ever-present over their heads.

Severus still wouldn't talk about it, not properly. All attempts to broach the subject were either met with silence or a curtly-spoken 'I'm exploring all avenues'. Harry didn't know what that meant and it was pointless to ask; Severus had decided the matter was closed and that was that.

He hadn't mentioned it to anyone else, not even Ron or Hermione. Truth be told he wouldn't know where to start. It was best kept to himself, he supposed. There was nothing they could do and they'd only worry. He didn't think he'd be able to stand the looks they'd give him, the meaningless platitudes they would offer.

He had taken to keeping a few clean clothes and other bits and bobs in Severus' quarters, as he spent more time there than anywhere. He dressed and went back into the living room, finding Severus making them both a coffee.

"Why don't you just move in?" Severus asked wryly as Harry sat down, towelling his hair.

"Don't bloody tempt me," Harry said with a grin as Severus settled beside him and handed him his coffee.

"I fear being saddled with you."

"Too late to look for a get-out now. You're stuck with me." He sipped at his coffee and grimaced, saying, "Ugh, you've put brandy in that."

"I thought you could use it after exerting yourself so spectacularly in our session."

"It's nasty."

"That's finest French brandy, you uneducated pleb."

"I do so love it when you come over all romantic," Harry said with a grin.

Severus placed his coffee to one side and eyed Harry speculatively. "Those last few curses you used," Severus began, his eyes narrowed.

"Yes?" Harry said, affecting an air of innocence.

"They were your own creation, weren't they?"

Harry nodded. He'd been working on them for some time and had been practising in the Room of Requirement on his own, often into the small hours of the morning. The innate and intense power he possessed was finally being of some use and he was doing his best to channel it.

"Will you never cease to surprise me?" Severus asked and Harry felt a tingle go up his spine at the thought that he'd impressed someone as accomplished as Severus.

They spoke at length about the curses Harry had created and Harry soon found himself immersed in an intense and lively conversation around both the theoretical and practical implications of them. Harry was pleased that he could keep up with Severus on an intellectual level and that he could challenge him too.

They worked out the kinks that Harry had been experiencing and put their heads together to establish a better wand movement that would be more efficient in battle. He felt less and less like Severus' student and more of his equal and Severus was treating him so.

It was late by the time he returned to the tower and he was more elated than he'd been in a long time. Taking his mind off things with something he could really get his teeth into was wonderful, not to mention that time spent with Severus was always something to be treasured.

He was about to go up to the dorm when he caught sight of someone asleep on the sofa in front of the dwindling fire. As he neared, he realised that it was Teddy. He crouched down and nudged him gently and the boy blinked his eyes open.

"Harry, hi," he said with a sleepy smile.

"What are you doing here?" Harry said softly.

"I was up here this evening, spent some time with Drake. I…uh…I didn't want to go back to Slytherin. Things are…rather tense down there."

"I see," Harry said sympathetically. While Teddy's mother had been moved to safe house, her actions weren't public knowledge and so Teddy had been left in Slytherin. Although Harry was spending less and less time in the tower, he knew that Teddy was becoming a regular visitor.

"Why don't you take my bed?" he offered. "You'll do your back in sleeping on the sofa."

"Where will you sleep?"

"I um…I have somewhere else to go," Harry said, feeling himself blush. He didn't actually know if he'd be welcome to spend the night in Severus' quarters but he knew that they were both reluctant to say goodbye to one another at the end of the night.

Teddy raised his eyebrows and said, "I suppose it's best not to ask, eh?"

Harry grinned. "One day I'll tell you. It'll make your head spin. Go on, get up to bed. You're welcome any time you need an escape."

"Thanks Harry. I really appreciate it."

Teddy gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder then made his way up the stairs. Wondering if he was doing the right thing, Harry left the common room and headed back to the disused classroom. He stepped out of the floo in Severus' quarters and paused for a moment before calling Severus' name.

The man emerged from the bedroom, dressed only pyjama bottoms and Harry's blood pooled in one specific direction while the remainder gathered in his cheeks. "What's the matter?" Severus asked, and Harry stood there blinking at him.

He had known, from their many sessions pressed against one another, that Severus had a firm and strong body but seeing it laid bare was another matter entirely. The man was slim but wiry, the outline of muscle evident beneath his pale skin. Black hair started below the man's navel and lay a train beneath the man's trousers, a trail Harry wanted desperately to follow.

"Harry?" Severus said, and Harry shook himself out of his trance.

He cleared his throat and forced his eyes back up to the man's face. "Um…" he began, the power of speech apparently deserting him.

"What's wrong?" Severus ventured again, crossing the room and bracing his hands on Harry's shoulders.

Unable to resist, Harry reached out and ran his hands over the smooth skin of Severus' torso, noticing a few faint scars beneath his fingertips. He heard Severus' sharp intake of breath and he looked up as Severus' lips descended on his own.

He was wrapped up in Severus' arms and pressed against the man's bare torso, held so tightly that he could hardly breathe. His hands travelled down Severus' back and the man moaned appreciatively at the touch.

"I…" Harry breathed as they broke apart, the wind knocked out of him.

"Yes?" Severus said with a smirk, his hands roving over Harry's backside.

Harry tried to collect himself and said, "I was going to ask if I could stay here tonight."

"Stay?" Severus asked, clearly surprised, but didn't appear he was averse to the idea.

"I um…offered my bed to Teddy. He wasn't keen on going back to Slytherin. I can…I can stay on the sofa," he said, realising that the heat between them would hardly help matters when they were trying to keep things chaste.

"No need," Severus said softly. "Of course you can stay." Harry raised an eyebrow and Severus laughed, saying, "I promise not to molest you."

"It's not you I'm worried about," Harry muttered, letting his eyes roam over Severus' upper body.

"Come on," Severus said, pressing a kiss to Harry's forehead then taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom.

Harry had no idea what he was playing at. Here they were trying to refrain from anything too sexual and he was asking to share the man's bed. it was too tempting though, he was desperate to sleep next to his lover, to wake up in his arms and revel in the closeness they could share.

Severus put his pyjama top on, much to Harry's disappointment, and Harry transfigured his own clothes into suitable sleep attire. "Are you sure this is ok?" he asked and Severus smiled at him. It was such a rare sight that Harry felt his stomach flutter.

"As the request plays a large part in my fantasies I can hardly say no," he said smoothly, and Harry felt the blood rush back to his groin at the thought of Severus having fantasies of him.

"Severus," he groaned, wondering how he was supposed to keep his hands to himself and why he had made such a daft decision.

"Come on, it's late," Severus said, getting into bed. After a brief moment collecting himself, Harry climbed in beside him, trying to remember how to breathe normally.

He was pulled to Severus' side and he tried to get his body to relax. He had never shared a bed with another person, especially not one he was so painfully attracted to. Severus' fingers raked through his hair and he closed his eyes as he rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"I love you," Severus murmured, placing a kiss to the top of Harry's head, and Harry's heart leapt at the declaration.

"I love you too," Harry whispered back, baffled at the strange turn his life had taken. He was in Severus Snape's bed, in the man's arms, and he could think of no better place in the world to be.

* * *

_~*~ Harry glanced up at the clock for the umpteenth time that night before his eyes drifted to the fireplace, hoping to see Severus step through it. He had arrived in the man's quarters to find a note from his lover saying he had an appointment to keep but would be back as soon as he was able. It was nearing eleven and there as still no sign of him._

Harry was trying not to worry too much. He knew the man often went to meet ingredients suppliers but he couldn't see how that would take nigh on four hours. He was trying to distract himself with the book Severus had left for him but he had only taken bits and pieces in. He was tempted to pack it all and go to bed but it would be too strange to do so without Severus.

He had taken to staying with the man four nights out of seven. He knew they were playing with fire; they were still teacher and student after all and, whilst they weren't engaging in anything sexual, what they were doing was highly improper. He found it hard to care though; sleeping beside Severus was wonderful and he had never felt as close to anyone in his life.

He looked up at the clock again, pointless as only a minute had passed. He sighed and chucked his book down in frustration and considered helping himself to Severus' brandy, just to settle his nerves. He couldn't bring himself to cope with the taste though and so decided against it.

"Where are you?" he whispered to the empty room.

His imagination was working over-time and none of the scenarios it conjured up were pleasant. He wished he could tell himself that he was being irrational but Severus was no stranger to trouble. It was, unfortunately, perfectly plausible that the man was in danger and Harry's stomach was twisting uncomfortably at the thought.

He debated the matter for a further agonising half an hour then found himself standing outside Dumbledore's office, rattling off all the sweets he could think of to the implacable gargoyle. "Oh just open you, you bastard!" he seethed, becoming more agitated by the minute.

He glared at the ugly stone statue then extracted his wand and focused his intent on it. He channelled his power and concentrated solely on making the gargoyle move then, with an almighty bang, it moved aside and the staircase appeared. He rode it to the top and banged so hard on the door he hurt his fist.

"What on earth – " began the headmaster as he opened the door but Harry barged past him.

"Where is he?" he asked, his heart beating furiously.

"Where is whom?" Dumbledore asked, fixing Harry with a stern look.

"Severus," Harry said, trying to keep his voice even. "I want to know where he is."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. I assumed he was in his quarters…with you."

The look of disapproval the man shot him was staggering but Harry held his ground and said, "We've done nothing wrong."

"You've been sleeping in a teacher's bed," Dumbledore said harshly.

"Do you spy on all your employees or just the ones who are useful to you?" Harry asked, unable to stop himself.

"There are measures in place to protect students, measures to ensure nothing inappropriate happens," Dumbledore replied, his tone icy.

"Nothing inappropriate _has_ happened," Harry insisted through gritted teeth. "Why can't you accept that we love one another?"

"You're a child, Harry," Dumbledore said angrily and Harry's fists clenched at his sides.

"Am I?" he asked, his anger matching the headmaster's. "It seems I'm only a child when it suits you, when you want to control me, when you want me to do as I'm told. I'm adult enough when you want to train me to be a killer, when you want to place the hopes of the wizarding world on my shoulders," he shouted, and Dumbledore had the good grace to look guilty for half a second.

"Harry – "

"I'm adult enough when you tell me I have to die to kill Voldemort," he spat, and Dumbledore's shoulders slumped in defeat.

The man shook his head then sank down in his chair and held his head in his hand for a moment. He looked ashen and older than Harry had seen him before. He felt a momentary pang of sympathy for the man but he was too angry to let it take hold.

"I never wanted any of this," Dumbledore said sadly. "If I could have spared you this I would."

"It's too late for that," Harry said despondently. "I know you don't approve but I love Severus and I can say, hand on heart, that nothing inappropriate has happened. Please, if you know where he is then tell me."

Dumbledore sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I wasn't aware he had left the castle," he admitted eventually and Harry felt his stomach drop.

"I'll have to find him myself then," he said decisively and Dumbledore looked up at him sharply.

"Harry, I cannot allow – "

"Sir, I'm not asking for your permission," Harry said softly. He held Dumbledore's gaze for a moment then left the office before his resolve left him.

He had no plan in mind but he found himself standing at the castle gates, wand clutched in his hand, as his heart pounded in his chest. His adrenaline pumping, he tried to focus his thoughts, to come up with a clear strategy, but he had no idea how he was supposed to do that when he didn't where Severus was.

"Just pull yourself together," he told himself sternly, taking a few deep breaths. What would Severus tell him to do? Well, he'd call him a moron for even thinking of doing anything in the first place, but after that what would he say?

He could do a locator spell but they were notoriously fickle and unreliable, especially in life or death situations. Perhaps a summoning spell? "No," he hissed. "Think! How do I find him? How do I figure out where he is? If I could just…" he trailed off as he looked down at the wand in his hand.

His power. His power resided in Severus and he could locate that as surely as he could locate his own arm. Evening out his breathing and closing his eyes, he grounded himself using techniques Severus had taught him. He focused on the centre of his power, focused on feeling it, bringing it to the surface then exploring all the tendrils of it.

There was a large chunk that was absent from his body, that spoke to him from somewhere far away. He concentrated on it and let it pull him, let it invade his senses until it was the only thing he was aware of. He braced himself and held onto the feeling then apparated to where the magic pulled him.

It was thanks to Severus' excellent training that he was immediately prepared with a shielding charm, which neatly deflected the volley of magic sent his way. He gathered his wits and realised that Severus was crouched behind him, obviously injured, while three people continued to fire hexes while his shield held.

He had no intention of finding out who the hell they were nor of engaging in a fight with them. Strengthening his shield, he knelt by Severus' side and apparated them both out of the fray. He had the presence of mind to decide upon the isolated cottage and they materialised outside out it as rain battered down upon them.

"Severus," he said, trying not to panic too much as the man's body lolled against his. "Fuck! Severus, speak to me!"

The man groaned and Harry pulled him to his feet as he unlocked the door with his wand. He guided Severus to the sofa and set him down gently. The man's eyes were closed and his face was paler than usual, his breathing shallow and stuttered.

"What the hell have you got yourself into now?" he whispered into the quiet of the cottage, shaking from the dampness sinking into his skin and the adrenaline coursing through his body.

He had neither the time nor the inclination to figure out diagnostic or healing spells and so decided to rely on his innate power and intuition. He knelt in front of Severus and placed both his hands on the man's chest, closing his eyes and focusing intently on his power.

He channelled it into Severus, mingling it with the magic that was already there. He concentrated on healing whatever damage had been done simply by sheer will alone. There was a moment's pause and then Severus took a great gasp of air, his eyes opening in shock.

"Oh thank fuck," Harry breathed, relief flooding him. "Severus? Severus speak to me, come on."

"What happened?" Severus asked, his eyes wide.

"You tell me," Harry replied, trying to calm himself down. "Who were those people and what the bloody hell were you doing with them?"

"It's not important," Severus said gruffly, pushing himself up from the sofa. His movements were stiff but he was clearly alright and Harry spared a moment to wonder at his own power.

"Yes it bloody well is important," Harry argued.

"It was a waste of time anyway. Let's just get back to Hogwarts."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what all this was about," Harry said, grabbing the man's arm.

Severus' cheeks flushed and Harry could see the man was uncomfortable but he wasn't leaving until he got some answers. He was more than aware that if he'd been a minute later he might have been bringing Severus' corpse back with him instead.

"They were…acquaintances from my Death Eater days," Severus said reluctantly and Harry had to stop himself from reacting immediately.

"Why were you meeting them?" he asked, trying to be level.

"It doesn't matter," Severus said brusquely.

"Yes it bloody does," Harry insisted. "Why were you there?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

Harry could recognise Severus's defensive stance a mile away so he lost no time brushing off the attitude and said, "Think again, Severus. When I have to come looking for you and save your backside you can bet your life it's my business. Now get over yourself and tell me what the fuck is going on."

Severus' lips pursed and Harry braced himself for the man to tell him to fuck off. Severus gave a defeated sigh and said, "I was looking for answers."

"Answers to what?"

"Any answer that means you don't have to die!" Severus said forcefully, and Harry was taken aback by quite how upset the man sounded.

"What – "

"I needed to know that there was another way, that Albus was wrong, that you're not a fucking horcrux."

"Severus – "

"I can't lose you," Severus said, his voice strangled. It was the first time Severus had allowed himself to talk about it with anything other than cold detachment. He reached out and gripped Harry's shoulders tightly. "I cannot stand by and watch you die," he whispered. "I can't lose the man I love."

Harry swallowed around the lump in his throat and stepped into Severus' embrace, holding the man as tightly as he could. "You can't risk yourself for me," he murmured into the fabric of the man's robes.

"I've spent most of my adult life doing that," Severus replied petulantly, and Harry couldn't help but laugh.

He pulled back and tried to compose himself. "I've never…I've never felt this way before. I've never loved like this before. You mean more to me than anything."

"Likewise," Severus said, his voice shaky. "I had to try…I had to…save you."

Harry reached up and traced Severus' cheekbone with his fingers. "No success I take it?" he asked softly, and Severus shook his head in defeat. "It's ok," he whispered. "I've no intention of dying and I think I've finally figured out what to do."

"What are you talking about?" Severus asked with a frown.

"Sit down. For the first time in my life I have a plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies if I don't reply to your reviews this week, my father-in-law passed away on Tuesday and we're dealing with his loss as well as all the official things you have to attend to after a death. He had a long battle with dementia and in the last three months he went downhill rapidly. He was taken into residential care in March and, thanks to corona, we haven't been able to see him at all. He died peacefully and, by some strange stroke of luck, we were all together when the news came, which was a comfort.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts now more than ever.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Severus looked down at the sleeping form sprawled across his lap and smiled. He had been reading _The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_ to Gabe while the boy had lolloped all over the sofa and an eventual soft snore had alerted him to the fact that his son had dozed off. After setting the book aside, he had simply been content to sit back and drink in the peace and quiet.

He ran his fingers through Gabe's inky black hair and let his eyes rove over the delicate planes of his son's face. He couldn't remember Gabe's first words or his first steps, couldn't remember the sleepless nights of his infancy or the tantrums of his toddler years but he loved him all the same.

There was something deep within Severus that responded to Gabe, that recognised the child as his own on some fundamental level. He felt so protective of him, so connected that it quite took his breath away sometimes. The memories of his son were in there somewhere, however deeply they were buried, and any loss of memory didn't supersede what he felt for the boy.

A movement from the doorway caught his eye and he tilted his head to see Harry leaning on the doorframe, a mug held to his chest, an indulgent smile on his lips.

"The number of times I've found you two like that," he murmured softly, and Severus was struck by just how incredibly beautiful his husband was.

He held out his hand and Harry padded softly across the room to join him. Their hands entwined and Harry sat beside him as Severus twisted his upper body to lean over and meet him in a gentle kiss. Trying not to dislodge Gabe, he reached out with his free hand and tenderly caressed Harry's jaw as their lips moved in a well-rehearsed dance.

In the same way that something deep within him responded to Gabe, so it did with Harry. This was the man he had loved for 16 years, the man he had made his life with, the man he had created their beautiful son with and he knew, more than anything, that his life lay with him.

"Ew gross," came Gabe's voice, and Severus broke the kiss to see the boy looking up at them with a wrinkled nose.

"You should keep your eyes closed," Severus told him with a smirk.

Gabe scrambled up into a sitting position and eyed his parents with distaste. "You two are soppy," he said with a sniff.

"You might be soppy yourself one day," Harry told him with a lazy smile.

"I hope not, it looks awful," Gabe replied disdainfully, and Severus snorted in amusement. "Can I cycle into the village?" he asked, directing his question to both of them.

Since Severus' memory loss, Gabe had been deferring all such questions to Harry while Severus took a back seat where parenting was concerned. It was about time he resumed his fatherly role and Gabe seemed to realise that too.

Seeing that Harry was also happy to leave the question to him, Severus nodded and said, "Fine, but be back by five o' clock please and no sweets from the shop."

"Oh Pa."

"No arguments. Off you go."

"I preferred you when you couldn't remember anything," Gabe groused, shuffling off the sofa as Harry burst out laughing.

"He gets more like you every day," he told Severus with a smile.

"Heaven help us," Severus replied as they settled themselves on the sofa, Harry tucking himself neatly into Severus' side. Severus held him gently, closing his eyes and listening to the cheerful birdsong coming through the open patio doors.

He could just imagine what they were in for with Gabe's teenage years. At nearly eight years old the boy was already precocious, with all of Harry's fearlessness and all of Severus' cunning. The thought of never recovering his memories of Gabe's childhood was painful but he was ready to make new ones with his husband and his son.

He ran his fingers through Harry's soft hair, so like Gabe's, and sighed contentedly as he sat with the man held closely to his body. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but it was as though he wasn't falling in love with Harry for a second time, simply reacquainting himself with the love that already existed.

It was their wedding anniversary in a week's time and, thanks to Ginny's organisation, they were having a party to mark the occasion. It was to be a small, quiet affair, held at their home with their closest friends. Severus was actually looking forward to it and it would do them good to reaffirm their relationship after it had hit such rocky waters.

"Harry," he said softly, and Harry gave a murmured 'mm?' with his head pillowed on Severus' chest. "I think…I think we should renew our vows on our anniversary."

Harry raised his head and met Severus' eyes, his expression guarded. "Renew our vows?" he repeated with caution.

"We've been married ten years, it seems fitting," Severus said, reaching for Harry's hand. He could see the wheels turning in Harry's head and could interpret the man's thoughts almost instantly. "We're not starting again," he assured him gently, and Harry's eyes widened in surprise.

He gently kissed Harry's knuckles and smiled, saying, "No one can read you like I can, even with memory loss."

Harry blushed and gave him a painfully endearing smile. "You know me better than anyone," he said softly.

"Are you willing to go forward with me regardless of whether or not I recover my memories? Are you willing to still be my husband?"

"Of course I am," Harry whispered. "When I married you it was for life, it still is. Let's do it," he said with a decisive nod. "I think it's a great idea."

"I may never be the same man you married but I do love you and I want my life to be with you and Gabe," Severus said, never having meant anything more in his life.

Harry smiled then reached into his robes and extracted a vial. Familiar as he was with Harry's memories now, Severus didn't need to ask what it was. He took it gently and held it in his hand, knowing what it contained.

"You'd better take a look at that before our anniversary then," Harry said quietly, looking down at the vial with a conflicted expression.

"The final battle?" Severus asked and Harry nodded.

"Everything that happened and then…afterwards…our first time together."

Severus' stomach fluttered at the thought of seeing himself and Harry that way, watching himself divest Harry of his virginity, being the first person to wring every ounce of pleasure from that gorgeous body.

"Watch it and then…then I guess we can try and get on with the next step of our life together."

* * *

_~*~ Harry sat on the sofa in Severus' quarters, his legs pulled up, his chin resting on top of his knees. Despite being wrapped up in Severus' embrace he had been unable to fall asleep and had untangled himself from his lover's arms and crept out into the living room. His mind was going a mile a minute and he hadn't been able to quiet his thoughts._

They had a plan but it was untested and born simply from Harry's imagination. Severus had confirmed that, in theory, it would work, that the magic was solid, but Harry had long since learnt that it didn't always translate into practical success. It was all too unpredictable and it was making Harry's nerves almost unbearable.

All the horcruxes were destroyed, save for himself and Nagini, and the information from the Order was that Voldemort was poised to strike at any moment. A team had been assigned to dispatch the snake in the midst of battle and, while a select few knew about Harry, no one but himself and Severus knew what the plan was. He was playing it over and over in his head, examining it from all angles and praying that his customary dumb luck would be enough to see him through.

He heard the bedroom door open and a moment later Severus' fingers raked through his hair. "Can't sleep?" the man asked as he sat beside Harry on the sofa.

Harry shook his head. "Too much on my mind, my head's spinning."

"It'll work, Harry. I know it will," Severus said softly.

"It's just…I'm frightened," he confessed quietly.

Severus reached out and took his hand, entwining their fingers together. "So am I," Severus admitted, "but I believe that we can do this."

"I'm scared…to die."

Severus swallowed hard and squeezed Harry's hand tightly. "It will only be for a moment."

"You really think it will work?"

"It has to," Severus said forcefully. "I won't lose you…I can't."

The raw emotion in the man's voice was like a punch to Harry's stomach. It was strange sometimes to think that Severus Snape of all people had fallen in love with him yet here they were. Harry had always believed the man to be in full control of his emotions, that he kept them on a tight leash, but he was far more governed by his feelings than Harry would have expected.

He had done nothing to hide his love for Harry and for that Harry loved him all the more. The passion between them was so intense that it sometimes felt overwhelming and all Harry wanted was for this bloody war to be over so they could fully explore what they meant to one another.

"No one's ever done this before. We've…created this magic and it's untested," Harry said, knowing he was trying to talk himself out of it.

"No one's power compares to yours."

"To ours," Harry corrected gently. "Voldemort will never see it coming."

Severus flinched at the name but nodded nevertheless. "I won't fail you," he vowed, and Harry felt undone by the heartfelt declaration.

"I know that. You never have done, you've always been there to save my backside."

"Well I do have a vested interest in your backside," Severus said with a wicked smirk and Harry couldn't help but laugh, cutting through the tension that had settled in the air.

"Maybe we shouldn't have waited," Harry said, regretting now his hard and fast scruples. "I don't want to die not knowing – "

"I've already told you," Severus said firmly, "that's not going to happen. When this is over, when we've defeated that bastard, you and I are going to begin our life together, starting with my thorough debauching of your delectable young body."

Harry grinned and said, "I'd like that in writing."

"Deal," Severus said, leaning over and claiming Harry's lips in a deliciously possessive kiss. Harry moaned appreciatively and slid his arms up around Severus' neck as the man's body pressed down against his.

Their kisses were so staggering that Harry wondered if he would actually survive sex with the man. He had spent many blissful hours fantasising about it but he rather suspected that the reality would be so much better.

Severus' lips moved to his throat and Harry's skin burnt with the pleasure of it. "You have my word that no stone will be left unturned in ridding you of your virtue. I intend to explore every inch of this delicious body once it's laid bare and I promise that when I'm done with you you won't even remember your own name."

"Holy fuck," Harry breathed shakily, knowing that Severus meant what he was saying.

"Yes," Severus said with a dry chuckle, "that's it exactly." His hands slid over Harry's torso and Harry gave himself over entirely to the intensity of the man's touch. "I intend to make you come undone beneath my hands as I acquaint myself fully with every inch of your skin. I intend to claim you completely as mine."

Harry trembled as the words washed over his senses and he whispered, "I already am yours."

His mouth was reclaimed in a possessive kiss that took his breath away and he moaned as almost painful desire shot through him. He _was_ Severus', there was no doubt that he would never belong to anyone else for as long as he lived. He wondered if everyone else loved this fiercely, if everyone else was this overwhelmed by their own feelings.

A hand cradled the back of his neck while the other slid beneath his pyjama top and caressed his hot skin. He wanted this man so much it physically hurt and it addled his mind that he was loved by someone like Severus, that he was so completely possessed.

He could feel Severus' prominent erection rubbing against his stomach and he was so aroused he thought he might actually explode. He was about to summon what courage he had and reach down to brush his hand over the man's hardness, to feel the outline of what he craved so intensely, when an ear-piercing alarm rang out through the castle.

They broke apart, eyes wide as they looked at one another, their heated passion replaced with confused panic. "What the bloody hell is that?" Harry asked.

"The wards have been breached," Severus said, his face pale.

"What? No, there must be a mistake. They wouldn't attack here. This isn't how it's meant to happen!"

"Harry, Harry breathe," Severus said firmly, but Harry could hear the slight quiver in the man's voice. "This is it, it's happening now. We're ready."

Severus pulled Harry to his feet and transfigured them both out of sleepwear into something more battle-appropriate. Harry was shaking so hard his teeth were chattering but he focused on Severus' dark eyes and tried to ground himself.

The fireplace roared to life and Dumbledore stepped through it, his face grave. "Gentlemen, we're under attack," he said, confirming Harry's fears. "We're moving the students as safely as we can and the Order members have been summoned. Severus, I need you to – "

"No Albus," Severus said softly. "My place is with Harry and that's where I intend to stay."

Harry watched as Dumbledore's lips pursed, his expression displeased. After everything he still didn't want to disappoint the man but they had a plan and they couldn't be answerable to the old man anymore.

"Harry, look at me," Severus instructed, and gentle hands cupped his chin and guided his head around. "We're ready for this."

"Are we?" Harry whispered.

"Yes," Severus said firmly.

"But what if we fail, what if we can't – "

"Harry," Severus said, and the tone with which his name was said was so intense it set his nerves on fire. "I am so in love with you it hurts," the man confessed and Harry's world constricted to contain nothing but his lover. "I have never felt this way about anyone and I have never had so much to lose. I will fight until my last breath to protect you, I will do whatever it takes to bring that bastard down once and for all."

Whatever response Harry might have made was snatched from his lips in a tender yet sweeping kiss. Severus' tongue invaded his mouth and Harry whimpered, a dim corner of his mind reminding him that the headmaster was watching them. He didn't care, _couldn't_ care, not when the man he loved was kissing him with so much passion he thought it might undo him completely.

Severus pulled back, the fire in his eyes staggering. "I'm with you," he said softly, and Harry took a deep breath as he hardened his resolve.

"You have a plan?" Dumbledore asked, and they both turned to look at the man.

"We do," Severus answered. "Send a prayer up to Merlin for both of us."

"I hope very much you won't need it," Dumbledore replied before disappearing back through the flames.

Harry glanced back at Severus but both seemed to agree that the time for words had passed. With one searing look they exited Severus' rooms and made their way out of the dungeons and up into the heart of the castle.

They were in the fray of battle almost immediately, attacked from all sides by assailants in robes and masks. Harry's instincts kicked in immediately and he fell to fighting as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Power and magic pulsed through his veins and he channelled it into protecting the place he loved, fighting alongside the man he loved. His shield spells were so strong that virtually nothing could touch him and the frustration of his attackers was palpable as their spells failed one after the other.

He and Severus moved through the castle, leaving destruction in their wake. They fought fiercely and no one was shown mercy at the end of their wands. Severus had trained him well and was himself a more accomplished duellist than any of the Death Eaters could ever hope to be.

Harry tried not to be distracted by those of his own side he saw along the way. Ron and Draco were fighting shoulder to shoulder, Ron proficient and strong, Draco cunning and quick. Hermione and Ginny were with a contingent of 7th years, all shepherding students to the Great Hall where McGonagall and several Order members were guarding them. Flashes of red here and there told Harry that the Weasleys were there and he prayed to any God that was listening to keep them safe.

"Here," Severus said, grabbing his wrist and yanking him up the stairs to the astronomy tower. They took the stairs at a race, Harry's heart thudding in his chest.

The tower looked down over the courtyard and the woods beyond, an excellent vantage point to observe the chaos below. Their plan had to wait until Nagini was dispatched and they watched, breathless, as Remus' team moved in for the kill.

"This is it," Harry whispered, adrenaline making him shake almost uncontrollably. "Oh God, I feel sick."

"You're doing brilliantly. I've never seen such skill. You realise you've been using wandless and wordless magic left, right and centre?"

"It just seemed easier," Harry said with a shrug and Severus laughed, the noise a deep rumble in his chest.

"Dear God, I love you," Severus told him and, no matter that he had heard it many times before, the declaration made his heart swell.

Noise from below drew his attention back to the courtyard and he watched as Remus' team battled the crescent of Death Eaters who had formed a barrier around Voldemort. Harry's insides twisted at the sight of the bastard and a new wave of fear gripped him.

"We should be down there. We should be fighting with them."

"We can't risk it. When the snake's killed we'll get down there."

"Fuck! Remus is down," Harry said as he watched in horror as Remus was flung aside by a curse from Lucius Malfoy.

"It's alright, Kingsley has him," Severus reassured him, but it seemed to Harry that the man was lifeless as he was dragged behind a pillar.

"They're dropping like flies," Harry hissed, watching as Remus' team were picked off by the maddest, most zealous followers Voldemort possessed. "They can't get close enough to the bloody snake to kill it. I knew there should have been a back-up team."

One by one the members of the unit fell and Harry couldn't tell who was wounded and who was dead. No one had made it within a hundred yards of Nagini and it seemed no one would. Suddenly there was a blast of light and fog from behind one of the pillars, blinding and intense.

When it cleared and the Death Eaters were standing blinking in confusion, Harry watched, transfixed, as a figure appeared behind Voldemort, a sword in their hand as they approached the writhing snake. In one fell swoop the creature's head was separated from his body and Voldemort emitted a blood-curdling scream.

"Oh my God, it's Neville," Harry whispered, finding it hard to believe the evidence of his own eyes.

"You must be joking," Severus said beside him, looking down at the smouldering remains of the horcrux.

Voldemort rounded on Neville and Harry flung the strongest shielding charm he was capable of to protect his friend. Voldemort's curse bounced off it and Harry braced himself, saying, "This is it."

Severus clasped his hand and together they stood on the parapet. "I'll see you on the other side," Harry murmured before they both jumped. Their magic crackled as they controlled their descent, landing smoothly in front of the madman himself.

Thankfully members of Remus' team had rallied and were warding off the Death Eaters who had scrambled to try and protect Voldemort. Harry's heart thudded in his chest and he gripped Severus' hand tightly as he faced the adversary who had dominated his life since birth.

"Well, my dear Harry, how good of you to join us," Voldemort crooned in that hideous voice of his.

"Tom," Harry said disdainfully, pleased his voice stayed level.

"I see you've brought my favourite traitor with you," Voldemort sneered at Severus. "Have you buggered the boy senseless yet, Severus or has he come to die with his virtue intact?"

Harry felt Severus bristle, his magic permeating the atmosphere. He squeezed the man's hand and said, "None of your business, Tom. We're not here to chat."

The bastard fired a volley of curses and, before Harry had time to think, they were fighting. It was window dressing, he knew it was, but it had to be convincing. If Harry surrendered to Voldemort without a fight then the whole thing would be blown and he was pleased that his fighting skills were up to the task.

Voldemort became frustrated when he couldn't best either him or Severus and his building anger played into Harry's plan perfectly. He saw the exact moment it snapped and he loosened his grip on his wand in anticipation.

Sure enough, seconds later Voldemort shrieked, "Expelliarmus!" and Harry's wand was wrenched from his hand, smacking into Voldemort's open palm.

"And now we have it!" the maniac hissed. "The child left without his toy, the boy left with no wand. Now I have you and we will finish this once and for all!"

Harry thought he would have heard the curse; perhaps he did but his brain just didn't process it. He _did_ see the blinding green light as it hurtled towards him, heard Severus' anguished cry of 'Harry' and dimly realised that he was falling backwards before his world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided it could be a two-chapter week this week because why the hell not? I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know!
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely words of sympathy regarding my father-in-law, I really appreciated them. I'm also so sorry for those of you who have suffered the same thing with relatives or loved ones and I hope you know my inbox is always open if you need to talk. Lots of love x


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_~*~ For a moment everything was distorted and out of focus. It took him some time to find and locate his power and even longer to latch onto it. It was highly disconcerting to have no form, to be robbed so completely of any physicality, but he tried to tell himself it was only temporary._

He focused and grabbed hold of the tendrils of his power that he had finally found. He followed them, riding on the intense wave of magic he could feel and taken aback when he found that it connected to Severus'. If he had still been flesh and blood he would have smiled.

He only realised that he had inhabited Severus' body when he saw his own lifeless form sprawled out on the ground a few feet away. It was hideously jarring and he had to pull his attention away from it and focus on the task in hand. He couldn't really hear anything, not properly, and his senses were warped somehow, jumbled and broken.

It wasn't important and he told himself to focus as he melded his magic with Severus' and the portion of his own that already resided in his lover. It was all instinctive, he was relying solely on his customary intuition and bizarre brand of luck to see him through.

He felt it the minute it happened, it was like a key turning in a lock. He invaded Severus' core, wrapped himself around it and held on tightly. He could vaguely see Voldemort in front of Severus, see the blurred snarl on his lips and he gently pulsed all the love he felt for Severus through their connection.

A blast of energy was released as Severus cast the curse they had created together and, if Harry had been corporeal, it surely would have flung him backwards. He tried to gather his awareness and just about managed to see the startled look in Voldemort's eyes before they turned glassy and he fell backwards. Before he hit the ground his body imploded in a flash of dust and light and that was all Harry knew before the world went black.

When he surfaced back to some kind of consciousness he realised that he was back inside his own body. He could feel his shallow breathing and his steady heartbeat as it pulsed blood around his body. It was a relief not to be dead, or whatever disembodied state he'd been in before but he still felt as though he wasn't properly himself. He felt heavy and tired, like he was trapped in a dream and he tried to take stock of himself in order to 'wake' himself up.

He was lying down and the surface beneath him was soft and comfortable. He wasn't in pain but his head felt thick and his mouth was dry. All limbs seemed to be accounted for and as he became aware of his hands he realised his right one was clasped around something. He focused his energy and tightened his fingers, hearing a muffled gasp somewhere to his right.

"Harry?"

He heard his name but it was as though his head was under water. He concentrated instead on grasping whatever his hand was holding onto and trying to let it ground him.

"Harry?" the voice came again, clearer now. It belonged to Severus and his heart jumped to think that the man was beside him. "Come on, Harry wake up. Come back to me."

He felt long, familiar fingers rake through his hair and he tried to lean into the touch, to drink it in as much as possible. "Wake up, love, come on. Just open your eyes."

 _I'm bloody trying_ , Harry thought, then was struck with amusement at the notion that he could be cantankerous in such a situation.

"Are you smiling at me?" he heard Severus ask incredulously.

He tried to speak but heard himself groan instead and he gripped Severus' hand even tighter.

"That's it, Harry. You can do it. I'm here, I'm waiting for you."

Letting himself be guided by Severus' voice, he fought his way through the heaviness in his mind and forced himself to open his eyes. The brightness of the room was piercing and he winced, squinting to try and see better.

"Oh God, are you awake? Can you hear me?"

He attempted to answer but all he could manage was a muffled 'mm'. Severus was a blurry shape in front of him and he felt as though he was weighted to the bed.

"It's ok, I've got you. Let me help."

Gentle hands manoeuvred him into a half-seated position and a moment later his glasses were placed on the bridge of the nose, banishing the blurriness. A hand held his head tenderly while a glass of water was placed at his lips and he was instructed to drink.

He took a few long glugs, the cool water feeling like nectar to his parched throat. When he'd had his fill he let his head fall back against the pillows and took a few moments to gather himself.

"We did it?" he managed to ask, his voice hoarse.

"We did it," Severus confirmed, taking Harry's hand and placing a kiss to his knuckles.

Harry blew out a long, slow breath and blinked up at the ceiling for a moment. "He's gone," he whispered. "That bastard's gone. How…how long have I been out?"

"A week," Severus said quietly. "The longest week of my life. We didn't know…didn't know if you'd wake up."

"I don't remember much…but I'm not too keen to die again."

"I would very much prefer it if you could refrain from doing so. The stress does me no good at all."

Harry laughed but it was strained, as was Severus' expression, and he knew it would be a while before things felt normal again. "Our magic," he ventured, "is it still linked?"

"Irrevocably so," Severus confirmed. "I'm afraid, one way or another, we're stuck with one another."

Harry smiled. "I was kind of banking on that anyway." He gave Severus' hand a tug and the man complied with the silent request, leaning forward and meeting Harry in a kiss. It was chaste and sweet, an affirmation of what they meant to one another and tangible proof that they had both made it.

"Enough of that until you've been given the all-clear," Severus said as he took his seat again.

"I'm fine," Harry insisted.

"We'll let the experts be the judge of that."

"I'm not at Hogwarts, am I?" Harry asked, looking around the unfamiliar room.

Severus shook his head. "You're in a private room in St Mungo's. There are a couple of aurors stationed outside. Most of the Death Eaters were either killed or captured but a couple managed to slip through the net."

Harry nodded, expecting as much. His thoughts now clearer than they had been, questions began to flood his mind and he closed his eyes as he murmured, "Who didn't make it?"

"Harry…I'm not sure now is the time – "

"I have to know, Severus," Harry said quietly. "Whether now or later it won't hurt any less."

Severus sighed, his reluctance obvious. "Many were wounded, some worse than others. Fred Weasley has been blinded. I'm told there's little chance of recovery."

"Shit," Harry breathed, upset by the news. "But the others are ok, yeah? Ron…Ron's not – "

"Ron's fine," Severus assured him, "but…Charlie was lost."

"Charlie," Harry repeated, the blow hitting hard. He'd always had a soft spot for Charlie; indeed it had been when he first started noticing him that he realised his inclination towards his own gender. "God, Arthur and Molly must be devastated."

He could tell from the grey look of dread on Severus' face that there was more to come. "Who else?" he asked, not sure he was ready for the full horror of it.

"Harry…I'm so sorry. Hermione was killed."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden rush of anguish that hit him squarely in the chest. He was wrapped up in Severus' arms as the man sat beside him on the bed and he buried his face in the man's chest as sobs racked his body.

He wasn't sure how long he cried for but Severus held him through it all, stroking his hair and rocking him gently. He didn't say anything and for that Harry was grateful; there were no words that would help, nothing anyone could say that would take the pain away.

He was broken and so very tired. He knew not everyone would come through this bloody thing unscathed but some childish part of himself had thought he'd be cushioned from it. As naïve as it was, he had expected all those he loved would make it, that he could have delivered them into the future they deserved.

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he was waking up on his side, the room dark save for the soft flow of a wall sconce. He scooted up and sat against the headboard, groggy and thick-headed.

"Hello Harry," came a soft voice, and Harry turned to see the headmaster standing in the doorway.

"Where – "

"I sent Severus to get something to eat. The man hasn't left your side for a week, he needs a rest," Dumbledore said as he took the seat by Harry's bed. "How are you, Harry?"

"Exhausted," Harry answered honestly. "And heartbroken."

"I'm truly sorry about Miss Granger, about all those we lost. I'm sorry for the sacrifice you had to make."

Harry shrugged, trying not to cry; he'd had enough of crying to last him a lifetime. "I was only dead for a moment. I knew Severus would bring me back."

Dumbledore paused for a moment, his hands folded in his lap as he regarded Harry over the rim of his spectacles. "You knew Voldemort's killing curse would destroy the horcrux inside you?"

Harry nodded. He was reluctant to apprise the headmaster of everything had had happened but he knew the man was here for answers and the sooner Harry gave them to him the sooner he would leave.

"Months ago, when Severus was unveiled as a traitor, I transferred my power to him to save his life." Dumbledore's eyebrows rose but he said nothing and Harry continued, "When Voldemort killed me, I transferred the rest of my power to him, combined it with his and he used our magic to cast the curse we created together."

"And what curse was that?" Dumbledore asked as though he was enquiring about the weather.

"One that finished him off, once and for all," Harry said belligerently. "It destroyed him from the inside out, bound his soul and obliterated it."

"Well, Harry I – "

"What's done is done," Harry said firmly. "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to _think_ about it ever again. I want to put this whole thing behind me."

"I understand," Dumbledore said with a sigh. "In that case perhaps I might be able to help."

Harry raised an enquiring eyebrow and Dumbledore removed his spectacles, wiping them on the sleeve of his robes before replacing them on his nose. "I would like to offer you and Severus the use of my cottage to…recuperate."

"Your cottage?"

"The safe house you spent Christmas and Easter in. It's been in my family for generations."

"And you're offering it to us, to me and Severus? What's the catch?"

"There isn't one," Dumbledore said, looking mildly hurt.

"You approve of us now we've killed Voldemort?" Harry asked bitingly, wishing he wasn't quite so bitter.

"Harry, you must understand that I couldn't condone a relationship between a teacher and a student."

"We never did anything," Harry said fiercely. "It wasn't sleazy or illicit, we weren't sneaking around and shagging each other between classes. We fell in love. I know it's not perfect, I know it's not sensible but that's all we're guilty of."

"I doubt you'll see things from my point of view," Dumbledore said, and his placating tone was irritating to Harry.

"I doubt I will. You know full well that I've never been just another student and my relationship with Severus has always been different to any other pupil's."

"Nevertheless – "

"And whether you believe it or not nothing physical has happened between us until now…but now we're free and we intend to get on with our lives."

"I have no wish to stop you," Dumbledore said mildly and Harry tried to tell himself to calm down. "And I didn't come here to argue with you, only to offer you the cottage as a place of refuge."

"I…appreciate it," Harry said, although he still didn't trust that the man's motives were entirely altruistic.

"There will be…several press conferences over the next few days, as well as an interview with the Ministry. If you would prefer to absent yourself from these proceedings then I will be happy to offer myself as your representative."

Harry paused. He had no wish to expose himself to a media circus but he wasn't sure he trusted Dumbledore to act as his mouthpiece. "Will you make sure Severus is credited for his role in it? Will you make sure they fully exonerate him?"

"I promise I'll do all I can," Dumbledore said, and Harry wasn't sure he was any more reassured.

He nodded, nevertheless, and Dumbledore smiled at him, saying, "I shall let you rest. The cottage is there whenever you want it."

Harry mustered a half-hearted smile and the headmaster patted his leg before he got up and left the room. Harry hadn't the energy to devote too much time pondering what the old man's motives may be and so decided to simply be grateful for the offer of the cottage and being shielded from the press.

He had never felt so tired in his life and it seemed to have settled deep within his bones. He felt drained and it seemed impossible that he would ever have any energy again.

Severus returned and Harry dozed on and off for a few hours, consenting to eat a small bowl of soup when he was finally forced to. He spent the next couple of days much the same way and was grateful for Severus' ever-constant presence. He had an overwhelming need to never be separated from the man and, thankfully, Severus seemed only too willing to comply.

On the third day of his recovery Ron came to see him. His friend was almost unrecognisable; his face was covered in stubble, his eyes were puffy and red and he looked absolutely shattered. He sat next to Harry on the bed and eventually they moved to hold one another as they cried over Hermione's loss and Harry comforted Ron over Charlie's.

Ron was different in more than just appearance and it seemed to Harry as though his friend had aged several years in a matter of days. It was foolish to suppose that they would come through such a momentous thing unchanged but it affected Harry more deeply than he had been prepared for.

"How's Draco?" Harry asked as they sat cuddled against one another.

"A bit lost to be honest. Both his parents were killed in the battle and he's angry with himself for being upset by it."

"Poor guy," Harry said sincerely. He couldn't imagine what Draco was going through and the pain he was in must have been immense. His parents had betrayed him, that much was true, but they were still his parents and their loss must have been a terrible blow.

"Mum wants us to go and live back home. I think it might be a good idea," Ron said, absent-mindedly running a hand up and down Harry's arm.

"I think so too. Draco needs to know what a proper home is like, he could really benefit from being cared for by your mum. I'm sure she needs something to focus on after…after Charlie."

"I've never seen her so broken. And Dad…he's barely spoken two words together since it happened. George is focusing all his energies on Fred; he's promising to find a way to restore his sight but…general consensus seems to be that it's a hopeless cause."

"God Ron, what a mess."

Severus came back into the room bearing takeaway coffees and Ron scrambled to get off the bed, saying, "Sorry sir, I was – "

"Stay where you are, Mr Weasley," Severus said with a surprisingly gentle smile. "And there's no need to call me 'sir' anymore."

He handed Harry and Ron their coffee then took his seat at Harry's bedside, sipping at his own. After a moment's silence the conversation started up again and Harry was surprised that Ron and Severus interacted quite well with one another.

True they weren't exactly comfortable and both were on their best behaviour, being more polite than either usually was but conversation flowed naturally and Harry didn't even have to act as a conduit.

It was nice to exist in a little bubble for an hour or so. Cuddled up with his best friend while his lover sat next to the bed was a surprisingly pleasant way to pass the time and by the time Ron bade them farewell Harry felt better than he had since he'd woken up.

In total he spent a week in St Mungo's. His magic was tested, as was his overall physical health, and he needed the time simply to rest and recover. True to his word, Dumbledore shielded him from the press and the only people granted access to his hospital room were the Weasleys and Draco.

The evening that he was discharged he and Severus apparated to Dumbledore's cottage and found that their belongings had been moved there also. Tellingly, their clothes and personal possessions were in one bedroom and Harry had to wonder if Dumbledore had had a hand in it. He didn't need the old man's approval but it felt better to have it all the same.

"I'll fix us some dinner," Severus said as Harry rifled through the wardrobe. "Anything you fancy?"

"As tempted as I am to make a terrible pun," Harry said with a smile, "I don't want dinner right now."

"No?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harry shook his head and crossed the room to stand in front of his lover. He braced his hands on the man's chest and looked up at him through his lashes.

"We've waited long enough, don't you think? Now I'm back from the dead I intend to start as I mean to continue."

Severus smiled and ran a hand through Harry's hair. "I'm only too happy to bend to your will."

"Now that's what I like to hear."

Harry stood up on his tiptoes and met Severus' lips in a tender kiss that soon turned heated as one of Severus' hands moved to grip his hair as the man's tongue invaded his mouth. Harry moaned appreciatively and pulled himself as close as he could to the man's body. Severus' lips moved to torment his ear and the man whispered,

"The urge to pin you to the bed and have my way with you is overwhelming."

"Be my guest," Harry said with a breathy sigh as he felt Severus' hand move to the buttons on his shirt.

"For your first time, I think not," Severus murmured, his voice like velvet as he divested Harry of the first impediment. The man's lips were on his throat while his hands explored the smooth planes of his torso. "I intend to etch every moment of this night on your memory, I intend to worship every inch of your skin."

 _Thank God I evaded death_ , Harry thought with surprising clarity before any subsequent thoughts were chased from his head by Severus' hands going to the belt of his trousers. He was undressed with reverence, as though he were a gift to be unwrapped, then lowered to the bed with exquisite gentleness.

He met Severus in a sweeping kiss, one that took his breath away, before Severus' lips moved down his throat and over his chest. Gentle hands mapped a path over his torso and Harry surrendered entirely to the beautifully searching touch.

Every inch of his skin was explored, set on fire by gentle yet firm kisses. No one had ever touched him so intimately, no one had ever made him feel that he was about to be devoured whole and enjoy every second of it. Hands roved over his hips, his thighs, his legs as those warm lips followed, turning him into a moaning puddle of need.

When Severus' mouth closed over his rock-hard prick he arched off the bed with a noise he hadn't known he was capable of making. He had never felt sensations like it and he tried to compose himself before he came embarrassingly quickly.

Severus' tongue lathed the weeping head of his cock while one hand rolled and massaged his balls with skill. "Holy…fuck," he rasped, as his hands clenched in the bedsheets beneath him. Severus hummed around his mouthful then engulfed the hard length all the way to the back of his throat. Harry tried to form words but all that came out was a low, guttural moan deep in his chest.

Nothing had ever felt like this before and all Harry could do was lie back and revel in Severus' exquisite attentions. He had imagined it of course, a thousand different ways, but nothing had prepared him for how incredible it was. Severus' tongue seemed to have a mind of its own and it pulled him ever closer to the edge.

"I'm going…going to," Harry tried to say, but words abandoned him. Severus seemed disinclined to listen to him anyway. He sped up his pace, increasing the suction while his grip tightened. Harry's breathing became shallower and his balls tightened before he came hard down Severus' throat. His body was filled with pleasure and every nerve was set on fire. His eyes squeezed shut and he rode the wave until the powerful grip released him.

Severus made his way back up his body and kissed him with fervour. Harry tasted himself on the man's tongue and it was so intensely erotic he shivered with the pleasure of it.

"You come undone beautifully," Severus murmured, kissing a trail along his jaw. His body pressed against Harry's and Harry's few remaining functioning brain cells wondered when the man had removed his own clothing. Inch after inch of gloriously naked skin pressed against his own and he reached up to run a hand down Severus' bare back.

"That was amazing," he whispered, still feeling like he was floating. He felt Severus' hard length pressing into his thigh, reminding him that the night was far from over.

He reached down and tentatively wrapped his fingers around it, pleased by Severus' sharp intake of breath next to his ear. One man's anatomy was much the same as another's and Harry was comforted by that fact even as his inexperience made him nervous. He stroked rhythmically and firmly and Severus pressed himself closer, biting teasingly on Harry's ear.

"Ready for more?" he asked.

"God yes," Harry breathed, feeling himself begin to harden again.

"If you only knew how many times I'd fantasised about this moment," Severus purred into his ear, and Harry's head spun at the thought that Severus had expended as much mental energy imagining this as he had.

"I'm going to take great pleasure in preparing you for me," Severus whispered, then snaked back down Harry's body. Harry wondered what the man's intentions were but couldn't have imagined what Severus was about to do. The man's mouth descended on his entrance and he let out a gasp of surprise as warm wetness lapped at him.

"Oh…fuck," Harry gulped, staggered at how insanely intimate the act was, how desperately erotic it was.

Severus held his thighs apart, exposing him fully as he breached him with his tongue. "Sev-Severus," Harry moaned as he was invaded again and again, his senses assaulted exquisitely. He had never considered this a possibility but perhaps it was time to expand the parameters of his imagination.

"You have no idea how delicious it is hearing you moan my name," Severus said, his voice a gloriously low rumble against Harry's flesh.

"I'll scream it if it means you'll be inside me sooner rather than later," Harry groaned, feeling a pleasurable ache begin to grow in his groin.

"You'll scream it anyway," Severus promised before wordlessly summoning a jar from the nightstand. He slicked his fingers and gently circled Harry's well-lathed hole before insinuating one finger, carefully followed by another.

Harry bore down against them, revelling in the feeling. "That's it," Severus encouraged before adding a third. He moved them in and out, stretching and preparing him so thoroughly that Harry thought he might pass out from the pleasure of it. When Severus crooked his fingers and grazed against Harry's prostate Harry thought he'd actually seen stars.

"Oh God, please," Harry moaned, wanting nothing more than to be claimed thoroughly by his lover.

"You have no idea how beautiful you look like this," Severus murmured, stroking Harry's prostate again and again. "Laid bare and begging me, waiting for me to fill you."

"Please Severus," Harry moaned again.

"I'd keep you waiting longer were it not for the fact that I have been longing to sink inside you for months."

"Jesus Christ," Harry groaned. He should have known that Severus would be able to weaponise his words inside the bedroom as well as out.

"I've been called worse," Severus said, removing his fingers and sliding back up Harry's body with a feathering of kisses. He retrieved the jar again then took hold of Harry's hand and slicked his palm with the lubricant, guiding it to his waiting erection.

Harry palmed the man's hard length, delighting in the feeling of it in his hand and pleased by the approving noises Severus was making. Severus moved to settle between his thighs and Harry felt the head of the man's erection press against his entrance.

"We'll go slowly," Severus said softly next to his ear. "I promise I won't hurt you."

"I know," Harry whispered back, feeling safe and protected within Severus' arms.

Severus pushed forward and Harry felt his body breached. He gripped the man's shoulders and Severus moved until he was fully sheathed inside. There was a slight pang of discomfort coupled with the alien sensation of being filled but Severus gave him ample time to adjust before he began to move.

His thrusts were deep and slow and Harry's body welcomed each one. He tilted his hips and wrapped his legs around Severus' waist as the man pushed inside him again and again. Harry's body was humming from the pleasure of it and from the joy of finally being able to join with his lover in the most intimate way possible.

"Harry," Severus moaned next to his ear, and it was the most erotic thing Harry had ever heard in his life. "God, you're perfection."

Harry gripped Severus' shoulders more tightly and the man turned his head to meet Harry's lips in a fierce kiss. He had never felt so thoroughly claimed in his life, nor so connected to the man buried deep inside him. Severus' angle shifted slightly and Harry's prostate was grazed with each tantalising thrust, sending shockwaves of pleasure through his body.

Severus' thrusts became firmer and more insistent and Harry's felt the man's hand wrap around his aching erection. "Oh yes," Harry breathed, feeling the pleasure intensify through his body. It gathered in the pit of his stomach then spread out through his groin as he came hard and with a gasp, spilling all over Severus' hand.

Harry's body went limp as Severus thrust a few more times before his body shuddered and he collapsed against Harry. They were both breathing heavily, a tangle of limbs on the bed as they basked in the afterglow.

"I'm so glad I lived long enough for that," Harry said shakily and Severus laughed.

He pressed a kiss to Harry's forehead and said, "Pleasure to be of service, Mr Potter. A true pleasure indeed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, my loves. I gave you what you wanted, I hope it was worth the wait! I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Love to you all x


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Your son is insisting on wearing a waistcoat," Severus told Harry as he entered their bedroom, finding Harry rifling through the wardrobe.

"He hasn't got a waistcoat."

"I've been instructed to transfigure one for him. He's taking this ceremony business very seriously. I think he has something of a romantic streak."

Harry smiled as he extracted his beautifully-tailored grey robes and said, "Inherited from you, no doubt."

"I can be romantic when the occasion calls for it," Severus said, taking the robes from Harry and laying them on the bed before wrapping the man up in his arms.

"It does your reputation no good to admit such things," Harry said with a grin as he pulled himself close.

"My reputation was ruined when I decided to hitch myself to you."

"You can always change your mind, kick me to the curb and strike out on your own."

Severus raised an eyebrow as he allowed his hands to rove over Harry's body, across the subtle play of muscles until they lightly cupped the man's pert backside. "I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks," he said with a drawl.

Harry laughed and said, "Romantic indeed."

Severus lowered his head and met Harry in a kiss as the man pulled his body flush against Severus'. Kissing Harry was nothing short of perfection and Severus was only too happy to lose himself in the blissful experience as often as possible. His husband was a beautiful man and every part of Severus ached to touch him.

"I believe I'll stick our marriage out for a little while yet," Severus said with a smile as he moved to torment the skin behind Harry's ear.

He knew, of course, the meaning behind his words. They were going to reaffirm their vows to one another after a turbulent few months, after Harry had spent all that time wondering whether or not he would still have a marriage at the end of it. They had both made their peace with the fact that Severus might never recover all his memories but their marriage would survive and that was the important thing.

"Pa! Have you made me a waistcoat yet?" Gabe shouted down the hallway and Severus and Harry broke apart with a smile.

"Your son is awfully demanding," Severus told him with a smirk.

"My heart bleeds for you."

"Dad! Pa! Would you two put each other down? I want my waistcoat!" Gabe said, appearing in the doorway with his hands on his hips. "Everyone will be here in an hour, you haven't got time to get all mushy."

Severus laughed, feeling a surge of affection for his son. As if his place could ever be anywhere but here with him and Harry. "It's our anniversary," he told Gabe, "we're allowed to be mushy."

"You're always mushy," Gabe corrected with an eye roll. "Is anyone going to help me with my waistcoat or what?"

"Come on, I'll sort you out," Harry said, disentangling himself from Severus. "And you," he said to his husband, "need to decide which robes you're wearing."

He placed a kiss to the end of Severus' nose and escorted Gabe out of the room while their son gave very specific instructions about how his waistcoat should look. Severus smiled and shook his head, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He could just picture Gabe as an adult and he couldn't wait to meet the man his son would become.

He was about to follow Harry's instruction and choose which robes to wear for the renewal ceremony when a wave of nausea hit him. His head began to throb and he knew what was coming, although it didn't lessen the pain. He evened out his breathing and closed his eyes, accepting what was happening. He wanted his memories back, wanted to know everything about his life with the man he loved.

_~*~ Dumbledore's cottage very quickly became home and Severus found himself falling into domesticity with Harry very easily. They were both in need of time away from the world and they needed the opportunity to explore what they meant to one another._

_Severus knew exactly what Harry meant to him. The man had become his entire world and he couldn't remember a time before his thoughts had been governed by him. Since they had made love for the first time all those thoughts and feelings had been heightened and Severus almost felt himself consumed by how powerful it was._

_He glanced up from his book to sneak a glance across at Harry who was sitting on the sofa, balancing a sketchbook on his knees. He had taken to drawing in the afternoons and Severus loved to watch him. The man's expression while he concentrated and created was utterly beautiful and Severus allowed himself to indulge in watching him._

" _Am I that interesting?" Harry asked with a smile as he continued to sketch._

" _Very," Severus answered, unashamed at being caught out._

" _Didn't get enough of me this morning?" Harry asked coyly and Severus shook his head with a smile._

_The last few weeks had been an earnest exploration of their physical relationship, now they were allowed to have one, and Severus hadn't found it wanting. Harry was a beautifully sensual creature and Severus loved every second that he spent wringing pleasure from him. To be able to explore it with no pressure from the outside world was a gift indeed and Severus treasured every moment of it._

" _Want to see what I'm drawing?" Harry asked, looking up at him with a wicked smile._

" _Will my heart survive the shock?"_

_Harry laughed and said, "Let's risk it. If not it will be my turn to bring you back to life."_

_Severus rolled his eyes and Harry shuffled off the sofa and perched on the arm of Severus' chair. He tore the sheet from the notebook and handed it to Severus and it was only the man's many years of spying that helped to stop him falling off his chair._

" _I had no idea you were into erotica, Mr Potter," he said, his voice deep even as his blood pooled in his groin._

" _I thought I'd see how my anatomy skills stacked up," Harry said, leaning against Severus' shoulder, his mouth close to Severus' ear. "What do you think?"_

" _You seem to have the basics."_

" _Watch," Harry whispered, before waving his wand over the drawing, which sprang to life moments later._

" _Oh," Severus said, not quite trusting himself to say more. He looked at the drawing in his hands and watched as the pencil version of himself pinned Harry to the bed and thrust in and out of him. He was fairly certain he was blushing, though how there was any blood left to spare for his cheeks he didn't know._

" _Like it?" Harry asked, giving his ear a nip._

" _What do you think?"_

" _Fancy enacting this little scene?" Harry asked, biting and sucking on Severus' neck._

" _You've forgotten that we have guests arriving," Severus said, sparing a moment to silently damn himself for agreeing to Harry's nonsensical request. He had been perfectly content to cocoon himself away in their little love nest permanently but Harry had warned against them becoming recluses._

" _Oh damn. Is that today? I've quite lost track of time what with you buggering senseless every day."_

" _I haven't heard you complaining," Severus replied, tearing his eyes from the lascivious drawing and looking up at his lover._

" _Not likely to either," Harry said with a smile, and Severus had to wonder what he had done to deserve this man in his life. "I suppose I should try and cobble something together for dinner. Can't have our guests going hungry."_

_He gave Severus a peck on the cheek and hopped off the armchair while Severus cast one last fond look at the drawing before pocketing it. As he did so, he felt something else in his robes and extracted it, remembering that he had picked it up for Harry._

" _Harry," he said, joining the man in the kitchen. "I know we've decided to take this year out to…recover from things but have you considered what you want to do after that?"_

_Harry put down the pans he was holding and looked at Severus with a frown. "What do you mean?"_

" _There will be a world beyond this cottage, beyond this next year. What do you want your future to look like?"_

_Harry's frown deepened and Severus watched as the man's thoughts played out across his face. "I was kind of banking on the fact that we'd still be together after this year," he said uncertainly, and Severus thought he had perhaps never loved the man as much as he did at that moment._

_He moved closer with a smile and cupped Harry's cheeks gently. "I wasn't referring to our relationship," he assured the man. "There's no question that whatever future awaits us we'll face it together. I was only inquiring as to what your personal plans might be."_

_Looking relieved, Harry said, "I honestly hadn't made any." He paused then ran a hand through his hair, crinkling his nose as he did so. "Besides surviving Voldemort and hopefully pursuing something with you…I don't really know what my future looks like," Harry admitted, and Severus felt a swell of protective affection for the man in his arms._

_Harry had never been able to explore an identity for himself outside the cards that fate had dealt him and Severus wanted to be the one to help the man discover just who he could become._

_He reached into his pocket and extracted the leaflet he had picked up weeks ago. He handed it to Harry and said, "Erotic drawings aside, you have real talent. I think perhaps you should explore it."_

" _The London School of Art?" Harry said, his eyes on the leaflet. "You think…you think I should apply?"_

" _I think you should consider it as an option. We could…perhaps rent a flat in London…should you choose to attend."_

_When he looked up, Harry was smiling. "You want to live together?" he asked, looking far too pleased with himself._

" _We're already living together," Severus said with a sniff, aware that he had shown his hand._

" _We're_ _holidaying_ _together," Harry corrected, still smiling, looking like the cat that got the cream. "It's not quite the same thing as making a commitment to living together."_

_It would have been easy at that point to dismiss Harry's point, to retreat behind the safety of hiding his feelings but he'd spent a lifetime doing that and he was sick of it. Harry was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he'd be damned if he let the man slip through his fingers because of his own foolishness._

" _Well then," he said with more courage than he truly felt, "I suppose I'm making a commitment."_

_Harry's smile turned from smug to tender and the part of Severus' brain that was screaming at him to turn and run was drowned out completely by his overwhelming desire, his_ _ need _ _, to forge something with Harry that could be spectacular._

" _Think about it," he said, gesturing to the leaflet in Harry's hands. "Whatever you decide, I'll support you."_

_An hour or so later and Harry was hovering contentedly around the oven when there was a knock at the door. Steeling himself for an evening for which he had mixed feelings, Severus opened it and welcomed Ron and Draco into their little cocoon._

_Things started a little awkwardly. Ron kept calling him 'Professor' or stumbled over his first name, casting looks between him and Harry, as though he expected them to start shagging on the dining table at any moment. Draco seemed a little uncomfortable, as though he was wondering how he had possibly ended up there, although he was perfectly polite._

_Ron was still in mourning, as was Harry, and Draco seemed somehow cut adrift. The loss of his parents, despite their betrayal, had affected him and he seemed to be relying on Ron more than ever. They made a surprisingly good couple; they were affectionate and tactile yet they sniped and jibed at one another with delightful wit and sarcasm._

_As the evening continued and everyone began to relax a little more, Severus found himself enjoying the company he was in. Ron as quick-witted and very sharp. His pithy one-liners and comebacks were very amusing and he was the only person who managed to keep Draco and his rather self-involved tendencies inline._

" _How goes the repair work on the castle?" Harry asked as he topped everyone's glasses up._

" _Still a long way to go," Ron replied, one arm swung casually around Draco's shoulders as they sat together on the sofa. "There was a hell of a lot of damage done and the repair work isn't straightforward."_

" _We have an architect in the making," Draco said with a sly smile._

" _Oh?" Severus asked, looking at Ron who flushed beneath his freckles._

" _I just find it interesting," Ron said with a self-effacing shrug._

" _He's been working with the chief architect," Draco said, ignoring Ron entirely, "who says that Ron shows real talent with architectural charms. He's suggested Ron pursues it."_

" _Will you?" Harry asked perching on the arm of Severus' chair. Severus wrapped an arm around the man's waist, watching as Ron's eyes flickered to it for a moment, although he didn't seem discomforted by the gesture._

" _I think I might," Ron said thoughtfully. "I'll see how it goes with the Hogwarts restoration and then…look into courses. I'd never even considered it before but I think it's something I'd like to do."_

" _Besides, architects make a bundle and I'd quite like to be kept in the style to which I've become accustomed," Draco said imperiously and Ron snorted._

" _Who says I intend to saddle myself with you indefinitely?" Ron said in a tone that told Severus that that was exactly what he intended to do._

" _I credit you with enough sense to know what's good for you," Draco said with a smile, leaning up to press a kiss to Ron's jawline._

" _I'm going to art school," Harry said suddenly, and Severus looked up at him in surprise, wondering when the man had made that decision._

" _You're what?" Ron said, clearly bemused._

" _I'm going to art school," Harry repeated, his voice certain. "I…um…I've kind of been drawing for years now and I never thought anything of it…but Severus has made me think I might be able to pursue it seriously."_

" _Can…can I see some of your stuff?" Ron asked, and Severus could feel Harry's relief that he hadn't been laughed at._

" _Sure," Harry said, hopping off the armchair and grabbing his portfolio from the bookcase. Severus briefly toyed with the idea of showing Ron the folded up piece of smut in his pocket but it would have been too cruel to make the man's head explode in such a way._

" _Oh wow, Harry," Ron said softly as they flicked through Harry's drawings together. "I never knew. These are incredible. Oh look at Fred and George! And there's Neville; that's a brilliant one, you've really captured that crooked smile of his. And…oh. It's Hermione," Ron said, holding the parchment in his hands reverently._

_Severus watched as Ron and Harry both looked down at the drawing of their lost friend. Harry's head came to rest on Ron's shoulder and together they studied the face in front of them. "Severus is right," Ron said eventually, his voice quiet, "this is what you should do with your life. These drawings are incredible."_

_Ron looked up and met Severus' eyes, offering him a smile that was as warm as it was approving. Severus didn't need Ron's approval, didn't need_ _ anyone's _ _approval for that matter, but it was strangely comforting to know he had it all the same. ~*~_

Severus shook his head as the fog cleared, smiling at the brief glimpse he had got of the post-war life he and Harry had had. Harry had told him that they'd gone to the cottage after the final battle and it seemed to be the tonic they had both needed.

That had been the first step they had taken to begin the next phase of their lives, to face the world as a couple and figure out what they meant to one another. It was an important time and Severus was glad he had been able to remember a fraction of it himself. Still smiling, he retrieved his robes from the wardrobe and prepared himself for the next stage in his and Harry's relationship.

The ceremony was held in their garden and the unpredictable British summer weather was kind to them. It was a simple service, presided over by a smiling Ministry official while their friends sat beneath a charmed pergola that Ginny had been responsible for. Gabe stood with his parents, beaming from ear to ear as he stood resplendent in a diplomatically-coloured red and green waistcoat.

Severus couldn't help but feel a pang of regret that, save for a brief glimpse, he couldn't remember their wedding. He had seen how beautiful Harry had looked, how happy they both had been, but he couldn't remember saying his vows or making love to Harry for the first time as his husband. It made him all the more determined to enjoy their renewal service and etch every moment of it onto his mind.

He said his vows with conviction and hoped that Harry could see how much he meant them. He drank in the sight of the man he loved, the man who, despite their rocky history, was his partner in love and life. Harry was not only his husband but the father of his child and Severus knew, with more certainty than he had ever felt about anything, that his life lay with Harry.

When the officiant declared it time for them to kiss, Severus took Harry in his arms and kissed him for all he was worth. Harry responded beautifully and it was almost enough to forget that a contingent of their friends were watching them. It was only when Gabe said, "Oh come on, guys! Stop it," that Severus reluctantly pulled back.

The boy barrelled into them and Severus hoisted him onto his hip, despite the fact that Gabe was getting too big for such things. Harry wrapped his arms around them both and kissed Gabe's cheek as he smiled up at Severus, his eyes bright.

"Here's to the next ten years," Severus said softly.

Champagne flowed and Severus found himself migrating from one conversation to the next. He felt a lot more at ease around the assembled group than he had done months ago at Harry's birthday party and he enjoyed their company. He would always feel most comfortable with Ron, Draco and Ginny but these people were his family, Harry's family, and it was good to feel he still had a place amongst them.

"I remember coming and visiting you both that year you were living in the cottage," Ron said as they sat side by side on one of the garden benches, Ron lounging as he normally did.

"You must have thought Harry had lost his mind," Severus replied as he watched his husband and Remus playing with all the children.

"Nah," Ron said with a smile. "The two of you made sense and I could see how much you meant to one another. You were good for him, Sev, you _are_ good for him. That year…it was important for you both."

Severus nodded. Harry had told him as much and he'd seen snatches of it himself. They'd needed time to heal and time to simply just be together. After a lifetime spend under the scrutiny of others it had been good for them to sequester themselves away from the world and focus solely on one another.

"It was nice for me to get to know you too," Ron continued with a slightly embarrassed smile. "Nice to get to know you for you are rather than who I thought you were. It was…a relief to find that I liked you for your own sake rather than for Harry's."

"We've…become good friends over the years," Severus said, wishing he had more than a few brief glimpses of the relationship he had built with Ron. He'd never had friends, nothing past acquaintances that had been in some way necessary, and he wanted to remember how it truly felt to have such a relationship.

"And we will again," Ron said gently. "If your old memories never come back then I'll win you over a second time with my sparkling wit and scintillating personality."

Severus snorted and said, "I've no doubt." He paused, looking out across the gardens, knowing he must have hundreds of memories that took place there and feeling the familiar pang of frustration that he couldn't remember any of them.

"Have you heard anything from the aurors?"

"Only that the case is ongoing. Ginny thinks the best bet is to get my attacker to reverse the curse."

Ron raised an eyebrow. "Not _legally_ I take it?"

"You know your sister," Severus said, and Ron gave him a look that said he knew precisely what was in Ginny's mind. If only they could catch whatever bastard was responsible.

It was several hours later, when most of the guests had left, that Harry found him in the kitchen. He was looking out of the window, smiling as he watched Ron and Draco playing tag with Gabe.

"Here you are. You wandered off."

"Just getting a coffee," Severus said, holding up the half-full mug in his hand. "Something I can do for you?"

Harry smiled and said, "I'm kidnapping you."

"I beg your pardon?"

Harry nodded towards the doorway and Severus saw a small suitcase leaning against the frame. "Ron and Drake are having Gabe for a couple of days. I thought we needed to celebrate our anniversary properly, just the two of us."

Severus couldn't have agreed more. He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Harry, kissing the man's cheek and whispering, "I'm at your disposal, love."

Harry summoned the bag and Severus closed his eyes before the man apparated them away. When he opened them again he was standing outside a place that had become very familiar to him. He unwrapped himself from Harry as he smiled up at the cottage. "A perfect thought," he said as Harry led the way inside.

"No more keeping you at arm's length," Harry said softly. "When I married you it was for life. I belong with you and nothing can change that. I'm ready to begin the next step of our life together."

He held out his hand and Severus took it, letting Harry lead him upstairs to their bedroom. It hadn't changed much and Severus could picture the beautiful memory of the first time they had made love, the way Harry looked spread out on the bed, gasping with pleasure.

"I love you," Harry whispered before he wrapped his arms around him and kissed him tenderly. Everything was chased from his head apart from his husband and he was more than happy to surrender himself entirely.

His clothes were removed slowly, reverently, Harry's hands and lips everywhere. The passion between them simmered just below the surface, tangible and overwhelming, governing Severus completely. Inch after inch of his bare skin pressed against Harry's in contact that was too delicious for words. Harry was just as sensual as he'd imagined him to be and Severus melted under the man's touch.

They collapsed on the bed and Severus lost no time acquainting himself with every inch of Harry's skin. "God I've missed you so much," Harry whispered. "You have no idea what it was like not to be able to touch you, to feel you. Those first few weeks when you came out of hospital nearly killed me."

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," Severus murmured back as Harry pressed a jar into his hands. He coated his fingers as he kissed Harry's throat and mapped his collarbones with his tongue. His mind might not have remembered the feel of Harry beneath him, but his body certainly did and it delighted in the feel of his husband writhing with pleasure.

He entered Harry with his fingers, enjoying the man's hum of approval as he did so. Harry's hand slid up into his hair, gripping the tendrils firmly as he fucked himself on Severus' fingers. "Oh fuck, Sev. I need you inside me so badly."

"You'll have me," Severus promised, aching to join his body with Harry's. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he asked, stretching and preparing Harry, grazing his prostate with each invasion. "Do you have any idea what a gift it is that I'm the only person who has seen you this way?"

He withdrew his fingers and Harry smiled up him, saying, "Let me," before he slid down Severus' body and took the man's erection in his mouth, taking it all the way to the back of his throat. Severus gripped the man's hair and groaned in pleasure as Harry's talented mouth teased and tormented him.

Harry's tongue swirled around the head of his cock then moved downwards to lick his shift as his delicate fingers traced dizzying patterns over his balls. His erection was coated in lube and Harry looked up at him, saying, "Sit up against the headboard."

Severus complied and Harry moved up with him, straddling his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. He lowered himself slowly and Severus closed his eyes as he was engulfed in Harry's heat. Harry moved slowly, torturously, rocking his hips back and forth, taking him deeper and deeper with each movement.

Harry's lips descended on his and the man's tongue snaked into his mouth as he rode Severus with purpose. A dim part of Severus' mind remembered the little scene on the ministry balcony and he knew they could give their past selves a run for their money.

"You feel so good," Harry murmured, his voice rough with passion. "God I'd almost forgotten how it feels to have you inside me."

Severus gripped the man's hips as Harry's pace sped up, watching as his husband let his head fall back, his expression so delicious it sent a thrill through Severus' body. He could hardly believe fate had delivered man into his hands and he wouldn't be stupid enough to risk losing him ever again.

He reached out and wrapped a hand around Harry's straining cock, his wedding ring glistening as his hand moved. He loved the feel of the man's prick against his palm, the breathy little sighs that escaped Harry's lips as he rolled his hand over the weeping head. He moved in tandem with Harry, who impaled himself over and over again as he rode Severus. Severus watched, transfixed, as Harry's cheeks flushed and he bit his lip before he came all over Severus' hand with a gasp of pleasure.

Severus only gave him a moment to recover himself before he gripped him tightly and flipped him onto his back, remaining deep inside him as he did so. Harry let out a little purr of approval and Severus slid an arm beneath him, holding him tightly as he began to pound his husband in earnest. Nothing had ever felt so good, so perfect, and his body had been starved of it for so long. Harry met him thrust for thrust and Severus came hard buried deep inside his husband.

He collapsed against the man, his breathing ragged as skin pressed against skin and pleasure hummed through him. "Oh God, Sev," Harry breathed, his voice dreamy. "That was fucking fantastic. I can't believe I've gone without that for four months."

"I guarantee you it won't be four months before we do that again," Severus muttered against his husband's throat.

He withdrew carefully and cast a wandless cleaning charm before he rolled away, taking Harry with him. The man snuggled against his chest and Severus closed his eyes as a wave of contentment rolled through him.

They must have fallen asleep together as it was pitch black when Severus opened his eyes again. Harry was still cuddled to him, snoring softly, a little smile on his lips. Severus' mouth was dry and the vast quantities of champagne he'd had earlier were catching up with him.

He gently moved Harry off him and slid off the bed, finding his trousers and shimmying into them. He smiled as Harry snuggled into the pillow then slipped out of the room and down the stairs. He fetched a glass of water and took a couple of long, slow glugs before his thirst was slaked.

The moonlight shone into the cottage and some romantic notion compelled Severus to step outside and fully appreciate it. He felt so completely at peace that he wanted to freeze the moment in time. His future was now more important than his past and all that mattered was creating it with his husband and his son, moving forward as a family.

He was about to go back into the house when he heard a rustle from the trees to the side of the property. Peering into the darkness, he tried to see what was the source of the noise but could only make out the outlines of the trees. Dismissing it as an animal, he turned back to the door and had his hand on the handle as a voice rasped, "Hello Professor."

He went for his wand but suddenly felt something dull and heavy connect with his skull. Intense pain flooded his head before he crumpled to the ground and lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I duck for cover? Are you guys going to throw things at me? Come on, you know I love a good cliffie, but at least I gave you some smut beforehand! I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know!
> 
> Apologies for not doing any review responses for last week, things have been a bit busy and I've also been tied up writing my new fic. It's going to be a Harry/George, sound interesting? I hope so.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Severus slowly surfaced to consciousness, his head lolled forward, his chin pressed to his chest. He tried to move but realised his hands were tied behind his back, his body pressed against a wooden pole. His head was thumping and there was a sticky trail of blood making its way from his temple down the side of his face.

"God, I was beginning to think you'd never wake up."

Severus raised his head and squinted, his vision blurred. There was a chair a few feet in front of him, upon which a figure was perched. He could tell from the voice that it was a woman but she was shrouded in darkness and his sight was compromised anyway.

"Who's there?" he asked, his voice raw.

"Come now, you know who I am," the woman said, and Severus was sure he recognised her voice. He was too fuzzy-headed to think properly but he knew that he knew her; there was something about her posture that was familiar, pulling at his memories.

"I'm not surprised you can't remember," she continued airily. "It's been _years_ since you've given me any thought, if you ever did at all."

"What do you want from me?" Severus asked as he struggled futilely against his bindings.

"I just want to finish the job I started," she crooned, twirling her wand in her hand.

"You're the one who cursed me."

" _Attempted_ to curse you," she corrected. "I was interrupted halfway though. I _intended_ to take you back much further."

"Why? What possible reason could you have for doing that?"

"What reason?" she echoed, her voice dripping with spite. "I wanted to take you back to a time before you had your thoughts bastardised, before you were corrupted by that simple-minded moron you married. I wanted to return to your true self, to the man loyal to our Lord."

"Voldemort's dead – "

"The Dark Lord will never be gone, not truly!" she shrieked. "With all his followers scattered or _turncoats_ there's no one to serve him. If you were in your right mind you would want to do all you could to resurrect him."

"And that was your plan? To wipe my memory and use me as a tool to serve this insane cause?"

"It isn't insane!" she hissed, finally leaning forward into the thin sliver of slight. Her face partially illuminated by the pale moonlight, he was able to recognise her, although she was a shadow of her former self.

The years hadn't been kind to Pansy Parkinson. Her skin was sallow and so thin that it was stretched over her razor-sharp cheekbones. Her eyes were sunken and hollow and her dark black hair hung limply around her grey face.

"Pansy – "

"Ah you recognise me now. I can imagine you haven't given me much thought over the years."

"Pansy I don't – "

"Oh spare me the lies. You forgot about your Slytherins the moment you decided that Potter's arse was more worth your attention than we were."

"I'd turned from Voldemort long before I fell in love with Harry," Severus argued, although he wasn't sure Pansy was capable of rational thinking anymore.

"So much for the Head of Slytherin," she snarled. "You tossed us aside like we were nothing!"

"Not all of you," he countered, feeling his anger rise. "Only the ones for whom there was no hope!"

Pansy let out a manic giggle and stood up. "Well that's me! It's been a long time since I had any hope. I'm resigned to living in this shell," she said, gesturing around her, "stripped of all assets, all social standing, my family name all but obliterated while you play happy families with Potter and your little bastard."

"You leave my son out of this," he growled.

"Don't worry. When I'm done with you you won't even remember his name," she said and panic gripped him. He couldn't lose Harry and Gabe again, he couldn't go back to square one and forget everything he had spent months building up.

"Pansy, listen to me," he said trying to keep his voice level. "When Harry and I killed Voldemort the curse we created bound his soul and obliterated it. There is no way to bring him back."

"Oh Severus," Pansy murmured, her eyes quite mad, "there's _always_ a way. We will bring him back and finally my life will be restored to me."

"Pansy – "

"We really have talked for long enough. It's time we got started," she said, brandishing her wand at him.

"Don't do this. It won't help anything, you won't be able to bring Voldemort back, I promise you."

"That kind of negative attitude really isn't helpful," she sing-songed. "Order will be restored to the wizarding world and the purebloods will take their rightful place. Now, let me see. We need to take you back to 18 I think, when you were last in your right mind."

She advanced on him and Severus fought harder against his restraints, desperately trying to formulate a plan. "Close your eyes," she said sweetly, "and when you wake everything will be better."

"Pansy, no! This is madness."

"It's brilliance! I was always brilliant. I was always – "

A bright flash of light filled the room and Pansy was knocked sideways. People were everywhere and Severus blinked as Harry knelt by his side with a relieved smile.

"How did you – "

"Tracking spells in your wedding ring," Harry answered as he freed Severus' wrists. "We had them woven in years ago. Bet you're glad you put it back on now."

Harry hauled him to his feet and Severus saw that Ron and Draco had Pansy restrained between them while Ginny held her at wand-point.

"We haven't got much time before the aurors arrive and once they have her we'll have no hope of reversing the curse. Sev, come over here," she instructed and Severus complied, Harry close by his side.

"Ginny," Severus said quietly, "this could compromise you greatly. You're risking your career, Merlin knows what else. You don't have to do this."

"Shut up, Sev. Now close your eyes and I'll see you on the other side."

* * *

_~*~ It had been a mistake to invite Harry to spend time in his quarters, of that Severus was certain. The offer had been made though and it couldn't be retracted now, despite how conflicted it made Severus feel. The trouble was he enjoyed Harry's company, enjoyed spending evening after evening with Harry working quietly alongside him and, Merlin help him, he couldn't stop himself from noticing just how beautiful Harry was._

And therein was the issue. He could have almost reconciled himself to the fact that he found Harry's company pleasant and engaging, people were capable of change after all, but it was almost impossible to bear the fact that he found Harry attractive. The boy was his student, for Merlin's sake, not to mention that, in a right and proper universe, he would never find James Potter's son attractive.

The truth, of course, was that it was harder and harder to continue viewing Harry in such terms. He wasn't just James Potter's son, not anymore, he was Harry, a person Severus appreciated for his own merit and, damn it, a person he liked. The dedication the boy was showing in his training was laudable and Severus had to admit that the power he possessed was astounding.

A fraction of that power now resided within his own body and his hand went to his chest as he thought of it. Harry had shared his power with him, saved his life for that matter, and the notion was bothering Severus in ways he didn't want to examine too closely.

A soft little noise drew his attention and he looked up to see Harry with his head resting on his arm, his eyes closed. One hand still held his quill and he was snoring gently amid his pile of books. Severus shook his head in horror as he realised the swell in his chest was in fact a surge of affection.

He stood up from his desk slowly and moved over to Harry's, pausing a moment before he crouched down beside him. It wasn't enough that he had to find the brat attractive, oh no, he had to have actual _feelings_ for him. Sometimes he missed the old days when all he had to worry about was serving the needs of two demanding maniacs who were willing to sacrifice his life at any given moment.

He reached out and brushed the hair from Harry's forehead, Harry smiling in his sleep as he did so. Against his better judgement, he allowed his fingers to lightly trace Harry's cheekbone, then brush over his jaw. He was beautiful, there was no point in denying it, but Severus knew he was becoming dangerously close to succumbing to his attraction.

He dropped his hand to Harry's shoulder and shook him gently. "Harry," he said softly. "Harry, wake up." Harry's eyes fluttered open slowly and he stretched as he smiled sleepily at Severus. Mortified, Severus realised he found it adorable.

Harry seemed to realise exactly where he was and his eyes widened as he sat up and said, "Oh I'm sorry!" He scrambled up and knocked a couple of books off the table in his haste. "Shit," he cursed, sliding off his chair to pick the books up and smacking his head on the table leg in the process.

Severus couldn't help but laugh as Harry sat with his legs splayed out, his hand pressed to his forehead as he emitted a series of colourful swear words. Harry glared at him and said, "I'm glad you find this so funny."

Severus smirked and said, "I do. The most powerful wizard in centuries knocking himself out on a table leg." He stood up and held his hand out to Harry who took it and let Severus haul him to his feet.

"I'm not very good when I first wake up," Harry groused, rubbing at his forehead.

"Clearly. Here," he said, brushing Harry's hand aside gently, "let me see." There was a small bump and no doubt Harry would have a bruise in the morning. "I think you'll live."

"Very amusing," Harry said, a slight flush creeping over his cheeks. Unable to stop himself, he gently moved his hand from the boy's forehead to rest softly against his cheek. As close as they were to one another Severus could see that there was a very light dusting of freckles across the bridge of Harry's nose and that the outer parts of his irises were flecked with darker shades of green. His lips were full and red and Severus' mouth felt suddenly dry as his fingers itched to trace the all-too-enticing mouth.

Harry's skin was soft beneath his palm and Severus fought the urge to let his fingers slide down the boy's jaw and over the pale column of his throat. He wanted to lower his head and attack the vulnerable flesh, hearing Harry moan with pleasure as his lips created a sensual assault that the boy wouldn't be able to resist. Had he ever had a less appropriate thought in his life?

He cleared his throat, feeling suddenly hot, and lowered his hand, saying, "Perhaps we'd best call it a night. I'm not cruel enough to make you work on a concussion."

Harry chuckled and some of the tension mercifully evaporated. "You're entirely cruel enough, you just want to kick me out of your quarters."

"There are easier ways to do that than encouraging you to knock yourself out," Severus said dryly, and Harry grinned. Of course, he really _did_ need to get Harry out of his quarters; the boy was looking far too enticing with his flushed skin and plump lips and Severus' body was responding entirely too keenly.

"Go on, off you go," he instructed, although part of him wanted to keep Harry in his quarters indefinitely.

Harry smiled and said "Goodnight sir. See you tomorrow, as long as I don't succumb to my injuries in the night."

As Harry disappeared through the floo, the fond smile that worked its way onto Severus' face told him that he was in very serious trouble.

* * *

_~*~ Severus' neck was stiff and his lower back was aching something terrible. If Voldemort had ever had any sense he'd have given up on the Cruciatus and just used hospital chairs to torture people. Of course, the bastard was dead and gone now so he'd never discover the merits of such torture devices while Severus was relegated to hours of such delights while he kept vigil by Harry's bedside._

He hadn't let himself consider, not for a moment, that Harry wouldn't wake up. He knew that the man would rally, his body just needed time to recover, his magic needed to settle itself back in his system, and Severus would be there for him throughout. He reached out and ran his fingers through Harry's dark locks. "Come back to me, love," he whispered softly.

He wanted to see those green eyes open and look up at him, wanted the man back in his arms where he belonged. He wanted to feel Harry's skin beneath his palms, feel his heart beating against his chest as he kissed him like there was no tomorrow. He needed reassurance that Harry was still flesh and blood, that he'd be able to touch him again the way he so wanted to.

"Severus," came a voice from the doorway, and he looked up to see the headmaster standing there, his hands folded in front of him.

"Albus," Severus said quietly. "Forgive me but I'm in no mood for – "

"I'm only here to enquire after your wellbeing, and Harry's," he said gently as he moved into the room. "How are you?"

"Fine," Severus lied.

"It can't be easy, waiting for the man you love to wake up."

Severus eyed him carefully. Talking with Dumbledore was often akin to performing a dance only your partner had the steps to and it usually left Severus feeling constantly on the backfoot. "I was under the impression that you didn't approve."

Dumbledore sighed and said, "I _couldn't_ approve of a relationship between a teacher and a student, no matter the circumstances. Seeing the two of you, hearing what you said to him before the final battle, I can see how much he means to you."

It was uncomfortable to have his feelings laid bare and scrutinised in such a way and it made Severus feel vulnerable to be so dissected by the headmaster. "It wasn't meant to happen," he said eventually. "I…tried to fight it, although probably not as hard as I should have. Harry showed more restraint than I was capable of."

"You've always been governed by your emotions, Severus," Dumbledore said, although it didn't sound like a criticism. "You feel things deeply and I can see how much you love Harry."

"If only the git would wake up," Severus growled, looking back at his comatose lover.

Dumbledore chuckled and said, "He will, give him time." There was a pause before the man continued, "I'm truly glad you've found someone, Severus. You deserve happiness and I can see that you've found that with Harry. I know you don't require my blessing – "

"It's nice to know I have it all the same," Severus said quietly. Part of him would always want the man's approval, no matter how hard he fought against it.

"I'll make sure you're both shielded from the press and other enquiring eyes. You need time to rest and recover, time to spend just the two of you."

"Thank you, Albus," Severus said and extended his hand. The old man shook it with a fond smile and something eased in Severus' chest a little.

"It'll be fine, Severus. I see a long and happy life ahead for you both."

"We just have to wait for Harry to join us now."

* * *

_~*~ Severus had never particularly liked weddings but he had certainly enjoyed his own a year prior and Ron and Draco's was proving to be equally bearable. He had been very touched to stand up for Draco as his Best Man and Harry had beamed from ear to ear as he'd stood beside Ron. The grooms hadn't been able to take their eyes off one another all day and Severus watched as the spun around the dancefloor._

"They're good together, aren't they?" Ginny asked as she came to stand beside him.

"They are," he agreed with a smile, watching as Ron dipped Draco and swept him up in a kiss. Truth be told he was incredibly fond of both men and he had grown close to them as the years had passed. He no longer thought of Ron as Harry's friend or Draco as a family acquaintance; they were dear to him and he felt blessed with the life he had created.

"I love how soppy you look these days," Ginny teased, hooking her arm through his and snuggling into his side.

"Do shut up," he drawled. Of course, if anyone were to ask, he'd have to admit that Ginny was his favourite, no contest. She was witty and vivacious and Severus admired her intellect greatly. She had just qualified as a mind healer and Severus had no doubt that she was going to excel.

"I miss the big bad Slytherin. You were so sexy when you terrorised people."

"Am I no longer sexy?" he asked and Ginny giggled. She was rather adorable when she was tipsy.

"Of course you are. Harry certainly thinks so, judging by the looks he's been giving you all day."

"He has a thing for formalwear," Severus said with a smile.

"So do I," Ginny said, leaning up and pecking him on the cheek.

"None of that," Severus chided, "or I'll have a jealous wolf on my hands."

"I can't help it, I have a thing for older men. Bonus if they used to teach me."

"You should probably see someone about that particular predilection."

"Oh Sev, I do so adore you," Ginny laughed, cuddling in closer. She had always been tactile with him, thoroughly unperturbed by his many barriers. It had been strange and bewildering at first but over the years he had grown used to it and welcomed her affections gladly.

"Dance with me," she instructed, and Severus knew there was no point in denying her.

She led him onto the dancefloor and they settled into one another's embrace as they danced a simple waltz. Ginny looked absolutely beautiful in dark green robes, her hair intricately plaited, her make up simple and elegant. If he'd been so inclined he might have been tempted to set his cap at her himself.

"I love seeing you so happy," she said as they moved together. "I love how you became part of our family."

"I am similarly pleased with how my life has turned out. I never imagined surviving the war, let alone thriving."

"And being happily married to Harry Potter," Ginny added with a grin.

"That was certainly never on the cards."

"The best things never are."

"Might I borrow my fiancée for a moment?" asked Lupin as he appeared beside them.

"Reluctantly I shall return her," Severus said, kissing Ginny's hand as Lupin swept her up in his arms.

"A fella could get jealous of you two," came Harry's voice in his ear and he turned around to meet his husband with a kiss that was decidedly not the sort that should be had in public. He gripped him tightly and swept his tongue into his husband's mouth as the familiar thrill went through him when he thought of Harry in such terms.

"Still jealous?" Severus purred as Harry looked up at him with deliciously hazy eyes.

"I'll get over it."

* * *

_~*~ Harry giggled as they stepped out of the floo in their flat, stumbling as Severus tried to keep them both upright. They were both fuzzy with alcohol, on something of a high after the New Year's Eve party at Ron and Draco's and the last half an hour had been Harry whispering increasingly filthy things in his ear. It had been all Severus could do to hold onto his dignity long enough to get them both home._

"Mm, want you," Harry muttered as he began pulling at Severus' shirt.

"You need to learn to keep your tongue in your head, you insolent brat," Severus whispered as they stumbled through their flat, hands tearing at each other's clothing.

"You fucking love it," Harry purred, his fingers fumbling clumsily with Severus' belt buckle. "You know you do."

Severus growled and wrenched Harry's shirt from his shoulders. "Not when we're in a room full of people, you insatiable git."

"That's what makes it so hot," Harry said with a grin as his hand made its way into Severus' trousers. "Anyway, I was only telling the truth. You _do_ want my arse, you _do_ want to pound me into the middle of next week until I'm screaming your name."

"A day without pounding your arse is a day wasted," Severus said, his voice low as Harry palmed his cock. Frustration getting the better of him, he spelled the rest of their clothes off and grabbed Harry's shoulders firmly as he kissed the man passionately. Their bodies pressed together, hot and firm, their erections lining up as both men moved insistently.

Severus gripped his husband tightly and Harry took the hint, shifting to wrap his legs around Severus' waist, the man supporting him as they continued to kiss fiercely. His prick settled in the cleft of Harry's arse and Harry ground against it with an appreciative moan.

"Close, but no cigar," he whispered impishly.

With no patience to get to the bedroom, Severus dumped Harry on the kitchen table and summoned their lube into his hand. He plundered Harry's mouth as he coated his fingers liberally then pushed two fingers inside the man as he writhed against the intrusion.

"Fuck yes," Harry breathed as Severus moved his lips to the man's throat, moving his fingers in and out of Harry's tight, responsive body. He wanted nothing more than to be buried to the hilt inside him, his prick aching intensely.

"Oh God, Sev. Fuck me, fuck me so hard."

He guided his cock to Harry's entrance and pushed forward forcefully, breaching him in one smooth movement. Harry groaned low in his throat and Severus pulled nearly all the way out and entered him again.

"Oh yes, just like that," Harry whispered, rocking his hips as he grasped Severus' arms.

"Is this what you've been wanting all night, love?" Severus asked, as he thrust hard, enveloping himself in Harry's delicious body.

"Yes, wanted your cock so badly," Harry moaned as he writhed against Severus, his cheeks flushed, his lips full and swollen from Severus' bruising kisses.

"You always want it, you're not happy until I'm deep inside you, fucking you senseless," Severus growled as he continued to move hard and fast inside his husband, the pleasure spreading throughout his groin, mounting with each clench of Harry's muscles.

"Feels so good when you're inside me. Mm, fuck Sev, I love you so much."

"I love you too," Severus breathed, capturing Harry's lips as he slammed into the man again and again. Harry made the most delicious noises against his mouth, tightening his legs around Severus' waist and urging him ever faster and deeper. Pleasure coursed through him, electrifying his nerves and chasing away all thoughts but his husband.

He reached down and wrapped a hand around Harry's weeping cock and pumped it several times before Harry came hard with a gasp of pleasure as his whole body went taut. He gripped Harry's hips and fucked him with abandon until he found his own release, his body shuddering as the pleasure exploded through him.

His muscles relaxed as he tried to catch his breath and Harry stretched beneath him with a self-satisfied smile. The man was about to say something when the table below them let out an ominous creek. Severus went to move them both off it but it groaned once more then collapsed, taking them both down with it.

Surrounded by a pile of shattered wood, Severus looked down at Harry to check he was ok and found the man blinking up at him owlishly. A smile split his face and Harry burst out laughing, Severus joining him as the absurdity of the situation sunk in.

"Happy New Year, my love.

* * *

_~*~ Severus looked around in wonder, unable to believe it was finally finished. All the planning, the back and forth and it was finally complete. He was standing in his home, his and Harry's home, where they were going to raise Gabe and live as a family. Ron had done them proud and, despite knowing it would be wonderful, Severus hadn't expected it to be this perfect._

His state-of-the-art lab had had him practically salivating and his fingers itched to use it as soon as possible. Harry was similarly enchanted with his art studio and Ron had been delighted when he'd seen his friend's eyes light up with joy. The house was a masterpiece and Severus had fallen completely in love with it.

"It'll obviously look much better when the furniture arrives," Ron said as he and Harry came back into the living room, Gabe balanced on Harry's hip. "It should get here tomorrow but that's Ellie's department," he said, referencing his partner, who dealt with the interior side of things.

"Harry's still insisting we camp out here tonight," Severus said, rolling his eyes as he took his son from Harry's arms before he started to fuss.

"What's up with that?" Ron asked with a grin.

"He's watched too many American films," Severus replied dryly.

"It'll be romantic," Harry protested, and Ron and Severus exchanged fond smiles. "We can sleep on the mattress I've brought," he said, patting his pocket where the shrunken version lay, "and we have all Gabe's stuff."

"You're just like Drake," Ron said with a sigh. "He has all these funny ideas too."

"It's romantic," Harry insisted again.

"Isn't Daddy daft?" Severus asked his son, the one year old giggling happily as Severus kissed his cheek. Harry always said that Severus was the softer of them when it came to Gabe and he was inclined to agree. From the moment his son had first been placed in his arms he had fallen head over heels in love with him.

Fatherhood had come surprisingly naturally to him. He didn't enjoy the sleepless nights or the explosive nappies but those things paled into significance compared to the overwhelming joy his son brought. He had never felt such fierce and all-encompassing love, and the fact that he got to share it all with Harry made it that much sweeter.

"If you don't start appreciating me I'll run off and find someone who does," Harry threatened with a pout.

"Fine, I'm keeping the house," Severus told him with a smirk.

"Hey, if Harry leaves I can move in and we can continue with our torrid affair," Ron said, wiggling his eyebrows with a lascivious leer.

"At long last," Severus said with a dramatic sigh as he reached out and pulled Ron to his side, the man cuddling up to him with a grin.

"You two are idiots" Harry said with a snort.

"You're just jealous," Ron told him, leaning across Gabe to kiss Severus' cheek. "Don't worry, Gabe will come to think of me as his father."

"I carried that kid for nine months, no one else gets to take credit."

Ron chuckled, disentangling himself from Severus and said, "Fair point. So, final verdict? You both like the house?"

"It's perfect, Ron," Harry said with a bright smile. "I could never have imagined anything so wonderful."

"You've truly outdone yourself, it's beautiful," Severus said, and Ron beamed at them both. He'd had great success as an architect, but he'd never had friends as clients before and Severus knew he'd been nervous about the final outcome.

"Well that's good. I don't have to leave the country after all. Drake would have been terribly put out."

"As long as it doesn't fall down around our ears, we'll have no complaints," Severus said dryly.

"Hey, this baby's built to last. It'll be here long after you've gone."

"It's your crowning glory," Harry told him with a smile. "Now bugger off and leave us in peace."

Ron huffed and said to Severus, "And he wonders why I prefer you." He said his goodbyes, an overly dramatic one to Severus involving far too many sloppy wet kisses, and left them in their new home.

Severus couldn't say he understood Harry's insistence to camp out in the empty building but he found it difficult to deny his husband anything. He supposed there was a certain charm to sitting cross-legged on their mattress while they ate takeaway food, Gabe happily ensconced in his playpen surrounded by his favourite toys.

They looked through the portfolio Ellie had provided them with and made their final decisions about where the furniture and furnishings should go. Harry had a better eye for such things than Severus so he was largely content to sit back and agree with whatever his husband suggested.

They settled down to sleep, snuggled up to one another on their makeshift bed. It was a month until Christmas and it was bitterly cold outside, although the house was beautifully warm. Still, Harry took any excuse to wrap himself around Severus' body and Severus rarely complained.

It took him a while to acclimatise himself to sleeping in new places so he dozed on and off and was more than aware when Gabe began to make fussing noises from his travel cot. He extracted himself from Harry, who was snoring gently, and went over to his son, picking him up and settling him on his hip.

"Can't sleep?" he asked the little boy, who snuggled into his shoulder.

"Pa. D'agon," he murmured, pointing to his stuffed dragon in the cot. Severus retrieved it and offered it to his son with a smile, who took it and wedged it under his arm. It had been a present from Draco, smugly declaring that he was Gabe's favourite. It was true, Gabe absolutely adored the man and wouldn't rest until Draco picked him up whenever he was around.

"Do you like your new home, love?" Severus asked his son as he transfigured the playpen into a modest armchair, taking a seat and settling Gabe on his lap.

He had to admit that there was a slight pang in leaving their flat behind. They had had some incredibly happy times there, including the first year of Gabe's life. They needed more space though, a place they could grow together as a family.

"You'll love it here," he told his son. "You'll have your own room and there's plenty of space outside for you to play when you get older."

It felt good to be able to give his son all the things he had never had, to promise him things he had only ever dreamt of. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered if he'd lived in a mansion as a child, he would have still been miserable with his wretched parents and he had vowed that Gabe would never suffer such things.

When he'd first found out that Harry had been expecting their son he'd been concerned. He hadn't felt at all prepared for fatherhood and he'd had a woefully inadequate example in his own father. He worried that he would struggle to bond with their child, that he would be the cool, emotionally-detached parent to Harry's warm and caring one.

Those fears had melted away the first time he held his son and felt such a powerful rush of love it nearly floored him. He had spent that first night wide awake, staring at the tiny bundle that was his son in wonder, watching the small chest rise and fall as he slept. He'd been mesmerised and the overwhelming spell had yet to be broken.

"You're so loved," he whispered to the little boy. "You'll always be safe and protected and your dad and I will always be here for you."

Gabe gabbled happily, stuffing his dragon in his mouth and chewing on the tail. Severus couldn't wait to see the child his son would grow into, couldn't wait to watch him develop into a young man and see what traits he would inherit and what his personality would be like. He was a quiet and content baby and Severus could imagine him becoming a studious and intelligent child.

"Pa, D'agon," Gabe said, offering Severus the toy, presumably to have a chomp as well, if he so fancied.

When Gabe had first called him 'Pa' he'd been happier than he'd been in his whole life. No word had ever sounded so sweet and Harry had teased him that he'd been on cloud nine for weeks after.

"Are you going to try and get some sleep? You'll be grouchy tomorrow if you don't."

"Pa. St'ry," he said as he bounced up and down, which was his way of asking to be read to from one of his many books.

"It's too late for that, you little monkey," Severus said with a laugh.

"As if you won't give him exactly what he wants," came Harry's voice and Severus looked up to see his husband sitting up on the mattress, looking at him with a beautiful smile. "You spoil him rotten."

"Jealous?"

"Terribly," Harry said, coming over to perch on the arm of the chair, stroking Gabe's cheek gently. Severus wrapped his arms around the man's waist and gave him an affectionate squeeze. "I love watching you two together," Harry said with a dreamy smile.

"He is awfully cute," Severus said, smirking down at his son.

"Do you ever stop to think about it?" Harry asked, resting his hand on the nape of Severus' neck and stroking gently.

"Think about what?"

"Us," Harry said softly. "We're _married_ , we made a baby together, we have a whole life what we built. It boggles my mind sometimes that this is where we ended up."

Severus paused for a moment and looked down at the little boy in his lap. His son, his and _Harry's_ son. It wasn't hard to see why Harry felt baffled by things some days. He would never have expected his life to turn out the way it had but he wouldn't change it for anything. He was happier than he'd ever been and Harry and Gabe were his whole world.

"It's a strange existence that fate has delivered into my hands, but it's more precious to me than I can say."

Harry leant down and softly pressed their lips together in a tender and affectionate kiss and Severus had never felt more loved, nor had he felt such utter devotion to his husband and child. He had earnt this happiness and he was damn well going to enjoy it.

* * *

In his sleep, his mind recovering from the trauma it had experienced, Severus smiled as his life played out before him and he remembered just how lucky he truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of you need to apologise to Teddy for thinking so badly of him! Did anyone call that it was Pansy? Well, one more chapter to go and then we're done. I'm updating a day early because it's my father-in-law's funeral tomorrow, so apologies if I don't get around to review responses this week.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed the chapter, please let me know what you thought. Lots of love x


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

It took Severus a moment to realise where he was when he woke up. The soft glow of low sunshine streamed in through the windows and the room was pleasantly hazy with warmth. He was in his bedroom, his and _Harry's_ room, in their bed, and Harry was dozing next to him in the armchair.

He took a few deep breaths as he looked up at the ceiling before a smile slowly crept its way onto his face. He remembered. He remembered _everything_ and the suddenness of it overwhelmed him. He closed his eyes as he was assaulted with a myriad of emotions as the last 17 years of his life were restored to him.

He remembered falling in love with Harry, remembered the first time they kissed, the first time they made love. He remembered what it felt like to have his son placed in his arms when he was born, remembered his first steps and the first time the little boy had called him 'Pa'. He had every memory of past Christmases and birthdays, of scraped knees and hospital visits, of hugs and cuddles after a nightmare and afternoons spent playing.

He remembered his friendship with Ron and Draco, how proud he had been at their wedding, how much he had grown to love them both over the years. He remembered the countless evenings he had spent with Ginny, locked in fierce debates over mind magic or getting steadily pissed over a bottle of fine whisky.

He had a life, a damn good one, and he tried to remain as passive as possible as it all sunk in. When he had viewed Harry's memories they gave him a glimpse of things but it was still like being told the plot of the book without actually reading it. Now he knew everything and he felt giddy from the tremendous onslaught of memory and emotion.

He opened his eyes again and looked at Harry, the man more beautiful than he'd ever been. He'd nearly lost him, nearly been in danger of throwing their marriage away, undoing the life that they had worked so hard to create. He hadn't though; even with everything that happened he had fallen in love with Harry all over again. If he were a man given to romantic fancies he might have been tempted to venture that he and Harry were destined to be together, no matter the circumstances.

He pushed the bedcovers back and did a quick check to make sure everything was in working order. He didn't seem to be any worse for wear and he resolved to get Ginny the finest thank you that money could buy.

He shuffled over to the armchair and took in the sight of his husband for a moment before he reached out and shook him gently. Harry stirred and stretched himself then sleepily blinked his eyes open and Severus had to stop himself from kissing the life out of the man there and then.

"Sev?" he murmured. "What are you doing up? You should be in bed." He scrambled to his feet and said, "Come on, lie back down. You don't – "

"Harry," Severus said softly, reaching out to cup the man's cheek. "I remember."

Harry's eyes widened before he lurched forward and flung his arms around Severus' neck, holding on for dear life. Severus wrapped him up tightly in his embrace, burying his nose in Harry's hair and breathing in the man's wonderfully familiar scent. He wanted to keep the man in his arms forever, to hold on and never let go again.

"Sev," Harry cried into his chest. "Oh my God, I missed you. I've been so frightened. I couldn't stand the thought of losing our whole life together."

Harry sobbed into his shirt as Severus held him tightly, letting out all the hurt and frustration he'd felt over the last few months. Severus let him, stroking his hair and soothing him as he rode out the mix of pain and relief.

"It's alright, love. I'm here," he soothed, remembering all the times he had held Harry when he'd been upset, how he'd comforted him during moments of pain.

He remembered holding Harry as the man had cried all night the first time Gabe had been admitted to hospital because of his heart condition. He remembered how they sat together on the anniversary of the final battle while Harry sobbed over Hermione and Charlie and Severus had held him close and chased the demons away.

"Don't you ever do that to me again," Harry said as he pulled back, his face stained with tears.

"I promise I'll try very hard not to let myself be cursed by a mad woman hell bent on revenge. And if I do," he added softly, wiping Harry's tears away with his thumbs, "I'll fall in love with you all over again because there is no world that exists that would see me parted from you."

Harry slid his hands up to Severus' shoulders and said, "You truly remember everything?"

Severus smiled and held him close, saying, "Yes, my love. I remember the months I spent falling in love with you. I remember holding our son for the first time, hearing his first words, watching his first steps. I remember making love to you for the first time," he said, his voice low as Harry pressed against him.

"I know how you feel in my arms, how you feel beneath me. I know what your face looks like when you're overwhelmed with pleasure and I know how it feels to hear you screaming my name."

Harry's lips were on his faster than he could blink and he tightened his hold on his husband as their kiss intensified quickly. There was an urgency in it, a desperate hunger that Severus had never felt, even in their early days. Their clothes were torn from their bodies in a frenzy and Severus let out a groan of relief as his skin pressed against Harry's.

"You're my whole life, Harry," he whispered as he kissed the elegant column of Harry's throat. "I'll be yours until the day I die, I swear it."

Harry pulled him down onto the bed and Severus settled between his legs as Harry kissed him hard, their breathing harsh and ragged. Harry was touching him as though he might slip away at any moment, mapping out his skin as though he would never get to touch it again.

He felt a tingle of magic and he knew that Harry had prepared himself with a wandless and wordless spell, as he had done many times over the years. "Need you inside me," he whispered urgently. "Need to feel you."

Severus cast a lubrication charm over his hand and slicked up his cock a couple of times before he positioned himself at Harry's entrance and entered him in one smooth thrust. Harry's back arched as he moaned in pleasure and Severus gripped the man's hips as he moved in and out of him in earnest.

Harry's legs tightened around his waist as his muscles clenched around Severus' prick and Severus groaned appreciatively as he pounded his husband. There would be time enough later for slow and gentle love-making but for now they needed to be with one another as fast and hard as possible, to affirm that they were both still there, that they were truly together again.

"Oh Sev, fuck me, please fuck me," Harry murmured, his head thrown back against the pillows, his cheeks beautifully flushed.

"I love you, Harry. I love you so much," Severus whispered as he leant down and captured the man's lips. He could barely breathe but he didn't care as he was swept up in the sheer passion that was poured into the kiss.

He fucked Harry into the mattress as the last few months bled away, as all the hurt and worry was replaced by the all-encompassing love he felt for the man beneath him. He was so overwhelmed by the force of it, by having his life returned to him that he felt light-headed from it.

"Yes, yes," Harry breathed, then came hard, untouched, his eyes squeezed shut from the pleasure of it.

Severus braced himself and pounded into Harry a few more times until his orgasm rushed through him and he emptied himself into Harry's sated body. They lay together for a few moments until their breathing slowly evened out and, reluctantly, Severus pulled out of Harry and rolled to the side. He cast a cleaning charm and Harry cuddled into his side, resting his head on his chest.

"I can't believe you're back," Harry whispered as he held on tightly.

"I feel…Merlin I can't explain it," Severus said with a sigh. "It's like waking from a dream, escaping from an alternate reality. I can't believe how close I came to losing you."

They lay holding one another for a long time, their naked skin pressed together, needing the contact. They spoke in soft tones as Severus confirmed all the things he remembered, as they recounted all the steps they had taken to build their life together.

They spoke of their son, their friends, Harry's career and all the milestones they had marked as a couple. They remembered the highs and lows they had been through and Severus felt like he was living each moment afresh as they spoke of them. He had always felt privileged to be Harry's husband and Gabe's father but never more so than he did at that moment.

"Remember that summer we stayed at the cottage and you and Gabe came down with stomach flu?" Severus asked as he raked his fingers through Harry's hair.

"Oh what a lovely memory!" Harry said with a snigger. "You couldn't reminisce about something more pleasant?"

Severus smiled and said, "What about our wedding? Or our wedding _night_?"

Harry nestled closer and murmured, "Now that is a good memory. Best day of my life apart from Gabe being born."

"Our son," Severus said softly, his head spinning as all the memories of his boy raced through his mind. "Our soulmate baby."

"You've never been this mushy before," Harry teased. "Perhaps we should have Gin check you for brain damage after all."

Severus swatted his husband's head and said, "Is she ok? What happened after I lost consciousness?"

"The aurors came, we lied through our teeth, they took Pansy into protective custody. I doubt she'll ever be deemed fit enough to stand trial but at least she won't be a threat anymore."

"And no one knows what Ginny did?"

"Kingsley had that knowing glint in his eye that he so often has but he didn't say anything. If we don't get in touch with Gin soon and let her know you're back to normal she'll be over here breaking the door down."

"Indeed. I take it Gabe is with Ron and Draco?"

Harry nodded and said, "I should get them over here. Gabe's desperate to see you."

"And I him."

They showered together, taking the opportunity to reacquaint themselves with the more sensual and affectionate aspects of their relationship. They kissed languidly under the hot spray of the shower, Severus relishing the feel of Harry's body beneath his hands. It was so familiar, so achingly sweet, that Severus felt himself come undone under the force of love he felt for his husband.

He remembered how often they had done this, how he had fucked Harry against the glass of the shower, how they had spent far too many moments getting lost in one another. While he had been prepared to forge new memories with Harry the thought now of losing all the years they'd had together was terrifying.

They dried off and dressed, staying almost in constant contact, as if afraid the other would slip away if they weren't touching. They went down to the living room and Severus waited nervously while Harry fire-called Ron and Draco. Moments later Gabe tumbled through the fireplace and barrelled into his father, hugging him tightly.

"Pa! Dad said you have your memory back," Gabe said, looking up at his father. "Is it true?"

Severus smoothed his hand through Gabe's messy hair and said, "It is, my love."

Gabe beamed from ear to ear and said, "What was my first word?"

"It was 'Pa'," Severus said, smiling smugly at Harry.

"What's my favourite ice cream flavour?"

"Strawberry."

"How did I get the scar on my chin?"

"Falling off a swing when you were six."

"What's my – "

"Gabe, sweetheart, perhaps we can quiz your father later?" Harry said with a wry smile. "I assure you, all his memories are back."

"For which I have you to thank," Severus said to Ginny, who was standing beside her brother with a broad smile.

"My pleasure," she said, leaning over Gabe to plant a kiss on Severus' cheek. "But I do expect a disgracefully expensive Christmas present this year."

"Would you all get out of the way so the most important person can have his reunion?" Ron said loudly, pushing his sister aside and taking Severus' face in his hands before planting the biggest, sloppiest kiss on his lips. "The months have been torture without you, darling," he said melodramatically as Severus tried to get his breath back.

"Why couldn't I have forgotten you?" he groaned and Ron grinned at him.

"Not possible. Our love transcends all boundaries."

The rest of the afternoon was spent in mild hilarity as they all delved into Severus' memories and recounted things they'd been through over the years. Gabe settled himself between Harry and Severus and Severus wrapped an arm around his family, keeping them as close as he could.

Gabe insisted on continuing to test his memory and asked him a myriad of questions to prove he remembered everything. For his part, Severus enjoyed reliving all the moments of Gabe's life up to that point and it felt wonderful to be able to share it all with Harry once more.

There had been so much happiness over the years; he and Harry had built a life of love and laughter and, although there had been ups and downs, the good times far outweighed the bad. He was a luckier man than he perhaps deserved to be and he was in no doubt that his life would have been a sorry state of affairs were it not for the love of his husband.

The next couple of weeks were spent in much the same way. Severus was keen to have tangible proof of his recovery and so Ron and Draco, along with Ginny and Remus, were frequent visitors to the house. He needed to re-establish the friendships he had built and enjoyed doing so, reminding himself just how important these people had become to him.

Likewise he couldn't get enough of time spent with Gabe. The boy would squint at him across the dining table occasionally and rattle off a few quick-fire questions so Severus could prove that he did indeed have all his memories back. Harry watched these proceedings with an indulgent smile and privately confided that he wasn't sure he would have done half so well under interrogation.

The nights were reserved solely for him and Harry. After he spent longer than strictly necessary putting Gabe to bed, he and Harry retreated to the sanctuary of their room and took their time worshipping one another's bodies. He had never felt closer to his husband, not in the early days of their relationship nor even when Gabe was born.

When they had sated their desire they lay quietly entangled in the dark, speaking in hushed tones about things long past. Severus had never really sat down and considered the building blocks that had led him to being the happily married father of a soon-to-be 8 year old, but his mind was now obsessed with going over the minutiae of these things.

Every small moment in his and Harry's life together required reflection and he found himself going over the tiniest of details in his head. He had been in love with his husband for 16 years and yet that love have never felt stronger. He found himself saying it as often as he could, to the point where Harry laughingly told him to start writing it down or they'd never get anything else done.

They rolled into October and Gabe was very excited about turning eight. It wasn't the pinnacle of 10 that he was very keen on reaching, but it was a year closer and so worth celebrating. Severus and Harry threw him a pirate-themed party at their house, as Gabe was still infatuated with _Treasure Island_ , and the whole family was in attendance.

"I'm starting to think we should have put a limit on the amount of sugar we let the kids have," Ron told Severus as he slumped down in one of the kitchen chairs with a sigh. He was looking very fetching with an eyepatch and blacked-out teeth, a hanky tied around his head.

"I take it you're still very firmly behind your decision not to have children?" Severus asked him wryly.

"Big time. I don't know how parents do it."

"There are upsides," Severus said with a smile as he looked out of the window and saw Harry playfighting with Gabe.

"So," Ron said, propping his feet up and chucking an olive in his mouth, "Gin's given you the all-clear? Your brain's normal again?"

"As normal as it gets. No lasting damage."

"That's good, although I'm not sure how we would have told the difference."

Severus smacked him upside the back of the head and said, "It's a damn good thing you aren't procreating. You should never curse another being with your genes."

"Rude. You know you love me."

"I think you'll find he loves me actually," Ginny said smoothly, gliding into the room and wrapping an arm around Severus' waist. "Don't you?" she queried.

"I confess, I do," Severus confirmed, placing a kiss to the woman's forehead.

"Traitor!" Ron said, holding a hand to his heart.

"She did save my life," Severus said with a shrug.

"You're so fickle."

"It's good to have you back," Ginny said as she cuddled into his side. "I've missed having someone who matches my intelligence."

"I resent that," Remus said as he came into the kitchen. "Am I nothing more than arm candy to you?"

"Face it, Lupin – your wife has needs only I can meet."

Remus' face split into a grin and Ginny giggled as she kissed Severus' cheek. Ron pouted and said, "I've been your faithful paramour for years and you're tossing me aside for that wench?"

"What a horrible way to talk about your sister," Severus chided.

The siblings continued to bicker until Draco came to find them to inform them that Gabe was more than ready to blow out his candles and feast on the excellent cake Molly had made him. Severus joined his husband and slung an arm around his shoulders as Gabe bounced on the balls of his feet while everyone sang happy birthday.

"We have an 8 year old," Severus whispered in Harry's ear as he held him close. "Before we know it he'll be a teenager."

"Running circles around us and giving us sleepless nights."

"I thought we were done with sleepless nights when it came to being parents," he replied and Harry gave him a funny little smile before saying to everyone,

"Right, who wants cake?"

The party wound down around late evening and Ron and Draco hung around for a spot of dinner. They discussed a new commission that Ron was about to embark upon, which was set to be the biggest undertaking his firm had ever seen.

Draco was poised to begin another tour of Europe with his latest compositions, saying, as he always did, that this would be the last one for a long time. He declared this at least once a year and no one believed him anymore. He thrived on performing and his music brought him more pride and joy than anything. Severus could honestly say that he had never heard anyone play as beautifully as Draco and his original music was stunning.

After Ron and Draco departed for home Harry and Severus lay sprawled on the sofa, Gabe curled up fast asleep in the armchair opposite. He was thoroughly worn out from the day's events and had crashed hours ago while Ron and Draco had still been there. Ordinarily Harry would have baulked at such a deviation from his routine but it was a special occasion after all.

"You look happy," Severus told Harry as he gently caressed the man's cheek.

"I _am_ happy. I have my life back," Harry said with a lazy smile.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I've known it since I was 17. I've felt it every day of our life together, I see it every time I look at our son."

Severus laughed softly and said, "Our once in a lifetime miracle."

"Mm," Harry said with a pensive look towards Gabe. "It's funny that there isn't much documented about soulmate babies, truthful accounts that is. I mean…are there cases of a couple producing more than one…or are we the first?"

"Well, I'm sure if one wanted to fully delve into the history of it there would be sufficient resources to…" Severus trailed off as Harry's words sank in. He blinked a couple of times and looked at Harry questioningly. "What are you saying?" he asked, his mouth suddenly dry.

Harry gently took hold of his hand and placed it over his abdomen. "Looks like we've beaten the odds twice."

Severus looked down at his hand, feeling suddenly dizzy. "We're having another baby?" he asked softly, and Harry nodded. Severus remembered the first time he'd received such news. He'd been bewildered and scared, terrified at the thought of becoming a father. Now all he felt was overwhelming confirmation the man he had bound himself to was indeed the love of his life.

He leant across and cupped Harry's cheek before pressing their lips together. The kiss was soft and tender as Severus tried to fully convey how deeply he loved his husband, how truly humbled he was that the man was carrying his child again. Harry's arms slid around his neck and the kiss deepened, Severus overwhelmed with the rush of love and excitement he felt.

He had enjoyed and cherished every second of Gabe's infancy and was delighted at the thought of having a tiny baby in his arms again. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Harry's, unable to wipe the smile from his face. "Oh my love," he whispered reverently.

"You're happy?" Harry asked, and Severus pulled back to meet his husband's eyes.

"More than you can imagine," he assured him. "Being a father has been the most rewarding experience of my life and I'm honoured to be having another child with you."

"Say that again in a few months' time when I'm the size of a house with swollen ankles and terrible mood swings."

Severus laughed and said, "I enjoyed it the first time around. It was worth it." They both looked across at their sleeping son and Harry nestled in snuggly to Severus' side, Severus holding him tightly.

With all his memories now restored, the most precious moments of his life returned to him, he was more than ready to make new ones. With Harry, Gabe and a new baby on the way, Severus had never been more thankful for the life he had forged and the love he had finally been able to experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we did it, we got to the end. I really hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to hear what you thought about how I wrapped it all up. This fic has helped me keep my sanity during lockdown and I'm not sure what I would have done without it. I hope it managed to give you all a little distraction too.
> 
> I'm halfway through writing my Harry/George fic, then I'm doing a Draco/Neville (fell HARD down that rabbit hole) and of course I'll be back on the Snarry horse, cracking my whip :D
> 
> Love to you all xx


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